


Things We Lost in the Fire

by MyGoldenChances



Series: Things We Lost in the Fire-verse [1]
Category: Waitress - Bareilles/Nelson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-11 14:37:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 104,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13526358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyGoldenChances/pseuds/MyGoldenChances
Summary: Set in an alternate universe, Jenna is a single mom who returns to her university alma mater for a visit, only to run into an old friend that she had long let go of. Old memories return to the surface, and unspoken feelings come to light.[Rated M for themes, references, and language]





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we are. My Jenna/Pomatter Waitress AU fic. I’ve struggled a lot with them because, while I’ve always loved them together and think they make a great couple, I’ve never liked the circumstances that brought them together and simultaneously drove them apart in the original story. So, this is my way of writing a story for them, in an alternate setting, that explores their potential relationship in a less problematic way. Mind you, they’re not going to be the same as the original, but I hope this story will capture their essence and be interesting and fun to read.
> 
> The prologue and first three chapters are completed as of now and will be posted all together.
> 
> ALSO: All sections in italics are flashbacks.
> 
> Comments, thoughts, and constructive criticisms are always welcome. Also, I'm new to AO3 and it's been quite a while since I've written fanfic (at least until recently; I have a couple of canon based one-shots as well), so bear with me.

Jenna Barker wasn’t one for reunions. **  
**

There had been her tenth high school reunion, in which she had spent the night sat in the corner with her friend Becky, drinking and pretending to be cordial with people who hadn’t given her the time of day when they were classmates. Becky had been the only friend from her high school social circle to agree to go, and she should have known when the rest had backed out that the best option was to do the same. She hadn’t.

There had been her first and only family reunion when she was fifteen. It had been the summer before her mother had been taken from her. She and her parents had traveled all the way from Stanton Grove to Kensington--an entire state over. Her father grumbled and fought with her mother the entire way, and Jenna had met a hundred people who claimed to be related to her and gave her the third degree. “So, what grade are you in now?” “Do you have a boyfriend? A pretty girl like you has to have someone.” “Do you remember me? You were just a baby last time I saw you!”

There had been the time she had run into an ex-boyfriend shortly after starting college. She’d found him at a campus party and ended up going home with him after one too many drinks. The night had ended with her stumbling out of his bed, scrambling to find her clothes, and calling one of her best friends--a friend she would later lose touch with--to pick her up and deliver her safely back to her dorm.

So, no, Jenna did not like reunions and had no desire to partake in anymore.

Yet, somehow, she had given in and accepted the invitation to homecoming week and a party commemorating the tenth anniversary of her university graduating class. Which is why she found herself here, at Harper East University, on a Friday afternoon in October.

Harper East was not a particularly large college, with only a few thousand enrolled and on campus or taking in-seat classes. It boasted a grand total of ten dormitories, another ten academic buildings, a grand dining hall, a sizeable gym with athletic facilities, and a three-story campus center. Its campus was walking distance from one end to the other, colonial red brick and white trimming across the board.

It reminded Jenna of the time she’d actually enjoyed here, taking in the beauty of the trees in the fall; picking snowball fights on rare snow days during the winter; sitting out on the soccer field on warm, sunny weekends in the spring. She had rarely left the place except for breaks and holidays. If it hadn’t been for...well, pretty much the entirety of her senior year from hell, she probably would have been more inclined to come back. She had even been offered a job in admissions that she had turned down because...truthfully, she couldn’t even remember why anymore.

 _It didn’t matter anyway,_  she decided.  _Too much baggage and too many memories._

When Jenna entered the main level of the campus center, the sight she found made her almost dizzy. Alumni were packed into the room, waiting in line for registration and name tags or exploring various tables with university employees soliciting donations.

Jenna pulled her jacket off and hugged it a little closer, instinctively reaching into her purse for her phone to check for texts or updates from Dawn as a distraction. The text preview showed three new messages.

_Dropped Lulu off at school this morning, no problem._

_Also made sure to send along a couple of those homemade mini pies she loves with her lunch. I know you prefer her not to have too many sweets, but I figured I’d spoil her a bit._

_I promise there were also carrot sticks and homemade veggie beef soup!_

Jenna smiled and typed back a reply:

_That’s fine. Glad everything’s going smoothly. Tell her I love her and I’ll call tonight._

Satisfied that her daughter was in the best hands, she placed her phone back into her purse, took a moment to breath, and resumed her scan of the room. She quickly located the registration table and made a beeline. The line, however, was backed up by at least fifteen alumni and not moving quickly.

She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, bearing her weight on both legs alternately. Soon, she found herself folding her arms across her chest and tapping her fingers impatiently on her forearm. In her distraction, her gaze began to wander the room.

She had yet to find anyone familiar, anyone she had cared about during her time here. The room was full of strangers. She was beginning to wonder if she would be spending the entire weekend alone, regretting the decision to even show up.

Until she spotted shaggy dark hair, hazel eyes, and a wide smile she could never forget.

Her pulse began to pound, and she fixed her eyes to the floor, hoping he wouldn’t notice her. He was deep in conversation, after all.

However, it wasn’t long before she felt a tap on her shoulder, and a soft, smooth voice asking, “Jenna?”

With a deep breath, she turned around to face him, her heart leaping as she made eye contact with him for the first time in ten years.

“Hi, Jim.”


	2. Chapter 1

_“Oh, no way. No way in hell.” **  
**_

_Jenna didn’t look back at her friend as she applied lip gloss and checked her favorite red lace dress in the mirror._

_“Jim, it’s a party. Down the street,” she insisted. “I doubt anything too crazy can happen, and I’m a grown lady.” She turned back to where he was sitting on her twin size bed, leaning back comfortably with his long legs hanging over the edge, and she picked up his hoodie from the floor to toss it at him. “The big brother thing has to stop sooner or later.”_

_Jim sighed and argued, “But isn’t that what I’ve always done? Like isn’t that my job? If I don’t look out for you, then what am I good for?”_

_Jenna rolled her eyes, an entire list of obvious answers queued in her mind. “Listening to me? Being a good friend? Picking out the best movies to watch?”_

_“Oh, is that all?”_

_“Relax,” she said, picking up her clutch from her dresser. “You do plenty. Plus, I’ll be with Carla and Lindsay all night. Becky’s in town too, so I promise I’ll be fine.”_

_Jim took his cue and stood up, pulling his hoodie on and sticking his hands in his pockets. “I just want you to be safe, Jenna.”_

_“I don’t need you to protect me,” she insisted. “Besides, aren’t you busy with your biology nerd friends tonight?”_

_“Maybe,” he hedged._

_“In other words, yes,” she smirked, eliciting a groan from him._

_“Okay, fine. We have a huge test on Monday, and I said I would bring the coffee.”_

_Jenna cocked an eyebrow at him, “And?”_

_“And what?” Jim asked, his cheeks growing red and his gaze not meeting hers._

_“Isn’t Francine part of that group that made plans to study all weekend?” she probed, watching his Adam’s apple bob and knowing full well she was on the money._

_He shifted nervously from one foot to the other, looking anywhere but at her. “She...might be.”_

_Still smirking, Jenna reached into her clutch, digging out a small square foil packet._

_“Here,” she tossed it at him, barely missing his face. She watched as he struggled to catch it, noting the way his eyes widened at the realization of what he was holding. “You’ll thank me later. Now, go for it before she finds someone else.”_

_He stood dumbfounded as she turned to leave, hiding her chuckle, reminding him that the door locks automatically and he could let himself out._

_“Jenna...Jenna?? That’s not exactly what--”_

_But the door slammed shut behind her before she could hear the rest of his protests. The boy was going to have to grow a backbone some time or another._

 

* * *

 

Jim Pomatter certainly hadn’t changed in the ten years since Jenna had last seen him; hadn’t changed in the nearly twenty years she’d known him, truthfully. He was still tall and lanky, still had the same charming, but slightly crooked, boyish smile. The smooth sound of his voice was still like honey and still sent a pleasant wave of warmth through her.

When she had RSVP’d for this event, she knew there was a chance she might see him. However, she had just as quickly dismissed the idea and told herself he wouldn’t possibly bother with such an event. Especially with the way they had both left this school.

Jenna figured he would have no reason to come back.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Jim finally said after possibly the longest awkward silence they had shared. “You look great. How are you doing?”

Okay, so they were being with cordial today. Great.

She decided to bite.

“I can’t believe I’m here either,” she admitted, then took a deep breath, releasing a sigh. “But I’m doing pretty well.” She paused, considering the most honest thing she could say that would be kind to him, and finally settled on, “It’s good to see you.”

He tucked his hands into his pockets and glanced around the room, nodding. “I’ll say. I haven’t seen anyone from the old group yet.”

“You’re here alone?” Jenna asked, tilting her head and frowning, confused.

Jim nodded, his feet shuffling as his eyes fell downcast. “Yeah, ummm...well, I--”

“Ma’am, your name?”

Jenna jumped as the woman sitting at the check-table interrupted them. She had forgotten she was in line and hadn’t realized they had reached the front of the line.

“Sorry,” she murmured sincerely to Jim before turning to give her full attention to the stranger. “Barker. Jenna Barker.”

The woman began shuffling through some papers, searching a list for her name and highlighting it. She wrote Jenna on a blank name tag with a sharpie before handing it to her, along with a plastic Harper East goodie bag. After instructions on the itinerary, a thank you, and have a nice day, Jenna stepped out of line and returned her full attention to Jim.

“Barker?” he asked, his voice getting a little higher than usual in his questioning.

Jenna stared blankly at him for a moment before responding, “Yes...that’s my name, Jim. It’s always been my name.”

“Oh,” he said quietly, then shook his head a little. “Sorry, I just thought...you know. I didn’t know if you and Earl ever…”

_Oh._

“No,” she uttered quickly. “No, we never did. I haven’t seen him in...god, almost as long since the last time you and I saw each other.”

_And for damn good reason,_  she wanted to add, but refrained.

“I’m sorry,” Jim said, “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s none of my business.”

“It’s fine,” she dismissed, not wanting to discuss the likes of Earl Hunterson with her former best friend. Certainly not under the circumstances with which their friendship had suddenly fizzled out, not to be touched for a decade.

The two fell silent then, uncertain where to go from there. Jenna began to run through her mind for every excuse she could think of to leave: she needed to use the restroom; she had to make a phone call; she forgot something in the car. Anything to break the awkwardness. Thankfully, mercifully, Jim had an idea that would at least buy her some time and a break in the stalemate.

“So, the welcoming presentation isn’t for another half an hour,” he pointed out. “Do you wanna go grab a coffee?”

It was a perfect out, Jenna realized. However, something in her gravitated her to Jim, preventing her from bailing so quickly. Coffee couldn’t possibly hurt, could it?

She nodded, and told him, “Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

_Darkness engulfed Jenna as she woke from a deep sleep haze. She opened her eyes to look around, and after a moment realized she had a large comforter in her face. Pulling it down, she found herself lying on her side and staring at a room she didn’t recognize._

_Where the hell was she?_

_The clock on the nightstand next to her glowed with the numbers 4:12. Slightly dizzy and very parched, she sat up, hoping to go in search of some water. Possibly a toilet to throw up in. A headache hadn’t set in yet, but she knew she would have a nasty little bitch of one in a few hours._

_As she stretched, trying to loosen tight muscles, she realized that the only piece of clothing she had on was her bra._

_Then she remembered._

_Jenna was suddenly very aware of the snoring next to her. She made no attempt to even look at the man she’d crawled into bed with as she scrambled around for the rest of her clothes. She recalled Lindsay pointing him out with a, “Isn’t that that Trevor guy you dated for a while in high school? I didn’t know he was going here”_

_She also recalled their all-night flirtation, Jenna having no intention of sleeping with him much less picking back up any relationship with him, but enjoying the attention just the same._

_Then she recalled the night taking a more risky turn, with her becoming bold and kissing him before suddenly becoming_ very _aware of how long it had been since the last time she’d had sex, and not caring very much to remember whether sex with him had ever been any good. The alcohol had done the rest._

_“Shit,” she muttered to herself as she tried to navigate the dark, finally finding her dress and underwear and pulling them on haphazardly as she searched for her cell phone._

_She slipped as quietly as she could out of the bedroom, glancing around to see if there was anyone else in the cluttered apartment._

_Not tonight, she remembered. He had two roommates, and they were both home for the weekend. Perfect--she could escape._

_She found her phone sitting precariously on the end of the coffee table next to her clutch, her heels on the floor nearby. Wine glasses sat empty in the center of the table, empty bottle accompanying them. For a one night stand, she had to give the guy credit. He had at least been a gentleman._

_Without another look back, Jenna tiptoed barefoot out of the apartment, bounding down the steps outside once she knew she couldn’t be heard. Once she was halfway down the street, she frantically scrolled through her phone book for someone who would be awake at four in the morning--or who would at least wake up for her at four in the morning._

_When she got to the P’s, she swallowed her pride and pressed the name she knew she would settle on from the beginning._

_The phone rang and rang and rang before, finally, a sleepy, gravelly voice answered, “Hello?”_

_“Jim!” she greeted, a little too loudly. Cringing at her lack of volume control, she reeled herself back in and said, almost on a whisper, “It’s Jenna.”_

_“Are you okay?” he asked._

_“Yeah, I’m fine,” she told him. “But I need a ride.”_

_“Where are you?”_

_“I’m across town, at those apartments we always pass when we go to the movies. First block.” She dropped her voice again and added, “I’m really sorry for waking you up. I bailed on the girls, and I didn’t know who else to call.”_

_His voice more alert now, he said promptly, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”_

_“Thank you,” she told him sincerely._

_“Anything for you, Jenna.”_

_She said goodbye to him and hung up, searching for a place on the curb to sit while she waited. She sent an apology-slash-I’m-okay text to Becky, Lindsay, and Carla slipped her phone back into her clutch._

_She sat for a moment, hugging herself and wishing she’d brought a jacket. It was still summer, so she hadn’t expected the chill, even at night. She also fought the urge to throw up on the ground next to her, and she tried to occupy her mind from thinking about the fact that she was sitting alone on the street in the dead of night._

_A car pulled up then, and she sat up a little straighter, prepared to bolt if whoever was in it tried to kidnap her. Her nerves subsided, however, when she recognized the man who stepped out of it from earlier in the evening._

_He had brown curly hair, wore flannel, and was pulling a guitar case out of the back seat. As he was locking up the car, he looked down at her and asked, “Hey, you okay?”_

_“Yeah,” she said. “Just waiting for a ride. You were in the band at that party tonight, weren’t you?”_

_The man shrugged, trying to look humble, but the slight smirk on his face gave him away. “You got me.”_

_Jenna, still a little drunk and feeling the need to be generous, decided to fluff his ego. “You guys were good. Do you play a lot around campus?”_

_“Sometimes,” he nodded. “We’re still trying to figure out our niche, ya know?”_

_“I’ll have to come check you guys out again.”_

_The man smiled and said, “We’d like that. You like pizza and beer?”_

_“Not much into the beer, but pizza’s good.”_

_He pulled out a flyer from the satchel across his shoulders and handed it to her._

_“We’ve got a little show at this new dive bar next weeked. You should come.”_

_Jenna nodded, folding up the paper and sticking it in her clutch for safe keeping. “Well, they won’t let me drink there for a couple more years, but I might do that.”_

_“Awesome!”_

_The man started to walk away but quickly turned back to her. “Hey, are you sure you don’t need a ride? I could take you back to campus if you need.”_

_“I’m fine,” Jenna told him. Then, right on cue, headlights appeared down the street and drew closer. “Speaking of which…”_

_“Ah, okay,” the man said. “Have a good night then.”_

_Jenna picked herself up and straightened up the skirt of her dress. “You, too, uhhh…?”_

_“Earl,” he told her._

_“Jenna,” she replied back._

_“Jenna,” he repeated as he walked away. “I’ll remember that.”_

 

* * *

 

_The next morning--well, afternoon--Jenna woke up to the smell of freshly-brewed coffee and Jim’s blessedly familiar voice saying, “Morning, sunshine.”_

_Jenna groaned, the expected splitting headache hitting her with a sharp throb. The sunlight coming in through her dorm window was too much, so she asked Jim to shut the blinds and rolled over to bury her face in her pillow._

_Jim did as she asked then, like the angel he was, sat down on the edge of the bed, presenting her with a glass of water and two ibuprofen._

_“I fucking love you,” she muttered as she greedily gulped down the pills and chased them with the water._

_“There’s coffee, too,” he needlessly explained._

_“Bless you,” she whispered, reluctantly tearing herself out of the bed to find the coffee maker and two styrofoam cups. As she slowly but surely prepared their cups with cream and sugar, she turned to Jim and said, “Thank you again. For last night.”_

_Jim held up his hands dismissively. “It was nothing. You know I’m here for you.”_

_Jenna sipped her coffee, savoring the caffeine and taking it in, as she realized, “You stayed the night.”_

_Jim nodded. “I took the spare bed.” Then, at her uncertain look, he asked, “That’s okay, right?”_

_“Yeah, of course,” she told him, handing the other cup of coffee to him. “I’m just...surprised.”_

_“Jenna, you called me drunk at four in the morning. There was no way in hell I was going back to my dorm and leaving you.”_

_It was a simple thing, a friend who would stay to make sure she was okay. Becky was the closest and had always had her back, even decking a girl once in high school for fucking with her, but she didn’t expect this from Jim. Well, not to this extent. Not enough to drop everything in the middle of the night and interrupt his sleep for her._

_He had always been so good to her, and it was becoming more and more apparent as they went through the chaos that was college together._

_“So,” she began, changing the subject, “how did things go with Francine?” She wiggled her eyebrows._

_Jim sighed and said, “Just go ahead and gloat now. You know you were right.”_

_“Was I?” Jenna asked excitedly as she sat down next to him on her bed._

_“Yes, you were,” he admitted. “You’ll be disappointed to know that the condom you gave me is still very much intact and in its packaging, but...I asked her out.”_

_“And?”_

_“We’re going out next Friday.”_

_Jenna nudged him playfully then. “See? I told you! You weren’t going to let it go until you did something about it.”_

_Jim looked away sheepishly and muttered a “yeah, yeah.”_

_A thought occurred to Jenna then, and she stood up to find her clutch. Pulling out the flyer she got the previous night, she unfolded it and brought it to Jim._

_“Hey, if it works out,” she told him, “maybe after your date, you two could come by and see this show with me. The band was at that party last night, and they were really good.”_

_Jim read over the paper and nodded, “Sounds fun.” Then he sets it aside and looks at her pointed. “But now that you’re awake and probing me about my night, can we talk about how you ended up across town in need of a ride?”_

_Jenna sighed and shook her head. “That, I’d prefer not to talk about.”_

_“Wow. The sex was that bad?”_

_“Jim!” she whacked him lightly._

_“I’m sorry,” he quickly corrected himself. “That was a dick thing to say. And it’s none of my business.”_

_“No, it’s not,” she grumbled, then added begrudgingly, “but you’re probably not wrong, to be honest.”_

_“Well, I don’t think leaving in the middle of the night is exactly an indicator of_ good  _sex--”_

_“Jim?” she interrupted him._

_“Yeah?”_

_She shook her head and closed her eyes. “Can we please just…not have this conversation?”_

_He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, closed it again, then said, “Yeah, this is weird.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_Then the two sipped their coffee in silence._

 

* * *

 

As it turned out, grabbing coffee with Jim hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. While they waited in line at the little shop upstairs in the campus center, Jenna had learned that Jim had gotten his Master’s was teaching high school biology. With that nugget of information, conversation flowed more freely.

“I’ll tell you what, though, Jenna, teenagers are are a handful,” he told her as they found a table in the small cafe and took seats. “They either sit there, bored out of their minds and responding to nothing, or they steer the entire lesson away from what it’s supposed to be. They have no attention span.”

“Oh, fun,” Jenna muttered sarcastically. “Something for me to look forward to a in a few years.”

“That’s right,” Jim said matter-of-factly. “How old is…?”

“Lulu,” she filled in the blank. “She turned ten in July.”

Jenna watched as Jim usually cheerful smile disappeared, replaced by what she assumed was meant to be his poker face but was given away by the way his lips purse and his eyes stared blankly at the table.

“Of course,” he said, trying to smile again and failing. “I should have remembered. That was silly of me.”

The sudden gravelyness of his voice and the soft in his face caused something in Jenna to tug at her heartstrings. She hadn’t meant to drag up old memories, but she also knew that she couldn’t possibly go this entire weekend avoiding the subject of the most important person in her life. Not to spare his feelings.

“I couldn’t expect you to keep track of those things,” Jenna said, trying to carry on the conversation as normal. “We haven’t seen or talked to each other in a long time, and kids grow up so fast.”

“They do,” Jim agreed. “I can’t imagine how that feels to watch in person.”

Jenna took a swig of her coffee and asked, “Did it never happen for you?”

Jim shook his head. “Unfortunately not.”

“Really? Francine always seemed so keen on children.”

Francine. The name felt foreign on Jenna’s tongue now. Not bad, just...foreign. Unusual. Almost as if she weren’t a real person, made all the more elusive by the fact that she was currently not present.

_Why?_

“Oh, she was,” Jim explained, then corrected himself, “Well, is. But we just couldn’t make it happen, and she didn’t want to go through the trouble and financial burden of the alternatives.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Jenna could think to say to that, but Jim just shrugged.

“It is what it is. It doesn’t matter now anyway.”

Jenna was about to ask why it didn’t matter when Jim changed the subject,  “So, what are you up to? Besides being a mom, of course.”

Letting his previous comment slide, she answered, “I’ve been working for a catering company in Stanton Grove. I mostly do the baking, but I also help with some of the business work. I’m hoping to start my own soon.”

Jim’s lips turned up into a wide grin as he said, “I figured when you majored in accounting you would end up in food service instead. You’ve always been better at baking than anyone else I know.”

“I didn’t exactly do much in college,” she pointed out

“Maybe not,” he conceded, “But there were all those afternoons in high school when you’d come over and make those mini pies, or those days you’d bring muffins to school because you knew I rarely ate breakfast. You’d make a killing with your own business.”

“Becky tells me that all the time.”

“Is she still in Stanton Grove?”

“We work together,” Jenna informed him. “And she’s got a head for math and organizing things. Pretty sure if I ever get the money to branch out on my own, she’ll be the first person I hire.”

“Smart move,” Jim lifted his to-go cup to her in a half solute, then took a large gulp, downing the rest. Jenna watched as he checked his phone and said, “Oh, damn, it’s almost 2:00. We should probably get going.”

Disappointment set into the pit of Jenna’s stomach as she realized just how much she didn’t want to leave. Still, she knew they had no choice, so she forced herself to down the rest of her coffee and collect her things, following Jim to the trash cans as they threw their cups away on the way out.

The two stopped in the lobby outside of the cafe, and Jenna took advantage of the pause to slip her coat on.

Jim seemed as though he wasn’t ready to part, either, because he piped up, “You know, we could stick together this weekend. If you want to, of course. Neither of us really know anyone, and unless we want to tuck tail in leave, this whole thing will be pretty boring without someone to talk to.”

Jenna chewed on her lip, considering his offer. It was tempting, and he was absolutely right. Although she had to question why he wasn’t there with his wife and if it was acceptable for her to keep him company.

Still, she really wasn’t looking forward to dinner and activities with strangers. So, against her better judgment, she nodded and said decisively, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” she repeated. “Let’s make the best of this. If we have to be miserable this weekend, let’s be miserable together. It’ll be like old times.”

“All right then,” Jim smiled, then held his arm out for her to link with. “To the auditorium?”

Jenna stared at his arm for a moment before replying, “Yes, but not like that.”

Without argument, Jim put the arm down and placed his hands firmly in the pockets of his own coat. “Okay, then. We won’t do that.”

Then the two were off, less than enthusiastic to sit through an hour of dull pomp and circumstance about  _how much the school has achieved_  and  _how glad they were to host such important alumni_.

At least, if anything, they had each other.


	3. Chapter 2

After the hour-long welcome presentation–complete with performances by the Harper East chorale and a long-winded speech by the university president–Jenna and Jim had looked over their itineraries and decided to make their way over to the fall carnival and marketplace that was set up on the band field. **  
**

The pair walked through the rows of booths, checking out homemade pottery, autumnal decor, and candles. Jenna’s first real stop, though, was a booth with vintage kitchen goods. A box of old fashioned cookie cutters in different shapes caught her eye, and she thought ahead to Christmas–trying new recipes for gingerbread and snowman cookies with Lulu. They would also be a good investment for the catering business.

“You know what these remind me of?” Jim piped up, picking out a reindeer-shaped cutter from the box. Jenna told him she had no idea, and he continued, “Do you remember that weekend we got snowed in?”

“You mean the blizzard before finals sophomore year?” Jenna recalled. “I vaguely remember that.”

“We had gone out as soon as class was over on that Friday, before the snow hit–before we even knew there would be snow–and bought all kinds of ingredients for cookies.”

Jenna smiled at the memory, thinking back to her, Jim, and Becky at the grocery store, preparing for their weekend-long study slumber party. It had been nearing the end of Becky’s first semester as a transfer, and it was her idea to make cookies to celebrate together. But rather than buy break-and-bake or anything premade, Jenna had insisted on buying ingredients to make the goods from scratch. By the time the three had made it back to campus, the snow had begun to fall in droves.

Jim, who had been dating Francine and was girlfriend-less for the weekend because of a family emergency, decided to stay with the two of them rather than trek back to his dorm. The three had loaded up on ramen and coffee before taking over the residence hall kitchen.

‘We made a mess,” Jenna laughed, recalling the image of Jim with flour all over this face and sprinkles in his hair. “But they were some kick-ass cookies.”

“Your recipes,” Jim reminded her. And he was right. Sort of.

“They were actually my mom’s,” she told him, reaching into her purse for her wallet and pulling out a $5 bill. “I kept that book she gave me.”

Jenna handed the bill to the man at the booth, waited for him to bag up the cookie cutters, and thanked him.

As she and Jim resumed their stroll through the marketplace, he noted, “She was always good at that.” For a moment he closed his eyes, and let out a small moan. “Her cranberry muffins, though…yours were amazing, but I literally made up excuses to come over to your house in eighth grade just to have those.”

Jenna quipped, “And here I thought it was because we had better cable.”

“Oh, that too.”

Jenna rolled her eyes and giggled. “You’re shameless.”

“Yes, I am,” Jim stated proudly. “Although, I was pretty fond of the beautiful, smart girl who lived there and gave me the time of day at school.”

Jenna arched an eyebrow at him. “Oh, were you?” she asked.

“Jenna, I’ve always been fond of you,” he said nonchalantly.

“How fond?” she pressed.

“I was a teenage boy,” he shrugged. “I would have been an idiot to not have even a small crush on you.”

“How fond, Jim?” she repeated, and they stopped in their tracks.

He looked away sheepishly, then back at her. His eyes met hers when he answered, “I thought you were the most extraordinary person and that I didn’t have a damn prayer with you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Jenna sat at the bar, stuffing her face with pan pizza, sipping on virgin cocktails and cursing the fact that the bartender hadn’t even considered fudging the rules, instead electing to be a law-abiding citizen when serving an 18-year-old. It didn’t matter, though, because she was there for the music._

_Rant Street–which she had finally learned was the name of the elusive Earl’s band–had finished their first set, and it was nearing 10:00._

_She had texted Jim and hour ago to find out if he and Francine wanted the rest of the evening alone, or if they were planning to join her. He never responded._

_“You can at least give me the courtesy of a ‘no thanks’ text,” she muttered under her breath, tossing her phone onto the bar in front of her._

_“Hey, you made it!” a voiced called behind her. She looked around to see Earl, beer in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other. He looked at the empty seat next to her and asked, “Mind if I join you?”_

_She shook her head and smiled, glad to finally have some company. “Not at all.”_

_“You’re here by yourself?” he asked, taking the seat and not caring to take up space around him. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on the bar and stuffing the last bite of pizza in his mouth. Jenna watched him chase it with a long swig of beer before responding._

_“Well, I was hoping a friend was gonna be here, but he had a date.”_

_Earl nodded in understanding. “Ah, well, he’s missing out.”_

_“I don’t think he’s really into indie rock anyway, so he probably would’ve hated this.”_

_“All the more reason to hang out with me.”_

_Jenna raised her eyebrows and placed a hand on her hip. “Who said I was hanging out with you?”_

_Earl shrugged. “Me. At least if you want to. We’re planning on going back to my place and having some real drinks after the show. This place is overpriced and doesn’t even have the good stuff.”_

_Jenna chewed on her lip and narrowed her eyes at him. She didn’t even know him. Still, the offer was tempting. It was definitely better than going back to her dorm and watching movies alone._

_“Buy me a beer and make it discreet,” she told him, “and I’ll think about it.”_

_He sighed and said, “I guess expensive tinkle water is worth it for a little more time with you.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jenna didn’t know what to say as Jim’s words sank in. She supposed she should take a high school crush with a grain of salt, but the reverence and sincerity in his voice hinted at something stronger.

_But surely,_ she told herself, _that was so long ago. And he has Francine now._

It was irrelevant at this point, and she needed to treat it as such. To not overthink it. So, she did the only thing she was good at in situations like this, and searched for a distraction. It didn’t take long.

“Oh, look, cornhole!” she feigned excitement, noticing the two boards set up and piles of beanbags.

Jim followed her and asked, “You like this game?”

She walked over to one board, set her things on the ground, and scooped up the three beanbags into her hands. “It has its merits.”

“Glad you enjoy it. I’ve always sucked at it.” He followed her lead, walking over to the other board and taking the beanbag next to it.

Jenna took her first toss, landing right at the edge of Jim’s board. “Clearly, I’m not much better,” she said.

Jim took his first toss then, his beanbag landing in the grass next to Jenna’s board. He huffed in frustration. “Still better than I am.”

The two kept playing. Jenna landed her second in the hole, earning applause from her opponent. He finally made his first and only point in the third toss, with Jenna earning her second point and winning. She cheered and did a little victory dance, Jim laughing at her antics and once again applauding her.

“Okay, good game,” he conceded, “but I bet I can win the second one.”

“Oh, you do, do you?” she challenged.

“Damn straight!” he told her, sounding so sure of himself. “Tell you what,” he said, picking up the beanbags on his end while she picked up hers, “if I win, you have to be my date to the alumni dinner tonight and go with me to the theatre department’s musical.”

Jenna scoffed. “You like musicals?”

“You don’t?”

She furrowed her eyebrows and placed her hands on her hips. She was probably going to win, and even still, she had already agreed to accompany him this weekend. Dinner and a show might be a nice change of pace–it had been ages since she’d gotten to do that with anyone.

“Fair point,” she said, then waved her beanbags. “Challenge accepted. Who goes first?”

“Since you won and started the last game, it’s my turn.”

Jenna agreed and stood back to let him take his first toss. She watched as the beanbag went flying through the air and slid across her board…straight into the hole without trouble. Her mouth hung open, and Jim’s lips turned up into a smug grin.

“That was lucky,” she insisted, then tossed a beanbag, landing hers for her first point. She folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head toward her board.

Sure enough, the second beanbag landed in the hole, though not as precisely as the first time. Jim shrugged and held his arms out.

“Beginners luck?” he asked, but Jenna knew better.

“Jim, I swear if you lied to me…”

He held his hands up, as if in surrender, and said, “I swear, this is an anomaly or something. I’ve never been any good at this until today.”

Jenna landed the second, but barely, and she watched as Jim landed his third. She narrowed her eyes at him as he did his own victory dance, then went for her last one. She watched the beanbag fly through the air, slide across Jim’s board, but slip past the hole and slide over the back edge.

She cursed, but let it go quickly. Jim just laughed and told her, “I can’t believe I won! That really never happens.”

“Nice work,” she offered her hand for a shake, and he took it. “But if you cheated and hustled me out of the win, you will pay,” she warned him, firmly pointing a finger at his face.

“I promise, Jenna, it really just happened like that. But, if you’re absolutely opposed to dinner, I won’t force you.”

Jenna shook her head. “No, I’m not opposed. Maybe just ask next time, though? I like food, and I don’t really watch musicals, but I think I like them.”

She gathered her bags and her purse from the ground to check the time. It was getting close to 5:00, and the dinner would be soon.

“Where’s the fun in that, though?” Jim wiggled his eyebrows.

Jenna rolled her eyes and said, “Let’s go eat, Jim. Before I change my mind.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_She finally heard from him around midnight. She had turned her phone on silent and missed his call, but the voicemail was…rich, to say the least._

_“Hi, Jenna…uhhh…it’s Jim.” Jenna heard a distinctly female giggle in the background. “Anyway, I’m really sorry we couldn’t make it tonight. Maybe we can all have brunch at the dining hall in the morning? Francine says she wants to meet you, and I think you’ll really like her.  So, ummm…have a good night. Bye.”_

_Jenna pocketed her phone. Something tugged at her heart, and she wasn’t quite sure what it was. She had no reason to be upset. Her friend was having some well-deserved fun with someone he seemed to really like. She couldn’t be–refused to be–jealous of him._

_Jealous of Francine, actually._

_“Everything okay?”_

_She looked up to see Earl coming into the bedroom, two tumblers of Gentleman’s Jack-spiked Coke in hand. He gave one to her, and she took a long swig. “Yeah, it’s fine.”_

_The two had gone back to his place with his bandmates and a couple of other people. The group had set up playing cards and had been in the middle of a round of poker when Jenna stepped away to check her voicemail. Earl had shown her to his bedroom, and she had made herself comfortable on the bed._

_The two were now sat on the edge of the mattress, silently drinking. Jenna glanced over to the corner of the room where Earl had his instruments set up, admiring the different styles and colors and the craftsmanship. There were four guitars, all set up together._

_“How many instruments do you play?” Jenna asked, standing up to take a closer look._

_Earl followed her, setting his now empty glass on top of a dresser and picking up one of the stringed instruments. “Uhhh…bass, acoustic guitar, and electric.”_

_“How long?”_

_“I picked it up some time before high school,” he said, taking the acoustic over to the bed and sitting down with it. He grinned then. “Had to have something to impress the ladies.”_

_Jenna laughed. “Do you have nothing else then?”_

_“I mean, I’m working on my engineering degree, but I’ll probably have to give that up.”_

_He dug in his pocket for a pick and began to strum chords. Jenna sat next to him and asked, “Why?”_

_He shook his head. “Can’t afford it. This college shit is expensive, and I can’t take classes with a full time job.”_

_“What are you doing now?”_

_“I work at a garage during the day, changing oil, small car fix-its. Then I go to class at night. Just started this year, actually, but I can barely make the bills.”_

_“There are scholarships and grants, you know,” she told him. “You could apply and probably get a pretty good amount.”_

_Earl shrugged. “Eh, I can make it without a fancy degree. Not sure school shit is even worth it. I could make good money and get more hours at work without that on my back.”_

_Jenna watched and listened as his chords turned into a song. It was slow, melancholic almost. The notes flowed together, and it was beautiful. She didn’t recognize the song, though, so she asked, “What’s that?”_

_He continued to play and answered, “Just a little thing I’m working on.”_

_“Did you compose that yourself?” He nodded, and she asked, “Are there any words?”_

_He shook his head. “Not yet. Dan will help with that when we sit down to write.”_

_She scooted closer to him. “Do you have any with words?”_

_He nodded and began to play. Jenna barely took in the lyrics, she was so entranced in the sound and his concentration. But she did catch a key phrase._

‘Til the sun don’t shine  
You will still be mine

_And while Earl was necessarily not her first pick for someone to spend her Friday night with, and he was a bit rough around the edges, she had to admit that she could listen to him play for hours._

_So she did._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner with Jim had been surprisingly refreshing. They had laughed and reminisced about old times, and Jenna had told him all about Lulu–how she had started fifth grade this year and was a spelling bee champion and art prodigy. Jim talked more about his teaching woes, including a story of a student who had spilled an entire jar of formaldehyde when they were dissecting frogs; but even still, he loved his job, and he seemed to see a change in the students as they walked out of his classroom.

The two walked across campus from the dining hall to the performing arts building. They reached the quad right outside, stopping at the fountain as Jenna realized she’d promised to call Lulu.

“This show will probably go late, so I wanna call her before it gets to be her bedtime,” she explained, handing her bags to Jim and fishing in her purse for her phone.

She dialed, and Dawn’s cheerful voice greeted her from the other end, “Jenna! So glad you called. Lulu was just asking about you.”

“Put her on?”

“Oh course, sweetie,” Dawn said, then Jenna heard her turn away from the phone and say, “Lulu, it’s your mama on the phone.”

It wasn’t but another moment or so before Jenna heard the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard in the world. “Hey, Mama!” her daughter greeted her excitedly.

Jenna couldn’t help the huge smile that spread across her face. “Hi, baby girl! I miss you. How was your day?”

“It was good, I guess,” the ten-year-old said, her voice growing softer and more sad. “I miss you, too.”

“Everything all right, sweetie?” Jenna asked, hearing the need to talk in her daughter’s voice.

The little girl sighed. “Danielle Sanger and her friends laughed at my poem today.”

“That little snot again?” Jenna’s nose scrunched in disgust. “Did you tell them that your poems are a thing of masterpiece? Emily Dickinson can’t hold a candle to you.”

“They wouldn’t listen to me if I did that,” Lulu insisted. “She’s just mean, and so are her friends, and they will always be mean.”

Jenna sighed, unsure what to say to comfort her. “I’m sorry, baby girl. If it makes you feel any better, I love your poems, and so do Aunty Becky, Aunt Dawn, and Uncle Ogie.”

“Maybe Uncle Ogie should come to school and perform some of his poems,” the child giggled, causing Jenna to laugh.

“Maybe he should,” Jenna agreed. “He could certainly give them a run for their money.”

The two spent a few more minutes talking. Lulu asked about college and if Jenna was having fun. Jenna said she was, but didn’t offer up any details. At least not yet.

Meanwhile, Jim had sat down on the edge of the large fountain in the center of the quad, Jenna joining him. She couldn’t miss the stupid grin he had on his face as he listened. Not that she minded in this case. She just didn’t understand what could amuse him about this particular situation.

A short time later, as Jenna realized it was almost show time, she told Lulu, “Hey sweetie, I hate to let you go, but I’m about to go see a play and it’s starting soon.”

“Oh,” Lulu sounded only slightly disappointed, but she perked up quickly. “Okay, Mom. Have fun!”

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she promised. “Have fun with Aunt Dawn and Uncle Ogie, and don’t stay up all night.”

“I won’t stay up all night,” the girl said. “I love you. Night, Mama.”

“I love you, too. Good night, baby girl.”

Jenna hung up the phone and slipped it back into her purse before looking up at Jim. He was still grinning like an idiot.

“What?” Jenna asked.

“Just…you,” he said. “Being a mom. Loving your daughter so much.”

She smiled. “She’s my pride and joy. I can’t help it.”

“Well, you glow with it,” Jim told her sincerely. “It looks good on you, Jenna.”

She met his eyes then, finding a tenderness there. There was a beam of pride and a sparkle. When was the last time anyone but her daughter had looked at her that way?

She couldn’t remember, and the realization caused another sinking in her stomach.

“Thank you,” she said. “If I never have anything else, I have her. She’s all I need, and everything else is just a pleasant surprise.”

Jim reached his hand out to her then, tentatively. She looked down at it, then back up at him. He was waiting for her permission, she realized. Without much thinking, she gave him her hand. A familiar warmth spread through her at the feel of his touch. The same warmth she could remember feeling when she was fifteen and had just lost her mother, and he’d shown up to the funeral and did nothing but hold her and let her cry for almost twenty minutes. The same warmth she could remember feeling when he’d held her hair back and rubbed her back as she threw up after a night of drinking too much.

_Or senior year,_ she reminded herself.

His thumb began to caress the back of her hand, and she shivered pleasantly. However, just as quickly as it began, she had to end it, and she yanked her hand away.

“Jim,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized quickly. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

She shook her head. “I’m not uncomfortable. I just don’t think your wife would appreciate you holding hands with and basically courting another woman.”

“My wife?” he asked, confused, shaking his head.

“Yes, your wife,” Jenna stated more emphatically. “Francine. Did you forget?”

“No, I didn’t forget,” Jim said, straightening up now. “But… Jenna. Francine and I are divorced.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Jenna woke up the next morning to an empty bed. She reached over to pick up her phone from the nightstand and checked to find a text from Jim._

Hey, you never called back last night. Is 11:00 okay for brunch?

_She checked the time, saw that it was 10:23, and texted back:_

Yeah, I’ll be there.

_If she left now, she would have time to get back to campus, clean up a bit, and put on clean clothes before heading to the dining hall._

_Quickly, she searched Earl’s bedroom for the extra layers of clothing she’d pulled off to sleep more comfortably. She found her purse next to the nightstand and rummaged through it for a hairband, running her fingers through her hair and pulling it up into a messy bun._

_Fully dressed with her things gathered, Jenna padded to the living room, where Earl was sitting on the couch in his boxers, eating a bowl of what looked like Crunch Berries. NASCAR was playing on the television. His roommates must have still been asleep._

_“Oh, hey, there’s cereal,” he announced unnecessarily, getting up to bring his empty bowl to the kitchen._

_“I actually have to go,” she told him as she slipped on the sneakers she’d worn the night before. “I promised some friends I’d meet them for brunch.”_

_He walked with her to the door then, leaning closer to her, asked, “Am I gonna see you again?”_

_Jenna thought back to the previous night. They’d had fun, discussing music and the trials of young life. He bitched a little about money, about his boss, and he’d let her bitch about her classes. Then he’d played more music, until they both eventually fell into bed and fell straight to sleep. No sex, no funny business of any kind._

_So, she said, “Sure. I gave you my number, right?”_

_He nodded. “Can I call you then?”_

_“Yeah,” she told him. “Last night was fun. I have some tests this coming week, but maybe a repeat next weekend?”_

_He agreed, promised to be in touch, and saw her out the door._

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Jenna made it to the dining hall in just enough time, no evidence of her slumber party left on her. She felt fresh and surprisingly rested and relaxed as she made it through the food line, deciding to splurge on chocolate chip pancakes._

_Jim and Francine already had their food and had claimed a table in the sunny atrium. From a distance, she could see the two of them talking animatedly, laughing. She couldn’t recall Jim ever smiling as brightly as he was in that moment, and the sight caused those heartstrings of hers to tug again._

He’s happy _, she told herself._ He deserves to be happy.

_She swallowed the lump in her throat and went to join them. Francine was nice. She was another friend to make._

_This would not be the last time she would repeat that mantra in her head. But for now, being happy for her friend and meeting the girl he was crazy about was the least she could do for all the times he had been there for her._

 

* * *

 

_Francine and I are divorced._

Jenna let the words sink in, fighting between the part of her that pained for Jim–the part that hated to know he had been through that pain and that loss of someone who had meant the world to him–and the part of her that was strangely grateful to know he was no longer tied.

“What?” she breathed in disbelief. “For how long?”

He frowned. “Over a year now.”

Jenna glanced down at his left hand at that, staring pointedly at the white gold band still sitting there. “Why are you still wearing a ring?”

“Oh!” He looked down at it and quickly took the ring off, pocketing it. His cheeks began to burn red, and he stumbled over his words as he said, “I really didn’t mean to. Truthfully, I was just embarrassed to show up without it.” His eyes fell downcast as he admitted, “A divorce is not exactly something to be proud of, especially when reuniting with people who are expecting good updates.”

“You still kept it this long,” Jenna pointed out.

“I was anticipating this reunion. Although…I was expecting to see a lot more people I knew.” He shook his head then, and said. “But that’s not the point. The point is I’m not married, and it was over a long time ago.”

Jenna wanted to ask why, to probe him about what had put an end to a relationship that Jenna had always seen as solid and loving. Instead, she decided to let him lead, to wait for him to reveal that information.

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “To put you at ease about the hand-holding thing? To get if off my chest so I wasn’t lying anymore? I just…” He stood up then, turning away and running his fingers through his hair. “I missed you like hell, Jenna. When things started going to shit, you know who I wanted to call?”

“Who?” Jenna asked, already knowing the answer.

“You.” Jim walked back to the fountain and sat next to her again. “I wanted to call you. Jenna, you were my best friend, and all I could think about was wanting to hear your voice. For you to come over with pie to cheer me up the day I packed up all my things and left. To have a drink with you the day I signed the papers and sent them in. But I couldn’t, and it hurt like hell.”

Jenna stared at him blankly, at a loss for words for the second time in one day.

If she was being honest, she missed him too. She thought back to the day Lulu was born, how she’d wanted to call him, despite having Becky there with her. She thought back to Lulu’s first day of Kindergarten, when she’d cried her eyes out after dropping her off and wished he could have been there when Dawn and Becky met up to calm her down and encourage her.

She thought back to all the days she’d wished Lulu had a father, and that she didn’t have to do it all on her own.

She couldn’t admit that to him, though. Not yet.

“We were nearly inseparable, Jenna,” he said on a breath. “What the hell happened?”

She frowned and said, honestly, “I don’t know.”

The bell tower across campus chimed then, signaling 7:00. Jenna cleared her throat, trying to decide what the next move was. They could stay and continue this conversation, they could go their separate ways, or they could go enjoy the show and take a breather, forget all of this for a while.

“If you still want to see the show, we should go,” Jim said, standing and placing his hands in his pockets.

_He’s your best friend,_  she reminded herself.  _You both deserve better than what you’ve had._

Mind made up, she brought herself to her feet, pulling her coat in a little closer and gathering her things.

“I want to go see the show,” she told him, reaching for his hand as a peace offering. “Because I’ve missed you too.”

The smile on his face was only a half smile, but it was still a smile. And he was showing no signs of backing out. So, hand in hand and the entire rest of the night ahead, they were off. Where the rest of the evening would take them, Jenna had no idea. But this, she knew, was the first step in a healing that had been a long time coming.


	4. Chapter 3

Jenna wasn’t one for musicals. Not because she disliked them. Living in a small town with little in the way of the arts was not exactly prime condition for enjoying theatre. And growing up, her parents had never really exposed her to movie musicals. She had watched  _Grease_  as a teenager, and had been dragged to her first and only  _Rocky Horror Picture Show_  in college--thanks to Becky and Jim. **  
**

Other than that, she hadn’t made time for theatre when she was still a student, and had even laughed at Jim a couple of times for the effort he put in when he and Francine would go see a production.

Now, here she was, sitting down to  _My Fair Lady_ , uncertain what her experience would be.

Jim had purchased their tickets, insisted on paying for hers. When they took their seats, it was just centered and far back enough for them to take in everything, but not so far back that it was difficult to see. Jim allowed her to walk in front of him so she could sit first, and he’d once again held her things as she removed her coat. When they were finally settled and perusing the program, Jim was not surprised to find one of his old friends was a professor and directing the show.

“I’ll have to introduce you to her,” he said off-handedly. “I forgot she’s teaching here now.”

“You don’t stay in touch?” Jenna asked.

“No, we do,” Jim said, setting his program down, “Sort of. I’m just not really a Facebook person, and she stays off the grid.”

The lights went dark then, stage lights taking over. An announcement asking audience members to turn off their cell phones played, and the show began.

While the production value was just shy of professional, the music was catchy, joyful. Jenna couldn’t help but be captured by Eliza Doolittle--her spunk, her hopefulness despite her circumstances. She found herself become attentive almost immediately with “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?” and tapping her foot to “With A Little Bit Of Luck.” She couldn’t help but feel her heart grow a little lighter with “The Rain in Spain” and “I Could Have Danced All Night.”

By the end of Act I, though, she found herself reaching for Jim’s hand without much thought. In the dark, illuminated only by the stage lights, she caught his eye, exchanging a smile with him.

At intermission, the pair didn’t move, but instead became engrossed in a conversation about the intricacies of the story.

“He’s just using her, though,” Jenna pointed out to Jim, who was trying to make a case as to why Eliza and Higgins should end up together. “She doesn’t even know it yet.”

“Yes,” Jim agreed. “But you can see he’s genuinely starting to care for her.”

“If he cared for her, he wouldn’t be trying to groom her and change her into something she’s not. Besides, she’s way too young for him.”

And so the conversation continued the same until the house lights flickered to signal the end of intermission and the show resumed.

By the end of the show, Jenna had laughed and cried. She also couldn’t help feeling a tad smug at the fact that she turned out to be somewhat correct about the ending. Jim, on the other hand, was disappointed.

“You would think after all that build-up, there would be more between them,” he commented as they walked out into the lobby of the building.

“Well, it hinted at something more, but that wasn’t really the point, was it?”

Jim sighed. “Maybe not.”

Outside in the lobby, all of the student actors stood in a line to greet everyone. Stage hands and crew members stood nearby, watching and talking to one another. Out from behind them, a tall, slender, dark-skinned woman with long, wavy raven hair wearing a robin’s egg blue pant suit greeted them.

“Jim Pomatter!” she gave him a hug, which he easily reciprocated. “How long has it been?”

“A few years,” he told her, then turned to glance at Jenna. “Kat, have you met my friend Jenna? She and I graduated together.”

Kat held her hand out to Jenna to shake and said, “I don’t think we’ve met, but I remember Jim talking about you all the time when we were in school.”

“Probably horrible things,” Jenna quipped with a light laugh.

“On the contrary, he used to rave about you.”

Jenna arched an eyebrow at Jim. “Oh, did he?”

“Maybe a little,” he admitted.

“A little?!” Kat shot a look at Jim. “I couldn’t get him to shut up about you sometimes.”

“Okay!” Jim cut in, stepping between the two women. “I really don’t think there’s any need to get into that tonight. Kat what are you up to now? Besides running an entire theatre department, of course.”

Kat rolled her eyes at him, but seemed to respect the change in subject anyway. “Well, I don’t know if you heard, but my wife just finished her doctorate, so she’ll be taking a professorship in the education department next semester.”

“Hey, that’s awesome! You’re planning on staying here for a while then?”

Kat shrugged. “That’s the plan at least. I’m still working on tenure. But what about you? Where’s Francine?”

Alarm bells went off in Jenna’s head at that, and she looked at Jim. She could see him swallow, uncertain whether or not to tell his friend the truth. Thankfully, he opted for the honesty.

“We’re actually divorced,” he replied, lowering his voice and looking away.

_“Oh.”_

Jenna could hear the hint of scandal in Kat’s voice, which became even more apparent when the woman’s gaze immediately fell on her. Jenna’s eyes grew wide, and she turned to look at Jim, pleading for him to explain any ideas away. Immediately.

“It’s been over a year now,” he explained. “In fact, it’s kind of difficult to come to things like this without her, but I ran into Jenna today, and she graciously agreed to keep me company.”

Breathing a sigh of relief on the inside, Jenna returned her gaze to Kat and nodded enthusiastically.

The woman raised both eyebrows and frowned. “Oh,” she repeated. “That’s a shame. The two of you seemed like a great couple.”

“Yeah, Francine was--”

“I wasn’t talking about you and Francine, dear,” she said, giving both Jenna and Jim a pointed look, her lips turned up into the tiniest glimmer of a smile.

The two stood there for a moment, staring dumbfounded at each other. Jenna wanted to run. To hide in the restroom. To throw up. To dash out of the building and launch herself into space. Still, she felt frozen, unable to move or respond.

“Anyway, it was great to see you, Jim,” she said, giving him another hug. Then she turned to Jenna, shook her hand and, upon Jenna’s invitation, gave her a hug this time. “And it was nice to meet you, Jenna. I really hope you liked the show. The kids worked so hard.”

“It was wonderful,” Jenna promised, and Jim nodded in agreement.

“Beautiful,” he told her. “I might have shed a few tears.”

Kat smiled. “Thank you all. Don’t be strangers, okay?”

“We won’t be,” Jim told her.

With one more round of good nights, Jenna and Jim walked down the cast line and navigated themselves through the white marble lobby toward the front doors, fighting against the sudden chill of the night.

Jenna shivered, pulling her coat tighter as they crossed the quad and made the trek back to the campus center parking lot.

“She was very nice,” she noted, then clarified. “Kat.”

Jim placed his hands in his own coat pocket and said, “She always has been. I can’t believe I never introduced you.”

“Did she graduate with us?”

He shook his head. “No. She was a year or so ahead.”

Jenna furrowed her brow and pursed her lips, concentrated on figuring out how Jim could have overlooked this. “How did you meet?”

“I wanna say it was second semester freshman year?” he estimated. “We had a class together, and maybe one more gen ed class after that. Francine had taken a couple of theatre classes for fun, so they were friends, and by extension we were all friends. Seems they lost touch, too.”

Jenna’s heart sank a little more, as it did every time she learned about another part Jim’s life that she had missed. Either because it had to do with Francine and she had purposefully distanced herself from that relationship, or because of the turn their friendship took at the end of junior year.

“Yeah,” her voice went more soft, more monotone. “Seems they did.”

 

* * *

 

 

_“Jenna are you sure?”_

_Jenna looked up from her grilled cheese and tomato soup and looked across the dining hall table to Becky. Her friend was busy perusing tour itineraries and articles about RV living._

_“I mean, it’s kind of wild and adventurous,” Becky continued, “but it’s not exactly glamorous, and who am I gonna vent to after shitty work days at_ Hell _-Mart?”_

_“Earl said the band got a great sponsor and saved up for a decent bus,” Jenna insisted, picking at the crust on her sandwich. “Besides, Jim’s spending the entire summer with Francine and her parents in Connecticut, and you’re taking those online classes. What am I gonna do in Stanton Grove? Get a shitty job, stare at the wall, and pretend to not be miserable with my dad?”_

_Becky handed the papers back and returned to eating her tomato soup. “Fair enough. Although a summer roughing it on the road with a bunch of grungy men isn’t exactly what I pictured from you.”_

_“I’ve never exactly been sheltered,” Jenna reminded her._

_“No, but before you and Earl started dating, you would’ve never considered something like this.”_

_Jenna rolled her eyes and sipped at the ginger ale in front of her. “We’re not dating.”_

_“Well, you’ve certainly been on and off fucking for the past two years,” Becky muttered, reaching over to the seat next to her and into her backpack for her Advanced Marketing textbook._

_Jenna huffed, angrily tearing off a piece of her sandwich. Her friend wasn’t wrong. Earl was never a boyfriend--was barely even a friend, at least not the way Jim and Becky were. But he made a good partner to blow off steam with on the weekends she had no one else. Sometimes that meant sex. Sometimes that meant concerts. Sometimes it meant food and drinks. Often it meant all of the above. She loved his music, and she found his devil-may-care attitude to be a good escape from her own life._

_And no, a summer touring as a groupie with his band was not going to be her most comfortable life experience, but she just wanted to go. To get away for a couple of months._

_“I honestly think it’s going to be a fun time,” Jenna said, returning the conversation back to the issue at hand. “This is my last free summer before the real world calls. It’ll be good for me.”_

_“What’ll be good for you?”_

_Jenna looked up to see Jim, satchel across his shoulders and a full plate in his hand. He was unaccompanied and took a seat across from both women without a second thought._

_“Jenna’s gonna spend her summer as a vagabond,” Becky announced._

_Jim’s head whipped around to face Jenna. “Vagabond?”_

_Jenna sighed. “Earl’s band is going to be renting a tour bus and doing some traveling,” she explained, “and he invited me to go along with them.”_

_“Earl?” Jim muttered the name, screwing up his face in concentration. Jenna watched his expression go from blank to surprised, and then she saw his nose scrunch up, almost in disgust. “You mean that guy from the garage that you hang out with sometimes?”_

_Jenna swallowed a spoonful of soup and said, uncertain, “Yeah?”_

_“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked. “That sounds kind of risky, traveling around with strangers and not having access to like...hot and healthy meals or washers and dryers.”_

_“I’ll be fine.”_

_“I don’t know,” Jim said, that same look of disgust still on his face. “He’s always seemed pretty shady to me.”_

_Jenna took a long swig of her ginger ale. “You’ve literally met him four times.”_

_“That’s all I need to get an idea of the guy,” Jim defended. “I mean, didn’t you say once that he dropped out of school?”_

_Jenna narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t think that’s any of your business or that it matters.”_

_Jim shrugged. “Okay, fine. Just don’t blame me when you’re miserable because he can’t afford to feed you.”_

_A ball of fury began to form in the pit of Jenna’s stomach. She could feel it growing and almost vibrating, but she fought against it._

_“Well,” she said, downing the rest of her drink and stacking her dishes, “not all of us have a girlfriend whose parents can fly us out to Connecticut, where we can sit in pools sipping cocktails and ride the family yacht.”_

_“Alright then!” Becky cut in, the pitch of her voice going a little too high to be real enthusiasm. She returned her books to her backpack and took up her dishes. “This has been fun, but I have a Marketing test to study for. Please try not to kill each other while I’m gone.”_

_Jenna’s attention full returned to her friend, and guilt began to rear its ugly head. She reached for her and tried calling after her. “Becky--”_

_“No, it’s fine,” Becky told her, her tone more harsh now. “Y’all can’t seem to get around each other without arguing anymore, so I’m gonna let you two figure that out.”_

_And just like that, she was off. Jenna would have to talk to her later, but for now, she just wanted to finish her dinner in peace and not fight with Jim._

_“Let’s just eat and forget about it for now,” Jenna mumbled. “We have enough to worry about.”_

_Jim hesitated before agreeing, and the two sat and finished their meal in nearly complete silence._

 

* * *

 

As Jenna and Jim approached the parking lot, there was a sense of dread lingering. It was that feeling Jenna could only recall on her best nights. Those times when she was enjoying herself so much that leaving felt unbearable.

Like Halloween weekend freshman year of high school when she, Jim, and Becky had sat up all night eating junk food and watching horror films. Or junior prom, when they all brought dates but ended up ditching the entire dance, leaving six teenagers to run around Stanton Grove in formal attire; spiking chocolate milkshakes with bourbon; sneaking into the public park that no one ever really patrolled; going back to Becky’s, lighting a bonfire in the backyard, and playing games like Would You Rather.

Of course, life wasn’t so wild now. Jenna’s days of junk food, getting piss drunk, and childish games were long behind her. But the time she had spent with Jim today was just as quality because, although it was simple, she was left with a pleasant buzzing in her chest. A warm, fuzzy feeling that could only come from spending time with someone that made this crazy world worth it.

“Where are you staying this weekend?” Jim asked as he escorted her to her car.

Jenna unlocked the vehicle and deposited her purse and her bags into the front passenger seat. “I was gonna try the Marriott, or the Super 8 if I’m desperate,” she said, pushing the passenger door shut. “I figured I’d play it by ear since there are only a few places in town.”

“Ah,” Jim nodded. “Good luck, then. I’ve heard the hotels get booked pretty quickly during campus events like this.”

Jenna frowned. “You don’t think there could be that many alumni, do you?”

“I have no idea,” Jim shrugged, placing his hands in his pockets. “But, if you can’t find anywhere open, some friends of mine are letting me have the run of their house while they’re out of town for the weekend. I bet if I asked, they would be okay with you taking the other guest room.”

For a moment, they both fell quiet, and Jenna realized just how close Jim was standing to her. She could smell his cologne and a distinct clean, crisp, soapy scent that hadn’t changed in the many years she had known him. She could feel him tower over her and suddenly had the urge to fall into his arms; to let him envelop her and shield her from the current gust of cold wind that was chilling her.

Then, she made the mistake of looking directly at his face and catching the glimmer of his eyes--soft eyes that had very rarely looked on her with anything that wasn’t affection, and were staring straight into her.

Her heart raced a little, and she had to look away as she told him, “That’s really nice of you, but I think I should be able to find something.”

“Of course,” he said, his lips turning up into a gentle smile. He started to turn away, but quickly amended. “You know you can call me if you need me, though, right?”

A smile spread across her own face, and she said, “I do. And I will if I need to.”

“I gave you my number?”

Jenna nodded. “I’ll call you if I need rescuing,” she half joked.

She turned to get into her car as Jim began to walk away toward his own. But for a second, Jim stopped and said, “Good night, Jenna.” His voice was a little gruff from tiredness, and Jenna could still see that softness in his eyes. After a pause, he added, “I’m really glad you’re here.”

Jenna wanted to respond, to tell him she was glad he was there, too. But she felt frozen on the spot, her tongue almost paralyzed from forming the words.

He was gone before she can respond, and she felt a twinge in her gut.

“Good night,” she murmured, too late.

 

* * *

 

_“Are you really going to spend the entire summer with Earl?” Jim asked as they walked from the dining hall to Jenna’s dorm, breaking the silence that had only been interrupted by the occasional comment about the weather or the food at dinner._

_Jenna, who still couldn’t shake the image she had of Jim on a jet ski, Francine hanging onto his back, wanted to say no. Because the truth was Earl was nothing more than a fun time, and the only reason she had agreed to go in the first place was because it was an excuse to forget._

_To forget that Jim was in love with a beautiful girl who was on the fast track to medical school and had two parents--neither of whom had probably ever laid a violent hand on her._

_To forget that going back to Stanton Grove and staying meant three months of hiding and working a shitty retail job to avoid her father until she could escape to her safe haven at school again--a safe haven she only had for one more year._

_To forget that her mother wasn’t there to comfort her with pie baking and their favorite movies--that she never would be ever again._

_Still, he’d been a dick. And not just at dinner. The last few months had been nothing but cancelled plans with his friends in favor of going out with Francine and hers. They had been nothing but disapproving, judgmental looks and comments from him at the mention of anything that wasn’t academic or could be considered childish. He had even given up on Water War and Shaving Cream Struggle, which were always hosted by the Campus Activities Board on the first hot weekend of the spring semester and that he, Jenna, and Becky used to spend weeks gearing up for. It was as though, in Jim’s world, they no longer existed._

_So, no, Jenna wasn’t going to give him any hope in this situation--even if she did back out on Earl. He didn’t deserve it right now._

_“Yes, I’m going,” she told him, her voice calm but biting, “and I don’t really see why it should matter to you.”_

_“I’m just trying to keep you from making a mistake.”_

_Jenna stopped in her tracks and turned sharply to him. “What mistake, Jim?” she all but yelled._

_Jim scrunched up his nose and pouted his lips. “Throwing your life away for that grungy, mangy asshole.”_

_“You don’t even know him.”_

_“I know he doesn’t have a real job and couldn’t care less about contributing to society.”_

_Jenna rolled her eyes. “And I’m sure you’re a mind reader who knows every single plan he has.”_

_“Roaming the country in a bus with no real following and no prospects of making a living?” Jim challenged. “Yeah, that’s a great plan.”_

_“Yeah, well, maybe it’s not about money. But you wouldn’t understand that, would you? Not with the fancy degree you’re working on and summers in Connecticut.”_

_Jim stepped closer to her, half pleading with her, “Jenna, do you not see that the guy is using you?”_

_Jenna scoffed. That was rich. Real rich._

_“Using me?” she bit back. Then, without thinking, she argued, “He’s not the one getting his jollies off with the pretty little rich overachiever.”_

_She watched Jim’s eyes grow wide, then she watched his face nearly cave in on itself. His jaw was set, and his shoulders had tensed. “How dare you,” he growled darkly._

_He turned his back to Jenna, and for a split second she considered running. A weight she had been carrying for more than two years had been lifted, but in its place sat another one. She had never been that angry at him before and had certainly never insulted him or people he cared about. And now she’d done it. She’d found the one thing that could make him hate her._

_“I don’t know what Francine ever did to you,” he said on a slight angered huff, “but you have no right to say that.”_

_Then, before Jenna could retort. Before Jenna could apologize. He was walking away._

 

* * *

 

It was nearly 11:00 when Jim let himself into the spacious but cozy house. First thing he did was carry his luggage up to one of the guest rooms. Then, after stripping down to boxers, he crawled into a bed with way too many pillows and the softest sheets he’d ever felt.

He clicked off the lamp on the bedside table and made himself comfortable, cocooned in the cloud-like bedding.

As he began to doze off, the urge to turn over and reach for a warm body next to him took over. When he did, however, the cold, empty space took him by surprise. As it still did, even with more than an entire year of sleeping alone under his belt.

Except he couldn’t recall his heart sinking this much. Not even on the first nights before the divorce, when Francine would go away to a friend’s or her parents’ house, and he would roll over and catch a hint of her scent on her pillow.

Seeing Jenna today, though...he hadn’t been prepared for that punch in the gut. He hadn’t been prepared for her radiant smile, or her musical laughter, or her soft skin. He hadn’t been prepared for the lightness he eventually felt once the ice broke. And he certainly hadn’t been prepared for all the memories that had resurfaced--memories of the fun times they used to have, in stark contrast to the memory of the last time they’d spoken.

He’d been convinced she hated him. Convinced he would never see her or hear from her ever again. Or, if he did, he’d always pictured her wanting nothing to do with him. Spending an entire day with her, having a time and reminiscing, was the last thing he’d expected.

Still, ten years was ten years. Maybe it didn’t heal everything, but it was enough to remind them just how long a decade was without your best friend.

Jim rolled back over and tried to sleep again. The sooner he fell asleep, the sooner he would wake up and get to see Jenna again.

 

* * *

 

_On the morning of the last day of finals, Jenna received exactly one text from Jim:_

I don’t like the way things ended the other night. Can I see you before you leave?

_She let the text sit on her phone for hours, letting him sweat. She didn’t reply, she didn’t seek him out on campus anywhere. She went to take her last two exams, hiding out in the library to study in between. Then at lunch, she went into town with Becky for their favorite soup and sandwiches._

_It was after 4:00 when she opened her phone back up to draft a reply. They might have hated each other then, but three days without speaking was a stretch even for them._

_Just as she had begun to type out her message, her phone rang._

_Earl._

_She took the call and greeted him with, “Hey, what’s up?”_

_“Yeah, so, since we’re heading out in the morning, the guys thought it might be a good idea to all pile in at the apartment tonight,” he told her. “We were thinking about getting together around 6:00 or 7:00, ordering a bunch of take-out, maybe a few beers, watching some shitty movies. They also wanna jam a little. You in?”_

_With her exams out of the way and nothing to do but finish packing and wait for grades to post, a night in sounded perfect._

_“Yeah, I’ll be there. Just have to take care of a few things here.”_

_“Great,” Earl said. Then his voice dropped and, almost on a whisper, he told her, “And, uhhh...maybe bring that lacy number I like? I haven’t had you in weeks.”_

_Jenna swallowed, unsure if it was nerves or arousal. (Nerves. It was nerves. She hated when Earl invited her to things with ulterior motives, and she especially hated when he made requests for her to wear specific attire for the occasion.) Still, she could use an excuse to blow off some steam._

_“I’ll see what I can do,” she told him._

_They hung up, and she set her phone down, intent on finishing her packing and taking her extra boxes down to storage in the dorm basement. She didn’t want to be late._

_And as her phone sat neglected on her desk, what she didn’t realize was that Jim wouldn’t hear from her for two more months._

 

* * *

 

Jim was dozed off, on the verge of deep sleep, when his phone blared from the nightstand. He startled awake, fumbling around in the dark in his sleep haze, and found his phone on the nightstand.

On a yawn, he answered, “Hello?”

“You were right.”

It had been less than an hour, but the sound of Jenna’s voice on the other end was like water on a parched throat.

“What’s going on?” he asked, trying not to slur his speech. “What was I right about?”

“I went to the hotel,” she explained. “They were booked. So, I called the other one, and they were also booked. There’s too much going on at the college this weekend.”

_Oh. Okay, then._

“Do you need directions?” he asked, feeling more alert now. “Or I could come get you. What do you need me to do?”

He could hear a sign on the other end of the line, and then Jenna saying, “Text me the address, and I’ll make it just fine.” There was a pause, then she confessed, “I hate asking this.”

“For heaven’s sake Jenna,” Jim rubbed a hand across his face, “what are you going to do? Sleep in your car?”

“No.”

“Then, just come out here, and I’ll text John to let him know.” She fell silent, and Jim added, “I know he won’t care.”

There was a long pause, and for a second, Jim wondered if Jenna would actually consider sleeping in her own vehicle. But she finally spoke up and said, “Okay, I’ll be there soon. I’m exhausted.”

A sort of giddy feeling began to creep up in Jim at that. Why, he wasn’t certain. Still, he was relieved she wasn’t going to be left without a place to stay, and he couldn’t deny that he was especially glad that it would be with him.

“I’ll let you in when you get here.”


	5. Chapter 4

****_It was a Tuesday evening in July when Jim got the call._

_He had been having dinner with Francine and her family, enjoying homemade spaghetti and meatballs and fine red wine. Becky was frantic on the other end, rushing through details and stumbling over words._

_Car accident. Drinking. Funeral. The words, “Jenna misses you. She needs you.” It was all he heard or absorbed._

_Within minutes, Jim was rushing to pack his bags and calling the airport to get his flight back changed. Francine was gracious, but definitely hurt, and he spent thirty minutes apologizing profusely and promising to make it up to her._

_Jim managed to catch a red-eye and, by Wednesday night, was safe in Stanton Grove, cautiously pulling up to the funeral home._

_Part of him wondered if he had any right to be there. He hadn’t spoken to Jenna in two months. Would he be wanted there? Regardless of what Becky told him, there was something about showing up that made his stomach churn._

_As he walked into the funeral home, he noticed how few people had shown up. He recognized a few from town, a few from family dinners Jenna had invited him to. But the room looked almost bare in comparison to some funerals he had been to._

_From a distance, he could see that the casket was closed, a bouquet of flowers sitting on top._

_And then there was Jenna in black, standing up front, hugging people and receiving condolences. She mostly stood alone, though a woman who Jim remembered as her great aunt stayed close by. If Jenna’s face wasn’t red and puffy, and if the circumstances that brought them here were different, he could swear she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen._

_He chased away the thought quickly, though, remembering his girlfriend who was a thousand miles away._

_For a moment, Jim considered walking right back out. He could go home and not have to face Jenna. He could pretend he never showed his face, and there would be no harm, no foul. But just as he was about to book it out of the chapel, Jenna looked up and locked eyes with him._

_What surprised Jim, however, was the lack of hostility he found. In fact, Jenna looked almost...relieved to see him. Her face was soft, sad; but there was a very minuscule gleam in her eye that told him that, for once in the last several months, she was not unhappy to see him._

_At that, Jim had no choice but to approach her and wrap her up in the tightest hug._

_Jenna reciprocated quickly, clinging to him and burying her face in his chest. Realistically, Jim knew this small piece of heaven with her--holding her, feeling her warmth, feeling even the slightest bit trusted with her heart--couldn’t last. Still, he savored the moment and hoped and prayed that he could give her even a small piece of comfort._

_“Jim, I’m so sorry,” she whispered._

_But, as much as he was glad to hear those words, now was not the time._

_“We can talk about that later, Jenna,” he told her quietly. “Right now, I should be saying that to you.”_

_“I’m fine,” she lied._

_He kept his voice low as he reminded her, “You just lost your father.”_

_“I hated him,” she whispered angrily, still clinging to him, and Jim could hear her voice begin to shake. “I hated him so much.”_

_He could neither argue nor disagree with her. Mike Barker was one of the most despicable human beings he’d ever met, and Jim had a memory of many nights and weekends of Jenna hiding at his house, falling asleep in his bed or on his floor just to get some peace, to prove it. So, he let her take it. Anything she needed to get off her chest, he could bear the brunt of it today, as much as it broke his heart._

_They finally released each other, stepping off to the side, and Jim tucked a strand of hair behind her ear._

_“Can I get anything for you?” he asked. “Water? Food? Anything at all?”_

_She shook her head. “Becky actually just left to go pick up the sandwiches, but I’m really not hungry.”_

_Jim was about to insist that she should eat anyway if she hadn’t, but before he could speak, another voice came from behind._

_“Hey, baby.”_

_The sound made Jim cringe, and he almost couldn’t bring himself to turn around and see that Earl Hunterson was, in fact, behind him. Here. At this wake._

_He looked, though, and he had to admit that Earl could clean up when he tried; button-downs, ties, and slacks didn’t suit him, though. Jim watched, trying not to react as the man all but pushed past him and barely hugged Jenna before slinging his arm around her waist._

_“I meant to be here an hour ago,” he said, “but the traffic was shit.”_

_“That’s why you should have just rode in with me on Monday night,” Jenna grumbled, keeping her voice down as if to prevent causing a scene. She turned her attention back to Jim, then, and said to Earl, “Anyway, it’s not important. You remember my friend Jim, don’t you?”_

_Jim watched as Earl stared him down, his face screwed up in concentration. It took a minute, but then his face lit up in recognition. “Oh, right. The biology nerd.”_

Biology nerd, _Jim thought._ Great.

_That’s apparently all he was. Nothing about the fact that he and Jenna had been friends since before high school. Nothing about the fact that Jim liked many other things. He was the biology nerd._

_Then again, maybe that was all Earl’s brain could comprehend._

_“Yes, that’s me,” Jim bit his tongue. “Biology is my major. I get my B.S. next May.”_

And Earl must be getting a B.S. in something else, _he thought wryly. But why was he even here?_

_Jim didn’t know how to ask the question without sounding rude, and after the end of the school year, he didn’t want to upset Jenna further. Especially not today._

_Thankfully, Jim wouldn’t have to wait too long for his answer, because Earl turned to Jenna and said, “Listen, baby, I’m gonna go find the restroom. I’ve had to piss something awful for the last half an hour.”_

_Jim refrained from rolling his eyes._ How eloquent.

_Once Jim and Jenna were left alone, Jim turned to her and tried to keep his best poker face as he said, “Generous of him to show up.”_

_“Not sure it’s generosity so much as obligation,” Jenna folded her arms over her chest and began to walk up the aisle of the chapel and toward the back door. She muttered, “I need some air.”_

_The word “obligation” struck a chord in Jim, and he followed her out of the chapel, through the lobby, and onto the front porch of the funeral home. The humidity, even at dusk, was in stark contrast to the chill of the AC inside the building, and it almost felt good._

_“Wait, why would it be an obligation?” Jim finally asked._

_Jenna stopped, finding a space near the railing to settle herself. Jim watched her brow furrow, and he watched the pained indecisiveness on her face._

_Then she looked up at him and said, “Earl and I are kind of...together.”_

_“As in actually together?” Jim asked. Jenna nodded. “How long?”_

_Jim decided to keep himself calm, to not give away the fact that he felt like he was being punched in the gut. Over...and over...and over._

_“It’s been about a month now,” she told him. “You spend a few weeks staying close, and things just sort of start making sense.”_

_Jim wanted to say he was surprised. To pretend as though he didn’t see this coming. But he knew Jenna had been on and off with Earl since freshman year. Spending weeks in close quarters with him, depending on him, was certain to solidify...whatever the hell it was that they had. Jenna losing her father, who she at least somewhat counted on despite how abusive he was, was only going to drive her closer to someone like Earl. Someone who was fun and could offer her some freedom and protection._

_Jim didn’t want to push, didn’t want to get involved. Still a question began to nag at him, and he could stop himself from asking, “Is he taking care of you?”_

_“What?” Jenna asked, stumped._

_“Is he taking care of you?” Jim repeated. “Is he making sure you have what you need and looking out for you?”_

_Jenna nodded. “He tries.”_

_Tries._

_Jim felt sick at the word. How Jenna could accept trying as good enough, he didn’t understand. And while nobody was perfect, and sometimes trying was all people could do, the half-hearted tone Jenna used when she said it made Jim wonder._

_Still, it wasn’t his place to butt in, so all he said was, quite simply, “Good. I’m glad.”_

 

* * *

 

Jenna arrived at the house without trouble. She wasn’t surprised to find a two-story with gabled roofs, outdoor lamps, and a two-car garage. The way Jim had talked about his friends, she’d expected them to have money. Though she still didn’t know who exactly they were. Jim seemed to have friends everywhere.

Jim was waiting for her when she pulled up. She found him pajama-clad and shaggy-haired, looking as un-Jim she’d ever seen him. (No, she wasn’t going to admit that it was adorable as hell.)

“Hope it wasn’t too much trouble,” he told her, taking her travel bag from her and showing her where she could hang up her coat and the garment bag she carried, and where she could leave her shoes.

“GPS rarely fails,” she explained, holding up her phone.

Jim set her bag at the foot of the stairs and led her through the high ceiling foyer, around a corner, and into an open kitchen and living room. “Tea?” he proposed. Jenna enthusiastically agreed.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m here?” she asked. “I don’t want to intrude, especially on a stranger’s home.”

Jim shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I texted John, and he’s completely cool with it. We go way back.”

Jenna took a seat on a bar stool at the kitchen bar counter. “Must be if he’s responding to you after midnight. How did you meet?”

“Grad school.” Jim began rummaging in the cabinets for a kettle and tea bags. “We did a lot of our student teaching together when I went back for my MAT. He’s on the school board now, and his wife’s in finances.”

Ah, okay. That made a lot of sense.

As Jenna sat waiting for him to prepare the tea, she wiggled her toes, appreciating the fact that her feet were finally free from her dress shoes for the first time since that morning. She untucked her blouse from her trousers and watched Jim move about the kitchen. He found two mugs and placed a tea bag in each while the water boiled.

Peppermint, Jenna noted from the look of the box. He still remembered her favorite.

The two were silent while Jim finished making the tea. Jenna passed the time by pulling out her phone and scrolling through the pictures. Countless photos of Lulu took up the phone’s memory, and she made a mental note to finally save them to her computer when she got home, maybe get some prints.

Jenna couldn’t help but smile. It had only been a day, but she missed her daughter. The photos that Becky and Dawn had taken of the two of them--playing in the snow, baking pies, Lulu’s fourth grade talent show, Stanton Grove’s annual summer picnic in the park--and the countless selfies that Lulu had recently started forcing Jenna to take with her were a source of comfort to her on most days.

“She’s beautiful, Jenna.”

Jenna looked up to find Jim standing next to her with two mugs of tea in his hands, glancing over her shoulder at her phone.

“I didn’t mean to be nosy,” he said, handing her a mug. “I just couldn’t help but look over and notice.”

“It’s okay,” she dismissed, setting the phone down. “I don’t mind showing her off. She’s a wonderful kid.”

Jim held his mug up to her. “She’s got a wonderful mom.”

“I try,” Jenna said with a sigh. “But she’s growing up so fast, sometimes I wonder how I can keep up with her.”

She took a sip of tea, savoring the fresh mint and what she could only assume was a dollop of honey--again, her favorite. Jim made himself at home in the stool next to her.

“Is it hard?” he asked tentatively. “Doing it all by yourself?”

Jenna took another sip and considered her answer. “It can be,” she admitted. “There are some days I wish I could just curl up in a ball and cry.” She cringed for a moment at how morbid the words sounded, then added, “But there are days I’m on top of the world and I know life without her wouldn’t be worth it.”

“She sounds like a special little girl.”

Jenna smiled. “You know, maybe you should come back to Stanton Grove for a visit some time and meet her.”

“It’s been a while,” Jim agreed. “It would be weird now that my parents are in Connecticut, though.”

“You’d have me and Becky,” Jenna pointed out.

Jim scoffed and rolled his eyes. “If she doesn’t melt my face off on your behalf.”

Jenna pursed her lips, the mental image of Becky giving Jim the thrashing of his life stuck in her head now. She hated to admit that the idea was entertaining. She also hated to admit that he was probably right. Still, the idea of her best friend yelling at another best friend about things that happened ten years ago wasn’t one to relish in.

“I’m sure she doesn’t even care anymore,” she stated, a little too confidently. “She’s too focused on her work.”

“Oh, you know she’d have some choice words for me anyway.”

Jenna couldn’t argue with that. “Yeah, she probably would. But that was so long ago, it doesn’t even feel like it matters anymore.”

Jim nodded. “We’ve come a hell of a long way since those dumb college kids we used to be.”

The two fell silent again, drinking their tea and relishing in the quiet. For the second time that evening, Jenna couldn’t help but think of all those times she’d missed with him. All those big moments she wished he’d been there for. The memories they could have spent a decade making; maybe he would be the one taking pictures of her and Lulu, or taking pictures with them.

“I wonder what it would have been like if we’d both been a little less dumb,” she told him.

They looked at each other, then, eyes meeting. There was an intensity in Jim’s stare, a deep passion and a hint of what Jenna could only imagine was regret. When he reached for her hand this time, she didn’t pull away or hesitate. She grasped his hand back and ran her thumb across his skin, enjoying the feeling of it against her own.

“I do, too,” Jim finally spoke. “But we can’t change what’s already happened.”

He set his mug on the countertop then, prompting her to do the same.

“We can, however,” he began, taking her other hand so he held both, “move forward from here.”

He stood up then, silently asking her to follow, and slowly leading her away from the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she tried to keep up with him.

Jim smiled. “Giving you a tour of the house so we can both go get some sleep.”

 

* * *

 

_The first semester of senior year had flown by for Jenna._

_Thanksgiving break had come and gone, and she found herself throwing everything she had into studying for finals. Since her father’s death, she hadn’t given herself time for much outside of her studies. Earl seemed to be the only one who saw her, except for Becky._

_Jim was still spending as much of his free time as he could with Francine, but he had at least stopped making plans he couldn’t keep._

_Jenna refused to let herself be upset anymore. She just wanted to finish school, to get her ticket away from Stanton Grove. Her aunt was a far cry better to live with, but the tiny hellhole of a town was not her first choice to settle down. Not at the start of her twenties. And this year, she was determined to keep her GPA as high as it could be, to focus on life after graduation._

_The only problem? It was a week and a half before finals, and she had spent the last two days losing her breakfast, lunch,_ and _dinner at irregular intervals._

_Before heading out for the weekend, Becky had stopped by Jenna’s dorm to say goodbye and found her curled up in bed, an empty trash can on the floor nearby. Jenna’s books sat at the foot of the bed, largely untouched despite the effort she’d intended to put into the week’s homework._

_“Sweetie, are you okay?” Becky had asked her. “You look like shit.”_

_“Probably just a stomach bug,” Jenna muttered, her voice muffled further by her pillow. “It’s off and on.”_

_“Are you sure? I could stay here this weekend and take care of you, or if you’re up for it I could give you a ride back home.”_

_Jenna shook her head. “No, I have to stay here and study. Too much work.”_

_“How many times did you say you’ve thrown up today?”_

_Jenna pulled her blanket back and half glared at her before reluctantly answering, “Twice this morning. Waiting on round three.”_

_“See? You’re in no shape to stay here alone.”_

_Jenna sat up, praying for the nausea to subside so she didn’t puke just from moving. “I promise I’m fine. I was sick for a couple of hours this morning, then it went away, and it just now came back.”_

_Becky sighed, “If you say so.” She stood up and walked over to Jenna’s desk, indicating a plastic grocery bags. “There’s ginger ale and saltines for you here. Please try to eat something.”_

_“Thank you,” Jenna said, standing up to go in search of a cup to pour herself some of the soda._

_“Also, promise me you’ll go to the doctor tomorrow if you don’t feel any better,” Becky told her, pointing a forceful finger at her._

_Jenna groaned, “Yes, I promise.”_

_“Good,” Becky said, picking up her purse from the desk and turning to head out the door. “Call if you need anything.”_

_“I will,” Jenna promised, then added, “Please drive safely.”_

_And with that, Becky was gone. Jenna managed to take down a cup of ginger ale and a few saltines, and her stomach had started to settle again._

_She flopped face-first into her bed, moaning at the traces of nausea. She could not be getting sick right now, not with the semester so close to ending and two big papers to write. It was odd, though, considering nothing appeared to be going around and she rarely got sick. It was especially rare for her to throw up._

_She lay there for a few more minutes until she felt confident she could sit up long enough to start getting some work done. For an hour, she managed to get in a full chapter of her Business Law textbook and respond to an assignment. She had even logged in on her laptop and began to outline her final paper._

_She was on a roll, feeling great. Then her stomach began to churn again, this time worse than the last, and she made a dash for the restroom down the hall._

_Thankfully, the restroom was empty, leaving every stall open. She emptied the contents of her stomach and sat, taking deep breaths and trying not to heave. She would have to run back to her room and grab mouthwash and her toothbrush and toothpaste. But for now, she let herself have a moment, closing her eyes to keep the world from spinning._

_How in the hell did she get this sick?_

_It didn’t help that her boobs were sore, either. Too much caffeine, she’d decided--her fibrocystic tissue always flared up before her period if she had been drinking too much coffee or soda. This was normal._

_Except…_

_Jenna pulled herself up from the floor, flushed the toilet, and quickly went over to one of the sinks to rinse her mouth out. From there, she all but sprinted down the hallway back to her room, making a beeline for her dresser and finding the drawer where she kept her pills._

_She slid the packet out of the pouch, counting three more pills left before her refill. She was halfway through the last week and hadn’t started yet, and she had missed last month--which she’d come to expect every once in a while and hadn’t thought much of. But now that this was twice in a row…_

_“Fuck,” she whispered._

 

* * *

 

Jenna woke up the next morning, slightly jarred by the sight of a strange bedroom and sheets that were not her own. It took her a moment to register what was happening, but once the sleep haze began to lift, she relaxed.

She lay sprawled out across the bed, enjoying the softness of the pillows and the comforter. It was a simple joy, but she didn’t usually put in the time to take those in.

Tempted to go back to sleep, she rolled over to reach her phone on the nightstand and check the time. Not that anything was really happening at the college until later that evening; just an afternoon football game. If she and Jim wanted to, they could just hang out at the house until the formal, or they could go find something else to do.

The clock read _8:22_. And after staying up until almost 1:00 in the morning, another hour sounded like a good idea.

Except Jenna’s phone began to ring before she could roll back over and doze off again.

She checked the caller ID and swiped to answer, “Hey, Dawn. What’s going on?”

“Mama?” the chime of Lulu’s familiar voice sounded from the other end, and Jenna couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

“Hi, baby girl!” she greeted her daughter. “Is everything okay? What’s happening?”

“Everything’s great,” the girl promised. “Aunt Dawn and Uncle Ogie are taking me and the boys to the pumpkin patch, and I wanted to know if I should wait to carve until you get home, or if it’s okay if I just carve mine with them.”

“Sweetie, you can carve pumpkins with them this year,” Jenna told her. “It’s perfectly fine.”

“But it’s what you and I always do together,” Lulu pouted. “And then we make pumpkin pie from the insides, remember?”

“I know,” Jenna assured her. “We can still make pie, if you want to get us a couple of smaller ones that are better for baking.”

“You’re sure it’s okay if I carve mine with them, though?”

“Lulu, hon, listen to me,” Jenna implored. “I want you to have fun this weekend. You and I? We’ve got plenty of time together. Aunt Dawn and Uncle Ogie are still our friends, and they love you. Enjoy the day with them, okay?”

It took Lulu a moment  to respond, but she sounded much more relaxed when she said, “Okay, I will.”

“Good,” Jenna told her. “I miss you, you know that?”

“I miss you, too.” There was a pause on the other end and then, out of the blue, Lulu asked, “Did you and your mama ever do things like this together?”

Jenna fell slack-jawed for a moment, uncertain what to say. It wasn’t an unreasonable question. She and Lulu had just never talked about her mother. Lulu knew that she’d passed away when Jenna was in high school, but Jenna had barely told her about their relationship. She preferred to spend more time showing Lulu what kind of relationship they had--sharing her love for baking, encouraging Lulu’s passions, and getting in as much time with her daughter as possible.

“Well, yeah,” Jenna told her. “All the time. Why?”

“Just wanted to know,” Lulu said nonchalantly. “Because I love all of our fun traditions, and I was wondering where you got them from.”

Again, Jenna was at a loss for words. She really shouldn’t have been shocked, though. Her daughter was getting older, and she was, as the old saying went, sharp as a tack at the best of times. Of course she was going to ask questions. Of course she was going to want to know more about her own mother’s previous life.

But while this was something she had no problem opening up, there were other things that Lulu would inevitably want to know about that Jenna dreaded.

Still, the fact that her daughter chose to bring this up now intrigued her.

“What brought all this up?” she asked.

“Something Aunt Dawn said.”

At that, Jenna sat up a little more straight. “What did she say?”

“She was letting us help her cook dinner last night, and she told the boys that it was the same recipe their grandma taught her.” There was a pause before Lulu said, “I wondered why you’ve never shared anything that my grandma made with me.”

The admission made Jenna’s heart drop a little. Her daughter truly had no clue how much of their relationship was because of the love her own mother had taught her. In fact, Jenna was convinced that if she hadn’t been lucky enough to have the mother that she was given, there was no way she would have had any basis as to what to do with the tiny pink bundle that the doctor had handed to her ten years ago.

“Tell you what,” Jenna said. “When I get home, remind me to tell you all about your grandma. We’re overdue for that conversation.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Jenna assured her. “Anyway, I don’t wanna keep you forever if you guys are going to the pumpkin patch. I love you.”

“Love you, too, mama.”

They finished saying their goodbyes and disconnected. In silence now, Jenna lay back down, trying to process the conversation. By all means, it was simple. Nothing about it was abnormal, except in context. It had left a throbbing in her chest, though. A acute awareness of that empty space Jenna still felt on occasion. That empty space she felt every time she and Lulu bonded, and she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if her mother was a part of it too.

In many ways, Lulu had been so blessed to inherit so many of her grandmother’s traits--her loving spirit, her passion for people, her empathy, her warmth.

Considering where the other half of Lulu’s genes came from, Jenna wondered how in the hell she had ended up with such a sweet little girl.

 

* * *

 

_No. No no no no no no no no no._

_No._

_Absolutely not. Absolutely fucking not. This was not happening._

_“99% effective,” Jenna had muttered to herself on the car ride from campus, all the way down to Walgreens, and all the way back to her dorm. “99% effective.”_

_It became a mantra, even as Jenna sat on her bed, trying her damnedest not to stare at the little white stick that sat on the desk across from her. She could pace if she wanted, but that wouldn’t help. She could scream in to her pillow if she wanted, but she didn’t see any good in that either. The only peace she would find was when the little timer went off and she knew for sure._

_In the back of her mind, she could see her mother sitting next to her, stroking her back and reassuring her. She wished it were true. In the last six years, nothing made her want her mother more than the idea that she could have a tiny human growing inside of her._

_And it was her own damn fault._

_As much as she could imagine her mother’s affections, she could also hear the lecture she would probably be getting. The lecture about how she shouldn’t have ignored the doctor’s warnings about birth control weakening on antibiotics. The lecture about deciding not to wait until after the full 10-day round of meds to have sex, just because she_ felt _cured of strep and, god forbid, couldn’t handle a week and a half without it. (Actually, it was Earl who couldn’t wait, but it had only made Jenna more aware of how needy she’d been.)_

_In any case, she would much rather take her mother’s affectionate brand of condescension than nothing at all--which is what she had right now._

_Jenna jumped when the timer went off. For a moment, she stared blankly at it, willing herself to move, to respond to it, to look at it. The only problem was the idea of looking at it made her stomach churn all over again._

_Still, nothing was going to come from just sitting there, so she forced herself up and all but dragged her legs across to floor to meet her fate._

_Two fucking lines._

_She was tempted to drive back down to the pharmacy and pick up about five more different tests, to be sure. But she knew. She had no doubt. She had always been told that a mother always knows, and in that moment, she thought she finally understood._

_Part of Jenna wanted to cry. Part of her wanted to go straight to the doctor and get on prenatal vitamins right that second. Part of her needed to find someone and tell them. Part of her felt like it might be a good idea to go look at cribs. And finally, the last part of her just wanted to crawl into bed and pray that she would wake up and find out she was dreaming._

_But she closed her eyes and reminded herself to slow down. One thing at a time. She didn’t even know how the hell she felt about this or what she wanted._

_Taking a deep breath, she ran through her mind a list of people she could talk to._

_Becky was already halfway back to Stanton Grove. She didn’t trust any of the other girls she hung around with on campus. Earl was the last person in the world she wanted to face. That only left one..._

_With a sigh, she picked herself up, grabbed her keys, and braced herself for her walk of shame to Jim’s residence hall._

_When she reached the hallway to his dorm, she stepped quietly, stopping just short of his door and listening carefully for any signs of Francine or his roommate. Thankfully, she was met with total silence. And thankfully, when she knocked, he was there to answer._

_“Jenna!” he greeted her with surprise. “Do you wanna come in? What’s going on?”_

_She took a deep breath and asked, “Are you alone? I have to tell you something.”_

_“Yes, of course,” Jim said, stepping aside to let her in. Jenna followed his lead, passing him and beginning to pace across the room. Her breathing started to become more shallow, and her pulse was racing. After a solid minute and a half of her not speaking, Jim asked, “Jenna, what’s wrong? You’re freaking me out right now.”_

_She shook her head. “I can’t.”_

_“You can’t what?”_

_“I don’t know how to say it,” she admitted. “And if I say it, it’s going to be real, so I really don’t want to.”_

_He stepped closer to her to better look at her, but stayed clear of her space. “Well, clearly you need to say it--whatever it is--because you came all the way over here, so what is it?”_

_Tears began to stream down Jenna’s face, and her pacing slowed. She began to intake large, sporadic amounts of air as tears turned to sobbing, her chest heaving as it struggled to keep up. Finally, she stood still, and Jim placed his hands gently on her shoulders._

_“Jenna, what’s going on?” he asked, softly now. “You can tell me. I’m right here.”_

_She calmed down just long enough to look at him, to find the sincerity in his hazel eyes and feel the warm strength of his hands on her. Her breathing slowed, and she finally brought herself to say the words._

_“I’m pregnant.”_

 

* * *

 

Jim woke to the smell of coffee, bacon, and another delicious smell that he knew was familiar but couldn’t quite put his finger on. He grabbed a quick shower, dressed, and finished cleaning up before heading downstairs. What he found in the kitchen, though, well...that was quite the picture.

Jenna was in the midst of removing a tin from the oven, golden muffins peeking out of the top. She moved about easily, unfazed by how little she knew the kitchen.

As Jim approached, he got a better look at the baked goods and said, “You made cranberry muffins.”

Jenna smiled proudly and informed him, “There’s coffee, too, if you want some.”

“Well, that’s definitely a good morning,” he stated, brushing past her to find a couple of mugs.

“I hope this is okay,” she said. “I kind of do this every Saturday, and you said he gave you the run of the place. I figured we both need to eat.”

Jim rummaged through the fridge for coffee creamer next, and told her, “Oh, yeah, it’s completely fine. He said to help ourselves. I’ll try to replace whatever we use before we leave, though.”

“I’ll help,” she offered.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. John’s my friend. I’ll take care of it.”

She scrutinized him for a moment but didn’t argue. He helped her find plates, and she placed two slices of turkey bacon and a muffin on his. Not the most conventional breakfast, but it would more than do. In fact, he had to contain a moan as he took the first bite of muffin. His first in over ten years.

“Okay, if I wasn’t sure that I wanted to rekindle this friendship already,” he said to her, “I’m absolutely certain now.”

“Glad to see you only like me for my muffins,” she deadpanned.

“And the pie,” he added, going along with it. “Always the pie.”

Jim took a seat at the counter, facing Jenna, who was leaning over the counter on the other side. The two sat in silence while they ate, either searching for something, anything, to talk about, or fully enjoying just being in each other’s company--Jim couldn’t tell.

A thought occurred to him, though, that he felt the need to express, even though both he and Jenna knew he had just been joking.

“You know,” he began, finishing his muffin and finding reaching for a napkin to wipe his hands, “I was just kidding around, but Jenna...I’m not sure you’d believe exactly much I love about you.”

She stared wide-eyed at him at that. For a moment, Jim wondered if maybe he’d said too much. He hadn’t meant to give her the wrong idea--much as he knew, deep down, that she was and always would be special to him in a way that even Francine never was. He had seen her at rock bottom, had held her hand through some of the worst shit to happen to her, and still his heart grew more attached to her.

Thankfully, she hadn’t freaked out at his confession, instead blushing and looking down. He couldn’t miss the hint of a grin on her face when she said, “You’re sweet.”

“Not sweet,” he insisted, “just honest.” He could sense a _why_ on her lips, so he elaborated. “I don’t think I’ve ever personally known someone who’s seen as much as you have, who’s been through hell and back the way you have, and come out as strong and loving as you are.”

Jenna stood up straight again and carried her plate to the sink. “I don’t even know what to say to that,” she confessed.

Jim shrugged. “You don’t have to say anything,” he told her. “I just think a lot of you, and I want you to know. Ten years is a long time to realize what you missed.”

She nodded and agreed. “That it is.”

 

* * *

 

_Jenna woke to sunlight and warm arms wrapped around her._

_She glanced over at the clock on Jim’s nightstand and read 9:53. Next to her, Jim slept soundly, his breathing steady, calming. His heat and his skin, along with the soft blanket wrapped around them, were like her own little cocoon. And she didn’t want to leave any time soon._

_They’d spent the night talking. With Francine off on a weekend trip with some friends, Jim had dropped anything he was doing or planned to do and just...listened to her. He’d held her for a long thirty minutes while she cried. He’d let her talk, process her thoughts out loud. He hadn’t judge her fears, hadn’t looked down on her choices. Just listened._

_She’d told him she couldn’t bring herself to get an abortion, but that she would strongly consider adoption if she could get Earl to agree. She’d also told him that part of her--a very small part--wanted this child, to be a mother, as ready as she absolutely_ was not _for it. She had no idea how Earl would feel, but if it came down to it, she would figure out a way to do it alone if she had to._

_Not that she could picture Earl as a father anyway._

_Jim had offered to go with her to the doctor, even if it just meant driving her and waiting out in the parking lot. But, as kind as the gesture was, Jenna had to tell him no. “I doubt Francine would appreciate that,” she’d reminded him._

_She could go with Becky once she told her--if Becky didn’t throttle her after this, of course._

_Still, Jim was there for her. Once they’d finished talking, he’d picked out a batch of her favorite movies and let her take her pick. They’d called in a pizza and sat up until almost 3:00, drowning their worries in greasy cheese, popcorn, and romantic comedies._

_She couldn’t remember falling asleep with him, but at some point she’d loosened her clothes, removed her bra from underneath her t-shirt, and had crawled under the covers with him._

_As Jenna became more awake and alert, she realized Jim’s hand was resting on her belly. And though she knew she’d have to extract herself from this very quickly for fear of becoming the reason he became too intimate with a woman who wasn’t his girlfriend, she allowed herself the moment._

_Without jarring him or pushing his hand aside, she brought one of her hands to join his._

_Everything about this moment was a horrible idea. Having a baby straight out of college with a man that, if she was honest, she didn’t love, and sleeping in the same bed as another man who’d made it pretty clear that his heart was elsewhere were never part of Jenna’s plan._

_But why did it feel so right?_

_Why was this moment the first moment of genuine peace Jenna had felt in nearly six years?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! My longest chapter yet, and I greatly appreciate the patience and the support from the lovelies over on Tumblr who have been responding to this. You all make this process worth it. Like I actually look forward to updating, and I'm excited about writing more? It's been so long since I've genuinely enjoyed writing, so THANK YOU. Big time.
> 
> As usual, comments are welcome and appreciated.


	6. Chapter 5

**** Jim’s words stuck with Jenna for the rest of the morning. After finishing her breakfast and cleaning up the kitchen--with Jim’s help--she excused herself to go take a shower and make herself a little more presentable. A messy bun, pajama pants and baggy t-shirts were not her best look.

As she let the hot water run down her skin, she couldn’t shake the sound of Jim’s voice when he had said, “I’m not sure you’d believe exactly how much I love about you.” Or how he had called her “strong” and “loving.” Those descriptions were debatable. Still, there had been a reverence in his voice, a tone of affection that she hadn’t heard from anyone in a long time. Well, anyone except her daughter probably.

Jim had always been one to see the best in people, though. Usually. There had been a few exceptions to that rule. But for the most part, he rarely had a negative word to say about anyone. Part of Jenna found that stupidly naive. Another part of her had to admit that it was something she loved about him.

He had brought light to her life when she didn’t think it was possible; had been with her through her mother’s death, the subsequent abuse she had endured from her drunken father, graduating high school and adjusting to college, her father’s death, and most of her pregnancy. He had made her laugh and smile when she couldn’t find a good reason to.

Between him and Becky, she had somehow managed to survive.

She could kick herself for the way their friendship had fallen apart in those last days. Now that he was here, though--now that  _ they _ were here--all she really wanted was to get back to those days. When he was one of her safest places and she could run to him when she needed to.

In being truthful with herself, she had to say that he was probably the closest to love she had ever been with another person. Even though they’d never stepped into that territory, had never considered it, there had been solidity there that she’d never shared with even her most intimate relationships.

Not even the biological father of her child.

_ But what of that now? _ she wondered.

The idea was...strange. Jim had always been her friend, nothing more. By all means, he was practically a brother. But as she thought back to the previous night, just holding his hand and the electricity she’d felt in her fingertips. There had also been a point, she was fairly certain, where he’d placed his hand on her lower back ever so lightly and she could swear her heart fluttered a little. 

While she was not convinced any of that meant anything, it was enough to leave the idea nagging at her. 

_ He makes you feel safe, _ that voice in the back of her mind reminded her.  _ He respects you and he cares about you and your child. He works hard and has a good job. That’s the kind of person you need in your life. _

The kind of person she could certainly learn from.

She shook the thought quickly, though. Since Lulu had been born, dating wasn’t something she really invested in. There had been a period of a few years where she tried casual relationships; the occasional evening out here, a few rounds of very intentional but no-strings-attached sex there. Most of the men she’d gone out with never even knew Lulu existed because she’d never let them get close enough to reach that point. They’d certainly never met her.

But Jim...if that were ever something she pursued, there would be no way around that.

Not to mention he’d only been divorced for a year. If Jenna didn’t know how crazy he’d been about Francine, that might not matter as much. But for a relationship that had, including its earliest stages, lasted a decade, she couldn’t discount that Jim was probably still recovering. 

And truth be told, Jenna wasn’t entirely certain what her feelings for him were.

So, she tabled the idea and went about the rest of her business. She finished cleaning up, dried her hair, and found jeans and her favorite striped long sleeved t-shirt. She was in the process of applying a light layer of makeup when her phone buzzed in her pocket.

The name on the caller ID made her raise her eyebrows, but she answered with a musical, “Helloooo.”

“I changed my mind,” came Becky’s voice on the other end of the line.

Jenna smirked. “Business is that bad this weekend?”

“Old Joe made Serena call in Cal for every event,” Becky told her through what she could only imagine was gritted teeth. “He pissed me off so bad last night, I hung my apron up and told Joe that they would have to call in Tanya for the rest of the weekend because I couldn’t work with the bastard. So, I’m here.”

Alarm bells went off in Jenna’s head at that. “What do you mean you’re here?”

“I mean that I’m in Fieldsville right now, and I’m going to that damn formal tonight.”

_ Shit. _

Not that she minded having her other best friend here. But considering that she was currently sharing a house with a man that Becky had called a dickwad the last time she’d uttered his name, how in the hell was she going to talk her way out of this?

“Well, if you wanted to meet over at the school or somewhere, I could come find you,” Jenna offered, hoping to avoid any questions about her specific whereabouts.

“How about the coffee and tea shop downtown?” Becky suggested. “I’m not sure what’s going on around campus today, but we could meet up and formulate a plan.”

“Sounds...perfect!” Jenna said, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. But if Becky noticed, she gave no indication.

“Bring your itinerary,” was all the told her. And that was that.

Jenna hung up and finished her makeup, then she left the bathroom to go in search of Jim.

She found him downstairs in the living room, grade book and papers across his lap. He looked up at her and explained, “Figured I’d try to get some work in so I’m not struggling to catch up Monday.”

Jenna shook her head. “No need to explain,” she told him as she walked over to large sofa where he was set up and took a seat next to him. “In fact,” she began, changing her tone to sound a little more sweet than necessary, “if you want to keep working, I can get out of your hair for a while.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Jim dismissed. “You’re not in the way.”

Jenna sighed. “No, Jim. I mean, I just got a call,” she told him. “From Becky.” He stared at her blankly, so she elaborated. “She decided to come in after weeks of insisting that she had to work, and she wants to meet up.”

“Does she know I’m here?”

Jenna looked away sheepishly. “Not exactly.”

Jim frowned, looking like a puppy that had just been kicked. He nodded, “I see.”

Jenna was quick to respond, though, and said, “I’m just not sure how she’ll react to you. You were kind of on her shit list last time she mentioned you.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Jim deadpanned.

“She’s going to find out,” Jenna insisted. “I just didn’t want to tell her over the phone. I need to look at her face and explain that...things are different now. We’ve let bygones be bygones. It’s the only way she’ll listen to me, if she has to look me in the eye.”

She watched him purse his lips and fix his eyes in concentration, processing this information. Finally, he accepted it.

“Okay,” he told her. “Okay, I understand that. Becky has every right not to be thrilled with me. I guess she should have the news broken to her gently.”

“She might not even care,” she reminded him. “But, yeah, I don’t think explaining to her over the phone that not only are you here, but we’ve got rooms across the hall from each other is a good idea.”

He set his grading pen down, looked directly at Jenna, and said, “Well, in that case, have fun and try not to get us  _ both _ disowned.”

“I’ll certainly try, but I’m not making any promises,” she told him, standing up and padding to the front hallway.

She grabbed her jacket and shoes from the closet and slipped them on. She then began the search for her purse. She glanced around, checking the little table in the foyer, where she thought she’d left it last. It wasn’t there.

Just as she was about to go check the kitchen and living room, she heard Jim call, “Jenna, did you need your purse? It’s in here.”

“You read my mind,” she told him as he came walking through, the brown leather bag in his hands. Instinctively, she took it from him and, standing on her tiptoes to press a grateful kiss to his cheek, said, “Thank you.”

For a moment, the gesture hadn’t quite registered with her. He just stared at her dumbfounded.

“Uh...you’re welcome,” he said, his eyes wide and tone unsure. “It wasn’t difficult.”

At the realization of what she’d done, Jenna blushed and looked away. She fiddled with the purse, fumbling while trying to find the pocket to put her phone in.

“Well, I should go,” she told him. “I’ll be back to get ready for the formal. Will you be here?”

“There really wasn’t anything on campus that interested me today,” he replied. “I’ll probably just stay here and try not to cry while grading high schoolers’ work.”

The attempt at humor died quickly, though, and all Jenna could respond with was, “Good luck with that.”

After an awkward silence, and another quip from Jim about how he needed the luck, Jenna made herself scarce.

_ What the hell was that?  _ she scolded herself.  _ Keep your cool, Jenna. Damn. _

 

* * *

 

_ “Well?” _

_ Becky looked up at Jenna expectantly as she stepped out into the otherwise empty waiting room.  _

_ Jenna had broken the news to her on Sunday night, as soon she she got back. Surprisingly, Becky hadn’t gone off on any tangents. Just reassured her, offered to accompany her to the doctor.  _

_ Jenna held up a bottle of prenatal vitamins. “Definitely pregnant.” _

_ Having already made her follow-up appointment, Jenna kept moving toward the exit, Becky standing up to follow. _

_ “And?” she probed. _

_ Jenna shrugged. “And what?” _

_ “What are you going to do?” _

_ The two stepped into the outer hallway and made their way toward to elevators. Jenna pressed the button and said, “I...don’t know yet.” _

_ “Have you told Earl yet?” Becky asked as they entered the elevator. _

_ “No!” Jenna said, growing impatient now. “He doesn’t know yet, and I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to say to him. But, Becky, can you  _ please _ just stop asking questions?” _

_ “I’m just trying to help,” her friend responded, a tinge of hurt in her voice. “I care about what happens to my friends.” _

_ “Yeah, well, in case you didn’t notice,” Jenna bit back, “I’m kind of growing another person, and I’m freaking out about it. Expecting me to know what the hell I’m doing is the opposite of helpful.” _

_ Becky groaned. “Then, what is helpful?” _

_ Jenna sighed, a legitimate answer not coming to her. “I’m not sure yet,” she admitted. _

_ The elevator landed on the ground floor, and they exited, making their way through the lobby and out into the parking lot. _

_ “Well, do what you need to do, I guess,” Becky said. The sarcasm was pungent in her voice. She switched gears, however, and added sincerely, “Just don’t forget about the people who care about you.” _

_ “I’m not,” Jenna insisted. _

_ Becky stopped her as they reached the car, though. “I’m serious, Jenna.”  She took both of Jenna’s hands in her own and said, “You don’t have to go through this alone.” _

_ “I know. Earl--” _

_ “Yes, Earl is in the picture right now,” her friend interrupted. “But he’s no guarantee. And unless you’re absolutely certain he’s going to give you the support he should be giving you, you need to realistically think about how this could end.” _

_ “It’s not like I’m going to forget about you if he is involved.” _

_ Becky shook her head. “I know you too well, Jenna. You’ll close yourself off the minute something goes wrong. And that’s the last thing you need.” _

_ Jenna huffed, but had no argument. Becky was right. Now was not the time to shut anyone out. Especially not her best friends. _

_ “Okay,” she nodded. “Okay, you win.” There was another pause before she confessed, almost on a whisper, “Becky, I’m terrified.” _

_ “Aren’t all new mamas?” the other woman pointed out. Then she took Jenna by the shoulders, ever so gently, and told her, “You can do this, you know that? You can do this, and if no one else is here for you, I will be.”  _

 

* * *

 

When Jenna arrived at the cafe, Becky had already ordered them two chai lattes and camped out at a table in the corner.

“Fuel,” she explained. “I’ve been up since 6:00 this morning.”

Jenna picked up her cup and gave it a precursory sip to test how hot the tea was. “Why? The drive is only two hours.”

“My hatefire was still strong when I woke up,” Becky said. “The minute my eyes popped open, that was it.”

“Is Cal really that awful to work with?” Jenna asked. Sure, the guy could be a dick at the worst of times, but he usually kept to himself and focused on preparing the dishes. “I mean, you’ve known the man for three years now and haven’t walked out before.”

Becky groaned and rolled her eyes. “He’s just been particularly testy lately. If I so much as let a dish get halfway empty without telling him, he flips his shit. And last night, I didn’t hear the end of it about my apparent ‘attitude’ when serving.”

“Maybe he’s just jealous because of that raise you got,” Jenna guessed. “You’re one of Joe’s best on the frontline, and he can’t compete with that.”

Becky shook her head. “Honey, if that were true, you would be the one getting shit on here,” she said, taking a gulp of her tea. “You got your raise months ago, and Joe’s been talking about partnering you with Serena soon.”

Jenna froze mid-drink. “He is?”

Her friend shrugged. “That’s the rumor.”

“But why?” Jenna asked, flabbergasted. “He’s never shown any indication that he wants me on management.”

“Oh, I know exactly why,” Becky sat back, a knowing grin spreading across her face. Jenna just looked at her, waiting. “Serena’s pregnant.”

Jenna nearly spit her tea. “What?! Since when?”

“I just found out yesterday morning,” the other woman explained. “Rumor is she’s going to be taking some time off in about five months or so, and she’ll be doing some at-home work for the company. But she was also talking about this really fancy restaurant that wants to hire her and will offer her better pay once she finishes her maternity leave.”

“So, Joe wants me to take over,” Jenna presumed.

Becky nodded emphatically. “Yep. And he wants to move Dawn up to full time.”

Jenna could only stare at her, mouth open and head shaking. What the hell had happened at that event last night?

“And I missed all of this in one day?” she asked in disbelief.

“Well, you know Stanton Grove culture by now,” Becky said, taking a long swig of her drink. “Either nothing’s happening, or everything’s happening all at once. There is no in between.”

Jenna scoffed. “My life.”

Truthfully, she wasn’t all that shocked by this information. She had been working for the company as long as Becky had, was the one that most of the other employees looked to when Joe was around. She practically ran the staff at most events already. She might as well get the title and the pay for it.

“But anyway,” Becky’s voice broke her from her brief reverie, “that was my Friday. Now, spill on the details here. What have I missed?”

At that, Jenna froze. She could feel her pulse speed up, and she hoped her face was neutral enough not to show anything (it wasn’t; she knew her eyes were practically bulging). How was she going to do this?”

“I mean, you didn’t really miss anything,” she hedged, fiddling with her half-empty cup. “Honestly, I haven’t seen that many people that we knew.”

Becky leaned forward in her seat. “Well who have you see?” she pressed. Then her eyes grew wide and she stuck her finger out. “I bet you saw Morgan Cox! Is she hideous now? Worn out? I bet she is. You can’t be that vindictive and look healthy.”

Jenna sighed. “Becky, this isn’t high school. We’re all grown adults now,” she said. “But, no, I didn’t see Morgan, or anyone else who doesn’t even matter anymore.”

“Well, then who?”

Jenna shrugged. “No one,” she lied. “I saw no one.”

“Jenna, you just said you saw people,” Becky called her out. “Or at least someone. So, tell me.”

“Maybe you don’t know this person,” she continued to skirt around the question.

Becky furrowed her brow and stared at her doubtfully. “Jenna...please. You’re a horrible liar.”

_ Dammit. _

Jenna looked away. There was no way she was getting around this, and she knew it. She sighed.

_ Might as well rip the bandaid off. _

“Fine,” she spoke slowly and deliberately. “If you absolutely need to know…”

She paused, bracing herself for the impact of her next statement. Becky was practically on the edge of her seat, as if ready to pounce at the answer.

Jenna shifted uncomfortably in her seat, still not looking her in the eye, and said, “Jim is here.”

She waited, watching her friend’s reaction. Becky’s eyes widened, her jaw clenching slightly, and she leaned in closer. “You’re shitting me.”

Jenna pursed her lips and shook her head. “Nope. Not shitting.”

“And what the hell is he doing these days?” Becky half spat as she reached for her cup again.

“He’s a teacher, still in Connecticut,” Jenna answered, trying to sound optimistic. She lifted her cup to her lips and took a drink as she added, “He’s divorced.”

Becky, still wide-eyed, just shook her head slowly. “Well, I’ll be damned.” Then she switched gears, and asked, “Did he say why?”

“I never probed him about it,” Jenna answered, reaching for her purse, looking for something to change the subject. She found her alumni weekend itinerary, unfolded it, and laid it out on the table. “But, anyway, that’s not important, is it? You wanted to see what was going on at the school, so here it is.”

She tried to push the paper toward Becky, who only deflected it. “Now wait just a minute,” she said. “I’m not finished.”

“Yeah, well,” Jenna told her, pushing the paper toward her again, “there isn’t anything else to say.”

But Becky just say back in her chair, arched an eyebrow, and folded her arms across her chest. “Are you sure about that?”

“Why would you say that?” Jenna asked, willing her voice not to shake or crack.

“Jenna, are you really telling me you spent all of yesterday alone?” she pressed. “Did you really go to that campus, sit through programs, and walk around for the hell of it  _ by yourself _ all day?”

Jenna swallowed. “Is that really so hard to believe?”

Becky picked up the itinerary and took a glance before saying, “By the looks of this, it sounds like a pretty miserable day to go alone.”

“Maybe I wanted the solitude,” Jenna defended. “I have Lulu all the time when I’m not working. Maybe I needed time to be alone and think.”

Becky just shook her head. “Jenna, you and I both know you hated this place without your friends.”

“I didn’t  _ hate _ it.”

“Okay, then you were, at best, bored with it.”

Jenna sighed. “Becky, what’s your point?”

“My point,” the other woman set her cardboard cup down hard, “is that you found Jim. And despite all of the shit you guys went through, you ended up spending all day together, didn’t you?”

“That was a long time ago,” Jenna insisted. She took a deep breath then, to calm herself, and added, “But yes. We did spend all day together. Happy?”

“For your honesty? Yes,” Becky answered. “Other than that, I don’t care what you all do. You’re adults. Although…”

She trailed off, her gaze shifting back and forth and her fingers tapping on the table, as if she were debating on what her next words would be.

“Although what?” Jenna prompted her.

Her friend chewed on her lip, released a huff, and then said, “Y’all caused so much unnecessary pain for each other. Is it really wise to be tangling in that again?”

“Becky we’re completely different people now,” Jenna defended. “Ten years is a long time.”

“Yes it is,” Becky agreed. “But let’s be honest, there’s always been something between you that you’re both too chickenshit to admit to yourselves, much less each other.”

And just like that, the emotional scab that Jenna could feel being picked at since yesterday had been torn off, and she was bleeding with it.

She squirmed in her seat again, clutching her cup with both hands. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do,” Becky said flatly. “No one throws out an invitation and refuses to go to one of her best friend’s weddings for no reason, Jenna.”

“You’re right,” Jenna shot back. “It was because he was an asshole.”

Becky shoved a finger at her. “Only because you treated him like shit because you were jealous of Francine.”

There it was. The knife to make wound even deeper. 

Jenna looked down, her brow furrowing and lips pouting. “I wasn’t jealous of Francine,” she reiterated. “I missed my friend.”

“He  _ was _ your friend,” Becky raised her voice, her movements more animated. “He was there for you every time you needed him. When you walked across campus with morning sickness, he held your damn hair back while you threw up into the bushes.”

Jenna had nothing to say to that. 

As usual, Becky was right. And as usual, she wasn’t going to hear the end of it until she admitted it.

“Listen,” Becky continued, calming down again. “I know I said some awful things about Jim a long time ago. I was angry at him too. But honestly, can you blame the man for just wanting to be happy?”

Jenna could only shake her head because, no, she couldn’t blame him. Francine had been perfect. She was stability and comfort for him. She was beautiful and smart and had goals she worked hard to achieve. It didn’t excuse Jim for letting it get to him and forgetting his other friends, but it also didn’t excuse Jenna for freezing him out the way she did. For criticizing him. 

For shoving Earl in his face.

She’d paid for that one. The only reason she didn’t regret that mistake was because it gave her Lulu. But still. She could have done so many other things.

“You know,” Jenna finally spoke, “maybe I did realize that I hurt him. And maybe he realized that he hurt me. Maybe we both want to make up for that. Have you considered that?”

“Sure,” Becky let her have that one. The she leaned forward and said, “But are you two really going to be able to do this with all of those other feelings--whatever they are--still lingering?”

Jenna contemplated the question. 

If she was honest? No, probably not. It had hurt like hell watching him fall for Francine. As much as she wanted him to be happy, how would she feel if she had to watch him fall for another woman again?

 

* * *

 

_ “Have you talked to Earl yet?” _

_ It was two days after Christmas, and Jenna was at Jim’s, sat across the kitchen counter from him. His parents were out of town so, with the run of the place, he’d invited her and Becky over for movie night. Becky was running behind, so while they waited they had decided to break into the apple pie Jenna had brought over. _

_ “Well, we’ve spoken,” Jenna said, picking up a forkful of pie. “But, no, he still has no idea about the baby.” _

_ Jim, who was in the middle of a bite of his own pie, said matter-of-factly, “He didn’t come in for Christmas.”  _

_ Jenna gulped down another forkful of pie. “He got more hours at work and needed to take them.” _

_ “Over the holidays?” Jim asked doubtfully. _

_ “Not everyone has comfortable jobs that give them time off,” she reminded him. “Especially when you work two jobs.” _

_ He shrugged “Fair enough.” He reached for the glass of milk he’d poured for himself and took a giant gulp. “But I have to ask: are  _ ever _ planning on telling him?” _

_ Jenna picked at her pie then, using her fork to fiddle with a stray slice of apple on her plate. _

_ “He’s coming in for New Years,” she said, “so probably then.” _

_ “You’ll have to,” Jim told her. “We’re having champagne at my parents’ party, and he'll wonder why you’re not drinking.” _

_ “Shit,” Jenna muttered. _

_ Jim shrugged. “He’s going to find out sooner or later, Jenna. Might as well get it over with.” _

_ She signed deeply, putting her head in her hands. “Yeah, I know,” she said, rubbing her face. “I just have no idea how the hell I’m gonna do this.” Before Jim could respond to that, she lifted herself up again and said, “But, anyway, I don’t want to think about that. When’s Francine flying in?” _

_ If Jim had anything else to say, he let it slide. “She’ll be here tomorrow night,” he answered. “Then she’s staying until we go back to school.” _

_ “That long?” she asked, surprised. Jim nodded. “Any plans?” _

_ “Not exactly,” he hedged. _

_ Jenna noticed the change in pitch in his voice and the way he looked up and away. Eyes narrowed at him, she asked, “What does ‘not exactly’ mean?” _

_ Jim took a deep breath, and Jenna watched as he grinned from ear to ear. “Well,” he spoke slowly and deliberately. Then he rummaged in his pocket, pulling something out but keeping it concealed. “I was going to wait until Becky got here to tell you, but…” _

_ He held out his hand, revealing a velvet black box. He opened it, revealing a diamond-encrusted white gold band, the large center stone showcased in between two sapphires. For a moment, Jenna held her breath, but as her brain caught up with what her eyes were seeing, she released it and swallowed. _

_ “W...wow,” she feigned enthusiasm. “When are you going to ask?” _

_ “New Year’s Eve,” he announced proudly, “just before midnight. It's a little cheesy, but she likes a show.” _

_ Jenna had avoided morning sickness all day, but suddenly she could feel the pie coming back up.  _

_ This was it. It was really it. He was going to ask Francine to marry him. He was going to commit to her for the rest of their natural lives and probably move to Connecticut to be with her. Logically, Jenna knew this was coming. The two had been inseparable for the last three years. She just a) did not think it would happen before graduation, and b) had put the thought on the backburner with her father’s death, the baby, and everything else happening. _

_ She wanted to be happy for him. She  _ should _ be happy for him. But something in her knocked at her heart and begged her to protest. But aside from the fact that she might lose his close friendship if he left, why? What real reason did she have to not want this? _

_ Still, she held her tongue and settled on, “It’s beautiful, Jim. You did well.” _

_ But Jim’s proud smile turned to an anxious frown, and he asked, “Do you think she’ll say yes?” _

_ Fighting against the sting of tears that threatened to fall--damn hormones, she decided--Jenna could only nod and tell him with certainty, “I do. I really do.” _

 

* * *

__

Jim couldn’t stop thinking about Jenna as he worked on grading papers. For the first time, he didn’t seem to care that freshmen couldn’t seem to remember that chloroplast was green or know what a nucleus was.

He got to wake up to her, in pajamas and making those damn delicious cranberry muffins. She’d surprised him with that cheek kiss, which, in retrospect, was a small thing, but had left him wanting...more. It honestly made him feel like a little boy with a crush.

He’d always been captivated by her, though. Ever since seventh grade, when is family had moved to Stanton Grove, and she and Becky been the only ones to sit with him at lunch or even talk to him until he made more friends. She had always been beautiful to him. More importantly, though, he’d seen her heart-- _ still _ saw her heart. 

She challenged him. She loved deeply and fiercely, though she wasn’t always the most transparent about it. Of course, she’d been selfish at the worst of times and, honestly, taken more than she’d given. But Jim had known her long enough to know that those shitty years weren’t all that she was. He had lived through too many deliveries of baked goods and nights venting to her about labs and awful professors to think otherwise.

There was a happiness and a calmness he felt with her that he couldn’t explain. And he wondered if maybe, just maybe, she could be way more for him.

He could imagine falling asleep and waking up next to her, as he had done a few times before, but every day. He could imagine getting to feel her warm touch and holding her. He could also imagine how her soft lips would feel against his own...

As the time passed, Jim had become so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn’t hear his phone ringing. Breaking from his daydream, he fumbled around the sofa looking for the device. When he found it, he took one look at he name on the screen and felt the light airiness of his mood drop.

_ Oh.  _

Cautiously, he pressed the ‘accept’ button and answered, “Hi, Francine.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I definitely wrestled with this chapter. I'm kind of itching to get to the more fun stuff, but sadly we need to weed through the angst first.
> 
> Once again, huge thank you for the response both here and on Tumblr. I know the audience for this is small, but anything positive or constructive means a lot.


	7. Chapter 6

****_ The ring burned a hole in Jim’s pocket as he drove the two hours back to campus from his impromptu trip to Richmond. _

_ Spending the entire night with Jenna, processing the bombshell she’d dropped on him, and waking up next to her had set the gears in his mind on full speed. He could remember exactly one time when Francine had called him over in a panic, scared that she might be pregnant. She hadn’t been, of course. _

_ But as Jim had listened to Jenna tell him about how scared she was, and how uncertain she was about Earl, he had recalled that night. Sitting next to Francine and holding her hand as they waited for the test, wondering what they would do if it came up positive. It was the first time Jim had truly felt certain that he would marry her.  _

_ He had been ready to commit, ready to be there next to her for the entire journey. As much of a relief as it was, part of him had been disappointed when it was negative. _

_ As he remembered that night, he wondered what Jenna was in for. Would Earl be so ready to step in? Would be ready to become a father and make sure Jenna didn’t have to go this alone? The idea that he could leave her in a lurch made Jim sick, and he sure as hell couldn’t imagine doing that to Francine. _

_ So, after he and Jenna had gone to find some breakfast and she went back to her dorm to study and process alone, Jim had gotten into his car with one purpose in mind.  _

_ He hadn’t been planning on proposing until after graduation some time. However, it had taken him no more than twenty minutes at Kay Jewelers before he was looking at his chosen ring and calling Francine’s parents to probe for her size and ask for their blessing. _

_ It was getting dark as he pulled into the parking lot of his residence hall. When he finally checked his phone for the first time all day, he found seven missed calls from Francine. Guilt crept in, and he couldn’t avoid her any longer. _

_ He dialed and waited, and when she answered, it was with a million questions. _

_ “Oh, my god, Jim, are you okay? What’s going on? Where have you been? Did something happen?” _

_ “I’m fine,” he promised. “I’m really sorry I haven’t called, honey. Jenna needed my help last night, so I got behind and had a lot to do today.” _

_ “Oh,” was her quiet response. There was a pause as she seemed to ponder what he’d told her, then she said, “That’s okay, sweetie, I was just worried.” _

_ “I can’t blame you,” he said. “I miss you. How’s the girls weekend?” _

_ “It’s okay,” she sighed “I wish you were here, but it’s been nice to get away from school and just do some shopping and eat  _ real _ food. I swear, Fieldsville has nothing.” _

_ “Well, that’s true,” he agreed. “Hey, maybe we can go away over break, you know? Just you and me?” _

_ “Yeah, about that…” _

_ Jim’s stomach sank, and he prepared for disappointment as he asked. “What’s going on?” _

_ “My parents want me home for Christmas,” she told him. “They said you’re more than welcome as always, but I know you really want that time with your family.” _

_ “They can’t let you spend a Christmas with my parents for once?” he asked, his voice growing a little louder as his frustration grew. Especially as he thought back to spending the last two Christmases in Connecticut. Yes, he got Thanksgiving, but he missed having break at home. _

_ “Jim, this is all they get with me until spring break and summer,” she reminded him. “I can’t go home on the weekends like you can.” _

_ Ah. Fair point.  _

Great way to be an asshole, _ he told himself. _

_ “You’re right, you’re right,” he conceded. “But I already promised my parents that I would spend my last Christmas before graduation with them. So, what do we do?” _

_ There was silence on the other end as she considered her answer, and Jim waited. Finally she suggested, “Would it be so horrible if we spent one Christmas apart? Next year will be completely different, and I bet I could convince mom and dad to relinquish New Year’s.” _

_ Jim reached into his pocket for the ring box and began to fiddle with it. “It’s not ideal.” _

_ “No,” she agreed, “but it’s something. That way we still get part of break together, and neither of us has to let our families down.” _

_ “But what about the future, Francine?” he pressed. “Because if we’re in this for the long haul, we’re going to keep running into situations like this.” _

_ “Then we reevaluate and plan better,” she said simply. “We knew going into this that it wasn’t going to be easy having families in two different states.” _

_ Jim sighed. She was right again, but he loved her for it. _

_ “That’s true,” he agreed. “I guess we’ll figure it out.” _

_ “It’ll take some time,” she said, “but we will.” _

_ “One step at a time, then?” _

_ He could picture her soft, angelic smile then as she said, “One step at a time.” _

_ In the background, Jim could hear a sudden commotion and the sound of female giggles. He listened for a second as Francine responded to them, her voice muffled as she turned away from the phone.  _

_ “Well, I hate to let you go,” she finally said, “but the girls are ready to go to dinner and get drinks after. Call you when I get back to the hotel?” _

_ “Sounds like a plan,” Jim told her. “Have fun. I love you.” _

_ “Love you, too,” she said. Then after a little more laughter and whispers, came an enthusiastic, “Bye!” _

_ As he hung up, Jim released a shaky breath and clutched onto the black velvet box in his pocket.  _

_ So, maybe they wouldn’t have the getaway weekend he’d hoped for. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to let a few discrepancies in their plans change the fact that he was asking her to spend the rest of her life with him. _

 

* * *

 

Jim couldn’t say that he was  _ thrilled  _ to hear his ex-wife’s voice on the phone. But he wasn’t necessarily disappointed either.

He and Francine had tried to keep things cordial, and they’d mostly remained successful. She never called without reason, and their conversations rarely went beyond business. So, Jim wasn’t surprised when Francine greeted him with, “So, I was going through the office and found some papers, and I need to know if I can throw them away or if you need them.”

Jim scratched his head. “Okay. Any idea what they’re for?”

“I’m not sure,” she said. “They look like old college essays, but I know you were keeping some samples for your students.”

“Were they in a green folder?”

“Yes.”

Jim shook his head, even though she couldn’t see him. “You can trash them. I forgot them for a reason.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” he told her. “There’s no reason to keep those.”

“If you’re sure, then,” she said. Jim could hear some shuffling and rustling in the background. “I’ll put these in the pile to be shredded. You should see the progress I’ve made with these filing cabinets.”

Jim sat back more comfortably on the couch and began to fiddle with the pen in his hand. “You’ll have to send me a picture, because I can’t remember a time when they weren’t a mess.”

“That’s because you kept everything,” she reminded him. “I found all kinds of old bills and invoices. Did you know I found a box of all our old notes and letters from when we were dating?”

Jim laughed a  _ huh _ , then asked, “Seriously? Where was that?”

“The top of the closet in here,” she told him. Then she assured him, “Don’t worry, they’re still in tact. I found another box, too. Looks like stuff you kept from high school, like old notes and cards and stuff. I didn’t want to go through it, but...”

He stopped playing with his pen then, set it down on top of his grade book, and got up and began pacing the floor. “But what?” he asked nervously.

“I had no idea you took Jenna Barker to prom,” she said, her tone matter-of-fact. She quickly amended with. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I just dropped the shoebox and this piece of paper fell out.”

Jim ran his free hand through his hair, trying to think of what the hell she was talking about. “No, I never took her to prom,” he said. “What did you find?”

“Just this thing where you wrote out a whole plan,” she told him. “It’s actually kind of adorable, baking pie for her.”

Jim opened his mouth to respond, thought better and closed it, opened it again then closed it again. When the hell had he done that? He cleared his throat. “I must have planned to,” he supposed, “but I never got to ask. She started dating some Trevor kid, and they went together. I ended up taking Samantha Cross to senior prom, remember?”

“Hmmmm,” she considered, then said, “yeah I think I remember the pictures. Maybe it was junior prom?”

“No, Francine,” he insisted. “That year was Chelsea Fields. Besides, you and I were together for the better part of twelve years, and Jenna was around for a few of those. If she and I had anything like that, you would have known.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” she said dismissed. She paused before adding, “Although, it still boggles my mind that you two never dated.”

Jim continued to pace, walking all the way to the kitchen and rummaging in the fridge for the water pitcher. “Why does that boggle your mind?”

He searched for a glass and poured water into it, wasting little time in gulping half of it down, as Francine explained, “You just both seemed particularly close. Before I knew better, I actually thought you two were together when I first met you.”

Realization dawned on Jim, and he set his glass down just a little too hard onto the counter. “Is  _ that _ why you didn’t make the first move??”

“Kind of, yeah,” she told him. “I wasn’t about to go after someone who was taken, and you seemed really attached.”

Jim scoffed. “We weren’t  _ attached _ .”

“Jim, you rarely left each others’ sides,” she pointed out. He wanted to argue, but he couldn’t. He and Jenna had been close, especially when they first went off to school. Francine continued, “I honestly worried about  _ us _ sometimes because of her. The only reason I never got jealous or thought anything would happen was because I knew you were too committed to me.”

Jim drank the rest of his water as he listened to her. Why had she never said anything about this before? Even in passing, she’d never given any indicator that she was concerned about his relationship with Jenna.

“So, wait a minute,” he attempted to reason this out in his mind, “you thought there was more between us, and you didn’t call me out on it?” 

“I know we’re divorced,” she bit, “but have I ever been a bitch? You clearly cared about her, and I wasn’t going to get in the way of your friendship. Especially when things got rough between you two. I didn’t want to make it worse.”

Jim was left speechless at that. How had his ex-wife, who had never really gotten close to Jenna, seen this when he hadn’t? How had she seen anything when he hadn’t so much as entertained the thought of having feelings for Jenna? 

What the hell  _ were _ his feelings for Jenna, anyway?

He’d had almost twenty years to think about what she meant to him. It was a wonder he still didn’t have an explanation. 

_ It’s a wonder I let her slip away so easily, _ he thought to himself.

A part of Jim wished he hadn’t given up on her the way he had. Another part was grateful that he’d had those years with Francine--to fully understand what it was like to be with someone with completely different goals and desires. Losing Jenna had been one of the worst heartbreaks he’d ever experienced, but it also drove him closer to Francine.

Francine with her rich New England family. Francine who insisted they move to Connecticut. Francine who put medical school and her career first. Always. Francine who had talked about wanting children, only to back out the minute they started seriously talking about it.

Jim didn’t fault her for being a driven woman and taking advantage of the privilege she had. He didn’t fault her for wanting to stay close to home or to use her years of hard work and credentials to make a difference in the world. He didn’t even fault her for choosing not to bring children into the world when she knew her job demanded more of her time and energy than she could give.

But he’d learned from her. The last two years had been an eye opener in realizing how miserable he had been, sacrificing--not simply compromising--all of the things he truly wanted for years to make Francine happy.

He had vowed to never settle again, regardless of how beautiful, charming, and intelligent a woman was. 

_ You wouldn’t be settling with Jenna, _ a small voice in the back of his mind whispered to him.

He shook the thought quickly, though, refocusing on the conversation at hand. “You know, you’re really something,” he said sincerely to Francine. “And honestly your observations probably weren’t that off-base at the time. Jenna meant a lot to me.”

“Yeah,” Francine agreed. “It’s a shame you haven’t spoken in so long, though, huh?”

Jim bit his tongue at that. He wanted to say something, to tell her. But right now, while he had no idea where the rest of this weekend was going to go or what all of it even meant, he wasn’t about to throw his domestic little almost-slumber-party with in the mix.

“It is,” he concurred. “It really is.”

 

* * *

 

_ Jenna woke up on January 1 with one notable piece of news on Facebook: _

Jim Pomatter is engaged to Francine Ellingham.

_ The two had successfully disappeared from his parents’ party around 11:00 and hadn’t shown their faces for the rest of the night. Jenna hadn’t even bothered to wait him out, and instead asked Earl to take her home. _

_ Much to Earl’s chagrin, they’d crawled under the covers without so much as another kiss since the one they’d shared at midnight. Partially because Jenna just...didn’t feel like it. But she was also not about to get her jollies off with him when there was only a small bathroom separating the walls between her bedroom and her Aunt Lisa’s.  _

_ Also sex with Earl suddenly felt dirty. It felt risky. She was already pregnant, but the fear in the back of her mind that hadn’t registered that yet still remained—only worse now. _

_ “Well, that’s some crazy shit,” Jenna heard behind her. _

_ Earl had woken up, one side of his boxers wedged higher up his thigh than the other, and was glancing over her shoulder at her laptop. One hand was leaning him against the back of her hair, and the other was scratching his balls. With an inward cringe and a small shudder, Jenna turned back around to look at the computer, sharing at the new status. _

_ She pulled her robe in closer to her and said, almost robotically, “Yeah, crazy shit, I guess.” _

_ “They’re, like, pretty serious though, right?” Earl clarified. Jenna nodded. _

_ “Been since freshman year.” She released a heavy sigh, her hand instinctively moving to rest on her still flat belly. _

_ Then, as if on cue, she could hear Jim’s words from the other night in her head.  _ He’s going to find out sooner or later.

_ She should tell him. She needed to tell him. She was going to tell him. Right now. _

_ But no. No. She was going to throw up first. Throwing up sounded much better. _

_ Her stomach began to churn, then came the lurch. _

_ “Shit!” she squeaked, covering her mouth with one hand while the other cradled her abdomen. _

_ She launched herself out of the rolling chair, to the hallway, and to the toilet. She emptied her stomach’s contents once, took some deep breaths to steady herself, and then, when she was sure there wouldn’t be a repeat soon, she picked herself up off the floor. _

_ Earl walked in to find her vigorously brushing her teeth and swishing all the mouthwash she could handle. _

_ “Babe, you okay?” he asked dumbly because, no. No, she was not. _

_ “I’m fine,” she snapped. “I...ate too much last night.” _

_ The excuse sounded perfectly valid. He shouldn’t question that. Except… _

_ “You didn’t even drink,” he recalled, “and I watched you eat maybe one of those mini sandwiches and a few pieces of shrimp. You’ve been acting strange for a couple of weeks now.” _

_ They stared each other down then, Jenna’s cheeks growing red. This was it, and she knew it. Confirmation came when the question finally came out of Earl’s mouth: _

_ “Jenna, what the fuck is going on?” _

_ Dammit. _

_ With a shaky breath, she brushed past him, poking her head out into the hall to make sure Aunt Lisa wasn’t stirring yet. _

_ She turned back to Earl and grunted, “Come on.”  _

_ Then she led him back to her room, pointed to the bed, and told him, “You’re going to want to sit down.” _

 

* * *

 

After dropping the subject of Jim and shifting back to work gossip for a while, Jenna and Becky had left the coffee shop and made their way over to campus. There was no particular reason to be there until the game at 1:00, but Becky felt compelled to see if she knew anyone. “Just in case I run into any old friends,” she’d said.

(Jenna knew that was code for “I want to be nosy as fuck.”)

She indulged her friend, and they’d settled on checking out the visual arts department showcase. They’d also stopped stopped at the campus bookstore before heading over to the dining hall to grab a slice of the pizza that was being served as a pre-game treat.

Throughout the day, Jenna had also been receiving pics from Dawn of Lulu and the twins on hay bails, eating caramel apples, and carrying pumpkins that were half their size. 

By 12:30, she and Becky were walking back to Her car, debating on whether or not to go to the game. Football wasn’t their choice of sport, but it was homecoming, and they hadn’t come all this way for nothing.

“They’ll lose,” Becky predicted, “but it might at least be entertaining to watch them fumble. We’ve never had a good team here.”

Jenna scoffed. “Not like this school has ever been important enough to have one.”

Becky shook her head. It really wasn’t. It didn’t match the public state colleges, their games weren’t even aired except on local radio, and people didn’t plan their schedules around games like they did for everywhere else.

“It’s all pomp and circumstance here,” Becky commented. “They’re relevant for money, and that’s it.”

As they walked and continued to trash talk the very ground they stood on, a thought occurred to Jenna.

“Becky, why are we even here?” she asked. “Why, of all places, did we choose to waste time here this weekend?”

Becky shrugged. “Nostalgia? Boredom? An ever-growing need to prove that we’ve done better than people who used to piss us off?”

Jenna had to admit her friend had a point. Though, despite how little she cared for what she was supposed to be indulging in, she also had to concede that reconciling with Jim and having Becky around outside of work for the first time in ages was nice.

_ Spending the entire previous day and waking up to see Jim was nice. _

“Yeah, probably,” Jenna said. Then, getting back to the issue at hand, asked, “So, are we going to the game?”

“We’ve got nothing better to do until later,” Becky shrugged. “Why the hell not?”

They reached Jenna’s car and stopped outside of it. Jenna’s phone pinged with a text message and she checked it. 

Jim.

_ Have you and Becky made plans today? _

Jenna texted back.  _ We’re thinking of going to the game. Why? _

Her phone plinked again, and Jim had written,  _ I could use a break from grading. Would it be awful if I tagged along? _

Jenna bit her lip and tapped her fingers on the back of her phone. She glanced over at Becky, who was in the middle of checking her phone herself. Should she?

Before she could say anything, Becky asked, “Dawn with more Lulu pics?”

Jenna shook her head. “No.” Then she pocketed the phone and decided she might as well come out and say it, “It’s Jim, actually.”

Becky arched an eyebrow. “You’ve exchanged numbers?”

Jenna unlocked the car, and they both got in, buckling themselves up. She turned the ignition on then, and let the car start up.

“I told you,” she finally addressed the question, “We’re trying to patch things up. Actually, he was just asking if he could meet us at the game.”

“That’s awfully presumptuous,” Becky grumbled as Jenna pulled out of the parking lot. Then, with a sigh, said, “But I supposed it wouldn’t be a problem. I haven’t seen bastard in years. Not since he up and hauled ass to Connecticut.”

“Then here.” Jenna use a free hand to reached into her pocket for her phone and tossed the device at her friend. “Text him back and tell him to meet us in the parking lot at the field.”

 

* * *

 

_ Jim woke up lying on his back, Francine draped over his arm. He glanced down at the ring sitting on her finger, the fact that she’d said yes to him still processing in his mind.  _

_ He’d gone all out, filling the guest house with candles and snatching a bottle of champagne for just the two of them. Francine had gotten handsy early, and they’d ended up in bed before Jim could even ask, so he’d missed his midnight deadline. However, the priceless look on her face as she got up to use the bathroom and noticed the ring box on the floor next to his slacks was worth the hitch in the plan. _

So, much for the big speech,  _ he’d thought to himself as he had quickly ran through his head exactly how he was going to redeem this proposal. It ended up being quick, simple, and sweet, and she’d enthusiastically accepted. They’d fallen asleep in a blissful state, not giving a rat’s ass that they’d completely missed the countdown and the big celebration in the house next door. _

_ Now the blinds were closed in the bedroom loft, and the scent of stale alcohol sill hung in the air. Francine’s blond hair was mussed, and her breathing steady. The word that came to Jim’s mind as he tried to sort through how he was feeling was “accomplished.” _

_ Yes, accomplished. _

_ Pride swelled in him for a moment as he looked down at Francine, who appeared to be resting well and sated. She looked peaceful in her sleep, more so than usual. _

_ Jim’s stomach rumbled then, and he quietly extracted himself from her arms, looking for his boxers and undershirt before climbing down from the loft. First place he went was to the coffee table. He grabbed the half-empty champagne bottle to dump since they hadn’t bothered to put the rest away, then threw that away before bringing the glass flutes to the sink in the kitchenette. _

_ Once the mess was cleaned up, he found his phone on one of side tables and checked it. _

_ He scrolled through texts and Facebook to find all kinds of congratulatory messages and notifications. He read through some while he rummaged around, looking for the ingredients for homemade waffles that he’d stocked the kitchen with the previous day. They were all pretty standard, but the response was overwhelming. He’d never seen his social media this active. _

_ He set the phone down on the counter while he busied himself mixing up the waffle batter. He had found the waffle iron and was pouring batter into in when his phone pinged. _

_ A text message from Jenna with only three words: _

Can you call?

_ Jim felt a twinge in the pit of his stomach. He hadn’t seen a congratulatory message from her yet, and something in him told him that something wasn’t right here. She’d at least had the courtesy to let him get in touch on his own time, especially given that he and Francine would probably be inseparable and bombarded by family and friends for the next couple of days. _

_ He could ignore her if he wanted. Wait for her to be more specific. But he wasn’t going to be a dick. _

_ He dialed her number and waited. He listened to it ring, wondering if maybe she wasn’t going to answer. But then she greeted him with, “Jim?” _

_ “Hey,” he said with uncertainty. “Is everything okay?” _

_ “Yeah,” she told him, though the monotone in her voice told him otherwise. But he didn’t press. “I saw the big news,” she said, more enthusiastically. “I’m really happy for you guys.” _

_ Jim smiled. “Thanks, Jenna.” There was a pause, a dead silence, that fell between them. Sensing that something was off, he asked, “Are you sure everything’s okay?” _

_ “Yes, of course,” came her reply, though she didn’t sound so sure. “I just…” _

_ She trailed off, and Jim could hear the pained indecision in her voice. “You just what?” he prompted gently. _

_ “I...god, I really didn’t want to make this about me today,” she said on a frustrated huff. “I’m sure you’re celebrating, and I shouldn’t have even bothered. Just forget I said anything. I can go.” _

_ “Jenna,” he said more firmly, “what’s wrong? Talk to me.” _

_ There was another pause before Jenna announced, “I told Earl about the baby.” _

_ Her voice cracked when she said it, and Jim could hear the defeat in it. He didn’t think she was crying, but he could imagine she was on the verge of tears, at the very least. _

_ “What did he say?” he probed cautiously. _

_ “He...didn’t really say anything,” Jenna told him softly, her voice shaking a bit. “He went for a walk, said he needed some air and room the think. He’s been gone almost an hour.” _

_ “Was he angry? Did he seem upset?” _

_ Jenna hummed an  _ uh-uh _ , and told him, “He just seemed surprised. Overwhelmed, maybe? Maybe a little upset. I really don’t know.” _

_ “Do you need me to do anything?” Jim asked, deign to leave Francine or the bubbled they’d been in all night. _

_ “No,” she said definitively. “Honestly, I just needed to hear your voice. It helps more with the worrying than anything else.” _

_ That heartened Jim. Possibly more than anything else she’d ever said to him--and she’d said a lot of things to him over the course of their friendship that made his heart swell. _

_ “I’m always here for you, you know,” he told her, and she responded with an  _ I do know _. _

_ “But anyway,” she told him, “I should let you go. Today is for you and Francine, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.” _

_ “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “And, Jenna? It’s going to be okay. You can do this.” _

_ She sighed, almost relieved. “Thanks, Jim.” _

_ With a promise to keep in touch the next few days, they said their goodbyes and hung up.  _

_ Jim’s heart hurt for Jenna. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach increased as he thought about the road that was ahead of her. She deserved so much better. Still, she seemed on board for the ride, taking everything as it came at her. She was strong as hell, if not for herself, then for everyone around her. _

_ He only wished she wasn’t forced to be. _

 

* * *

 

Jenna and Becky had gone straight to the football field and parked, waiting for Jim to arrive.

There was an inexplicable fluttering in Jenna’s belly. One she felt was distinctly familiar but couldn’t quite put her finger on. She swallowed a sudden lump in her throat as she watched for Jim’s car. Where was he? And why was her pulse racing? 

She ultimately chalked it up to not knowing how Jim and Becky would react to one another. Though, when she looked over at Becky, she found nonchalance and...boredom? The darker skinned woman was playing Word Cookies on her phone, only occasionally glancing out the window.

Jenna had no real reason to feel nervous. But it wasn’t necessarily an anxious nervous.

Jim had been on her mind all morning, since she’d left the house. Since she’d left that innocent but, for the most part, unwarranted kiss on his cheek. It really hadn’t been her place, but it had felt natural. Something they’d done plenty of times on special occasions. Like old times, but more intimate somehow. 

She’d made breakfast for him and he was fetching her purse, for god’s sake. They couldn’t have gotten more domestic if they’d tried, and she was torn between wanting more of it and wondering when her life had turned into this picture. Packing school lunches and baking muffins for her daughter; cozying up with a man, even just for a weekend, and acting like they were frickin’ Lucy and Ricky. 

She’d sworn to Becky for years that her entirely biology had changed with pregnancy and only further mutated with age. (Logically, she knew this was just part of growing up, gaining new responsibilities, and real hormonal changes that came with having a child, but she could pretend it was somehow a genetic anomaly for her.)

Truth be told, it wasn’t that big a deal. No lines had been crossed, no boundaries tested. She did what she always did for everyone she cared about out of habit, and he seemed to appreciate it.  But somehow, Jim had made it feel different.

Jenna, lost in her thoughts, was only snapped back to reality when Becky tapped on her shoulder, pointed at a cherry red car pulling up, and asked, “Think that’s him?”

Before Jenna could answer, Jim was parked and already getting out of the vehicle. He’d opted for casual today, wearing jeans and a blue Harper East t-shirt that made his eyes pop, and he’d freshened up his already clean shave. His smile dazzled when he made eye contact with her, and that had set Jenna’s pulse racing again.

She chewed on her lip nervously, wondering when the hell this man had started making her feel this way. Especially in the span of mere hours.

Perhaps it was the freedom she had now. The freedom she had to see him in a different light and not worry that she was stepping on someone else’s toes. The freedom she had to admit to herself that, yes, Jim was a kind, genuine, attractive man and any woman who had him was very lucky.

After all, a slight crush didn’t necessarily mean anything, right? It didn’t have to go anywhere, right?

_ Right, _ she told herself. Almost convinced this feeling would pass and she would leave that weekend with nothing more than fond memories of reconnecting with an old friend.

_ An old friend, _ she reminded herself as she stepped out of the car.  _ He’s a friend. _

  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shew this took long enough! Life got busy and I fought with this chapter. But here we are finally. As always, thanks to Alicia (muellercorn on Tumblr) for reading everything and giving me her honest opinion and support. And thank you to everyone for the continued response to this story. You really have no idea how much it means.

****Jim’s heart picked up as soon as he saw Jenna’s car. As he pulled up and parked next to her, he could see her and Becky in deep conversation. While he realistically knew that Becky probably didn’t carry hard feelings toward him anymore, the idea of facing her after so long left an anxiety brewing in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed.

If he was being honest, this was about Jenna. This was about rebuilding the relationship he had with her. Patching things up with Becky was part of the package deal.

Jenna’s soft, glowing smile greeted him as she stepped out of her car. Jim took a deep breath, taking a quick check of himself in his side mirror and running a hand through his hair, before leaving his own vehicle.

“I see someone still has some school spirit,” Becky’s familiar boisterous voice called from the other side of Jenna’s car. “Isn’t that the same shirt you wore once a week every week for four years? Haven’t you got rid of that old thing yet?” she teased.

 _Yes,_ he admitted in his head, looking down at faded blue and cracked print on his shirt.

“You haven’t changed a bit, I see,” he said goodnaturedly, knowing full well she was yanking his chain. There was an awkward pause wherein Jim stuck his hands in his pockets and shuffled around a bit. Becky seemed to scrutinize him for a moment, and he wondered if he would be getting the cold shoulder the entire afternoon.

To his surprise, though, she smiled and reached out to him for a hug. “Oh, come here.”

He graciously accepted the hug, patting her gently on the back as they embraced. Then as they pulled apart, he told her, “And here I thought I’d been forever disowned.”

Becky placed her hands on her hips and shrugged. “Eh...I don’t have the energy to waste holding useless grudges.”

“Good to know.”

Jim finally looked back at Jenna, who was just staring, slightly slack-jawed. Becky looked over at her too, and they waited for her to speak.

“Wow,” she muttered. “That was _way_ easier than I thought it would be.”

Becky furrowed her brow at her friend. “You really have that little faith in me?”

“No,” Jenna shook her head, “I just thought this would be more uncomfortable.”

Becky arched an eyebrow. “I already told you we were cool. Why would it be uncomfortable?”

Jenna looked away. “No reason.”

She made eye contact with Jim then. Her eyes became slightly wider, clearly trying to communicate something with him. But he couldn’t tell what it was. He wanted to probe but knew it wasn’t feasible without losing subtlety.

What was she getting at, though?

_Unless…_

Quickly, he cut in and said, “In any case, we’re all here, right?” Then he pointed to the gate of the football field, which was quickly gaining a stream of patrons, and told them, “We should get our tickets before the place fills up.”

The women agreed, and as they walked away, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly typed out a text to Jenna.

_Does she know we’re sharing the house this weekend?_

Becky had walked ahead of them, and they exchanged another look as Jenna texted back: _Not yet._

Okay. Fair enough. He typed out: _Are you going to tell her?_

Jenna looked up from her phone again and shrugged, lifting her hands before returning to her phone to send him: _How am I supposed to bring that up?_

Jim sighed. Also fair.

Not that anything was happening. And if it was--which it _definitely_ wasn’t--it was nobody’s business. Certainly not Becky’s. Though he knew, as well as Jenna did, that if Becky found out she would never let them live it down. He also knew that, if Becky decided to stay in town tonight, she would find out. Especially since the hotels were booked, and she may not have a fallback plan.

_Shit._

Once the group had their tickets--a discounted price for alumni--they made their way into the, admittedly, pathetically small stadium to find seats, following the crowd and navigating through the loud stream of strangers. Thankfully, Becky excused herself to find a restroom, leaving Jenna and Jim to talk.

They walked toward the bleachers, both shielding their eyes from the bright afternoon sun. Before they could get much closer, Jim stopped them both in their tracks.

“We have to tell her,” he said, firmly but gently. “She’ll find out anyway, and at worst we’ll get some ribbing.”

“Yes, but Jim,” Jenna sighed, “she’ll tell our friend Dawn about it, and even though Dawn is a sweetheart she’ll let it slip somehow, and then everyone at work will be probing me.”

“Then just explain it to them.” The idea was probably much easier said than done, but it was all he could come up with. “You and I are friends. You had nowhere else to go. We’re both single. There’s nothing inappropriate about it. What else can they possibly say?”

Jenna huffed, crossed her arms, and looked away in frustration. “They’ll want to know more about _us_.”

Jim shrugged. “Is that such a big deal?”

“Yes,” she stated flatly.

“And why?”

“Because I have a ten-year-old daughter, Jim,” she lowered her voice to a whisper. “I don’t want her hearing something and getting the wrong idea.”

Jim joined her in lowering his voice. “About us?” he asked. Jenna nodded, and he continued, “Why would she get the wrong idea, Jenna? We’re friends. Or we were for a long time.”

Jenna’s face dropped then, her eyes looking heavy and downcast and her lips curving downward. Her shoulders slumped, she admitted, “She doesn’t know about you. I never knew how to explain it to her.”

Jim’s stomach dropped. That was a punch to the gut.

But what else could he expect from the woman who never showed up to his wedding or sent so much as a congratulatory card?

He had no right, he knew, to be upset. What Jenna chose to share or not share with her child was her business. He had no part in any of this. He wasn’t Lulu’s father, never got to see her grow up or get to meet her. Even if she knew of him, he would be a stranger.

Still one question sat with him.

“Does she know about Earl?” he asked tentatively.

Jenna frowned more deeply at that, but nodded. “Only as much as she needs to know. But yes, she does.”

That was all Jim needed to know, and he would be lying if he said relief _wasn’t_ among the emotions he was currently feeling. Yet he could see that struggle on Jenna’s face, the shame of her admission as her eyes refused to meet his. This really wasn’t what he’d intended.

He searched his brain for something, anything to change the subject. Because, in reality, none of this was about him.

 _And maybe,_ he told himself, _if you’d spent less time with your head in your ass and admitted to yourself and Jenna that you had feelings, none of this would have happened._

But again, as much as he would love to go back and erase what happened, he would never wish to change her experiences or deny her the chance she got to know and love her daughter. He also wouldn’t trade the time he’d had with Francine; contrary to things ending, she’d loved him well and taught him a lot.

So, no, he could not and would not change anything. But he could certainly do better moving forward. For both of them.

“Tell you what,” he said calmly. “We don’t tell her. We let her figure it out. If she does, she does, and we trust that if we’re clear there is nothing going on here, she’ll let it go. If she doesn’t, no one has to find out.”

Jenna bit her lip, placing her hands on her hips and tapping her fingers contemplatively. After a moment, she nodded and said, “Fair.” Then she leaned in closer to Jim and, poking a sharp finger into his chest, warned, “But if Lulu gets wind of this and starts asking questions about a man I am _not dating_ , we’re having words.”

Jim swallowed then licked his suddenly dry lips and, holding up his hands, said, “I never said anything about dating, but that’s cool...I guess.”

“Okay,” she stated finally, backing off.

The two stared at each other for a moment, resolved but attempting to figure out where to go next. Jenna looked over at the stands and announced, “I think I see some empty seats closer to the top.”

Without further argument, Jim let her lead the way.

He would prefer one of the perfectly good seats closer to the field, but if Jenna wanted to sit at the top, then they would damn well sit at the top.

 

* * *

 

_The second Jenna had uttered the words “I’m pregnant” to Earl, she knew she couldn’t expect rainbows and excitement and celebration. When he’d walked out of her bedroom, saying that he need to get some air, she couldn’t blame him._

_But dread sat in the pit of her belly--somewhere right about where she was carrying their child--and she paced back and forth across the kitchen while she waited for him to come back. Her aunt had come in, asked if she wanted to go with her to Richmond for New Year’s Day sales, and was gone at Jenna’s decline._

_Jenna attempted to eat some toast and had cleaned up and dressed before Earl made it back._

_He found her in the living room with her laptop, Googling as much information as she could find about pregnancy and childcare. He came shuffling in, his hands in the pockets of his coat. She looked up at him nervously, waiting for him to speak first. After all, what could she possibly say to him when she had no idea how he was feeling?_

_“So you’re definitely sure about this?” he finally spoke. “You’re not fucking with me or anything?”_

_On a huff, she shut her computer and said, “For the last time, I’m absolutely certain. If you want to go to the doctor with me for proof, you’re more than welcome.”_

_He shook his head. “Nah, thanks. I’d sooner take your word for it.” As he removed his coat, he added, “I don’t suppose you’d make that up anyway.”_

_“Not exactly, no,” she stated coldly, scowling at him. “If you haven’t noticed, having a baby straight out of college wasn’t exactly my plan.”_

_Earl flopped down next to her on the couch then, taking up as much space as he could. She shifted away from him slightly, setting her laptop on the coffee table. Now it was just the two of them, facing one another directly._

_“You don’t suppose you would want to just...get rid of it?” he asked. Jenna shivered at the thought._

_“No way in hell,” she said firmly. “It’s dangerous, and I couldn’t live with myself.”_

_Earl looked away. “I can’t raise a damn baby, Jenna.”’_

_“Then you don’t have to,” she spat, crossing her arms sharply and sitting back further into the sofa. “I’m not forcing you to be a part of this.”_

_“Well, I’m going to have to, aren’t I?” Earl’s voice grew louder. “I mean, you just drop this bomb on me. What else am I supposed to think?”_

_Jenna sat up straight again, leaning closer to him, raising her own voice. “That we’re together, I’m pregnant with your child, and I had the decency to_ tell _you,” she argued. “Besides, you asked. It’s not my fault that you didn’t like the answer.”_

_“You’re goddamn right, I didn’t like the answer!” he stood up suddenly, walking away from her. Both hands were on his hips and he began to pace. “I mean, how the fuck do you expect me to be ready when you just spring it on me?”_

_“Well, I’m sorry that this is so inconvenient to you,” she seethed. “I can’t possibly imagine what you’re going through.”_

_Her blood was boiling then. She picked herself up quickly and stormed off to the kitchen. She braced herself over the back of a dining chair and took deep breaths, trying to calm herself and fight the tears that prickled and threatened to fall._

_Earl, who wasn’t far behind her asked. “What do you want me to do, Jenna?”_

_Jenna paused, considering the question. What_ did _she want him to do?_

_Suddenly, she felt the urge to flee. She had no real answer for him, and every minute she spent with him only caused her blood pressure to go up. The part of her that had hoped he would be willing to step up felt slapped in the face, and the other part that had expected this felt stupid for even entertaining the notion._

_Mind made up, she turned to him and whispered angrily, “I don’t care what you do, Earl. It’s whatever the hell you want.”_

_She quickly brushed past him then, reaching for her keys and wallet on the kitchen table, and walking out of the kitchen._

_Earl followed behind her and demanded, “Where the hell are you going?”_

_Jenna made a beeline for the front door but stopped to look at him. “I need to get out of here for a while,” she told him. “Decide what you want. If you’re not here when I get back, I’ll assume you went home and you’re done, and I won’t bother.”_

_Before he could say anything, and before she could change her mind, she was gone. She got into her car and drove a couple of miles before she was pulling over and dialing a number on her phone._

_“Jenna?” Becky’s concerned voice greeted her on the other end of the line. “What’s going on?”_

_Jenna took a deep breath and asked, “Are you busy?”_

 

* * *

 

The game was surprisingly lively, Harper East leading their challenger Kempton by 14. Whether it was the current class of players or a lucky streak, alumni and students were, for once, cheering with enthusiasm and waving blue and white.

Not that Jenna and Jim had particularly noticed.

At the beginning of the second quarter, Dawn started sending more pictures of Lulu and the twins carving their pumpkins. Instead of carving out a face, Lulu had carved out a giant L into one of hers. For another one, she had carved out a J, which Dawn had sent a picture of with the caption: _for her mama_. Also, with Dawn and Ogie’s help, she had carved out little hearts, stars, and spirals around the letters.

“Look!” she called excitedly to Jim, tugging on the hem of his shirt to get his attention and show off her daughter’s artistic talents.

As simple as the pictures were, Jim was enthralled. The pictures of Lulu carving pumpkins turned into Jenna showing him pictures of her and Lulu in the costumes from last Halloween. That turned into pictures of Lulu as a baby, Jim listening intently and chatting animatedly with her about each one.. At one particular photo of Jenna holding a nine-month-old Lulu in the air, noses touching, she couldn’t help but notice Jim’s heart-melting smile. His hazel eyes had lit up, and for a moment they met hers.

When was the last time a man had looked at her like that?

Warmth rose in Jenna’s chest, and suddenly she was highly aware of just how close they were sitting together and-- _god he smelled good_ \--that his hand was skimming her shoulder.

Jenna swallowed and took a deep breath, attempting to slow down her suddenly speeding heart rate. She quickly moved on, offering up a selection of pictures with various combinations of her, Becky, and Dawn with Lulu at Christmas, Lulu’s first day of school, baking in the kitchen, hayrides, and random summer days.

At one point, though, the crowd had erupted in cheers, followed by the buzzer signaling halftime, and both Jenna and Jim were pulled back to reality from their little bubble.  Jim looked up from Jenna’s phone and checked the scoreboard.

“Are we actually winning?” he asked in disbelief.

Becky, who had actually been watching the game the entire time, deadpanned, “Yeah, and you might have noticed if y’all could shut the hell up for five minutes.”

Jenna arched an eyebrow at her. “What are you talking about? We’re...watching,” she fumbled pathetically over the words and knew it was a waste to even try.

“Right,” Becky nodded, unconvinced. “Anyway, I’m going to get something to drink. And I have to make a phone call. Do you guys want anything?”

Jenna and Jim looked at each other and then, in unison, shook their heads.

“Suit yourselves,” she dismissed, standing up and beginning to walk away.

Jenna, however, did not miss the smirk on Becky’s face as she looked down at her phone and began typing out a message.

“And who exactly are you calling?” Jenna probed, her lips turning up in a knowing grin.

Becky turned around and, ever so coyly, told her, “That’s for me to know and you to find out when I’m ready.”

She hurried off then, an extra swing in her step, leaving Jenna and Jim to stare after her.

“I wonder what her deal is,” Jim said, his brow furrowing in confusion.

“To be fair,” Jenna conceded, “we have kind of been ignoring her. That and she’s up to something.”

“And what would that be?”

Jenna smirked, “More like _who_ would that be.”

Jim nodded. “Who, indeed.”

Jenna stood up, her muscles aching from sitting on the bleachers. “I find it ironic that she’s so secretive about her private life but seems to have spent the last twenty years learning most of mine,” she said, stretching out her arms and her back.

“She likes mystery, though,” Jim reminded her, following her lead. “And secrets were never your specialty.”

Jenna had to nod. He wasn’t wrong.

She looked up at the time on the scoreboard and found there was still 17 minutes left in halftime. Thinking of Becky feeling slightly abandoned--at least enough to leave her friends to make a phone call--gave her pause, and she found herself reaching out for Jim’s hand.

“Wanna take a walk and see if we can find her?” she asked.

Jim looked down with uncertainty, hesitating for a moment before finally deciding to take her hand. His was warm and surprisingly soft against Jenna’s and, just as it had the night before, she felt a pleasant surge run through her. The feeling, coupled with his sweet and _only slightly_ crooked smile, was new but not unwelcome.

“Lead the way,” he prompted.

So she did.

 

* * *

 

 _Jenna ended up spending a good two hours at Becky’s. They’d gotten comfortable in the basement TV room, turned on_ Gilmore Girls _reruns, and Becky had let her vent. About Jim. About Earl. About the baby. Everything._

_Jenna had, in turn, let her vent about the cute but elusive girl she’d met at the party the night before who had shamelessly flirted with her but had taken off before the evening could go anywhere._

_“I can’t tell if she was just playing hard to get or if she changed her mind  because I told her I’m bi,” Becket had grumbled. She groaned then, adding, “I thought becoming an adult meant this whole love thing got easier.”_

_Jenna had shaken her head and sighed, placing a hand on her belly. “Unfortunately it’s the opposite.”_

_The two had sat through nearly three episodes of Lorelai and Rory’s antics before Jenna decided she should try to go find Earl. A couple of hours was long enough to leave him at her aunt’s house to stew about their situation._

_Before she left, though, Becky had said, “Oh, wait, I almost forgot to give you this.”_

_She’d gotten up and walked over to the armchair in the corner of the basement and had reached between it and the table next to it, pulling out a gift bag. She’d handed the back to Jenna and said, “Here.” Jenna hesitantly took it, gingerly opening it. Becky had added, “I know it’s still a little early, and you’re still not sure what you’re going to do, but I found it and thought you could use it.”_

_Jenna reached into the bag, pulling back tissue paper, and found a book. She took it out and looked at the title:_ What a Mama You’re Going to Be.

_“Merry late Christmas, I suppose,” Becky continued when Jenna didn’t respond._

_“You didn’t have to do this,” Jenna shook her head, laying the book in her lap._

_Her friend shrugged. “I know I didn’t. I wanted to.”_

_“No,” Jenna bit back, a little more darkly. “I mean, you_ really _didn’t have to do this. I don’t need a condescending book to make me feel shitty right now.”_

_“How is it condescending?” Becky defended._

_Jenna opened the book and skimmed the first few pages until she found a passage. She promptly read, “‘...so that before you even bring your little miracle home, you’ll have every special memory tucked away forever!’ How is that_ not _condescending?”_

_Becky frowned. “It’s meant to be encouraging.”_

_Jenna slammed the book shut. “Yeah, well, it isn’t,” she stated bitterly. “I don’t see any damn miracles happening here.”_

_“Listen, Jenna, I know it’s not ideal,” Becky tried to coax her, “and I know you’re scared and you have every right to be. But maybe this will help ease your mind.” Jenna rolled her eyes, but Becky reached for her hands, grasping both and looking her in the eye. “If you’re ready to be a mom, then you’ll know. And if you read through this and decide you aren’t and that someone who really wants to be should get this opportunity, that’s okay too. But it’s happening, and you decided it’s happening. At least look for the positives. Because regardless of what Ass-Earl does, this is your time, and only you can decide how to get through it.”_

_Jenna hated to admit it, but Becky was right. She chose to follow through with this. She chose to have this baby, and she wasn’t changing her mind. Was she going to let herself be miserable for the next seven months? If that was the case, she might as well cough up the $300-plus for an abortion._

_Her mother wouldn’t want that for her._

_Come to think of it, her mother wouldn’t have wanted_ any _of this for her. But if she could, she would still be telling her the same thing Becky was. This was up to her, and she could try to find the good in the situation, or she could let it eat at her forever._

_Fuck Earl._

_This wasn’t about him. This was about her--and her son or daughter. She was a grown ass woman only a semester away from having her degree. She could put her big girl pants on, make it through the next seven months, and figure out where this child needed to be._

_“I’m sorry,” she told Becky earnestly. “I can’t promise I’ll love every minute of it, but...I do appreciate the book. And I appreciate you being so supportive.”_

_Becky had accepted her apology and, parting on good terms, they’d agreed to do lunch some time before heading back to school._

_Jenna, not in a hurry to get back home to Earl, had driven over to the park. With the weather being too cold for a walk, she’d opted to stay in the vehicle and peruse the new book a little more. She’d flipped through the pages, skimming past spaces for pregnancy photos and other mommy-to-be tidbits, and had found a page where she could write her first letter to her baby._

_With a heavy breath, she muttered, “Why the hell not?”_

_She reached for a pen in the compartment between the driver and passenger seat and began writing. The words came slow at first, but once she got started, the seemed to pour out of her._

Dear Baby,

I’m not sure what to say right now. When I set out to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, you were the last thing I expected to happen. To be honest, I’m not sure where you belong yet. I want to give you the best life possible. I want you to be able to look around and never question how loved you are.  But I’m not sure if I’m the best person to give you that love.

You see, I haven’t had many people in my life to show me what love means. And I don’t think it’s fair to you if I can’t show you what it means. This world isn’t the nicest place at times--or at least it’s not as nice as this book would want you to think--and the only way to get through it is with people you can love who will love you back. I’m lucky to have your Aunt Becky. I was lucky to have your grandmother for a long time. I’m even lucky to have--

_Jenna paused. Should she include Jim?_

_In several months, he would be a thousand miles away in Connecticut. With his wife. Probably visiting Stanton Grove once a year, if that much. He would be a stranger at that point. So, she’d opted for:_

I’m even lucky to have a few other friends.

I hope you get to know people as special as they are. I hope, whatever happens, you are surrounded by people like them, who unconditionally support you and make it clear that you aren’t alone. I hope you have people to listen to you when you need it and hold you when you can’t talk anymore. People who let you laugh with them when you’re so happy you can’t stand it, and who let you cry on their shoulder when you’re hurting so much you can’t hold it in.

Maybe that’s what love is. And maybe, as your mama, that’s who I need to be for you,

But I’m scared. More scared than I’ve ever been in my life. I don’t want to mess this up. I never want you to not have everything you need. And right now I don’t know if I can give you that. I’m going to try, though.

I won’t promise much yet, but I can promise that. Because although I’m not ready, life doesn’t necessarily wait for anyone.

I hope if there’s ever a day when you question where you came from or why I made the choices I made, you can understand. I hope you can make peace with my decisions. And I hope I can say I did everything I could to make your life a good one.

_She stopped there, shaking a little--either from hunger or nerves, she couldn’t tell which.  But it was enough for now._

_After reaching into her pocket for her phone and checking the time to find that it was almost 3:00, she knew she couldn’t hang around any longer. She needed to go back to her aunt’s and face Earl._

_Haphazardly stuffing the book into the glove compartment, she put the car in drive and, with knots in her stomach, set a course for home._

 

* * *

 

Jenna and Jim had found Becky near concessions. She had been on the phone but, as soon as she saw them, quickly hung up.  They hadn’t probed her about who she was talking to or what was happening between them, though, opting to let her share at her own pace.

The trio had gotten some drinks and made their way back to the stands, mostly staying focused for the rest of the game. (There had been a few more Lulu pictures, but Jenna had made sure to include both of her friends this time around.)

The game ended with a surprising victory for Harper East, which all three of them had to admit made the homecoming festivities more worth the hassle.

It was after 4:00 when they began to file out of the stadium and head back toward their cars. With the dinner scheduled to begin at 7:00, the question then became: what’s the plan from here? Which shouldn’t have been a difficult one to answer.

Then, Becky mentioned the one thing Jenna hadn’t even considered.

“Hey, my things are in my car and I don’t have a hotel,” she said, then looked at Jenna and asked, “Could I just come by where you’re staying and get ready?”

At the question, Jenna, who was undoubtedly blanched white, looked over at Jim. He looked just as pale, his eyes wide and searching for an answer or some way to bail them both out of the situation.

“Oh, I’m sure you could find something vacant,” Jenna tried to sound optimistic, neglecting to mention that all the hotels were booked.

“But why couldn’t I just share with you for an hour?” Becky pressed. “I’m not planning on staying in town tonight anyway.”

Jenna swallowed and halfheartedly tried, “Well...my room’s pretty cramped. It would be awfully hard for both of us to get ready there.”

Becky wasn’t buying it, though.

She narrowed her eyes at Jenna, keeping her hands on her own hips and impatiently tapping her fingers. “Jenna, where are you staying?” she asked point blank.

“At the…” Jenna searched, trying to come up with something, anything. “At the Hampton.”

Becky shook her head. “You’re lying.”  Then she scrutinized both her and Jim. Jenna tried her best not to look over at him. Maybe she would let up.

Except she didn’t.

Jenna could see the second Becky put two-and-two together, her eyes growing wide and her jaw dropping open. “Oh, my god,” she gasped. “You’re sharing a hotel room, aren’t you?”

Jim tried to cut in this time. “Becky, really, it’s not--”

“You’re here together,” she insisted, then smacked her hands together, almost laughing. “I knew it!”

Jenna shook her head avidly. “Becky, it’s not like that at all,” she pleaded. “If it was, you would have known a long time ago.”

“Oh, so, I’m supposed to believe that you just magically reunited and are a sharing a hotel room out of...what? Convenience?” the other woman asked, amused.

 _“Yes,”_ Jenna insisted.

But Jim interjected again. “Actually, we’re not sharing a room,” he corrected. “It’s a house. Two separate bedrooms. I’m borrowing it from a friend, and I only invited her because she had nowhere else.”

Becky scoffed, still staring both of them up and down. “Really?”

“Yes, _really_ ,” Jenna reiterated more firmly. “Whatever you _think_ might be happening, I can promise it’s not.”

Becky nodded, an unconvinced smirk still on her face. “Okay then,” she said, holding her hands. “Whatever y’all say.” She straightened up then, accepting the truth, and asked. “Can I at least have a place to get ready for this dinner? I don’t want to be the only person underdressed.”

Jenna looked at Jim again, silently letting him know it was okay with her if it was okay with him. The cat was out of the bag now, so she couldn’t very well leave her friend out in the cold. Besides, it would give her more time to make it clear to Becky that this wasn’t something she wanted Lulu to know about.

With her confirmation, he accepted. “I don’t think it should be a problem.”

He kept his eyes on Jenna, a nervousness still lingering between them. The fact that Becky knew, and her first reaction was to assume that anything was going on between them, still hadn’t quite sunk in.

What the hell were they even doing?

 

* * *

 

_When Jenna pulled up to the house, she was expecting to still be alone. But as she rounded the corner onto her aunt’s street and drove closer to the house, Earl’s truck was still sitting there at the curb. Not having moved an inch since she left._

_As she parked in the driveway, she took a deep breath and brace herself for what waited inside. Did this mean he was staying? Was he there to get the last word? He’d never treated her violently, never so much as thought of laying a hand on her. But she had caught her first glimpse of his anger--his true anger--today._

_She didn’t want to know what it was really like._

_When she entered in through the front door, she glanced around, seeing no sign of him._

_“Earl?” she called._

_Then, from the kitchen, she heard him call back, “In here.”_

_She found him seated at the table, one elbow in the table while he was slumped, chewing on the nail of his thumb. He looked lost, deep in thought. As soon as she walked in, he turned to look at her, resting both hands on the table before promptly standing and pushing his chair out of the way. The movement was steady, unforced, and he reached out his arms for her, inviting her in._

_Carefully, she stepped toward him, unsure what to make of him. He embraced her, gently, which became a firm hug._

_Then he buried his face into her neck and said, “Jenna, I’m sorry.”_

_She swallowed. His words, while pleasantly not what she was expecting, made her blood run cold. Feeling him around her made her blood run cold, and she couldn’t pinpoint why. Especially when he was flat out apologizing._

_“I was a dick earlier,” he continued. “I was in the heat of the moment, and I was scared.”_

_“Earl…” she breathed, but he had separated them, placing his hands on her shoulders._

_“Jenna, please listen,” he implored. Which she did, though she kept her eyes down. “I know I’m not ready for this. But this is my child, too, and...I want to be there. I can’t promise I’ll be great at it, but he needs a dad, right?”_

_“He?” she asked. Last time she checked, she wasn’t quite far enough along for the doctor to tell what the sex was._

_“Baby, please,” he said, as if she should be so dense. “You’ve had me. You_ know _you’ve got a little Earl, Jr. in there.”_

_Jenna tried not to flinch as he placed his hand on her flat but slowly rounding belly. She tried even harder not to throw up at his subtle reference to completely untrue scientific theories to brag about his manhood at what was probably the most inconvenient time imaginable._

_She rolled her eyes and said, “Yeah, maybe.”_

_“You know, this might actually be a good thing,” Earl said hopefully. A little too hopefully for Jenna’s taste. “I’m kind of excited now.”_

_She looked at him doubtfully. “You are?”_

_He rubbed his hands up and down her shoulders, an unusually affectionate gesture even for him, and Jenna had to wonder if he’d taken something while she was gone. But, per examination of his eyes, she decided that, no, he was just being Earl._

_“Hell yeah!” he said excitedly. “We’re gonna have ourselves a baby.”_

_He reached back around her then, suddenly lifting her in the air, hands firmly on her ass. She squeaked as he caught her by surprise and kind of fumbled above him. Before she could properly balance herself, he’d spun her. Then, as he set her back down, his crashed his lips into hers sloppily, barely letting her register the kiss or gain any kind of control before pulling away._

_“Earl, careful!” she chided as he finally let her go._

_But his only response was to let out the most Beavis and Butt-Head laugh and tell her, “You know, this also means your boobs are gonna be huge.”_

_And there it was. A potentially shining moment squandered. Jenna groaned. “For real? Right now?”_

_“I’m not wrong, am I?” he laughed. Jenna shook her head._

_No. He wasn’t. But his priorities could be in order._

_Still, having him on her side was better than nothing. She wasn’t going to question his change of heart or try to stop him. So, she did the only thing she could think of to gain back some control of the situation._

_“Here, come with me,” she instructed him, grabbing his hand and leading him toward the living room._

_He stumbled behind her. “Where?”_

_She looked back at him and, with a smile, announced, “You’re going to help me research birthing plans.”_


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here you have it: a new chapter offering for your consumption. 
> 
> I don't know how long this story will be, but we're starting to pick up and reach the point I've been building up to. Once this story arc reaches its natural end, I would like to make it a series and start a new fic picking up where this one leaves off. But we're not at the end yet, so we'll see.
> 
> But for now, enjoy the update!

**** “So, what  _ is _ going on between you and Jim?”

The question, posed by Becky, caught Jenna off guard as she drove her friend back to her car.

Jim had driven back to the house alone to meet them there, leaving the two women alone again. The ride back to the cafe had mostly been quiet. Jenna had even begun to wonder if Becky was a tad miffed about the game and her and Jim being less than forward about their little arrangement.

Except Becky’s tone in her questioning was less demanding and more probing. As if she were asking the question at one of the sleepovers they used to have in middle school.

Jenna could feel her cheeks grow heated. She had already been embarrassed enough to admit she and Jim had essentially attached themselves for the weekend. Especially after Becky had called her out earlier for carrying some sort of unspoken feelings--feelings Jenna wasn’t even certain of and didn’t quite understand. Being further poked and prodded at for information did nothing to clarify what she wanted with him.

If she really even wanted anything at all.

“Becky, I already told you,” she stated calmly, “there’s nothing going on. We’re friends. We missed each other. I don’t see how there’s anything more to say.”

“Bullshit,” her friend declared.

“What?”

“That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve heard in a long time,” Becky clarified. “And I’ve had to listen to Cal talk for the last three years.”

Jenna swallowed, feeling cornered now. “What are you even talking about?”

“Did you see the way that man was looking at you?” Becky asked.  _ Yes _ , Jenna wanted to tell her, but she remained silent as her friend continued. “I’m pretty sure you could tell him you wanted dirt from Mars, and he’d be calling fucking NASA to ask how he could make that possible.”

“He cares about me,” Jenna dismissed. “He’s a good friend. Friends look at each other that way all the time.”

Becky scoffed. “We’ve been best friends for years. Have you ever once seen me dopily grin at you and laugh at something you said even when you really weren’t that funny?”

“No,” Jenna admitted. 

“Did you know that you were both doing that to each other?”

“I--we weren’t--no--” Jenna stumbled over her words, fighting for a retort. When it died on her tongue, she sighed and asked, “Were we really?”

“Jenna, he sat around making football puns for ten minutes, and you thought it was hilarious.”

“Maybe it was!” Jenna defended. “I can appreciate the occasional pun.”

“Jenna...you joined in.”

As much as Jenna wanted to argue that, she knew she couldn’t. She and Jim had spent a full ten to fifteen minutes during the game just making stupid football puns together. They’d also spent a good amount of time showing each other the most ridiculous pictures they could find on their phones--he’d dressed up as Dr. Horrible from  _ Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog _ for Halloween some years ago, and Jenna found the costume adorable and amusing, even with Francine as his Penny (she’d personally never seen the online mini-musical but had been forced to listen to the soundtrack on more than one occasion after Dawn and Ogie had discovered it).

She had to admit she’d loved it--wanted more, even.

So, no, Becky wasn’t wrong. And if Jenna was honest, she hated the fact that she was right. The idea of Jim as anything more than her friend terrified her. And it wasn’t because she thought he wouldn’t be good for her.

What if, especially after ten years apart, they discovered they weren’t as compatible as they felt? What about the uncomfortable transition into learning each other beyond their friendship? What if Jim was just being Jim and didn’t really feel that way about her? That wasn’t to mention how much worse things could be if a more intimate relationship didn’t work out. Jenna could have casual sex with near strangers. She could get very intimate with anyone else and let them go when it was over. For heaven’s sake, she’d had a child with Earl and had no problem saying goodbye.

But Jim? He wasn’t someone she thought she could get over again--and they’d never even crossed those lines before. She was beginning to realize his friendship was too precious.

Would she be willing to risk that if there was even a chance they could last?

“I don’t know, Becky,” she said contemplatively. “Jim is...he’s important to me. Say, I  _ did _ have feelings for him, and  _ hypothetically _ he had feelings for me--”

“I’d say that’s more than hypothetical,” Becky interjected, “but go on.”

“Say we did,” Jenna continued, more emphatically. “What would that mean for all of us? For Lulu? He’s still got a life in Connecticut, too, so what would we do about that?”

“I guess if you wanted it, you’d figure it out,” Becky shrugged. “But that’s up to you. I’m just telling you I see what’s happening, and you’re better off at least acknowledging it before you both go through life wondering what you might have missed.”

_ What you might have missed. _

The phrase haunted Jenna, bringing back memories of watching Jim with Francine. 

Seeing their relationship grow and being the first to know he planned on proposing. Not getting to properly say goodbye to him at graduation because he’d been preoccupied with her and her family. Receiving their wedding invitation in the mail. Seeing the wedding pictures on Facebook shortly before she’d removed him as a friend. Going into labor two weeks early because she had been so upset that she’d decided to distract herself by putting every bit of feasible energy into the temp job she’d taken that summer.

Wishing he could have been by her side, as Becky had been, the day Lulu was born.

They’d both fucked up. Or she had by taking him for granted for so long and then letting petty jealousy get in the way. Now she had no reason to be jealous, had nothing standing between them. He could be hers if she wanted him to.

If he wanted to be.

The thought stuck in her mind as she pulled up to the cafe where she and Becky had met up. It stuck with her as she parked and let Becky out. Stuck with her as she’d pulled out and waited for Becky to follow. Stuck with her all the way to the house.

And it stuck with her as she pulled up next to Jim’s car, parked, and checked her phone to find a family photo from Dawn of her Ogie, and the kids.

 

* * *

 

_ Late March found Jenna spending more time at her favorite spot on campus. On warm afternoons after classes, she liked to take her books over to one of the gazebos on the practice soccer field and study or get classwork done. Being knee-deep in her last semester and being five months pregnant, it was one of the few ways she could quiet her brain and relax, apart from locking herself in her dorm room. _

_ She definitely wasn’t going to accomplish shit at Earl’s--not with his roommates, the on-and-off messiness, and his sudden need for constant attention. She was staying there most nights anyway; if it weren’t for the university’s policy of having to spend at least four nights a week in the residence hall in order to keep her housing and meal plan, she would probably be living there. _

_ She could live there. If she wanted to. _

_ But it seemed every time she stepped into that apartment, there was something going on. His roommates were loud, usually watching a game of some kind or drinking. Or they were fighting. Earl was no help, either. If Jenna was trying to sleep and she asked him to go talk to them because they were keeping her up, he would half-ass tell them to shut the hell up. That would last maybe half an hour before the noise started again. _

_ All in all, Jenna hated being there, and she could tell that even the baby was affected. She would go through periodic spurts throughout the day, feeling the baby move and stay consistently active. But as soon as she got to Earl’s? Nothing. For a week or so, she wondered if maybe it was just a nighttime thing. But a few nights spent in her dorm had proven otherwise. _

_ So, she took in every bit of peace and quiet she could. Which is how she found herself in her favorite gazebo, reading over business law notes, and waiting for Jim to meet with her. _

_ She sat back on the bench, book in one hand, the other hand resting on her rounded belly. The little one was restless today; not quite at the kicking stage but refusing to stay put for long. And as much as she’d fought it, feeling him or her move had Jenna looking forward to meeting this baby. It was all beginning to feel real, to fully set in.  _

_ In less than 20 weeks, she would be a mom. _

_ Her breath hitched at the thought, and she could swear she felt a prickle in her eyes. Thankfully, a familiar voice behind her distracted her before she could further dwell on the emotion of the situation. _

_ “Hey,” Jim greeted her warmly. He joined her in the gazebo, walking over to sit down next to her and asked, “You texted?” _

_ “I did,” she confirmed as she reached down for her backpack. She extracted a tupperware container and opened it, revealing four pristine peachy keen tarts. “Baby got a craving last night, so I commandeered the residence hall kitchen and thought I’d make some for you too. They’re still your favorite, right?” _

_ Based on the sparkle in his hazel-blue eyes and his beaming grin, Jenna didn’t need his answer of, “Oh, my god, you are my hero.” But it was a nice ego boost. _

_ Jim greedily took the container, pulling out a pastry and stuff a bite into his mouth. Jenna looked on with amusement and told him, “Keep them all for yourself, or you can share with Francine.” _

_ Jim shook his head as he swallowed and told her, “Francine hates peaches. Says they’re too slimy.” _

_ “Her loss,” Jenna shrugged. _

_ “I love her,” Jim said between more bites, “but I can agree with that. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.” _

_ He finished off the first pastry, and reached for the lid to the container to close it up. Then he set the  _ _ tupperware aside and turned to focus solely on her. _

_ “So, I never asked,” he said, wiping the crumbs from his hands, “how did your appointment go yesterday?” _

_ Jenna set her books aside and told him, “Good. The baby’s healthy, growing quickly. Everything’s on the up and up.” _

_ “Earl go with you?”  _

_ Jenna shook her head no and frowned. “No, he...didn’t really want to.” _

_ “Oh,” Jim said quietly, his brow furrowing slightly as he looked away from her. He took a moment, seemingly in thought then, gazing back at Jenna, asked, “So, you’re still keeping the gender a surprise?” _

_ Jenna nodded, sitting back and placing both hands on her belly. “For now,” she answered. “Although, the way this baby’s been moving, I’m guessing it’s a boy. Isn’t even big enough to start kicking yet, but I already know I’ve got a football player. He’s been fluttering around for the last half an hour.” _

_ Jim chuckled at that, and they both exchanged smiles. He reached out then, letting his hand hover over her belly, and asked tentatively, “May I?” _

_ Jenna nodded. She didn’t usually let people touch her growing bump, but she trusted him enough. He was the first person to have enough respect to ask before trying, anyway. She could give him a pass. _

_ Jim was gentle, resting a single hand on her belly and just softly rubbing it. Jenna watched a grin spread across his face and noticed the way the little creases of his eyes crinkled with his smile. _

_ “You know,” he said, “I actually think it’s a girl.” _

_ Jenna arched a brow at him. “You think so?” _

_ “Yep,” he confirmed, “and she’ll be just as smart, funny, beautiful, and talented as you.” _

_ Their eyes met at his statement. His gaze burned holes into her, causing Jenna’s pulse to race. The intimacy and affection of the moment became too much, and she had to look away.  _

_ As if sensing the sudden shift, Jim pulled his hand away and brought it to rest on his lap. For a moment, they sat in awkward silence, unsure of what to say next. Jenna, quickly growing uncomfortable, was the first to speak up. _

_ “Anyway,” she said on a breath, beginning to stumble over her words, “how--how’s wedding planning?” _

_ “Tell you the truth?” Jim looked out across the field around the gazebo, then back at Jenna. “I really don’t know, because Francine’s got the entire thing mapped out and decided.” _

_ “You don’t get any say at all?” _

_ “No, it’s not that,” Jim shook his head. “She’s just got all these ideas about what she wants, and then she brings them to me, and I get so overwhelmed I just...let her do her thing.” He sighed then pursed his lips. “Honestly, I don’t care. All I want is to be married to her. She can have her day.” _

_ Jenna adjusted herself on the bench, sitting up straight and leaning closer to him. “You know, it’s your day, too. You’re allowed to have an opinion.” _

_ “I know,” he assured her. “But the fact is as long as she’s happy, I’m happy. It’s not like it can possibly be a bad wedding with her parents paying for the whole thing, anyway.” _

_ Jenna studied him more closely. She wanted to believe that he meant exactly what he was saying. And while she didn’t believe he was lying, the way his body grew more tense and he began to fidget as he talked about it, she could tell he was stressed. _

_ Still, it wasn’t her place, so she didn’t press. _

_ “You’ve set a date?” she asked. _

_ “June 28th,” he announced proudly. “As soon as possible, but with enough time after graduation to get ready.” _

_ Jenna couldn’t explain the pang she felt in her chest at that. Knowing the date felt like a timer had been set:  _ three months. 

_ Three months until he married Francine. Three months until he was tied to Francine forever. Three months until they took off to cozy up in Connecticut and probably settle down somewhere with a picket fence where they could raise two perfect kids and a dog. _

_ Three months until he essentially disappeared from her life. _

_ However, as much as it pained her, it was his life and his happiness. She couldn’t change it, and she would be selfish to try. _

_ So, she put on her best smile and told him, “I can’t wait.” _

 

* * *

 

When Jenna and Becky arrived back at the house, Jim had gone to his room to change and get ready for the dinner. 

The two women holed up in Jenna’s room, taking advantage of the large vanity mirror above the dresser to finish getting ready. They’d both used the spare bathroom to change, and they’d helped each other fix their hair. 

As Jenna applied concealer, her phone rang from its place on the dresser. She answered it, immediately putting it on speaker after checking the caller ID. 

“Hi, Dawn,” she greeted. “Becky’s here, too, by the way.”

“Hey, girl!” Becky called from next to her.

“Oh, good!” Dawn exclaimed. “I was actually calling with news for both of you.”

Jenna reached for her eyeliner and began steadily applying it to her eyelids, adding a winged effect to the ends. “What’s going on?” 

“I just got a call from Old Joe,” Dawn announced grimly. “We’re all on for the Farling wedding next weekend.”

Becky groaned, adjusting the plum blazer she’d worn over a simple black cocktail dress. “Are you kidding me? They’re the worst. I swear when we catered that other wedding for them, I was cussed at and insulted at least ten times.”

“I don’t think the cussing is the worst,” Dawn pointed out. “They barely spoke to us, made the awfulest mess of our setup, and didn’t even leave a generosity tip.”

“Well, I got a tip,” Jenna said. She paused while Becky glared at her scandalously, then added wryly, “From the groom’s brother who tried to grope me at least twice.”

Both Dawn and Becky groaned. Jenna began to work on her mascara, and in her concentration, she let the two continue their moaning about the upcoming event. 

While she finished up and checked her hair, she barely noticed the conversation switch until she heard Dawn ask, “So, what are you two up to? How are things out there?”

“They’re great,” Jenna said. 

And it was the truth. Except when she glanced over at Becky, her friend was staring her down, burning holes into her. Jenna quickly shook her head, silently pleading with Becky not to bring up the Jim situation.

Thankfully, Becky was merciful, and added, “Yeah, we’ve got this stupid fancy alumni...dinner? Ball? Formal? I don’t know. It’s not like prom or anything, but we’re dressing up for it.”

Jenna rolled her eyes. They certainly were.

She couldn’t help but feel out of her element in the midnight blue number Becky had helped her pick out earlier that week. The skirt felt too short, the neckline too low, and the open back too revealing. She shifted uncomfortably in the dress, tugging the skirt down and the top up.

“Ohhh, sounds like fun!” Dawn gushed. “But I’d also take movie night with Ogie and the kids any time.”

“Speaking of the kids,” Jenna seized the opportunity to change the subject, “how’s my girl?”

“Still fantastic, Jenna,” Dawn assured her. “Ogie’s got them putting toppings on make-your-own pizzas. You wanna talk to her?”

“Yeah, put her on,” Jenna replied--meanwhile, Becky had left the room, announcing she would be back. “We’re probably gonna be out late tonight, so I wanna say good night while I can.”

Dawn cleared her throat. “Sure thing, hon.”

There was some rustling and commotion from the other end of the line while Dawn went to find Lulu. She could faintly hear Ogie in the background, then the kids laughing--probably at whatever he had said. Then Dawn’s voice cut in, and before long Lulu was on the other end of the line.

“Hey, mama!” she said gleefully, still half laughing.

“Hi, baby girl,” Jenna spoke. “I heard you all are having a lot of fun.”

“Yup,” the girl confirmed. “Did you see my pumpkins? Aunt Dawn sent pictures.”

“I did,” Jenna told her proudly. “They’re absolutely beautiful.”

“Really?” Lulu asked doubtfully. “They didn’t come out exactly how I wanted.”

“Really,” the older woman said. “They’ll look perfect in our window.”

Jenna busied herself then, checking her hair for anything that might be out of place and still adjusting her dress. She  _ detested _ dressing up.

“Thanks, mama,” her daughter said, speaking more confidently this time. Then she changed the subject. “So, guess what movie we’re watching tonight.”

“Please tell me they’re not letting you watch  _ Dr. Horrible _ ,” Jenna begged. It still wasn’t age-appropriate, and she really didn’t feel like listening to it and being made to watch it over and over again.

“Relax,” the girl coaxed, “it’s  _ Inside Out _ . The one about the feelings. Remember when we saw it?”

“Oh, that was the really good one that made me cry, wasn’t it?” Jenna recalled. Yes..she remembered bawling her eyes out in front of her daughter in a movie theater full of small children.

Becky, who had returned and walked in on conversation asked, “What made you cry?”

“Is that Aunt Becky??” Lulu asked excitedly.

“Hi, sweetheart!” Becky called from the other side of the room. As she stepped closer to where the phone was, she asked, “Now what made your mama cry?”

“The movie  _ Inside Out _ .”

Becky smirked at Jenna, and Jenna tried not to blush about reacting emotionally to a children’s film. She narrowed her eyes at Becky, who promptly let it go and told Lulu, “Well, it must have been good, then.”

“It is!” Lulu declared. “So what are you guys doing?”

“Getting ready for that dinner party I was telling you about,” Jenna told her. “Mama doesn’t like dresses.”

She could hear a hint of wonder in her daughter voice when the child told her, “I bet you look beautiful.”

“She looks gorgeous,” Becky cut in before Jenna could protest. “I promise to make her take pictures.”

Jenna arched an eyebrow at her, and Becky only smiled mischievously. “We  _ might  _ take a few pictures,” Jenna corrected for her daughter. “But I’m telling you, this is probably the least comfortable thing I’ve worn in a long time.”

“You still always look beautiful,” Lulu encouraged. The sweetness in her daughter’s voice melted her heart, and Jenna couldn’t bring herself to argue further.

“Just like you, baby girl,” she responded, more lighthearted, and the child giggled. Jenna checked the time on her phone then, realizing that it was 5:30. “Oh, shoot!” she jumped into gear then. “Sweetie, I hate to let you go, but we’ve gotta get going. I’m probably not gonna be able to call before bedtime. So if we don’t talk, I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay?”

“Okay,” the girl said. “I love you, too, mama. Good night!”

Jenna smiled. “Night, hon.”

The phone beeped to signal that Lulu had hung up, and Jenna hurried to put the finishing touches on her face, smoothing on some lipstick and touching up any uneven spots. Becky was slipping on black pumps while Jenna hurried to rummage around for the heels she’d packed. She pulled them out of one of her travel bags and stumbled around a bit while she placed them on her feet.

“You know, you do look fabulous, Jenna,” Becky pointed out. Then, brushing past her, leaned over to quietly mutter, “I’m sure Jim will enjoy it, too.” She wiggled her eyebrows for effect, and Jenna went red again.

“Oh, shush!” she scolded, lightly swatting her on the arm. Becky only laughed as she walked out of the bedroom, not waiting for Jenna.

This was going to be an interesting night.

 

* * *

_ “I really don’t see what the problem is, Jenna.” _

_ Jenna who was sprawled across Earl’s bed while he paced the floor, growled in frustration and snapped, “Because it’s not fit for a baby!” _

_ “There’s plenty of room!” Earl protested. “We have three bedrooms.” _

_ “Room isn’t he issue, Earl,” she spat. “The issue is your dumbass roommates who make noise at all hours. Getting a baby to sleep is hard enough where it’s quiet.” _

_ Earl shrugged. “Then we tell them to shut the fuck up.” _

_ “But they don’t shut up!” Jenna yelled, sitting up sharply. “They never shut up. And they drink. I’m not raising our child here, Earl. I won’t do it.” _

_ Earl turned on her. “Then what the what the hell do you want me to do?” _

_ “Let’s find our own place,” Jenna insisted. “It’s what I’ve been suggesting for weeks, but you won’t even consider it.” _

_ “Well, I like it here,” he pouted. “Maybe I don’t want to leave.” _

_ “Then I can’t do this,” she told him, standing up and marching toward the door. “I won’t live here. Not unless you get rid of them.” _

_ “Yeah, well, it’s not like you give a shit about me, anyway,” Earl mumbled darkly. _

_ Jenna stopped in her tracks. “What the hell do you mean?” _

_ “I mean,” Earl said, turning on the pathetic wounded puppy dog look, “it just seems like you care more about this baby than you do about me.” _

_ That made her blood boil. _

_ She rounded on him then, charging toward him. He yelped when she shoved him. _

_ “Of course I’m putting the baby first,” she seethed. “It’s a child. A child we’re both responsible for. And if you can’t be even a little selfless here, maybe we should reconsider this little arrangement.” _

_ Then, without even a glance back, she grabbed her keys and her purse and left before he could get another word in. _

 

* * *

 

 

Jim could not--would not--shake the light airiness he’d felt all afternoon. So far, this weekend had been the first time he’d properly laughed or felt comfortable in ages. Being with Jenna at the game, getting to joke and spend time with her and exchange little glimpses of their lives had left him in a state that could only be described as glowing.

The feeling followed him all the way back to the house and had him whistling while he prepped for the evening and waited for the two women to finish getting ready. 

Jim checked himself in the mirror hanging on the wall in the foyer while he waited. He checked his hair to make sure it was all in place. He’d freshened up and put on his best cologne. He had even opted for the blue tie he surprisingly rarely wore, knowing people reacted positively to it and Jenna would probably like it.

So, blue tie it was.

Becky was the first one downstairs, carrying her makeup bag and the clothes she’d changed out of. She set her belongings on a side table and announced to Jim that Jenna was right behind her, excusing herself to the kitchen for a glass of water before they left.

Anticipation setting in, Jim nervously kept glancing up the stairs. Thirty seconds felt like too long, though, and he walked back over to the mirror to fiddle with his perfectly straight, neat tie and pristinely ironed button-down.

Then, from the top of the stairs, he could hear Jenna’s familiar voice. “Ugh I shouldn’t have picked heels,” she grumbled to herself.

Jim turned around then, looking up to see Jenna descending the staircase. She carried her shoes in one hand and a clutch in the other.

The dress clung to her and framed her curves. The deeper v-neckline didn’t show a ton, but was definitely more than he’d been used to seeing Jenna show off. Cap sleeves sat on her shoulders just right, and the midnight blue was striking against her paler skin. She’d half-pinned her hair back, leaving in its natural waves--nothing more, nothing less.

Jim swallowed, trying his best not to stare or ogle.

_ Shit. _

“You look incredible, Jenna,” he rasped, releasing the breath he didn’t realized he’d been holding in.

She was standing in front of him then. She looked down sheepishly, a smile spreading across her face. “So I’ve been told,” she quipped.

“Because it’s true.” When she didn’t respond to that, he added, “Listen, if you don’t know how stunning you are on a daily basis, then let me be the first to tell you.”

Jenna shook her head, then finally looked up to make eye contact. “You always do that.”

“Do what?”

“Shower me with unnecessary compliments, trying to make me feel good about myself,” she told him.

“That was my goal, yes,” Jim said, making the bold decision to close the distance between them and holding out his hands for her to take. She accepted, her hands warm against his. “Is it working?” he asked, his voice dropping a little.

Jenna’s face softened, and Jim noticed the cute way she looked down and chewed on her lip. “I think so,” she answered.

“Good,” Jim smiled softly. “You deserve to feel good about yourself.”

“Jim…” Jenna whispered.

But before she could get a thought out, Becky came traipsing back into the room, her heels click-clacking against the hardwood. Jenna and Jim quickly separated, stepping in opposite directions. If Becky noticed, she said nothing.

“Well, are we all ready?” she asked, grabbing her clothes and makeup bag from the side table. Jenna and Jim confirmed, and Becky announced, “I’m leaving from the party, so I’ll drive separately.”

Jim turned to Jenna. “If you want to ride over with her, I’ll drive us back.”

Jenna cleared her throat and nodded. “Um...yeah. Sounds perfect.”

“Alright, then,” Becky said. “Let’s get this train rolling, shall we?”

The trio began to file out, Jim trailing behind both women. As he followed Jenna, he had to make himself look away to keep from staring at the open back of her dress. But he found himself distracted by glowing skin and had to admire how it put her on display--like artwork.

She was a picture. A breathtaking picture. And he’d be damned if he lasted the night without getting so much as a dance with her.

Biting his tongue was becoming increasingly difficult. He was going to say something to her tonight, lay all these complicated emotions out on the table, give or take whatever response she had for him. He didn’t care. She could outright reject him for all that mattered, and he would accept it gracefully. He just couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

If he hadn’t already, he was falling for Jenna Barker. 


	10. Chapter 9

_“Baby...I don’t know about this.”_

_Jenna, who had been staring out the window of the third story apartment, looked up at Earl’s commentary. Across the open plan space, he had this head in one half of a refrigerator, examining what was admittedly a small space._

_“What’s wrong with it?” she asked, taking a second look around the apartment._

_The room was sunny and well lit. Outside the building was a view of one of the more pleasant looking sections of town. Down a hallway were two decent rooms and a slightly cramped but cozy bathroom. Appliances weren’t exactly up-to-date, but they were clean and in good condition._

_The landlord had told them all about the other families living in the building. He had also pointed out the quaint little park down the street, the fact that the hospital was a five minute drive, and there was a police post around the corner. The entire place was the safest and most child-friendly they could ask for._

_Jenna knew when Earl had called her after their fight, begging her not to leave, that he would do anything, that searching for a new place would not be easy. But now that he was already pooh-poohing this apartment, especially with the rent being within their budget, she was beginning to wonder if this feat would be impossible._

_“Look at this fridge,” he demanded. “Where would I put my beer? Why do they make these with the damn freezer taking up half the space?”_

_Jenna rolled her eyes, but said appeasingly, “I’m sure you’ll find space.” She walked across the living area, currently free of furniture, and walked over to an empty wall. “And check this out. We could save up and get one of those real nice flat screens to watch the game. That’s a plus, isn’t it?”_

_Earl slammed the fridge door and slumped across the kitchen space. “I guess. Not that we could ever afford one.”_

_“Becky’s trying to get me a job in graduate admissions,” Jenna pointed out. “As soon as I start working, we’ll have a lot more. You’ve also got that manager position opening up and extra hours at the garage.”_

_She watched as he paced across the room, shuffling along with his hands in his pockets. “Not like any of that is gonna pay for a baby. Flat screen TV is a pipe dream.”_

_“I don’t know,” Jenna said, growing a little more sharp. “With the amount you spend on beer, we could probably put back enough for a few months and afford one.”_

_Earl groaned. “Are we really doing this now, Jenna?”_

_“Doing what?”_

_“Getting all smart mouth on me,” he told her, joining her in the living space. “You know, I don’t appreciate that, your mouth.” There was a pause, then, the smirk akin to a 12-year-old boy, as he cut into his own thought. “Well, I appreciate it when you’re using it like you were the other night.”_

_Jenna scrunched her nose at his commentary, trying to ignore the sudden sick feeling in her stomach. “Earl, are you shitting me right now?” she whined._

_“See, just like that,” he accused, flipping another emotional switch. “You talk down to me that way now, and I don’t like it. It’s hurtful.”_

_Jenna, not up for arguing with him, sighed. Then, taking a deep breath and filling herself with resignation, told him, “Well, I’m sorry for that.”_

_Instinctively, her hands went to her ever-growing round belly. The baby was mostly still, but she could pick up tiny movements. The feeling was comforting, especially in moments like this. It was a reminder of what she was bothering with any of this for._

_She softly stroked, as if the baby was aware of the exchange she and Earl were having and could understand a soothing touch._

_Earl, who had started pacing again, started to make a round through the living room, checking outlets and examining even the smallest spot in the wall up close. Jenna waited and kept an eye trained on him, trying to determine his facial expressions._

_Finally, when he had circled the space, he half-heartedly shrugged. “I suppose it’s alright,” he said noncommittally. “I’m not too impressed, but it’s better than the last one.”_

_“I hate to say it, but I don’t think we’re gonna afford anything nicer,” Jenna pointed out. “Not unless we had two more people living with us, and you agreed to no roommates.”_

_“S’pose you’re right,” Earl grumbled. He paused then, craning his neck to look down the hallway at the bedroom setup. “It’s pretty small, but I guess we could make it work.”_

_While Jenna could tell the decision was reluctant, hearing him say the words brought on her first real smile all day._

_“I’ll go downstairs and tell him to draw the papers,” Earl continued.Then before Jenna could even respond, he was already walking out of the apartment, leaving her in the silence._

_Alone, Jenna found herself, cradling her bump. She made another round through the living room and slowly found herself wandering down the hall._

_She stopped in the first bedroom, the smaller one. The shades over the window were closed, and she made her way over, fiddling with the cord of the blinds until they began to lift, revealing sunlight. The sun flooded the bedroom, and she took a moment to look at each corner._

_In one, she could envision a little rocking chair, where she would undoubtedly spend many nights falling asleep with the baby in her arms. In another corner, she could picture a little shelf of toys and baby books. On the wall opposite the window, she could see the crib, the sun being one of the first things to greet the baby as he or she woke every morning. She could see herself picking up the child, cradling it and rocking it, and carrying it over to the window; murmuring soothing words or humming lullabies as they watched people and cars below, or gazed at a thunderstorm in awe from the safety of their warm little sanctuary._

_A sanctuary from all of the things in Jenna’s life that hurt._

_A sanctuary where she could maybe convince herself that she was going to be a good mother._

_“Did you hear that, baby?” she whispered, still cradling her belly. “We have a home.”_

_Well...as much of a home as she could make with Earl._

 

* * *

 

Jenna, Jim, and Becky arrived at the campus conference center to find dozens of alumni and current students dressed in their finest. Aside from sporting events, Jenna couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen so many people gathered in one place at Harper East. Back before she’d graduated, the annual alumni-student banquet hadn’t been the big hurrah it was now.

She’d also never been one for dancing or mingling--two things which were in great supply at this event

Jim, in his chivalry, held the door open for the two women as they entered the building. The lobby was bustling with older gentlemen in suits greeting one another; women who hadn’t seen each other in a long time raving over one another’s evening looks; couples on each other’s arms; younger adults gossiping or laughing together. Hugs were exchanged, compliments were in abundance, and the room was abuzz with the anticipation of liquid courage from the open bar that could come later in the evening.

Jenna let her gaze slide anxiously over to Jim at the thought. _Liquid courage, indeed._

She cleared her throat nervously and focused her attention on navigating the crowd without losing her companions. The trio stopped where they were and looked around. Becky, who was glancing off to the side, pointed across the lobby to door with a sign that said _coat check_.

Becky pulled off the extra jacket she’d worn over her blazer and said, “No use dragging this around all night. I’m gonna go hang this up.”

As she hurried away, Jim stepped closer to Jenna and told her, “I’ll take your coat for you.” She stared dumbly at him for a moment, uncertain how to respond. When she didn’t speak, he stumbled over his words as he began to ramble, “But only if you want to. Not that you wouldn’t, it’s just I know some women don’t like men doing things for them…you know, feminism and all. So, no pressure or anything. But I’m happy to do it. I like helping you. Not that you need help, because you’re perfectly capable and...I should shut up now.”

Jim released a defeated sigh, and Jenna had to bite her lip to prevent from giggling. He looked down, half embarrassed, glancing back up at her expectantly as if waiting for her to respond. She let him sweat it for a moment, because flustered Jim was too adorable, before finally giving him an answer.

“You can take my coat, Jim,” she said, smiling at him. After all, what was the harm?

She turned her back to him, inviting him to help her remove the black peacoat she’d chosen for the weekend. He didn’t question her, but waited for her to undo the buttons and brought his hands up to her shoulders. He found the collar, holding the coat and maneuvering it so she could remove her arms from the sleeves.

As he did this, his fingers brushed against Jenna’s neck, sending a shiver up her spine. His close proximity was suddenly very prevalent, and she felt her pulse speed up and her breathing grow a little faster.

She craned her neck to look at him, getting a front row view of those dazzling blue eyes. (When had she become an eye person? She’d never been any eye person.) They were fixed softly on her, the skin on the sides crinkling a little with his boyish grin.

“Thank you,” she breathed, then quickly changed the subject. “I’ll just wait right here for you and Becky.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jim replied. He awkwardly pointed his thumb toward the coat check room and announced unnecessarily, “I’ll be...over there.”

At the risk of acting like an enthralled teenage girl, Jenna held back a laugh as she watched Jim awkwardly walk away.

Becky returned shortly after he disappeared, and had evidently ran into him on the way back. “He’s taking your coat for you now?” she asked with raised eyebrows.

Jenna rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile in an attempt to remain serious as she asked, “Is that all you’re fixated on?”

“No!” Becky defended. “I have plenty of other things to worry about.”

The other woman had her phone in her hand. Jenna couldn’t help notice when it buzzed and how Becky immediately looked down at it, like an addict at the promise of a fix, so she noted, “Oh, I’m sure you have plenty of other things to worry about.”

Becky’s face went slightly red, and she quickly stashed her phone back in her clutch. “That was bad timing,” she insisted.

Except Jenna wasn’t buying it. A smirk spread across her face, and she nodded slowly, a little tauntingly. “Sure,” she quipped playfully. “Don’t share with me. I see how this friendship works.”

“Maybe I’m just not ready,” Becky challenged. She tugged on her blazer, then added coyly, “I kind of like having a little secret.”

“Secrets don’t make friends,” Jenna sing-songed, earning an eye roll and a head shake from the other woman.

Becky folded her arms across her chest and told her, “The hypocrisy in that statement is rich.”

Jenna shrugged and crossed her arms. “Yeah, probably.”

“So, are you finally going to say something to him? You’ve only got until tomorrow.”

“And then he goes back to Connecticut,” Jenna said. “Yes, I know.”

“He’s a single, attractive, and sensible man, Jenna,” Becky reminded her. Then, bringing her voice down to a near whisper, added, “If you don’t make a move, he’ll be gone. Again. And then you’ll go through all of this all over again.”

Jenna glanced across the room to see Jim wading through the crowd toward them. Urgently, she whispered to Becky, “I _know_. But he’s coming back, so just drop it for now and let me figure it out.”

“If you say so.”

The two women became silent as Jim approached, blissfully unaware of their conversation. “This place is a madhouse,” he commented, distressed. “I almost got trampled trying to hang those coats up.”

Jenna agreed, holding herself a little closer, as if to make herself smaller, as she looked around the loud, packed room. “We should go find our table.”

“It’s a good thing we’re registered,” Becky noted.

The three stood there for a moment, silently deciding how to navigate the rest of the crowd. It didn’t help that the conference center was small for its purposes. It normally held private conferences of less than a couple hundred people. There were easily 500 there. Although, considering it was the biggest venue the school had to offer, it was better than nothing.

“Might as well push through,” Jim said. Then, holding out his arm to Jenna in invitation, asked, “Shall we, ladies?”

With a smile, Jenna linked her arm with his and replied, “We shall.”

She didn’t miss the smug little grin on Becky’s face as she followed on Jenna’s other side. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Becky pull out her phone again and type out a message. In a moment, her own phone plinked. She waited until they approached the door to the banquet hall Jim released her arm before checking her messages.

She opened her phone to find a text from Becky: _You look like a dang married couple. Need I say more?_

Jenna sighed and typed her reply back.

_I think we’re good. You can go back to sexting your mystery person now._

She looked up to see Becky glaring at her. Though, they both knew it was all in good fun--a bit of hazing. As casually as ever, her friend had her phone out again, typing another text back. Jim remained oblivious to their back-and-forth as Jenna looked down at Becky’s message.

_Don’t be jealous. Get some of your own. He’s right there._

 

* * *

 

_“Oh, my god,” Jenna groaned as she flopped down into the armchair she’d claimed in the campus center. “That makes, like, five times I’ve had to pee since we got here.”_

_She’d disappeared into the restroom again, leaving Becky alone to study and work on homework. With finals in a couple of weeks, they were both knee deep making sure they would be graduating in less than a month._

_“Is that normal?” Becky asked, not looking up from her textbook._

_“Yes, unfortunately,” Jenna told her as she adjusted to get comfortable in the chair. “The baby’s decided that my bladder makes good football practice, though, so it’s worse somehow.”_

_Becky set her book down on the coffee table in front of them and reached down in her bag for another. “You’ve got your monthly check-up tomorrow, don’t you?”_

_Jenna nodded. “I think Earl’s actually gonna go to this one.”_

_“Oh?” Becky arched an eyebrow. “What changed his mind?”_

_“I don’t know honestly,” Jenna told her, reaching over for the notebook she’d set on the coffee table and looking over her lecture notes. “I think he’s a little jealous and he thinks if he’s there I’ll be more focused on him than the baby.”_

_Becky shook her head, a look of disgust on her face. “That man can’t stand anything if it’s not about him, can he?”_

_“I...don’t think that’s true,” Jenna tried to defend weakly._

_“Oh, come on, Jenna,” Becky argued. “You know he started hovering way more since he found out you were pregnant. And not in a sweet protecting-his-child-and-the-mother-of-his-child way.”_

_“He’s trying to adjust to this. It’s taking some time.”_

_“As long as he’s taking care of you and you’re happy,” Becky shrugged. Then she added more sincerely, “I don’t wanna see you get hurt.”_

_At that, the two women fell heavily into their studying, not speaking a word for a few minutes. Jenna struggled to understand her own shorthand as an uneasy feeling settled into the pit of her stomach._

_Becky was right. Things with Earl had become increasingly stressful. There were times he seemed invested in the baby; when he would ask questions about her appointments, or when they were asleep and he spooned her and let his hand rest on her belly. But other times, talking about the baby was a sore subject; he would divert the conversation if she brought it up, or he would ignore her when she would make an attempt to become excited and start dreaming up ideas for when the baby arrived. That wasn’t to mention arguments over money and living arrangements._

_Part of Jenna wanted to keep telling herself that he would get better. That they would both find balance and be ready for this child. But the realistic part of her that knew Earl’s patterns wondered how long it might be until he walked away._

_Or she decided to give up._

_Jenna tried to forget it. She tried to throw herself into International Business Strategies and focus on her key vocabulary. But her whirring mind wouldn’t allow her._

_Thankfully, a familiar voice had her perking up instantly._

_“Hi, guys,” Jim greeted them. Jenna looked up, grateful to see him there._

_However, her mood was dampened just as quickly when she noticed Francine accompanying him. She looked flawless, her blond hair pulled back and her pastel green dress sitting just right on her._

_“Hey,” she waved, smiling her annoyingly broad smile. (There was no way one person was that happy, Jenna had decided.)_

_“Look what the cat dragged in,” Becky quipped, setting her book down. “Hi, stranger,” she said to Jim, then turned to the blonde, “Francine, how are you? I never see you at all.”_

_Francine was practically bouncing as she responded, “Well, wedding planning’s been crazy. I’ve had to drag poor Jim to another cake tasting this week because we just can find the right one.”_ _  
_

_“Tragic,” Jenna muttered under her breath._

_Francine whipped her head around, and asked, “Hmm?”_

_All three of her companions were staring at her now, so Jenna quickly searched for something plausible and cordial to say, and she eventually settled on, “Sounds incredibly busy.”_

_“It is,” Jim confirmed. His hands had been behind his back, and he finally brought one forward to reveal two crisp white envelopes. “Speaking of which…” he said, handing them over, one each to Becky and Jenna._

_Jenna stared down at the envelope. While she hadn’t opened it yet, she didn’t need to see its contents to guess what it was. The clean, perfect, cursive script of her name on the front told her everything._

_Suddenly, paper and cardboard had never felt so heavy in her hands._

_“We wanted to bring you wedding invitations,” Jim explained. “Not that you need them, because you were always invited, but we figured you might appreciate something more formal.”_

_Jenna could feel herself deflate. If she could, she would prefer to disappear into the chair and never come out. Sadly, she didn’t have that power and, even more sadly, she could see the almost equally infections smile on her friend’s face._

_A heaviness in her chest set in, and she began running through her brain a series of excuses she thought she’d lined up for those moments when she needed to leave._

_But she was drawing a blank and felt herself glued to her seat._

_“Jim insisted on delivering them in person,” Francine added cheerfully. “He said he couldn’t stand the idea of you guys having to get them in the mail like everyone else.”_

Oh, how special, _Jenna thought wryly._

_She bit her tongue, though, and managed to get out the words, “Umm...wow. Thank you guys. I know I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”_

_Her eyes locked with Jim then. She hoped and prayed he couldn’t see the battle she was currently fighting; between one part of her that wanted nothing but for him to be happy and another part that wanted him to know the pain he was causing._

_If the blissfully dopey grin on his face was any indication, though, he had no idea._

_“You know I’ll be there,” Becky chimed in, sliding her invitation into her binder. “There’s nothing I thrive on more than love and an open bar.”_

_“There will be plenty of that,” Jim promised. Then he turned to Jenna, “We’ll even include a seat for Earl.”_

_Jenna fought not to say_ no way in hell _to that. Because, truthfully, the idea of Earl accompanying her to this wedding was the last thing she wanted. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to correct him or tell him otherwise._

_“I’ll have to send off his best tux to be cleaned,” she attempted to joke. Ear was not exactly a tux man._

_He wasn’t an anything-but-flannel-and-jeans man._

_“Well, we look forward to having you guys there,” Jim told them sincerely. He looked directly at Jenna, making eye contact again, as he said, “It would mean a lot to have you.”_

_Jenna swallowed the lump in her throat and assured him, “We’ll be there.”_

_“Good!” Francine said excitedly. “You know, I’ve actually been meaning to spend more time with you two. Maybe we could all get together before the wedding if we get some time soon.”_

_“Yeah, maybe,” Jenna said half-heartedly, knowing the chances of that happening were slim to none. The idea of turning down Jim’s future wife in front of him did not seem like a good one._

_If only Becky wasn’t choosing not to speak._

_“I think you guys would have fun,” Jim encouraged, also half-heartedly. Jenna could tell by the forced smile. “By the way, Jenna, are we still on for movie night Friday?”_

_Overwhelmed and slightly confused at what the hell this conversation had become, Jenna shook her head as if to clear it, and she stumbled over her words as she responded, “Uh...yeah. Yeah, if you’re okay with having it at my place. I might have to do some homework, depending on how much I get done this week.”_

_Everyone else had plans to be away from campus for the weekend, and Earl’s band had a few shows out of town. They figured they might as well make the best of it._

_She watched Jim exchanged a look with Francine, as if asking for permission. Francine nodded, and Jim said, “Yeah, that’s fine.”_

_It still blew Jenna’s mind that Francine trusted Jim enough to let him spend an evening alone with another woman, much less in a college dorm. Not that there was any reason to believe Jim would ever step out on her, much less that Jenna herself would try anything. Still, it almost made her angry, how good and understanding a person Francine actually was._

_It was almost naive. But she wasn’t stupid by any means, and the security she seemed to have in herself and in Jim was almost...inspiring._

_The room became silent at that, all four of them in an awkward stalemate._

_Becky, still keeping to herself, had settled on picking up her textbook again. Francine had begun rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. Jenna decided to pick up her phone and check the time. And Jim had put his hands behind his back again, looking around at the three women, waiting for a response._

_When neither of them spoke, Jim said awkwardly, “Anyway, we should probably head out. We have an appointment with our photographer in…” he checked his watch, “twenty minutes.”_

_Jenna and Becky thanked them both again, wished them luck, and said their goodbyes. Before long, the couple was off, chattering together excitedly as they walked away._

_Jenna took her first decent breath since they walked in, and she felt her muscles loosen almost immediately._

_“Geez, that was awkward” Becky murmured, looking over her shoulder to make sure they were gone. “I’m sure as hell glad that’s over”_

_“You’re telling me.”_

_Jenna, still unable to bring herself to open the invitation, stuffed the invitation she still held quickly and carelessly into her satchel. It fell down between textbooks, and she zipped and buckled the bag._

_She might get to it later._

_A rumble in her stomach interrupted her thought then, and she reached over for her phone to check the time._

_4:43_

_Definitely approaching dinner._

_Jenna finished gathering her things and had it all packed up neatly. As she stood up, Becky asked, “Gotta pee again?”_

_Jenna shook her head. “No, I promised Earl I’d come over and we’d cook. Well...I would cook.”_

_“Ah. Have fun with that.”_

_The pregnant woman scoffed a, “Yeah.”_

_Then, with a quick goodbye, she was gone. She would probably stop at her room first, and maybe even buy some time by making a grocery store detour for her latest craving—pretzels and peanut butter. She needed a couple of things for their meal anyway. Even if he began texting demanding when she was going to be there to feed him._

_In any case, she was also hungry, but not in a hurry to go home to Earl._

_He could wait._

 

* * *

 

Jenna, Becky, and Jim were ushered to an empty table in the crowded banquet hall. Alumni and graduating seniors were matched at tables; some seemed to be in deep conversation while others struggled to connect.

Student servers circled the room with trays, offering flutes of champagne. Jenna greedily accepted one as they were seated--Jim on her left, Becky on her right--encouraging her two companions to do the same. Before either of them could take a swig, though, Jim cut in.

“You know, this whole alumni weekend thing might be a total dud,” he began, “but I think we need to toast to one thing.”

“And what would that be?” Jenna asked.

Jim lifted his glass. “To revived friendship,” he said. “It’s been a long time, but...you don’t realize what you’ve missed until it’s been gone. And I’ve missed you both.” He looked intently at Jenna then as he added, “I hope this means we can change that from this point on.”

Jenna felt her heart skip a beat, but nodded in agreement just the same.

Becky rolled her eyes and smiled. “You’re a sap, Pomatter,” she told him, “but I’ll sure as hell drink to that.”

Jenna bit her lip, raising her glass and chiming in, “Me, too.”

The three brought their glasses together, gently tapping them before taking long drinks.

Jenna savored the slight burn of the alcohol and the crispness of the bubbles as the champagne slid down her throat. It wasn’t long before the entire glass was empty. She would need more, though, if she was going to get up the courage to lay it out on the table with Jim.

Still, after a few minutes, a slight dizziness reminded her that she needed to pace herself and wait until she got some food in her stomach. She wanted to be relaxed, not drunk.

 

* * *

 

_Jenna lay back on the exam table, trying to keep calm and not feel cold in the gown they made her wear as she waited for the doctor. Earl, meanwhile had taken to wandering the room, staring at the posters on the wall giving medical advice and showing diagrams of the female anatomy. He scrutinized the life-sized fetal model sitting on one of the counters, staring it up and down and frowning._

_“How the fuck do those even fit in there?” he wondered aloud, then turned to Jenna. “Baby, is this really what you’re gonna look like soon?”_

_She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Yes, Earl. Unfortunately.”_

_He let out an amused laugh. “Damn, you might pop then. I still don’t understand how they get those things out, either.”_

_“Hopefully with lots of drugs,” Jenna muttered._

_“What?”_

_Jenna’s head shot up toward him. “Hmmm?”_

_Mercifully, there was a knock at the door and a friendly grey-haired woman in a white coat. She smiled at Jenna as she walked in, carrying her clipboard and file folder._

_“Good morning, Ms. Barker,” she greeted. Then, upon noticing Earl, she wrinkled her nose and asked, “Who’s this?”_

_“Dr. Perkins, this is Earl,” Jenna announced in monotone, waving a hand to him._

_He stepped forward, one hand in his pocket while the other unceremoniously reached for the doctor’s hand. He didn’t bother being gentle as he shook it._

_“Father to be,” he announced proudly, a smug grin on his face. Without waiting for Dr. Perkins’ response, he shoved past her to stand by Jenna, slumping in his posture and putting his other hand in his pocket._

_Dr. Perkins pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow. “I see,” she said, a subtle huff in her voice. Then she set her file on one of the counters, straightened up, and said, “Well, it’s good you finally made it. We have a lot to talk about.” She looked at Jenna then. “Now, before we do this ultrasound, have you looked at any birthing classes?”_

_“Not really,” Jenna admitted, “though I guess I should.”_

_“You mean all that weird breathing and stuff?” Earl asked._

_Dr. Perkins’ gazed practically burnt a hole in him as she said, “Yes...that’s certainly part of it.”_

_Jenna ignored Earl and asked, “Do you have any recommendations?”_

_“Well, most of my patients end up choosing Lamaze,” Dr. Perkins replied, walking over to a pamphlet display on the wall and pulling out a few, “but some go for Bradley because the idea of an epidural is worse than the natural pain of childbirth.”_

_“Give me everything you have on Lamaze,” Jenna insisted without a second thought. “I’ll take a needle to the spine if it means I won’t feel much else.”_

_“Fair enough,” Dr. Perkins nodded, handing her a brochure. She pulled a small pad and a pen out of her coat pocket and scribbled a name and phone number on it. “She’s my most trusted coach,” she told Jenna. “I’ve been sending moms-to-be to her for several years now, and they always come back with good things to say and have been some of my easiest births.”_

_She pocketed the pad and passed the slip of paper over to Earl, who asked, “Will I have to go, too?”_

_Jenna narrowed her eyes at him. “This is 50% your doing Earl,” she said, pointing to her round belly. “You bet your ass you’re going.”_

_She looked at Dr. Perkins then, watching as the corner of her lips turned up into a sly little smile. The doctor turned to where she left her files and began to flip through them._

_“Now, you’ve had a pretty healthy pregnancy so far,” she noted as she scanned the papers. She set them down again, picked up her clipboard, and asked, “Any changes since I last saw you?”_

_Jenna shook her head. “No, the baby’s been pretty active. No pain or anything. More foot swelling, but nothing major.”_

_Dr. Perkins nodded and began to take notes. “Good, good,” she said. “Balanced diet? Still avoiding caffeine and all those other foods on your list?”_

_“Yes and yes.”_

_“Perfect,” the doctor stated._

_She took a few more minutes then, listening to Jenna’s heart and checking over the rest of her vitals. She felt Jenna’s belly and then had her lie back for proper examination. Jenna could see Earl trying to peek over the doctor’s shoulder, even though little would be visible to him. Whether it was out of genuine curiosity or he was looking for a peep show, she wasn’t sure._

_However, the glare Dr. Perkins turned to give him did not disappoint._

_He backed off, thankfully, and the doctor finished her exam. Then it was time for the ultrasound._

_Dr. Perkins turned out the lights and booted up the machine while Jenna lifted her gown from under the blanket covering her lower half. The gel was cold against Jenna’s belly as usual, though not for long, and the press of the wand hurt a little as the doctor moved it around, searching for a good view of the baby. Eventually, static turned into shape, and the fuzzy outline of a tiny human appeared on the screen._

_It was hard to make out, but Dr. Perkins pointed to the screen and announced, “It looks like you’ve got a thumbsucker. See the hand there at its face?”_

_Jenna watched and felt her breath catch a little. She couldn’t deny the rush of warmth she felt, watching the baby move, looking even more like a person since she’d last see it. In a couple of months, that person would be laying in her arms sucking its thumb the same way._

_“Holy shit,” Earl whispered next to her. He was wide-eyed, his mouth dropped open._

_He looked terrified._

_The doctor moved the wand then, searching around for more parts and other vitals. She captured some images for the sonogram, taking down notes as she went._

_“Everything seems to be looking pretty good still,” she commented. Then, pressing a couple of switches on the machine, said, “Now let’s listen to that heartbeat.”_

_She placed the wand back to Jenna’s belly. A steady but loud pulse filled the room. While it had never been the most comfortable sound for her to hear, Jenna found herself swallowing a lump in her throat and fighting the prickled she started to feel in her eyes._

_She looked up at Earl again. He sat rigid, staring blankly into space, his jaw set. His muscles looked tense, and he was hunched over. It looked almost pained._

_“Earl?” she whispered, hoping for him to say something excited, encouraging._

_“I, uh…” he hesitated, looking at Jenna, then at Dr. Perkins, then at the door. “I think I need a minute,” he said, his voice gravely and low as he turned to walk out._

_Jenna wanted to call after him as he left but couldn’t make her mouth form words. The slam of the door behind Earl felt like a punch to the gut, and what little joy she’d started to find felt dampened. The lump in her throat was no longer from being choked up over the life she was carrying, especially when she glanced over to see Dr. Perkins frowning pitifully._

 

* * *

 

Dinner moved by surprisingly swimmingly for the group, even with strangers. Jenna, Becky, and Jim had been joined by a couple who had met and fallen in love while they were in school, as well as two female students and a male student who had all shown up together.

They listened to the president of the university give a welcoming speech, followed by more opening remarks by the chair of the alumni committee. They announced the meal to be served, along with the promise of door prizes and awards to be given a little later in the evening.

The table chatted over smoked salmon, French green beans, and garlic mashed potatoes, finding things in common as they went.

The three students were seniors. One of the girls, who Jim believed said her name was Kirsten, was working on applying to the Master of Science program, while the young man--Cameron, he thought--would have to wait until the following December for his degree. Melody, the other girl, was set to graduate in two months, an entire semester early; she would be getting an business degree with a minor in accounting, which Becky and Jenna ate up.

They were bright young people with promising futures, by all means.

To add to the pleasant mood, the couple at the table--Elena, of Costa Rican descent, and her husband Adam--shared their whirlwind story of marrying in college and moving back and forth between Latin America and the States.

“We just can’t make up our minds,” Elena explained good-naturedly. “Costa Rica is home, but then we come back to see his family and we’re home again.”

“Must be difficult, leaving and coming back either way,” Jim commented. “That’s a far distance to travel, and to not be able to settle.”

Adam shrugged and grinned, white teeth strikingly bright against his dark skin. “Home is where you make it, I guess,” he said, exchanging a look with his wife. “But we’re looking to stay put soon. We just haven’t found that happy medium yet.”

Jim nodded and paused for a bite of food and a sip of water.

He glanced over to see his two friends engrossed in conversation with the students. Jenna spoke animatedly with one of the girls about a shared experience with a particular professor who was still teaching, while Becky dispensed advice to the other about the particulars of running a business.

Jim continued eating, temporarily becoming distracted from the conversation happening around him. It wasn’t until Elena broke his reverie that he glanced up again.

“So,” the woman probed, “how long have the two of you been together?”

Jim watched her, then watched her hands, to find her pointing back and forth between him and Jenna. His pulsed picked up then, and he struggled to respond, not wanting to disappoint her when he said, “Oh, we’re not a couple.”

Elena furrowed her brow. “No?”

Jim shook his head. “Nope. Never.”

“Interesting,” she noted, chewing on a bite of salmon. “The way you look at each other, talk to each other. I really thought that was something.”

He looked over at Jenna again, who was still talking. But this time, she turned and briefly met eyes with him, flashing him a sweet little smile before returning to her conversation. Jim felt his heart light up and felt his lips turn up.

He turned back to Elena and asked, “You really think so?”

She shrugged. “It reminds me of the way Adam looks at me. Or how my mother looked at my father.” She reached for the champagne in front of her and took a swig. “But I guess I can misread sometimes.”

Jim had no clue what to say to that, much less what to do with the information.

For once, though, he was grateful that Jenna was not paying attention. He wasn’t sure he could handle knowing how she would react to such a bold statement. Especially given their history.

Although he had to admit, if he believed there was any possibility of Jenna sharing his feelings, there would be little stopping him from trying to find out if whatever this stranger saw in them meant anything.

And while he felt he’d seen a glimmer of hope, he wasn’t keen on pushing it.

 

* * *

 

_Jenna found Earl in the car, angry rock playing on the radio while he sat in the driver’s seat, brooding._

_She climbed into the passenger seat, silent as she waited for him to speak. It was difficult to read him like this. So, as she usually did when he was in a mood, she didn’t test the waters. She sat patiently while he worked up to speak._

_For a few minutes, she kept her hands clasped in her lap, still and not saying anything or moving. Then she began to nervously tap her fingers on her lap. Minutes ticked by, and she began to bounce her leg_

_Finally, Earl spoke._

_“How do we do this?” he asked. “Because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”_

_Jenna shook her head and shrugged. “I have no clue either.”_

_He leaned back in his seat then, taking a deep breath in through his nose and releasing it through his mouth as he hit the headrest. His hands began to tap on the steering wheel, and all Jenna could do was sit on the edge of her seat, hoping for the best._

_He chewed on his lip, glanced at her, then turned away. “Jenna, I wasn’t gonna do this here,” he announced heavily, then he reached for the glove compartment, “but...shit.”_

_She watched him fumble around a bit, rummaging through some papers and reaching for the main back of the compartment. Her eyes widened and she felt her mouth lock up as she saw what he was emerging with._

_He looked down at the black velvet box in his hand, shaking it as if testing the gravity of it. He started at it for a moment before finally opening it._

_The band was gold, a single small diamond in the middle. It looked like a promise ring more than anything else, but Jenna knew better. The man was going to fucking propose to her. After walking out on their appointment._

_“It’s not much,” he said, “but...it’s only right.”_

_“You want to get married?” she asked doubtfully, trying to ignore the sudden sick feeling in the pit of her stomach._

_“Well, what else do you suggest?” he retorted. “I mean, you saw that machine.”_

_“I did, Earl,” she said, her voice quiet, cracking now. “But do we even want this? Is it the right thing?”_

_“I don’t think you could call our son having both of his parents the wrong thing, could you?”_

_Jenna contemplated for a moment, ignoring his continued insistence that the baby was a boy. Maybe it was the wrong thing. But where else would she go? Who else did she have besides Earl? Both of her parents were gone, and her aunt couldn’t do much._

_Besides, she’d come to find a level of comfort with Earl. He provided. He was invested now._

_“I guess not,” she said. There was a pause, a quietness as she thought of what to say next. Finally, she looked up at him, making eye contact, and clarified, “Are you really asking me to marry you?”_

_“Yes, I am,” he told her seriously. “It’s not like we have any better options here, anyway.”_

_The rational part of Jenna’s mind was screaming at her to say no. It was one thing to live with the man; it was another thing entirely to bind herself legally to him. But something desperate in her, something she couldn’t put her finger on, begged her to say yes. To not give up the familiarity of everything she knew and to not jump into the fear of what was an unknown life without Earl or anyone to help her with this child._

_She glanced down at the pitiful ring, knowing it wasn’t at all what her mother would have wanted for her. None of this was._

_But what else could she do?_

_With a shaky breath, she looked up at him and uttered a single word that tasted bitter, like poison, as it left her mouth._

_“Yes.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm just going to straight up admit this chapter is largely unbeta'd and hot off the presses. It's almost half past 2 in the morning for me, and I've been impatient to post. So, I apologize for any misspelled words or typos or anything that makes less than sense. Honestly, at this point, I'm trying to get past this section of the story and to the better material I have waiting. (I hate writing Earl, and the pining is getting to be frustrating, but we're getting there.)
> 
> On a better note, I posted a little future sneak peek on my Tumblr, and if you click on the story tag on my post, or if you go through my navigation link and find my writing, you should come across it. It's much sweeter and sexier than what this story has been so far (but ONLY read if you don't want to see where this is going in the present).
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so much for the continued support.


	11. Chapter 10

**** An hour and a half into the event, after eating dinner, a few door prizes, and listening to the university honor several people Jim didn’t know, he made a beeline for the dessert table. The crowd had been freed to go where they wanted, either to the open bar or to dance to the smooth jazz that began to overtake the room. Most people had begun to mingle among tables and walk around with drinks.

While he searched for the desserts, Jim weaved through the slowly thinning crowd. Just as he was closing in on cakes and pies and cookies, however, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Jim?” a vaguely familiar voice called behind him. “Jim Pomatter?”

He turned around, facing a tall, blond-haired man with a beard. For a minute, he struggled to recognize him. Then, after a minute and mentally removing the beard, it clicked.

“Jack Carson?” he asked, squinting a little, trying to picture a man he only knew as a gangly nerd--who he’d shared classes with and did student teaching with--as the stronger, clean-cut, acne-free one in front of him.

Jack shot a dazzling grin and nodded as they shook hands. “Pretty crazy, huh? I didn’t think you’d be here, man.”

“I didn’t think I would, either,” Jim laughed, “but I guess it wasn’t such a bad thing.”

“Maybe not,” Jack agreed, placing his hands in his suit pockets. “Although I was on the fence, too.”

“What kept you?”

“Work,” the other man replied with a sigh. When Jim looked at him curiously, he explained, “I’ve been over in Stanton Grove. You used to live there, right?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, for a while. What’s happening out there?”

“Well, I finally got my Rank I, and I’m principal at the high school now,” Jack announced proudly.

Jim, impressed, told him, “You’ve been on the ball, then. That’s pretty young, isn’t it?”

“It is,” the other man confirmed. “But I work hard and reap the benefits. Where are you at right now? What are you doing?”

“Definitely not qualified to be a principal,” Jim quipped. “I’m still in Connecticut, actually. Still teaching biology.”

“Oh, man, did Francine actually convince you to stay up there?” Jack asked, his nose wrinkling at the thought.

Jim sighed. “She did, although...I guess there’s really no reason to stay now,” he said. At Jack’s questioning look, he told him, “We’ve been divorced almost a year now.”

Jack frowned and shook his head disappointedly. “Oh, I’m sorry, man. You got any plans now? Have you thought of coming back?”

Jim shrugged. “I hadn’t thought about anything, really. My job is decent, good benefits. Why leave?”

Jack looked around, his eyes glancing around cryptically as he shifted his weight onto another leg. “Well, between you and me,” he began, then leaned in a bit closer, “Stanton Grove is about to lose a science teacher after this semester. The new guy we hired is a disaster, even with three years under his belt over in Kensington, and his pink slip is sitting on my desk as we speak.”

“Oh,” Jim’s eyes widened, eyebrows lifting, ears perking. “That bad?”

“The man isn’t turning up any results,” Jack said exasperatedly, tensing up as he spoke more on the situation. “All of his students have A’s, but they can’t manage to pass a standardized test or tell you anything about what they’ve learned. He’s passing them for nothing. I don’t even think he’s grading the papers.”

Jim shook his head and let out a surprised breath. “Wow,” he muttered. “How does someone like that stay in teaching?”

Jack shrugged. “Beats me,” he told him. “But now, we have to get rid of him and replace him in January.” He paused then, looking Jim directly in the eye. “If you got the offer, would you consider taking it?”

The question caught Jim off-guard.

For a moment, he stood dumbfounded, processing what his colleague had asked of him. Leave everything to move back to Stanton Grove? Cut his school year in Hartford short? 

He looked around then, catching the sight of a beauty in navy blue across the room; a beauty in navy blue with a golden smile, mad baking skills, a mother’s heart, and a fiery soul. A beauty he could definitely stand to spend more time with.

From a distance, Jenna caught his eye, and her lips turned up, widening. She was standing up and following Becky out, but still took a moment to give him a little wave.

Would she be worth starting over for with little notice?

Jim turned back to Jack, pursing his lips as he weighed his options. The man looked at him expectantly and, upon receiving no answer or indication, explained, “Obviously this isn’t an official offer. There’s a lot more red tape to go through, and I know it’s a lot to ask. But if it’s something you’d want, I can put your name in, set you up for an interview.”

Jim bobbed his head a bit, not committing to a yes or a no. It would take a lot of thinking…

Finally, after keeping his gaze to the floor, he looked up at Jack and asked, “Do you have a business card?”

 

* * *

 

_ The smell of coffee assaulted Jim’s nose as he rolled over in bed to find empty space. He raised up, checking the clock on Francine’s nightstand to see he only had a few more minutes until the alarm and turning it off. With yawn, he rubbed his face and sat up straight. _

_ He was about to get out of bed and search for Francine when the bedroom door creaked open. The blonde was in her nightie and a robe, carrying two mugs of coffee. _

_ “Morning, sleepyhead,” she greeted him, handing him a cup. _

_ He gratefully accepted. Sleep had evaded him the last couple of nights, even with a recent spike in their sex life. _

_ “You are the best,” he complimented her, taking a long swig and finding she’d made the coffee exactly how he liked it. _

_ “Only _ for _ the best,” she winked playfully, eliciting a grin from him. _

_ She leaned over to kiss him before walking over to the desk on the wall just opposite his usual side of the bed. He drank his coffee and took a moment just to relax and wake up while she booted up her computer and loaded Facebook. _

_ Everything seemed fairly mundane until, curiously and suspiciously, she asked, “Babe, have you talked to Jenna since we saw her the other day?” _

_ His eyebrows knit together as he set his coffee on the nightstand. “No. Why?” _

_ “It looks like she’s getting married to that guy who got her pregnant.” _

_ “What?” the word fell from Jim’s lips, ever so casually as he tried to register what Francine had said. _

_ Then, upon processing the words  _ married _ and  _ that guy who got her pregnant _ , he threw the covers off and quickly scurried around, stumbling as he searched for his underwear and pulled it on. Hurrying over to where his fiancee sat, he read over her shoulder to see exactly what she’d told him on the computer screen. _

Jenna Barker is engaged to Earl Hunterson.

_ “What the hell?” he whispered, eyes wide and brow furrowed even more now. _

_ “And that was two days ago,” Francine commented. _

_ Jim shook his head slowly. “She never told me. Becky never even told me…” _

_ The two of them sat there, Francine seemingly calm and Jim fighting a dark ball of dread and anger sitting in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to throw up. How  _ dare _ that asshole? How  _ dare _ that disgusting piece of trash convince Jenna to tie herself to him?  _

_ As the thoughts ran through his mind, however, Jim caught himself. What right did he have to judge Earl? Sure, he wasn’t perfect. He’d treated Jenna fairly shitty sometimes, but there was also plenty Jim couldn’t see of their relationship. And while he couldn’t understand what Jenna could possibly see in that man, he had to believe she knew what she was doing. _

_ Surely she wouldn’t say yes to a man if she didn’t believe it was what was right or what she needed. _

_ Would she? _

_ In a way, it stung worse, knowing Earl had something that kept Jenna coming back. That he was the best she could see for herself, even though there were so many other men out there who had goals; who were working toward those goals; who could help provide for the  _ child  _ Jenna would soon be responsible for. _

_ But, again, she was a grown woman about to be a mother. These were her choices, and they had no effect on him. _

_ So, why did it hurt so much? _

_ Jim snapped back out of his thoughts when Francine stood up and leaned over to kiss his cheek. _

_ “Oh, well,” she said, unfazed. “Might as well get ready for class.” _

_ She sashayed off to the bathroom, and Jim watched after her, a heaviness she was completely oblivious to setting in his chest. _

_ “Yeah,” he said flatly. “We should get ready.” _

 

* * *

 

“He was  _ not _ eyefucking me.”

Jenna glanced over at her smug friend as they left the main banquet hall and crossed the building to find the barroom.

Becky, still smirking, insisted, “Jenna, I know eyefucking. The man has been all but salivating every time he’s so much as glanced in your direction tonight.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Jenna noted dryly as they took seats at the bar in the darker room.

The two ordered cocktails--a long island iced tea for Jenna and a weaker raspberry cosmo for Becky, who would have to drive later. They sat and sipped, and for a couple of minutes, Jenna thought she might have gotten off the hook.

Then Becky continued, “All I’m saying is you deserve to treat yourself. If you don’t want more, at least get it out of your system. Then maybe you two might have some clarity.”

Jenna rolled her eyes. Her friend had a point, and she certainly wasn’t planning on leaving this weekend without at least saying something to Jim, but the pushing was starting to chap her ass.

“Listen, Becky,” she began, more firmly now, “I’m going to deal with this whole Jim thing. Please, can you just...back off?”

Her friend gave her a scandalized look, scowling at her. 

“I’m only trying to help,” she defended, her scowl fading into a genuinely disappointed frown as she looked away.

“I know,” Jenna recognized. “I know you are, but I have to do this my way. Especially since Jim isn’t obligated to want anything.”

“Fair enough,” Becky conceded. Then, very seriously, confided, “You’re my best friend, Jenna. I just want you to have good things.”

“And I appreciate that,” Jenna reiterated, taking a drink. “I’m also capable of making my own decisions and, considering what I’ve been through in my life, I think I’ve done pretty well.”

Becky’s expression softened then, and she agreed, “You have.”

The two finished their drinks, and soon Becky was excusing herself to the ladies room. She asked Jenna to keep an eye on her things, leaving her phone and clutch on the bar next to her. Jenna sat patiently, checking her own phone to find a new video from Dawn. 

She opened it to see her daughter’s smile--complete with a gap from her last baby tooth falling out--beaming back at her. Lulu waved and exclaimed, “Good night, mom! I love you.” She blew her a kiss then, and Jenna couldn’t help but go directly to her camera app and record her own video.

“Good night, my girl,” she said into the phone camera, trying to keep her voice down in the middle of the bar. “I love you, too. You’re my world. I’ll see you soon.” She blew a kiss back and sent the video directly to Dawn with the message:  _ Show this to Lulu _ .

Satisfied with her response, she set her phone aside and asked the bartender for a glass of water; four drinks, including three glasses of champagne was her cap for tonight. As she let the cold liquid refresh her parched throat, she heard a  _ plink _ . When it didn’t turn out to be from her phone, she looked over to see Becky’s lit up.

Jenna wasn’t aiming to snoop. She wasn’t meaning to read Becky’s texts. However, they were annoyingly persistent, and she couldn’t help but take a look at the previews.

_ Baby, what time are you getting in? _ read the first one, followed by,  _ I can meet you at your place if it’s easier. _

Below those, however, was the message,  _ Try to hurry because I’ve been needing you all day. I can’t stop thinking about us in the restaurant kitchen last night… _

Jenna, half scared, looked at the name on the texts.

Cal.

Jenna choked on water, coughing deep in her chest as some of the liquid went down the wrong pipe. Once she caught her breath again, she took one more look at the phone to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating.

Becky and Cal…

What the hell?  _ When _ the hell?  _ Why _ the hell?

Deciding it was better to find out from the source and she didn’t feel like waiting, she grabbed Becky’s phone and clutch and all but ran in the direction of the restroom. Becky was always pressing her for details.

Now it was her turn for details.

 

* * *

 

_ “You know,” Becky said matter-of-factly, “when I pictured one or both of us getting proposed to, I figured you would end up with someone who went all out with the ring.” _

_ She and Jenna were sitting across from each other in a booth at Millie’s, their favorite sandwich shop, and she was scrutinizing the band on Jenna’s left hand. _

_ “Is that real gold?” she continued. _

_ Jenna rolled her eyes and groaned, yanking her hand back. “Yes, I know it’s not impressive. He probably would’ve gotten a nicer one if he could afford it.” _

_ “Right,” Becky said doubtfully. _

_ Jenna’s eyes narrowed, her lips pursing and her brow furrowing. “I appreciate your judgment,” she bit. _

_ “Jenna, I know you apparently love the man,” Becky said, her face souring as she spoke, “or I assume you do if you’re marrying him. But you have to admit he doesn’t exactly have goals or plans.” _

_ “Well, he’s starting now,” Jenna defended. “He’s not really had to grow up, but he’s changing with the baby coming.” _

_ Becky sighed. “If you say so.” _

_ “And what’s that supposed to mean?” Jenna challenged. _

_ “Nothing,” her friend tried to sweep her comment away. “Nothing at all. I’m sure he is changing.” _

_ Jenna shook her head, seeing right through her. “No, you’re not. You don’t believe he can.” _

_ “That’s not what I said,” Becky grumbled. “I don’t even know what he’s capable of. I guess I just…” She shifted her gaze around, as if searching for her words, and then, with a huff, she asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?” _

_ At her question, Jenna could feel her stomach churn and her breath clutch. A ball of nausea, dread, or both began to form, and she tried to ignore it. _

_ “Of course,” she lied. “I need someone to raise this baby with, don’t I?” _

_ Becky reached over for the basket of fries and dipped one in some ketchup as she pointed out, “That doesn’t mean you should get married.” _

_ Jenna tried to protest, knowing her arguments would be fruitless. However, before she could get a word out, her phone buzzed next to her. She looked down to find a series of texts. All from Jim. _

Hey, is everything alright?

I saw your news, hadn’t heard from you, thought I would ask.

It is true, isn’t it? I’m not imagining it?

Anyway I hope he makes you happy, Jenna.

_ Jenna could feel her heart sink right down with her stomach. She wasn’t equipped to deal with this today. Not with Jim. _

_ Without thinking much more, she haphazardly typed back,  _ I’m having lunch with Becky, and I have to study for finals this week. Can we talk Friday?

_ “Who’s that?” Becky asked casually. _

_ Jenna dismissed, “Just Jim.” _

_ Becky arched a brow. “What’s he saying?”  _

_ “Nothing,” Jenna shook her head. “He wanted to congratulate me.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ The two went back to their sandwiches, not speaking much. It was only a few minutes later when Jenna received a reply back from Jim. _

Okay, if you’re still on for movie night.

_ Jenna sighed and texted back a single word: _ Sure.

 

* * *

 

Becky was in the middle of washing her hands when Jenna came bounding into the restroom. Jenna took a quick glance around to make sure they were alone, peeking at the three stalls on the back wall to see if she saw feet or a sign of movement, before she began her third degree.

“When were you going to tell me?” was all she asked, clicking the home button on the phone to reveal the text previews.

Becky, who had already jumped at Jenna’s appearance, became red-faced. At first, out of what looked like embarrassment. Then, on a quick shift, jerked the phone out of her hand.

“How is that any of your business?” she spat. “And since when do you spy on my personal messages?”

“It’s not like I was trying to,” Jenna defended, trying to lower her voice. “You’ve just been hinting at it all night, and you left your phone, and I happened to look down and couldn’t unsee  _ that _ .”

“Well, I’m sorry you, a grown ass woman with a child, are so scandalized by my active sex life,” Becky rolled her eyes.

“I’m not scandalized by that,” Jenna insisted. “I’m not even upset. I’m just trying to understand.”

“Understand what, Jenna?”

Jenna shrugged, looking around helplessly. “Understand how, for the past three years, all I’ve heard is how much you hate Cal, and all I’ve seen is you two quarreling like cats and dogs. But now you’re what? In a relationship? Friends with benefits?”

Becky folded her arms over her chest. “And that’s your business how?”

“We work together,” Jenna pointed out. “If this goes sour, we  _ all _ suffer. We’re suffering enough now.”

“You don’t think we haven’t talked about that?” the other woman challenged. “You don’t think we’re capable of separating work from our personal lives?”

“Is anyone really capable of that?”

“Well, it’s been several months already and nothing’s changed, has it?” Becky asked.

Jenna thought about that. Her friend was right. Nothing about Becky’s dynamic with Cal had been exceptionally different. They bickered and argued. He was a dick, she sassed back. Becky would complain later. There had been no extra affection, no sudden tolerance. Just their usual back and forth.

So, what was the deal?

“It hasn’t changed,” Jenna agreed. “But what I don’t get is what you see in him. Is this serious?”

“No!” Becky insisted. “Hell, I don’t even know what it is. But I'm certainly entitled to have a little fun.”

“So, that’s what this is?” Jenna snipped. “It’s fun? How do you get  _ fun _ out of a man who you’ve referred to on more than one occasion as ‘Dickwad of the Century’? Because last time I checked, that’s not a term of endearment.”

“Says the woman who almost married Earl Hunterson,” Becky shot back.

There it was.

Jenna could feel her blood boil, a ball of rage building in her belly. She was having flashbacks of drunk sex, loud band parties, stupidity disguised as adventure, summer date nights on the road soaked in beer and weed, then those sober nine months of misery after she found out Lulu was on the way. All of her best and worst mistakes in one year. Shame and pride in one go.

Earl was never her greatest decision, but he gave her the most important person in her life, and she managed to grow out of her shitty rebellion to become a pretty damn good mother and hard-working professional.

To have Becky, who had stood next to her through all of that and was  _ still _ next to her, throw that back in her face felt like a punch to the gut.

“How dare you?”

She watched Becky’s eyes widen at the realization of what she’d said, watched her reach out to her.

“Fuck.” Becky muttered. “Jenna, I didn’t mean... _ shit _ .”

Jenna only shook her head and turned away. “Don’t bother.”

Before she could say anything else, she walked out.  Becky had judged her enough today. And if she was being honest, part of her was judging her friend as well. But right now, she needed to walk away.

Where she needed to go, she had no clue, but she needed to be alone. Her emotions were too high this weekend as it was.

 

* * *

 

_ Friday night, Jenna woke from a nap (lord knows she had been sleeping at every scant opportunity she had) to a knock on her dorm room door. She’d been spending the week buried in her textbooks, studying for finals and trying to put up with Earl getting ready for his weekend with the band. So, to open the door and find Jim Pomatter holding up an unopened pack of microwave popcorn was a shock, to say the least. _

_ She hadn’t texted or spoken to him since the other day at the sandwich shop, when she’d blown him off. Guilt flooded her belly, a swift kick from the baby too coincidental for her taste. _

_ “Jim!” she feigned enthusiasm. “What are you doing here?” _

_ “Movie night?” he asked, uncertain. “If you want to, I mean. If you’re busy, I can go…” _

_ Shit. _

_ “No!” she said quickly, as he began to turn away. “No, please...stay.” _

_ She invited him in, picking out a movie from her scant collection while he popped the popcorn. They attempted to make light conversation. How was Francine? Fine. How was Earl? Fine. So, finals and graduation were next week? Crazy. _

_ Jenna put in some Adam Sandler movie Earl had left with her; one she knew Jim liked, because she really didn’t care. _

_ They were silent for the first thirty minutes or so, Jenna sitting at the head of her bed while Jim sat at her feet with his back against the wall. They passed the bowl of popcorn back and forth, during which time Jenna tried to recall if she’d even had dinner. Had she? No, she hadn’t. _

_ She instinctively placed a hand on her belly. Dr. Perkins would certainly have some choice words for that. _

_ “So,” Jim finally spoke after their prolonged silence, “have you and Earl talked about a wedding date yet?” _

_ Jenna looked at him, shook from her reverie. “Hmm?” _

_ “The wedding,” Jim explained. “Yours and Earl’s. You are getting married, right?” _

_ “Oh, right,” Jenna said flatly. “That. Yeah, we haven’t set date yet. I mean, it...just happened.” _

_ Jim nodded. “Right.”  There was an awkward silence again, the two refusing to make eye contact with one another. Finally, he said, “You know, I’m surprised you never called me after it happened.” _

_ “Why?” Jenna asked, grabbing the now empty bowl from the bed and getting up to set it aside. Anything to distance herself from him. _

_ “Well, we tell each other everything,” Jim pointed out. “This is a big deal. I just figured I wouldn’t have to find out from Facebook.” _

_ “I just didn’t get a chance,” Jenna defended weakly.  _

_ Jim sat up straighter, the volume of his voice increasing. “You had the chance to tell Becky, didn’t you?” _

_ “Well, yeah, but she’s not off wedding planning every day.” _

_ Jim shook his head, blinking. “Oh, gee,” he began, sarcasm dripping in his voice, “I’m sorry I’m getting married in a month and I have to tend to that. That’s definitely not as important as hearing about how shitty Earl is.” _

_ “Excuse me?” Jenna asked, incredulous. _

_ “Maybe you’re not trying to,” he replied, standing up now, “but I don’t think you’ve realized how much you’ve actually said about Earl lately.” _

_ Jenna jammed her hands on her hips. “Like what?” _

_ “You’re seven months pregnant, and the man’s only just been to a doctor’s appointment, for one,” Jim pointed out. “For another, you don’t even seem excited to be getting married.” _

_ “Maybe I just don’t show it,” Jenna rounded on him. “Not everyone wears their heart on their damn sleeve, Jim.” _

_ “No, they don’t,” Jim agreed, then coldly added, “but they generally like to show at least some emotion over someone they supposedly love and have decided to spend their life with.” _

_ Jenna scoffed. “Well, at least I’m not pretending to be disgustingly happy and rub it in everyone else’s faces.” _

_ “Oh, so I’m pretending to be happy with Francine?” he asked. “I just decided to waste the last three and a half years with her and spend my entire savings on a ring because I’m not happy?” _

_ “I don’t know, Jim,” Jenna continued to argue. “Maybe you like her controlling every aspect of your wedding or trying to put one together in six months. Or maybe you’re just putting up with this because of her parents’ money. But I guess people do crazy things when they don’t know what else to do.” _

_ “Then maybe that makes two of us,” Jim spat, walking briskly past her to the door. _

_ “Get out,” Jenna growled. _

_ He didn’t even look at her as he said, “You don’t need to tell me twice.” _

_ Then he was gone. _

_ Jenna tried to ignore the sudden nausea in her stomach and the prickle of oncoming tears as the door slammed behind him. Defeated she slumped down onto her bed, tears streaming down her face now. She put her head in her hands, allowing the emotions to flow out for the first time in months. Whatever control she thought she had, the precious few grains of it she tried to hold, slipped from her grasp. _

_ When the hell had this become her life? _

 

* * *

 

Jenna found a bench in the now (surprisingly) empty lobby and sat down. Exhaustion weighed on her as she took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind of all the mental clutter. She’d taken in too much information today.

Things were about to change at work.

Her alma mater was still pompous and boring.

Her daughter was the best thing to ever happen to her. (She already knew this, but the little reminders were nice.)

Becky was sleeping with Cal.

She had feelings for Jim.

“Fuck me,” she whispered to herself, leaning her head back against the wall. It didn’t help that the alcohol had left her feeling a little dizzy.

She opened her eyes again when she heard the banquet hall door open, the sound of music and conversation coming from inside. Her heart did a little flip when she saw Jim emerge from the other side. He had a plate in one hand and was headed in the opposite down the hall toward the bar. 

“Jim?” she called. 

He stopped and turned, his eyes appearing to light up. Was that what they were doing? Was that what was happening when his smile grew as wide as it was now? She wasn’t sure, but it caused a fluttering in her stomach.

“Hey, I was just looking for you,” he announced. He walked over and took a seat next to her on the bench, balancing what Jenna could now see was a giant piece of German chocolate cake. “Where’s Becky?” he asked, gaze shifting around the room.

Jenna groaned. “She’s in the restroom or...somewhere.”

Jim’s brows lifted. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine,” Jenna dismissed, not wanting to make him privy to the issues at hand. “Just girl stuff.”

“Ah,” Jim nodded. He handed her one of the two plastic forks he was carrying and then, holding out the plate, said, “Well, I don’t know much about girl stuff, but I’ve heard cake helps.”

She greedily dug her fork into the chocolate confection and told him, “If I haven’t mentioned it enough this weekend, you’re a saint.”

“I actually just happened to pick up an extra fork,” he admitted, “but I’m happy to share.”

She stuffed a huge bite of cake into her mouth, savoring the sugary sweetness, and mumbled, “Good, because I’m going to eat this damn cake.”

“Well, then don’t mind if I have some of... _ your _ cake, I guess?” Jim laughed and stuck a piece of cake onto his fork. He held it up, waited for her to grab another piece, and said, “Cheers.”

She tapped her fork against his, and they both took their bites. For a couple of minutes, they sat there, taking turns at the dessert and enjoying the silence. It was calm, normal. Something Jenna wasn’t always used to in her life.

She caught him smiling at her then, and she couldn’t help but accept the warmth that flooded her body and the pounding of her heart. Had he always made her feel this way?

She smiled back, grateful that he was there. Grateful to have him, even if he did leave her confused as hell.

“You know,” he said matter-of-factly, breaking their silence, “I’m starting to have enough of this place. Have I ever shown you the train bridge?”

“The what??” she asked, caught off guard.

“The train bridge,” he repeated. “My spot.”

She furrowed her brow, her lips pursing together, concentrating on any memories she might have of him mentioning such a thing. Nope. Nothing.

“I didn’t even know you had a spot,” she told him, stuffing another forkful of cake into her mouth.

“Huh...I thought I might have at least mentioned it,” Jim uttered to himself, still eating his half of the cake. Then, with a shake of his head, he addressed Jenna again, saying, “I did have a spot, though, and I’d kind of like to go see it.”

“Okay?”

“If you’d like to join…”

Jenna chewed on the idea for a second before asking, “What about Becky?”

“I’ll text her,” Jim answered. “We don’t have to stay out there long. This place is just getting kind of…” 

His face screwed up in concentration, searching for the right descriptor. To aid his struggle, Jenna offered up, “Crowded and dull?”

Jim snapped his fingers. “That would be it.”

“And you want to take me where exactly?” she questioned, finishing off the last of the cake.

Jim took her fork for her and placed it, along with his own on the empty paper plate. “You’ll just have to see it,” he replied cryptically. “I can’t ruin the magic with words and inaccurate descriptions.”

She eyed him doubtfully. “Magic?”

“You’ll see,” he grinned.

Then, without further question, he was tossing the plate into the nearest trash can, and she was following him to the coat room for their jackets and then out of the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off, I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who reads this and continues to show their support. I've received some of the nicest most heartening comments in the last little bit, and you honestly have no idea how much that makes my day to know that all of the writing and the work I've put into this story is worth it. And honestly, I love hearing from you all, whether it's to tell me what you enjoy about this story or to offer some constructive advice. Knowing people are engaged keeps me writing. So, thank you all so very much.
> 
> Also, shoutout to my lovely friend Alicia for continuing to read these chapters before everyone else, offering advice/opinions, and putting up with me. She's had a busy week, I think, so I appreciate her more than she knows.


	12. Chapter 11

****_ Finals week arrived all too quickly for Jim. Between wedding planning, applying to grad school for his MAT, and stewing over his last visit with Jenna, he wondered how he was going to cram in studying and getting ready for graduation. _

_ That didn’t, however, stop him from trying to track Jenna down one afternoon between exams. _

_ The second he had walked out of her dorm, he’d kicked himself for it. The look on her face, the pain in her voice...it hurt worse than her insinuations. Her pain hurt worse than anything she could say to him. And while that did excuse what she’d said, the idea of leaving things on that note with her didn’t sit well on his stomach. _

_ He found her at lunch time, leaving the dining hall. As soon as she saw him, she picked up her pace and tried to pretend not to see him. He picked up the pace with her and followed, hating himself for even having to do this.  _

_ “Leave me alone,” she told him flatly when he caught up to her. _

_ “Jenna, I just want to talk,” he insisted. _

_ She scowled. “Then go talk to your wife.” _

_ “She’s not my wife yet,” he corrected her, uncertain why when that wasn’t the point. _

_ “Does it matter?” she shot back. “I have nothing to say to you.” _

_ “Listen, I know you’re hurt,” he pleaded. “So am I, but please, let’s figure this out.” _

_ “Figure what out?” she snapped at him, stopping mid-walk and turning to face him. “What’s there to figure out?” _

_ “We’ve been friends since seventh grade,” he reminded her. “We have never fought like this, ever. Clearly something’s wrong, and there’s too much here to lose.” _

_ “What do you expect me to say, Jim?” she asked bitterly. “We have nothing anymore. You’ve got your perfect life to look forward to, and I’m here with my scraps. How does that match?” _

_ “It doesn’t, and I’d hardly see your life as ‘scraps,’ but it doesn’t have to change anything,” he insisted. “And, what? Am I supposed to put my life on hold for you?” _

_ “Of course, you’re not!” she yelled. “I didn’t say I wanted you to. But trying to tell me what’s best for me is not your job. Judging the father of my child is not your job. That’s for me to decide.” _

_ “And I’m sorry for that,” he told her sincerely. _

_ She shook her head. “I’m not sure that’s enough anymore.” _

_ Defeated, Jim stood still, watching her stalk off without another thought. _

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jenna had no idea what she was getting herself into as Jim led her across campus. He guided her down streets and around corners, streetlights just bright enough for them to see where they were going.

They came to the edge of a small ravine where a set of train tracks crossed through. They stepped off the side road and into grass and gravel.

Finally, Jim stopped and said, “Here we are.”

Jenna found herself staring up at a large wooden structure. Rickety stairs leading up to a platform. She looked over to see that it crossed over the train tracks. A bridge, just as he’d said.

The question was, how old was this bridge? Was it even fit for people?

“We’re going up there?” she asked skeptically.

He offered up his hand, and she reached for it. With a calm smile he said, “I promise it’s fine. I wouldn’t put you in any danger.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he assured her. Then, sincerely, he told her, “You’re safe here, Jenna.”

He gave her hand a light squeeze, and she could feel herself relax, feel any apprehension next away. She followed him, regretting the decision to wear heels immediately as she tread across the gravel.

He stepped ahead of her, taking her hand and helping her up the platform. She moved carefully, allowing him to steady her and hold her. The feel of his fingers on the small of her back when they finally made it up sent a pleasant, warm surge through her.

Such a simple gesture, but she liked it. Liked the feel of his touch, the assurance of his strong but gentle hands.

“Wow,” she breathed, taking a look around her for the first time, taking on the view. 

The bridge felt surprisingly high, and the rolling hills that the tracks seemed to emerge from were open enough to reveal an expansive sky. With little light in the town at this hour, it seemed there were millions of stars out. The moon was nearly full as well.

“I used to come here by myself all the time,” Jim revealed. “When things would get hectic or I needed a break from people and studying, I’d walk here and just...sit. Or stand.”

He walked over to one of the bridge’s railings and leaned against it, staring out at the scenery with Jenna now.

“Did you ever bring anyone?” she asked, sidling up next to him. He shook his head and she prompted, “Not even Francine?”

“I needed my space,” he explained. “Somewhere that was just for me. Not that she ever crowded me, but sometimes you just need something that’s only yours.”

Jenna nodded in agreement, though she wished she knew what that felt like.

Still, she smiled at him, her heart buzzing at the thought of being let into his sacred space, and said, “Well, I’m honored to be the first”

“I actually meant to bring you,” he said matter-of-factly. “I wish I had.”

“You do?” she asked, even more surprised.

“I always felt more myself around you,” he told her. “I never had to put up a front for you.” He paused then, taking in a breath, shifting on his feet. “You know, Francine used to take me to her parents’ or to hospital functions to meet the rich doctors. I’ve never felt more out of place. Even when it was just the two of us, I felt like I had to impress her. I almost went for my PhD because she talked constantly about what a great professor I would make, that I was wasting my time in the public education system. She was supportive but always wanting  _ more _ from me.”

Jenna nodded, listening intently. She wanted to let him get out what he needed to. As much as she could say about Francine, she held her tongue. This wasn’t her place to put in her two cents. Especially now, when she was finally mustering the courage to admit just how much her heart felt for him. 

Condemning a woman she knew he’d loved, probably still did and always would to an extent, was both petty and selfish. She’d already been down that route and had no interest in revisiting.

“You would make an amazing professor,” Jenna had to agree with Francine’s sentiments, “but you can only do what you love. I’m sure your students think the world of you.”

Jim grinned sheepishly and shook his head. “Nah. They only tolerate me.”

There was a moment while the two stopped to look at one another. Jenna was leaning against the rail with him, gravitating further to his side. Their shoulders touched, and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to him. Her fingers tentatively found his hand, waiting for him to respond before locking hers with his.

“I doubt that’s true, but if it makes you feel any better,” she began, feeling more bold now, “I certainly think the world of you.”

She watched Jim’s lips turn upward, his eyes brighten. He looked down at their linked hands, then back at her, his gaze digging deep into her.

“The feeling is quite mutual,” he responded, his voice soft, genuine, near on a whisper. “You really have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Jenna.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” she spoke gently. Then she swallowed a lump in her throat at an entirely new thought. “I don’t want to have to say goodbye tomorrow.”

Jim gave her hand a squeeze. “Me, neither,” he agreed. “Although, there is one option I’ve considered that we could--”

The sound of a loud train whistle from a distance cut him off then. Jenna watched Jim’s eyes light up again, this time his grin like a child who just found out Christmas came early.

“What?” she asked, interest piqued.

“Hell, yes!” he cheered, then turned excitedly to her. “I wasn’t sure if it would come by or not, but Jenna, you have  _ got _ to check this out.”

She eyed him strangely, trying to understand what could possibly be so fascinating about a train. “Check what out?” she pressed.

“You’ll see,” he continued to be vague. “The feeling is wild. A little terrifying at first, but you don’t want to miss this.”

“The feeling of  _ what? _ ” she was interrogating him now. “Jim, what the hell did you bring me up here for?”

“Just trust me,” he insisted, placing his hands on her shoulders before quickly ushering her to the center of the bridge, against. “Here, stand right here.” When she tried to protest, he cut her off with a, “Jenna, I promised you you’d be safe, and I’m keeping that promise. Please trust me.”

“Okay, fine,” she sighed, defeated. She had no idea what he was up to, but she would give him the benefit of the doubt.

The whistle of the train sounded again, closer this time. Jim stood behind Jenna, hands still on her shoulders. She leaned into him, feeling his warmth and the safety of his embrace. Off in the distance, lights emerged, the shape of the train forming and moving toward them. The whistle blew again and, as the train approached, Jenna realized that there was only one direction for this train to go.

“Jim, the train is coming,” she told him apprehensively.

“I know,” he told her, “that’s the point.”

Jenna started down at the old wood underneath her and asked, “Are you sure this bridge is safe? It’s not going to collapse on us?”

“I’m positive,” he assured her. “Or I’ve been up here so many times when the train passed through, and nothing’s happened.”

Jenna, panicked now, had to yell over the train whistle, “That was ten years ago!”

“This thing is a tank!” Jim had to raise his voice to be heard, too. “It’s an historic landmark! They have to inspect it all the time!”

Jenna could feel the rumbling now, the train’s whistle ringing in her ears. Lights nearly blinded her as the train approached.  Jim held tighter to her, and she braced herself as it raced toward the bridge.

“If we die, I’ll kill you!” she threatened.

Jim only smirked and gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. Not very helpful, but again, she would give him the benefit of the doubt. Adorable, excitable, attractive  _ asshole _ .

Jenna’s heart began to pound as the train sped toward them, louder than ever. As it passed under the bridge, she let out a shriek, turning and clinging to Jim. As she felt the bridge shake and rumble and felt the wind blowing in her face, she couldn’t help but stare out over the bridge to the the engine moving underneath them. Train cars were a blur as they raced by.

Finally, as the initial shock wore off, Jenna released a breath and let herself feel the vibrations of the bridge and the way the wind swept through her hair. She watched the world around her shake, trees moving and dirt flying beneath. Her adrenaline began to ease, and she couldn’t help but be shaken with laughter. 

The train began to disappear then, the air growing quiet again except for her laughs, and she noticed Jim was cracking up along with her.

“What...the fuck…” Jenna breathed through fits of laughter.

“Told you you wouldn’t want to miss it,” Jim said smugly. “It actually becomes kind of boring after you’ve seen it a million times, but the first one’s a rush.”

“I don’t have words,” Jenna conceded. “You win.”

Jim, who she suddenly became aware was still holding her, asked, “Does that mean you enjoyed it?”

“Well, I don’t know that I’d do it again,” she prefaced, “but yes. It was...definitely something.”

“You’re definitely something.”

The look on Jim’s face was intense when he spoke. His voice was low, tender. For a hot minute, they stared at one another, his eyes boring into hers. Jenna felt herself pressed against him, surrounded by him, felt how close her face was to his.

Her gaze fell to his lips, and a moment pass where she wanted—no, needed—to know what they would feel like against hers.

“Jim…” she whispered, feeling herself gravitate toward him.

She might have kissed him, except he was easing away, trying to distance himself.

“We should,” be clearer his throat, “we should probably head back. Check on Becky.”

“Yeah,” she released a breath. “We should.”

Then, reluctantly, she let him go, already missing the feel of him as he stepped ahead of her. He helped her down the platform, even offering to give her his shoes. (She told him no, she was fine, but she appreciated the gesture.)

Once they were both on the ground, she offered her arm for him to take. He linked his with hers, and the two took off into the night, in no rush as they walked slowly back to the banquet hall.

 

* * *

 

_ “Jenna, I’m sorry for everything that’s happened. Please call me.” _

_ “Look, I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be. I just want to talk.” _

_ “Please don’t do this, Jenna. We’re about to graduate. Let’s not leave things like this.” _

_ Jenna felt the prickle and sting of tears as she slammed down her phone on the desk in her and Earl’s new bedroom. Ironically, she’d left campus to get some peace and quiet--mostly to avoid Jim--and had managed to find some solace in the little corner she’d set up for herself. _

_ Of course, Earl had yet to return from work, so peace and quiet to study for her last final had been easy.  _

_ She checked the time to find that, at best, she only had a few more minutes left before her peace and quiet ended. Wonderful. As she tried to concentrate on marketing strategies and absorb everything she could, her phone decided to disturb her once more. _

_ For a moment, she considered picking up and yelling at Jim to quit calling her, but she had the foresight to check the caller ID. The number was familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it. _

_ “Hello?” she asked cautiously, slowly. _

_ A cheerful female voice greeted her on the other end. “Hi! Is this Jenna Barker?” _

_ “Yes, this is she,” she replied, relaxing back in her chair now that she knew it wasn’t Jim again. _

_ “Perfect,” the woman said. “This is Tara from Harper East graduate admissions. You came in the other day for an interview?” _

_ Jenna perked up at that, sitting up straight again. “I did,” she confirmed, then waited. _

_ “Well, I just wanted to let you know that we’ve made our decision,” Tara’s voice was calculating and a little too perky as she spoke, “and we would love to have you as an admissions counselor starting week after next.” _

_ “Great,” Jenna attempted to sound excited, her sour mood and stress from the past week still lingering strongly. “What’s the next step? What do I need to do next?” _

_ “We’ll have an orientation on Thursday next week for our new summer hires. Will you be available for that?” _

_ “Absolutely,” Jenna promised. “I’ll be there.” _

_ She had to cringe at Tara’s perkiness as the other woman exclaimed. “Awesome! We’ll see you there. Have a nice week, and good luck on the rest of your finals.” _

_ Jenna concluded the conversation with a sincere thank you and hung up. _

Well, baby, _ she thought, placing a hand on her belly and feeling the little one kick,  _ it looks like your mama might be doing something right for once.

_ She closed her eyes for a second, trying to quiet her brain and take everything in. She had a job. She was receiving her college degree this Saturday. In a couple of short months, her son or daughter would be in her arms. It was okay. She was going to be okay. _

_ Just then, the sound of the door unlocking and opening in the other room caused her to jump and break her from her rest. She felt her stomach sink. _

_ Well...maybe she was going to be okay. _

_ “Baby, you here?” Earl called from the living room. _

_ “In the bedroom!” Jenna called back.  _

_ She waited for him to come in. As soon as he did, she was met with, “Why the hell are you back here?” _

_ “Studying for my Marketing final tomorrow,” she answered, then asked a question of her own. “Why? Am I supposed to be somewhere else?” _

_ Earl tossed his jacket on the bed and kicked his shoes off. “No, I was just hoping you might have dinner ready. You said you’d cook.” _

_ “I said I would order take-out,” she corrected, standing up and collecting her books. “I’m exhausted getting ready for this test. Let’s just get a pizza or something.” _

_ “Order Chinese,” Earl insisted. “I don’t feel like pizza.” _

_ Jenna wanted to argue with him. After eating dining hall food for  the better part of the last week and still managing to stick to her prenatal diet, all she wanted was a greasy, cheesy, fatty, horrible-for-her-health pizza. But if sacrificing that would avoid a fight, she supposed she could eat sesame chicken instead. _

_ “Fine,” she sighed, reaching for her phone. “What do you want?” _

_ He rattled off his order then, and she watched as he left the room without so much as a glance back at her.  _ To go find something more interesting to do, apparently,  _ she thought. _

_ Her good news could wait, she supposed. _

 

* * *

 

The banquet hall was still hopping, though beginning to slowly empty itself of people, as Jim and Jenna returned. 

Jim once again offered to take Jenna’s coat, which she happily accepted. Before he could walk away to hang it up, though, they both noticed Becky on the other side of the lobby, looking and waiting.

“You should go talk to her,” Jim urged on a whisper. He was right.

Jenna nodded. She and Becky had a lot to work out before they parted ways for the night. “There’s a little lounge area near the bar,” she told Jim. “Meet you there in a few?”

“Sounds perfect,” Jim agreed. He took Jenna, who hadn’t even realized they’d been holding hands since they left the train bridge, by surprise when he lifted her knuckles to his lips and left a gentle peck. “I’ll see you guys in a minute.”

For a moment, she stood dumbfounded, her cheeks heating at the tiniest of gestures. She felt eyes on her, though, and turned to face Becky, who was watching across the room.

The two began to walk toward one another, meeting in the middle.

“Well, I would say something about that little moment there,” Becky began, a little bite still in her voice, “but that’s not any of my business.”

Jenna crossed her arms. “Okay, I deserved that,” Jenna conceded. “But if you must know, nothing’s really happened yet. We’re still figuring this out.”

“He loves you,” Becky told her simply. “And I think you love him. You’ll make it work if you want to.”

Jenna ignored the assumption that she loved Jim, and asked, “Like you and Cal?”

“Cal isn’t love,” Becky shook her head. “Not right now, anyway.”

“What is he, then?” Jenna asked patiently, willing to listen.

“A reason,” the other woman answered. “A reason to get up in the morning, to look forward to going to work and coming home at the end of the day. Jenna, life gets so  _ boring _ . I just want to actually  _ feel _ something, and he makes me feel something.”

“Does he make you happy?” Jenna wondered aloud, still listening and giving her a chance.

Becky nodded. “For what it’s worth, yes. We fight like cats and dogs at work, but he looks after me.” She grinned then and said, “He hasn’t quite let go of his macho pride yet, but we’re working on it. It keeps the sex interesting, though. I won’t feed it, and he’s too proud to not be thorough.”

Jenna rolled her eyes at the smug look on Becky’s face. “I so do  _ not _ need to know about your sex life,” she quipped.

Feel confident they were reconciled, Jenna began to make her way toward the hall leading to the bar. Becky followed next to her.

“It’s okay,” the other woman said, tone of joking in her voice now. “Just admit you’re jealous and haven’t had any in a while. It’s fine.”

“I’m not jealous,” Jenna insisted. Then, quietly, admitted, “Maybe a little.”

“I’m telling you, there’s a willing participant in the other room.” At Jenna’s warning glare, Becky backed off. “Fine, I’ll leave it be. I’m sorry for being so pushy.”

“It’s okay,” Jenna forgave her. Then it was her turn, “I’m sorry for being so quick to judge.”

“Apology accepted,” Becky smiled, placing an arm over her shoulders.

Jenna returned the gesture, placing her arm across Becky’s back, the two giggling and strutting together toward the bar like they were in middle school again.

 

* * *

 

_ Jim had tried his damnedest to reach Jenna for hours. It was 9:00 that evening when he gave up. He’d called, sent texts. She wasn’t having it. _

_ He couldn’t force her, though. He couldn’t chase her down forever. He needed to move forward. He needed to let  _ her _ move forward. Being an asshole who refused to take no for an answer was not the way to get her attention or convince her to listen. _

_ So, he let it go. _

_ He ignored the twinge in his heart at the thought of never speaking to her again, and he let her go. If she changed her mind, he would be waiting. But only for so long. _

_ He tried once more to call her as he walked out to his car, getting voicemail once again. Exhausted from trying, he got into the vehicle, slamming the door behind him. He’d barely looked or paid attention as he backed out of his parking spot, barely avoiding a car that was trying to pull in behind him. _

_ He needed to drive. He just wanted to  _ go _. But to where? _

_ He and Francine were planning on spending the night apart. She had a bio-med exam to study for, and he was dreading organic chem, and it was easier for both of them to be in solitude to concentrate. No distractions. _

_ Still, he found himself entertaining the idea of an entirely different kind of distraction. They could both use a break, a destress. It was the only thing that sounded even remotely appealing to him. _

Fuck it _ , he thought as he made the turn off campus that took him to her apartment. _

_ The apartment complex was mostly dark when he arrived. As he pulled up, he could see a light on from the window that he knew belonged to her place. The inside of the building was quiet too, once he’d parked and made his way up the stairs to the third floor.  _

_ He knocked on her door, praying her roommates weren’t home and thanking whatever deity that the only voice he heard was hers calling, “Hold one second!” _

_ He waited, gave her a minute while she made her way to the door. _

_ “Oh, hi, babe!” she greeted him and then, her brow furrowing with concern, asked, “Is everything okay? I thought we were gonna take a break tonight.” _

_ She ushered him in, closing the door behind him as he followed. “Everything’s fine,” he lied. Then, without warning, he closed in on her, placing his hands on her waist and crashing his lips to hers hotly.  _

_ She hesitated for a moment, caught off guard, but kissed him back, her arms winding around his neck. They stumbled for a moment, him backing her into the door. _

_ “What was that for?” she breathed, tearing her lips from his just long enough for him to explain. _

_ “I just needed you,” he rasped, slipping his hands under her shirt. _

_ Then, in a gesture that could only be backed by a hallelujah chorus, she broke away from him only to take his hands and lead him toward her bedroom. _

_ She didn’t have to tell him twice. _

_ With that, he tossed his phone onto one of the tables they passed, forgetting it completely and letting the weight lift off his shoulders. _

_ Everything else could disappear for a while. _   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, HUGE thank you to everyone for all your kind words and support. I'll be honest, I didn't want to post this chapter, and I've been exhausted and busy as it is. Thankfully, the school year is over, and I only have another week or so I'm required to work, so that means a lot more time to write. Also to rest, because being tired kills my inspiration to write.
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. It wasn't my favorite to write, but I'm really looking forward to the next one. REALLY looking forward to it. We're getting closer to the end of the road, folks! Only a few left.


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for myself. I really don't. This chapter was so hard to write, but I am SO glad I finally got it. I've been waiting since I started this story to write this chapter, and I hope reading it will be just as satisfying for you all as it was for me to finish it.
> 
> Major thanks to my pals Alicia and Lesli for helping me bring this one kicking and screaming into the world (much like we'll see Jenna do with Lulu very soon). And thank you to everyone for the continued support and kind messages. Without further ado...

Jenna and Becky found Jim at the bar, ordering three glasses of water. They’d all had their fill of drink and needed to sober up just a little if they wanted to travel safely.

The two women waved, calling out to him. He held up a glass in response as they approached.

“Those for us?” Becky asked, grabbing a glass anyway.

He nodded. “I figured we could use these,” he explained, handing Jenna’s to her before turning back to their dark-haired friend. “Becky, if you’d rather not drive back to Stanton Grove, we have room at the house.”

Becky shook her head as the trio left the bar and made their way to the little lounge attached. “I’ll be fine,” she assured. “I’ve got my wits about me. Besides...I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

She exchanged a look with Jenna, her lips turning up into a knowing smirk, and she sipped her water as she looked away.

The trio found a loveseat and a couple of arm chairs. Becky claimed a chair, flopping into it and gratefully kicking her shoes off. Meanwhile, Jenna claimed half of the loveseat, crossing her ankles. Jim, on the other hand, seemed a bit torn. He glanced at Jenna, then at the empty chair, then back at Jenna again.

She flashed him a smile and patted the empty spot next to her.

He took the invitation, making himself comfortable in the empty space next to her. Their legs touched, and his eyes gleamed as they met hers, causing her heart to leap inside of her chest—a lovesick teenage stereotype, but a real reaction nonetheless.

God, since when did she have this kind of adolescent reaction over any man? Especially a man she’d known most of her life, and in such a benign situation?

“So, you know what I’ve been thinking a lot about?” Becky’s voice snapped Jenna back to the rest of the world. At Jenna and Jim’s _what_ , she elaborated, “How we spent the better part of four years together at this helliversity, and not once did we all take a picture together.”

Jenna shook her head immediately. “If you’re suggesting we take one right now, I’ll pass.”

“Oh, but why?” Becky whined.

“I don’t do pictures,” she insisted. “I always end up looking ridiculous.”

Becky let out a _pfffffttttt_ while Jim protested, “I refuse to believe that. You’re...lord, you’re gorgeous, Jenna.”

She felt her cheeks flush pink at his compliment and the way he stared her up and down--not in a lude way, either, but with reverence and genuine desire and admiration. His eyes were soft but fixed, trained but not tense. Once he appeared to realize he was staring, he quickly shifted his gaze to her face.

She looked away.

“You’re both biased,” she countered.

“And you’re too damn proud,” Becky argued playfully, pulling her phone out of her clutch. “Now, let’s take the picture before my grandchildren are born. I need proof that I had friends so they’ll believe me.”

Jenna rolled her eyes, but went along with her friend’s antics anyway. What was the harm?

Becky stood up and scurried up behind the loveseat where Jenna and Jim sat. She fiddled with the settings on her phone for a moment before handing the device to Jim and saying, “You’ve got long arms. Here.”

Jim, ever the sport, seemed to accept his apparent lot in life as Becky crouched down closer to their level.

Jenna combed her fingers through stray hairs, Becky adjusted her blazer, and Jim straightened his tie before announcing, “On the count of three. One...two…”

On three, they all put on their best smiles, and he snapped the photo. Upon inspecting it, it was photogenic and presentable enough. Except Jenna had one complaint.

“We look like our smiles are gonna fall off our faces,” she commented, nose scrunching. “It’s not us.”

“True, but it beats that creepy photographer that was following everyone around earlier,” Jim pointed out. Jenna couldn’t argue with that.

“Maybe he got a more candid one and we don’t know yet,” Becky said hopefully, then straightened up. “In any case, thank you for playing along. That’s been driving me crazy for years.”

“Why did we never get a picture together?” Jim wondered aloud. “We used to take pictures all the time in high school. What happened when we got here?”

“Well, I didn’t transfer until sophomore year,” Becky pointed out as she made herself comfortable in her chair again. “Then we all just got busy.”

Jenna nodded in agreement. “I spent the entirety of senior year stressed and pregnant, so that’s another one down.”

“And I was dating Francine seriously for most of college,” Jim realized. Jenna didn’t miss the way his face dropped.

She thought about reaching out to him, telling him that it was okay. She couldn’t hold it against him anymore. He had been happy with Francine, and it was never her place to take that from him. Still, that small part of her that wondered _what if_ stopped her from speaking, and she settled for placing a hand on his.

He accepted it, taking it in his instead, and gave it a light squeeze.

It was a gesture of understanding and forgiveness without ripping open the old wound. She could do that much. One day they could have that conversation. Just not tonight. Not when things were coming together and she was finally finding the courage to lay her feelings out for him.

“To be fair,” Becky—bless her—decided to flip the conversation, “college was a strange, surreal time for all of us. We were a mess.”

“I think mess is an understatement,” Jenna laughed a little. “I wouldn’t trade her for anything, but I have a ten-year old at home to prove it.”

“And I’m the lone divorcee,” Jim said wryly, lifting up his glass, “but life goes on.”

Becky lifted her glass as well and chimed in, “Thank god we got our shit together.”

Jenna, wholeheartedly on board with that sentiment, joined them in lifting her glass. She could almost laugh as they clanked their drinks together, downing water like goddamn shots.

Was this what getting old felt like?

She shook the thought, not particularly bothered by it, and her mind turned to an entirely different question.

“Speaking of getting our shit together,” she turned to Jim, “aren’t you flying out tomorrow?”

He nodded. “I’m supposed to. I don’t _have_ to. We’re on fall break next week.”

“A whole week?” Becky asked. Jim nodded. “Damn. Those fancy Connecticut kids have it made.”

“You’d think that,” Jim took another sip of water, “but we only get a week off for Christmas and New Year’s.”

Jenna and Becky both expressed their distaste, making sounds that could only be akin to saying _yikes_. Jim shrugged.

“Anyway, I might stay another day,” he continued, fiddling and swishing around the ice in his now half empty glass. “The only reason I was leaving tomorrow was because I thought I’d be bored out of my mind.” He looked directly at Jenna then and said, “Thankfully, it’s been a surprisingly wonderful time.”

Jenna could feel a certain electricity surge through her as they connected once again. A jolt of excitement, and the anticipation of what could only be described as freedom—the freedom to open her heart to him, to have whatever it was that she’d longed to have with him.

It was right there next to her.

 

* * *

 

_“Have you talked to Jim?”_

_Jenna, who was in the middle of pinning her black graduation cap to her pristinely brushed, parted, pulled back hair, groaned._

_“For the last time, Becky,” she huffed, “no. I haven’t spoken to Jim. I’m done. I have more important things to worry about.”_

_“Whatever floats your boat,” Becky shrugged._

_The two women were doing their final checks in front of the mirror in Jenna and Earl’s bedroom. Becky dabbed on a little extra lip gloss while Jenna checked the angle of her dress, self consciously rubbing her hands over her round belly._

_No hiding that anymore._

_At least the baby was active but not practicing football today. And she had to admit, with the v-neck and empire waistline of her floral maternity dress, she felt cute rather than like a beached whale for the first time in weeks._

_She had just finished pinning her cap when Earl strolled in with her graduation gown._

_“Baby, no wonder you paid extra for this,” he snorted. “You didn’t buy a gown. You bought a tent!”_

_Jenna closed her eyes and sighed. So much for feeling good about herself._

_“Earl, do you mind being a dick somewhere else today?” Becky barked. “We’re trying to get ready.”_

_Earl tossed the oversized gown onto bed and crossed his arms, posturing. “Last time I checked, this is my house.”_

_“It’s also Jenna’s, and she’s carrying your child,” Becky countered, shoving her lip gloss into her makeup bag. “Maybe have a little pride in her instead of making fun of her.”_

_“Who said I was making fun of her?”_

_“You just compared her to a tent.”_

_“I was just kidding around. Lighten up a little. God.”_

_Jenna, who’d heard enough, turned on them and spat, “Can you both stop?!” She stalked over to the bed, snatching her gown, and said, “It’s going to be a long day, and fighting’s not gonna help.”_

_Earl sputtered, following her as she marched out of the bedroom and down the hallway toward the living room. “Are you really just gonna let her talk to me like that, though?”_

_“She wasn’t wrong,” Jenna bit, glaring at him. “But I don’t need any of this right now, so I’m not gonna argue. I don’t care.”_

_Becky, who appeared to be distancing herself from the issue, followed behind them._

_“And you,” Jenna stuck a finger out at her friend, “can refrain from calling my fiancé a dick.”_

_She thrust her gown at Earl for him to hold while she went in search of her shoes. He and Becky watched as she yanked open the front hall closet and dug through a pile of sneakers, heels, and boots until she found the right dress sandals._

_Once the shoes were on her feet, she waddled as fast as she could with her ever growing belly back to her fiancé and friend. She snatched her gown back from Earl, and they stared at her blankly._

_“Well?” she prompted to no response. “Let’s go. I have to go be a tent apparently.”_

 

* * *

 

Becky parted a little after 10:00. With hugs, a promise to text when she made it home, and a whisper of “now go get him” to Jenna, she was off, leaving Jenna and Jim alone again.

Alone.

This was it, Jenna realized. If she was going to speak up now was the time. Tonight was the night. She still couldn’t believe how fast everything had happened between her and Jim. How quickly she’d decided to trust him again. How she could go for years trying to forget he existed, and here they were acting as if nothing had ever happened.

She looked at him, sitting next to her, smiling at her. His eyes were soft but bored into her.

“Well,” he said, tapping his fingers against his now empty water glass.

“Well,” she parroted.

Her pulse began to race, breathing became a little harder. This was happening, for real this time. She struggled to come up with anything coherent to say and feared letting him being the first to speak.

Shit, she couldn’t do this.

“You know,” she swallowed, “I should probably go check on Lulu one last time. We don’t usually spend this much time apart, so…”

She trailed off, running out of words. Jim nodded and said, “Of course. I’ll be right here.”

“I won’t be long,” she promised, lifting herself from her seat and grabbing her clutch, scurrying away.

 _For god’s sake,_ _Jenna_ , she mentally scolded herself. _He’s just a man. This is nothing new to you._

Except he wasn’t just a man. He was Jim. Her best friend. The one she’d spent proms drunk with. Who she’d baked cookies, muffins, and pies with. Who’s rescued her and nursed her hangover after a night of bad choices. The first person she’d told when she found out Lulu was on the way.

The one who she’d pushed away and still never stopped thinking about for years.

She wandered the building searching for a quiet, secluded corner. Once she found one, she texted Dawn:

_I know the kids are probably sleeping, but can you call?_

Not two minutes later, her phone was vibrating and Dawn’s name illuminated the screen.

“Hey, girl,” Jenna answered quietly. “I’m really sorry to ask you to call so late.”

“Nonsense!” Dawn dismissed, still perky and chipper as ever. “I expected you to want updates on Lulu.”

“I know I’ve called so much,” Jenna acknowledged, “I just really miss her.”

“She’s sleeping like a baby,” Dawn assured her. “Just sent her and the twins off to bed.”

Jenna smiled to herself, grateful her daughter was in such good hands. “Good,” she affirmed, then continued, “and thank you again. You have no idea how much this means to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you and Ogie sometimes.”

“It’s never any trouble dear,” Dawn dismissed. “We love Lulu, and we love you. Taking care of her is as easy as taking care of our own children.”

“Well, you’re both amazing parents already,” Jenna noted.

Dawn laughed. “We try. I think between the two of us, though, Ogie’s the natural.”

“He really takes care of you, doesn’t he?”

“Couldn’t imagine life without him,” Dawn declared.

The statement gave Jenna pause.

She could remember when the two had started dating. How Dawn had been a nervous wreck, uncertain of Ogie, who had been more than forward about his feelings for her. Neither had much experience in the field of love, but they’d found each other and had so far lasted nearly eight years married.

They’d always left her hopeful that love could be genuine and permanent.

“Dawn can I ask you something?” she inquired.

“Sure, anything.”

Jenna chewed on her lip, considering how to form her words. “What made you give Ogie a chance when you were scared to? What changed for you?”

Her friend let out a _hmmmm_ as she thought about her answer. “I guess,” she said, “I could tell I was more important to him than anything else he could want. And I knew that, no matter what happened, he would make me happier than if I’d gone through life wondering.”

“So you...what? Just risked it?” Counterintuitive, she thought.

“More like I knew deep down he was right for me,” Dawn corrected. “But, yeah, I suppose that was a risk. What’s love without a few gambles, right?”

“And it was worth it?” Jenna already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear her say it.

She could hear the smile Dawn had to be wearing as she replied, “Every bit and then some.”

_Every bit and then some._

The words echoed in the recesses of Jenna’s heart. Reverberated against empty chasms and vibrated in the ones that had already been filled.

She was ready.

 

* * *

 

_“Dylan Charles Ashton.”_

_Jenna listened as the crowd erupted into applause for the hundredth time. She vigorously waved the complimentary fan she’d been given, roasting from the heat of all the graduates in black and their hundreds of family members._

_Gymnasiums were not appropriate venues for graduations._

_“Camryn Elizabeth Avery.”_

_Jenna’s row was instructed to stand as more names were read off. The graduates marched in a line toward the stage. As Jenna stood up front waiting for her name, she spotted Jim toward the back._

_“Mariana Gabriela Báez.”_

_Several rows in front of him, she spotted Francine. While she didn’t want to admit it or hang onto the thought, seeing the two of them separated filled her with just a tiny bit of glee._

_“Sara Alexis Bailey.”_

_Jenna’s eyes flew back to Jim again. Would he try to find her after the ceremony? Exchange mutual congratulations and make amends? She couldn’t tell, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to. She sure as hell wasn’t going to try._

_“Andre Samson Baker.”_

_She forced herself to look away. There were only a small handful of people in front of her now. Her hands instinctively found her belly, cradling it and taking comfort in feeling the kicks of her son or daughter._

_“Aaron David Barger.”_

_Jenna could feel her heart pound in her chest. She adjusted her cap once more and fiddled with her gown. Anything to keep herself from looking over at Jim again. She needed to shut him out, to forget him. Today was goodbye and the first day of her freedom._

_“Jenna Louise Barker.”_

_The sound of her name snapped her out of her thoughts. She’d barely realized she’d made it to the front of the line. As she ascended the stairs, she looked out to see Becky whooping and hollering from her seat. Off to the side in the audience, even Earl was making a racket._

_Jenna barely registered the handshakes and formal congratulations from the university officials as they handed her the leather booklet her diploma would go in. The obligatory applause from the audience was suddenly deafening as she had her picture taken and walked proudly to the other end of the stage._

_Once she was off stage and lost in the crowd of students making their way back to their seats, she placed a hand on her belly again and whispered under her breath, “Your mama did it, baby.”_

_If she had no other reason in her life to feel good about herself, if she did nothing else right, she would take this victory._

_The rest of the ceremony passed in a dull blur. When Becky walked the stage, Jenna cheered as loud as she could. It wasn’t until toward the end that she’d realized how few people she’d remained friends with or how few of the friends she had made stayed in school. There were some acquaintances, but no one she was eager to find later to take a picture._

_After waiting in line to pick up her diploma, she gathered with Becky and Earl, the trio migrating outside with the rest of the graduates and their families. Becky’s family had, of course, offered hugs and their congratulations (pity, she realized, since she had no family). The two graduates took a few pictures together. Earl insisted on taking a picture with Jenna, hand on her belly, smile cheesy and wide, looking deceptively like a proud father-to-be. Jenna forced a smile and waited for it to be over._

_She was ready to go, to accept that in minutes she would leave this campus and happily never return. Except, across the way, she caught a glimpse of Jim, surrounded by his family, Francine hanging on his arm. She watched as two people who she gathered were Francine’s parents gave him hugs._

_Then she watched as he and Francine kissed, looking blissful and on top of the world as ever._

_She felt her heart and stomach sink at the sight._

_Then, as if the universe was out to punish her further, he looked up at her. She watched his face drop as their eyes met and felt the sting of tears threaten to fall from hers._

_Waving felt inappropriate. Walking over to talk to him felt useless._

_This really was goodbye, wasn’t it?_

_Just as quickly as they’d found her, his eyes darted away. Jenna watched as he rejoined his dream family, soaking in the attention and the love they had to offer._

_It was certainly more than she could give him._

_“Goodbye,” she whispered, knowing not a soul was paying attention._

 

* * *

 

Just as Jim had promised, Jenna found him where she’d left him. He was leaned back on the sofa, one leg crossed over the other, scrolling through his phone.

“Hi,” she greeted him, her voice lighter and more breathy than she’d intended.

“Hi,” he repeated, his face lighting up, eyes shimmering again. He stood up at that, pocketing his phone and cleaning his throat. “I suppose we should head back,” he said, then quickly amended, “Only if you’re ready, though.”

Jenna nodded. “I’m ready,” she told him then, looking around at the near empty room noted, “Seems everyone else has had enough, too.”

The two were silent as the walked out of the bar and back down the hallway. As they passed the entrance to the main banquet hall, however, the double doors opened as more guests left.

From inside, soft, smooth jazz played, and Jenna could see what appeared to be couples swaying to the music.

Evidently, they’d missed a lot while they were gone.

“Or maybe,” Jim spoke up, “everyone just ended up in there.”

Jenna raised her eyebrows, humming curiously. She exchanged a look with Jim, his expression mirroring hers.

His face softened quickly though, and his voice slow and deliberate as he asked, “Would you maybe...like to dance before we leave?”

Her gaze fell to his mouth and she licked her lips. She became aware of their proximity and felt herself gravitate toward him at the proposition. She linked arms with him.

“Why the hell not?” was her response. Nonchalant and casual, not in a hurry. Perfect.

He cocked an eyebrow, one corner of his mouth turning up. His Adam’s apple bobbed and he took in a breath as he stared forward.

“Why the hell not,” he repeated, and the two walked toward the door.

He released her, striding ahead to open the door for her. The little bow he gave her as he gestured for her to step inside made her laugh. Once they were both inside, he offered to take her clutch. With the clutch being on the small side--just enough to fit her phone, ID, some money, and lipstick--he was able to fit it in one of the pockets inside his suit jacket.

“There,” he grinned, then held out his hand to her. “Shall we?”

She took his hand and followed him past the tables of guests still chatting lazily and drinking. The dance floor wasn’t crowded, but there were just enough people that Jenna didn’t feel like she was being stared at. Or perhaps it was Jim.

When he wrapped his arm around her waist, gently pulling her closer, all she could see was him. All she could feel was his palm on the small of her back and the fingers of his other hand laced with hers. They fit perfectly, she noted. His warmth surrounded her as she allowed their chests to press together. (God, he smelled good.)

They began to sway, the slow tempo carrying them. He led, showing her the steps. The height difference was suddenly striking to her as she looked up at him.

“Since when did you learn to dance?” she teased, “Last time I checked, you were barely pushing through the Cha-Cha Slide.”

“Connecticut privilege,” he quipped. Jenna needed no further explanation.

She nodded and complimented, “Well, you’ve come a long way. I’m impressed.”

For show, he spun her, allowing her to twirl gracefully before landing back in his arms before dipping her back. “Ten years is enough practice, right?” he asked, holding her securely.

She giggled as he helped her back up and to their original position. “Show off,” she gibed.

“Only for a beautiful woman,” he replied, his voice low and gravelly. Jenna swallowed.

She leaned in closer, leaning her head against his chest as they resumed a gentle swaying. She could feel his hot breath against her neck as he brought his chin to rest on his shoulder. Goosebumps ran across her flesh as his hand skimmed her hip and up her back, his fingers brushing the exposed skin between her shoulder blades.

For a moment, she closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of him against her, touching her. He felt warm, cozy. He felt like home.

“I’ve missed this,” she found herself whispering to him.

“I’ve missed it too,” he whispered back. There was a pause then followed by, “I’m sorry.”

She almost looked up at him but decided giving up their closeness wasn’t worth it. So she asked, “For what?”

“For how we left things,” he told her. “I was an ass, and I was…”

He trailed off, and she heard him sigh, felt his grip tighten.

“I was jealous,” came his admission, his voice a little shaky. “I thought you were too good for Earl, and it wasn’t fair that he was going to have everything with you.” Another pause, and he added, “Of course, he didn’t, but that doesn’t excuse the way I acted.”

“It’s okay,” Jenna assured him. Then came her own admission, “I was jealous too.” She pulled herself back, still clinging to him but looking up at him then as she told him, “I shouldn’t have dangled Earl in front of you. I made stupid decisions, and they only hurt us both. I’m really sorry.”

Jim nodded soberly. Then, with a hopeful smile, he said, “Well, the good news is we have nothing to be jealous of anymore.” They’d all but paused their dancing, and he reached up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear, sending a shiver through her. He continued, his voice becoming low again, “It’s just us now.”

She could feel the blood rush to her cheeks at his expression, the way his eyes bored into her. His smile was too much to look at.

So, she leaned in close again, wrapping her arms around his torso and pressing her ear to his chest. He enveloped her, bringing a hand up to her hair, gently running his fingers through it. Again, he rested his chin on her shoulder.

This time when he spoke, it was directly into her ear. “I’ve thought of this for so long, Jenna,” he confided. “Holding you like this, being close to you again. I never believed it was possible.”

They began to sway again, a lazy, noncommittal motion.

Jenna’s heart pounded fast, every second with him and every word he uttered to her making this moment more real; turning what had barely been a possibility for a decade into reality. This was happening. Part of her considered running. She could pull away, let the moment fizzle out. They could go back to the house, get some sleep, and tomorrow they would go their separate ways again without batting an eye. Maybe they would even stay friends and keep in touch.

Except being here in his arms, hearing him speak her name so reverently, held her where she was.

Her heart nearly burst in her chest when he said, “I wish this didn’t have to end.”

She took in a deep breath and whispered, “I wish it didn’t, either.” Then, shaking, she looked up at him and told him, “You know I’ve thought about this, too.”

She watched his face for any sign of faltering, waited for him to respond. When he just kept his gaze trained on her, patient, calm, affectionate, she found her bravery and said, “Jim, I fought for a long time to forget you because it hurt too much to know you loved someone else.”

Jim’s brows knit together and he pursed his lips, taking in the information. “Why did it hurt?” he asked, forward and direct.

At that, Jenna knew there was no being cryptic. So she swallowed her pride and, fighting the prickle of tears that threatened to form, spoke the truth she wouldn’t even admit to herself for years:

“Because I wanted it to be me.”

Her voice shook as she said it. Her chest tightened. She looked away, afraid to see Jim’s face and hear his response.

To her relief and joy, he cupped her face gently in his hands. His blue eyes were intense as his thumbs caressed her cheeks. She could see him swallow and take in a nervous breath.

“Jenna?” he asked. He was shaking as much as she was, it seemed.

Her breath hitched. “Yes?”

His eyes fell to her lips and then back up. “Can I kiss you?” his voice cracked.

From there, her mind went on autopilot, her heart driving instead. Their faces were so close now. He was already leaning lower. She was searching for an excuse, a reason this was a bad idea.

Except it wasn’t. And for once in her impulsive life, she couldn’t imagine any other response but the one that fell from her mouth—this time not a question.

“Yes.”

Suddenly her hands were on his face, and his found her waist again. There was a pause, her nose brushing against his. Then their lips were crashing into one another, tasting and moulding together.

She wrapped her arms around his neck then, clutching, fingers digging into the collar of his shirt.

Everything in Jenna felt electric. She would need to come up for air soon, but she was struggling to want to stop. Especially when he pulled her closer, their hips meeting. He tasted of mint, too, she noted; must have chewed gum or popped an Altoid in hopes this would happen, the bastard.

She didn’t care though. His soft lips could touch hers and steal her breath any day.

When the need for air became too much, they finally broke apart, breathing heavily as they opened their eyes and stared at one another. His were bright, his face glowing, lips upturned and eyes crinkling with the smile.

She was smiling back.

It wasn’t but a few moments until Jenna was pulling him close again, kissing him for the second of what she hoped to be many times.

Many times.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...this chapter was a lot. One of the longest if not the longest. I'm *Little Red voice* excited AND scared to post this for many reasons. Excited, because I know this chapter is kind of what everyone's been wanting. Scared because...well, it's what everyone's been wanting. There's a lot of pressure here to get it just right and it's kind of what all of this has been culminating to. So, I really hope it's satisfying to read.
> 
> Once again, so much love and appreciation for all support and sweet comments. Also for my friends who have listened to me rant or even read my work for me. Y'all are amazing.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: I swear this is the only time I will ever need to put this, but there are a couple of scenes between Jenna and Earl in this chapter that might be unsettling for some. If you're sensitive to or affected by any kind of sexual violence/abuse, proceed with caution. I tried to keep it to a minimum, just enough for story purposes, but if it will in any way harm you, skip the second flashback and be cautious with the first flashback.

Jim felt like he’d had the air knocked out of him when he and Jenna finally separated from their kiss. She evidently felt the same, her chest moving up and down and breathing more labored. He couldn’t get enough of the way she smiled at him. She glowed with it, her eyes bright, crinkled softly at the edges, and her cheeks pronounced with the way her lips curved.

God, she was beautiful.

He was deign to let this moment end. Especially with their foreheads resting against one another. Her kiss had been everything he’d imagined and more, and he was addicted.

“Jenna, unless you want to stand here all night,” he spoke softly, “I think we should go.” She arched a brow at him, so he clarified, “Otherwise, I might have to keep kissing you.”

She laughed--music to his ears as far as he was concerned. “I can’t say I’d complain at this point,” she told him, “but you’re right.”

He let her go, already missing the feeling of her in his arms, and reached inside his suit jacket for her clutch. She gratefully accepted it as they began to tread past the crowd that was slowly, finally, beginning to clear out.

Jim wondered what to say next. What the hell do you say to someone you’ve been wanting to kiss for nearly twenty years after you finally kiss them? Especially when they’re about to disappear from your life again and you don’t know where you stand? He wondered if she would run; if things would get awkward once the moment passed and it was time to have the DTR talk. It would be so easy for her to take it back. He prayed to whatever deity was listening to him that she wouldn’t.

If there was a God above, she wouldn’t.

They pushed through the double doors and out into the hallway. Jim was debating on whether he wanted to attempt holding Jenna’s hand when a voice called from behind them.

“Hey, Jim! You heading out?” Jim turned to find Jack Carson emerging from the direction of the bar.

Jim smiled cordially as Jack caught up to them. “Yeah, it’s getting pretty late, and I’m contemplating a flight tomorrow.” He paused for a second then, noticing Jenna’s confused expression, took the initiative to make introductions. “By the way,” he turned to Jenna and gestured between the two, “Jack, this is Jenna. We went to school together for years. Jenna, Jack.” The two shook hands and Jim explained to Jenna, “I did my student teaching with Jack. He’s actually over in Stanton Grove now.”

Jenna raised her eyebrows, intrigued by the connection. “My neck of the woods,” she said to Jack. “What do you do?”

“High school principal,” he announced proudly.

Jenna nodded. “You’ll have mine in about four years then,” she told him. Then with a laugh, she quipped, “I’ll make sure to send baskets of cranberry muffins if she causes too much trouble.”

“Duly noted,” Jack played along. Then turned back to Jim, “Well, I should probably get going myself. You have my card, right?”

Jim rummaged around in his pockets for his wallet and fished it out, wanting to double check. When he found the card inside, he nodded and told Jack, “Yep, right here.”

“Good.” Jack pointed a finger at him and encouraged, “Be thinking about that opportunity, okay? Give me a call soon.”

“I will,” Jim promised as he shoved his wallet back into this pocket.

“Perfect,” Jack grinned, then addressed Jenna again. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you, too.”

They watched him walk away before making a beeline for the coat check room. Jim, who hadn’t planned on saying anything about his earlier conversation with his former colleague, froze for a moment when Jenna asked, “What opportunity was he talking about?”

Jim found her coat and handed it to her. Debating on how much to reveal, or to at least make it clear he wasn’t considering the job just for her, he replied, “He’s, uh...he’s about to lose a science teacher, and he wants me to apply.”

Jenna was quiet for a few moments while she slipped her coat on. Jim could see her face screwed up in concentration, pursed lips and all.

Finally, the realization dawned on her. “So, does that mean you’d be moving back to Stanton Grove?”

“Possibly,” he hedged as he located and put on his coat. “This just came up, though. I rather not make any rash decisions.”

“Well?” She began to probe. “Is that something you’d want?”

Jim sighed, trying to decide how to answer. He led her out of the coat room, and the two began to walk toward the building’s entrance.

“It’s definitely something I would consider,” he settled on, not wanting to make promises or push too far and scare her.

She nodded, seeming to accept his answer, and they dropped the subject.

The two walked out to Jim’s car. As they approached, he skipped ahead of her, pressing the button on his keys to unlock the car and opening the front passenger door for her. He watched as she stopped in her tracks, staring between him and the car. He was about to step back and apologize for trying too hard when and small smile appeared on her face and she walked toward the vehicle.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly as she climbed in.

With a deep, grateful breath Jim closed the door for her and crossed to the driver’s side. _She’s perfect, Pomatter_ , he thought to himself. _Don’t screw it up_.

He joined her in the car and started up the ignition. Then, whether to torture him or make his life inherently better—probably both—her hand drifted to his thigh as they drove away.

Tomorrow was either going to hurt like a bitch, or it would be the best day of his life. He couldn’t tell yet.

 

* * *

 

_Jenna wiped her brow as she collapsed onto the sofa in her and Earl’s living room. She looked down at her hands to find them splattered with sunny yellow paint, now topped with sweat. Her overalls, she noted, weren’t fairing much better._

_She took a breather, contemplating hauling herself up for some water. A quick glance at the clock on the wall noted that it was 4:58._

_Earl would be home soon._

_While she mentally worked through the dread of having to prepare dinner, she could feel the baby kicking and elbowing her._

_“Hey, I just spent all day painting your room,” she quietly scolded her son or daughter, cradling her belly. “You can be grateful by showing my organs some respect.”_

_She groaned. Only a month and a half, and she’d have the little monster out of her._

_Deciding she should clean up and get dinner ready, she rocked a little until she could get the traction to lift herself up from the couch. She swayed a bit before finding her balance and waddled to the kitchen._

_After washing her hands, she dug around the refrigerator for the Tupperware full of leftover chili macaroni she’d made the night before. Easy enough, she decided, retrieving a pot from one of the lower cabinets, placing it on the stove, and filling it with the dish._

_It would only take a few minutes to heat up, and it would be ready when Earl arrived home._

_She left the stove on a low simmer while she worked on washing some dishes. She was soaping up a pan when the apartment door swung open._

_Earl shuffled in, slumping. Jenna watched silently as he slammed the door behind him and dragged his feet over to their dining table to slam his lunch bag down._

_“Hey,” she greeted him, cautious, almost monotonous. Then she asked dully, “How was work?”_

_Earl grunted as he joined her in the kitchen. “It was work.”_

_Jenna continued focusing on dishes, deciding not to press him. If he needed to vent, he would. Meanwhile, he had walked past her over to the stove looking into the heating pot. He wrinkled his nose._

_“Chili macaroni again?” he grumbled._

_“Earl, I’m exhausted,” she sighed. “It was the easiest thing, and you told me we needed to be careful spending until your next paycheck anyway.”_

_“I’d rather have a sandwich,” he said. Then, at her pointed look, huffed and told her. “This is fine, I guess. Besides,” he switched gears then, walking up behind her and placing one hand firmly on a breast while the other snuck lower, “I need you to save all your energy for me later.”_

_The way his voice went low and his breath against her neck made Jenna feel ill, and she flinched at the way the hand on her breast squeezed. She wriggled out of his grasp and walked over to the stove, searching for a spoon to stir the food; anything to keep busy._

_“I don’t feel well.” The excuse fell naturally out of her mouth, as many times as she’d used it the last several weeks. “Besides I’m a fat, pregnant mess. How’s that even close to sexy?”_

_Jenna froze when Earl walked up behind her. His hips ground down against her ass now, and his hands found her waist. She could feel a bulge in his pants already._

_She hated herself. She wanted to throw up._

_“On the contrary,” that voice that made her blood run cold continued, “I think this is the hottest I’ve ever seen you: barefoot, fixing me supper, boobs bigger than ever.”_

_Once again, she quickly moved from his grasp, this time in search of bowls and spoons._

_“I’ve been painting all day,” she tried. Then she added a more direct, “I’m disgusting and just really not in the mood.”_

_There was silence at that. She had her back turned to Earl but could feel him staring at her. Her skin started to prickle. Running sounded like the perfect option, but her feet felt like cement in the kitchen floor._

_“What the hell is your problem lately, Jenna?” Earl accused. “I haven’t gotten any in weeks, and you keep blowing me off.”_

_She stayed glued to her spot, serving chili into the dishes. “I’m pregnant,” she repeated dumbly._

_Not looking at him didn’t seem like a good enough response for Earl, because he had taken to invading her space again. He leaned so his face was in her eyesight, leaning over the counter next to her._

_“Yeah, I damn well know,” he barked. “That’s always your excuse. Plenty of pregnant women have sex. I looked at the fucking brochures, okay? It’s safe.”_

_Jenna closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She didn’t want to argue with him. She didn’t have the goddamn energy, and Dr. Perkins had warned her about high blood pressure in the last trimester. So, she picked up a bowl and turned to her fiance._

_“Okay, Earl,” she said quietly. “I see your point, and you’re right. I do make a lot of excuses.” She handed him the bowl and added, “But I’m not making any promises about tonight. If you wanna see the long day I’ve had, go look at the nursery when you’re done eating the dinner I cooked for you, and then change into something from the laundry that_ I _washed and_ I _folded.”_

_That shut him up._

_He sputtered for a moment. She hadn’t meant to get mouthy with him like that, but lately her patience threshold had begun wearing thin. So, she took satisfaction at his loss for words and the way he looked down like a puppy who had just been kicked._

_“All right,” he muttered, taking his food and turning to walk away._

_He said nothing else as he brought his bowl into the living area and turned on the TV. Baseball was his poison tonight, apparently. With the comfort of knowing the White Sox had his attention, Jenna grabbed her dinner and took it to the dining table._

_She opened her laptop that was sitting there, loaded up the Walmart website, and browsed baby items as she sat eating in silence. Alone._

 

* * *

 

“No way,” Jenna laughed. “Your mom never let you have girls over besides me and Becky. There’s no way you got caught making out with Chelsea Fields.”

Jim shrugged. “The girl couldn’t keep her hands off me.”

The pair had parked in the driveway outside the house and were walking up the pathway to the porch. They had spent the entire car ride sharing embarrassing stories--mostly Jim’s--and they were still reeling.

“Please,” Jenna scoffed. “She only liked you because you were friends with Evan Deaton.”

Jim feigned offense, placing his hand over his heart. “Ouch,” he hissed, then began to fumble around with his keys. “Say what you will, though,” he began the defense of his dignity, “she had my pants unzipped and was halfway to the floor. Another two minutes, and she would’ve been the one walking past Karen Pomatter in shame.”

Jenna crickled her nose and half giggled, both disgusted and entertained at the thought. “God, it’s no wonder you couldn’t keep a girlfriend until college,” she continued to tease while Jim worked on unlocking the front door.

“Hence why I deliberately chose a school I’d have to live at,” he said, pushing the door open and gesturing her to step inside. As they both threw their coats over the chair in the front hall and Jenna kicked off her shoes and tossed her clutch aside, Jim reached around on the wall near the door until he found a lightswitch.

The room illuminated, and he continued, “Of course, the fact you were going didn’t hurt, either.”

Jenna blushed and grinned dopily. Of course he’d turn this back to her. As if that weren’t enough, Jim had what she could imagine was identical to her dopy expression. He looked like an idiot, and she couldn’t get enough of him.

“What?” she asked, amused.

He shook his head and confided, “I just love hearing you laugh and watching you smile.”

They were standing too close, Jenna catching a whiff of his cologne again, and she could feel the livewire continue to spark in her. She’d been reeling since they left the party; since their kisses.

He’d set her off, and somehow she’d found herself placing her hand on his thigh on the entire car ride back to the house. She’d lit up when he reached over and did the same to her. Then with the talking and his _voice_ and the memory of his lips and body against hers, she couldn’t help the ache of need that was beginning to make itself known.

Perhaps being abstinent for a couple of years was _not_ a good idea when old-friends-turned- weekend-flirtations were involved.

Instinctively, she inched closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips seeking his again. He enthusiastically accepted the kiss, his hands falling to her waist and pulling her closer. While their lips deliciously moved together, she noticed one of his hands inch up her back and tangle into her hair. He didn’t linger though. She felt his move to her hips, gripping her a little closer. Jenna hadn’t even realized how close they were to the door until she felt her back hit it.

In response, she deepened the kiss, her fingers finding his hair. A moan escaped the back of his throat, and it sent a thrill through her. She was halfway to grabbing him by the collar when he suddenly pulled away.  Breathless, they stared at one another.

A kind of delirious chuckle escaped Jim, and he let out a breathy, “Well.”

“Well,” Jenna repeated, his laugh now contagious to her.

“That was…” Jim struggled with his words.

“Quite the good night?” Jenna suggested, resting her hands on his chest.

Jim nodded in agreement. He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and confided, “I could get used to saying good night like that.”

“Yeah,” she muttered, unable to come up with coherent words, “me too.”

Jim stepped back then, letter her go and giving her space to move away from the door. He watched her as she stood up a little more straight and quietly apologized, “I’m sorry. I got a little carried away.”

“It’s fine,” she dismissed calmly. She normally liked—needed—having more control, but she wasn’t complaining.

Jim cleared his throat and put his hands in his pockets while Jenna reached over to grab her clutch from the chair she’d left it on. The two stood in silence then, each one assessing the other.

“We should, uh…” Jim began, awkwardly pointing behind him to the stairs, “We should probably get some sleep.”

Jenna nodded in agreement. “It’s been a long day.”

Both on the same page, Jim stepped aside and gestured for her to walk ahead of him. “Ladies first.”

She stepped past him to the stairs, and he didn’t stray too far behind. As they ascended to the second floor, her first instinct was to glance back at him; to see if he was taking in the view at all. Not that she felt she had anything impressive to show off, but at this juncture she wondered if Jim would take advantage. She was only slightly disappointed to find his eyes trained upward to the staircase landing.

The part of her that knew this was mostly her unsatisfied libido talking took a back seat then. Because what disappointed her the most, she decided, was that it wasn’t her following behind him.

 

* * *

 

_Jenna crawled into bed just before 9:00, leaving Earl to pout over the Sox losing to Cleveland. She’d grown tired of his bitching, had a headache, and had played the pregnant card again to excuse herself for some much needed sleep. He grumbled but didn’t say much as she made herself scarce. He was too distracted to care._

_Sleep overtook her almost immediately after her head hit the pillow. She dozed, then felt her mind begin to quiet. However, as she was just about to reach a decent REM state, she was jerked awake by Earl flopping into the bed next to her._

_She yawned and rubbed her eyes, taking a glance at the clock next to her. It was after 11:00._

_“You’re coming to bed late,” she remarked, halfway rolling over to look at him through the dark. The light on the alarm clock and the streetlamps outside were the only thing illuminating his face._

_“I’ll be fine,” he said, pulling the covers over himself, nearly jerking them off of her. “Shift’s not until 10:00 tomorrow.”_

_Jenna shrugged and rolled back over, her back to him. She tensed up when she felt him move closer to spoon her. He left a sloppy, rough kiss on her shoulder that was left exposed from the spaghetti strap of her pajama shirt. She attempted to be affectionate, placing a hand over the one draped across her hip._

_Earl, however, decided that was an invitation for more, because soon she could feel his lips move across her skin and to her neck. Where she used to shiver in pleasure when he did that, she now felt herself shiver in disgust._

_The hand on her hip escaped hers and slid underneath her top, barely skimming her bump where her child grew before making its way up to her admittedly very tender breasts. She felt him squeeze and winced, fighting the urge to hiss in pain._

_“God, I love how big these are now,” he whispered gruffly. Again she winced, but she couldn’t hold back the moan of pain she let out._

_“Earl, that hurts,” she warned him. Instead of deterring him, though, he seemed to take it as a challenge._

_She felt his hand move down again, slipping beneath the hem of her pajama pants. His fingers moved across her thigh, and she instinctively held her legs shut._

_“Come on, baby,” he begged, “I need you.”_

_Without thinking, she reached for the hand that was down her pants and yanked his arm away. “Earl, please,” she begged. She couldn’t do this tonight._

_He redoubled his efforts, though, reaching for her and pushing her to her back. Once again rough, he began placing kisses across her collarbone and sticking his hands wherever he pleased. She went for full force then, shoving him off of her, her legs kicking at him. “I said no!” she spat._

_He shot up then, his body tensing up. “What the fuck, Jenna?!” he demanded, slamming his fists on the mattress._

_She sat up, too, looking him square in the eye as much as the dark would allow her too. “I told you I’m not having sex tonight,” she said slowly, loudly, since he hadn’t seemed to comprehend that fact earlier._

_“You’re really gonna do this, huh?” he asked darkly. When she didn’t respond, he told her, “I don’t deserve this, you know. You don’t_ have _to have this roof over your head.”_

_That set her blood boiling, and she resisted the urge to throttle him with her pillow as she snatched it from beneath her. “Maybe I don’t want this roof over my head,” she snapped, throwing the covers back and climbing out of bed._

_“Where the hell are you going?” he asked, letting out a heavy groan._

_Jenna felt around on the other side of the nightstand for the basket with extra blankets. She picked up the one on top and turned to bark out, “The couch. Before my suddenly high blood pressure hurts the baby.”_

_She didn’t wait for him to respond as she stomped toward the bedroom door. Except the words that came out of his mouth as her handle reached for the knob stopped her in her tracks._

_“Who gives a fuck about the damn baby, anyway?”_

_A chill ran through her, and her stomach dropped at the same time that she felt a stabbing in her chest. Just a ghost pain, she knew, but if she could scream she would. If there was ever a time to turn around and punch the man in the face, this was it._

_But she didn’t._

_Instead, she turned around to watch him sigh and flop over in bed. How he could lay his head down on his pillow and roll over to sleep after that, she didn’t know. She didn’t want to know._

_So, she flung the door open and hurried out of the bedroom. Away from him._

 

* * *

 

The first place Jim went to was to the guest bathroom off the bedroom he was staying in. He splashed cold water over his face at the sink and sucked in and released a deep breath.

Holy. Shit.

He needed to get himself in check, reel his libido back in. Jenna had barely done anything to him, and his mind was still spinning with images of her wrapped around him.  It made him wonder what it would be like, to have her in much less—or nothing at all—and learn everything there was to know about her. Would she pull at his hair again when he was doing something right? Would she grab his shirt, let out a shaky breath like she had earlier, if he kissed her neck or her collarbone? How would she feel against him, skin on skin?

 _Fuck,_ he thought, gripping the sink and leaning forward. He really needed to stop. He couldn’t do this to himself, much less her. She meant more to him than that.

But, god, did he enjoy kissing her. And feeling her. And touching her.

No, he firmly told himself, straightening up and reaching for the little bag with his toothbrush and paste. He brushed his teeth vigorously, trying to work off the tension. He spat too hard in the sink and had brushed so quickly that he made one of his gums bleed. Once he was finished, he stripped down to his boxer briefs and went to relieve himself at the toilet.

As he walked into the bedroom to attempt to get some shut-eye, he became aware of how dry his throat felt. It almost stung with thirst. At that, he decided to quietly slip downstairs for a glass of cold water.

Quietly, he opened the bedroom door and tiptoed down the dark hallway. On the way toward the stairs, he could see a sliver of light coming from Jenna’s room. As he grew closer, he noticed that she had indeed not closed it all the way.  He tried to keep his focus straight ahead as he passed. Violating her privacy was the last thing he wanted.

Except he stupidly—what an asshole, he thought to himself—decided to take a glance inside.

He stopped, straining his eyes for a second as he focused in. She was probably in pajamas. Or maybe she was in the bathroom and he wouldn’t see her.

That wasn’t the case, though.

Jenna had her back to the door and was slipping out of the little blue dress. The first thing Jim’s eyes went to was the silvery grey lace covering her ass and the matching bra straps across her back. His gaze followed her curves all the way down to her thighs. He swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to ignore the stirring in his briefs.

He was going to hell for sure.

Quickly, he forced himself to look away. It was one thing to stare when she invited him to, _if_ she invited him to. But this? No.

As much as he wanted to take her in, wanted to admire every bit of the view, he couldn’t let the fact that he hadn’t been with a woman in over a year compromise her privacy or her dignity. So he kept walking, trying to push the images from his mind.

This was her show to run now. And while he hoped she would let him have a front row seat, he would wait for her.

Oh, how he’d wait.

 

* * *

 

_Jenna hadn’t slept but maybe a few hours._

_She’d tossed and turned until 2:00 and then finally grabbed some sleep before waking up some time before 6:00. Around 7:30, she gave up trying and got up to make some coffee._

_She felt like hell._

_Her eyes were heavy as she measured out decaf coffee grounds, and her joints were aching from the sofa. She felt some mild cramping in her pelvis, but the baby was moving as normal, so she decided to monitor but not worry._

_As she poured and sipped her weak coffee, she lamented the caffeine that she desperately needed but wasn’t allowed to have. This wasn’t the same. It was missing something. It didn’t feel right._

_Fitting, she thought. Nothing about her life felt right._

_Her thoughts took her out of the kitchen, down the hall, and to the nursery. As she entered the room, she looked around at the pastel yellow walls and the tarp she hadn’t bothered to clean up. The only piece of furniture in the room was the wooden rocking chair Becky had gifted her after graduation--with the promise of many more baby gifts to come, bless her._

_Jenna walked over and adjusted the white and yellow plaid cushions before sitting down. She eased back slowly, struggling to balance, and continued sipping her coffee. Her free hand rested on her belly, feeling the weight of the life inside._

_What the hell had she gotten herself into?_

_A stirring from down the hall alerted her. If she was correct, it was just after 8:00; probably time for Earl to get up. That sick feeling in the pit of her stomach reemerged, and she was suddenly extremely aware of the acid in the coffee she was drinking._

_All the worse when she looked up to see Earl standing in the doorway._

_They stared at one another, both tensed silent. Jenna felt her arm move protectively over her belly._

_“I know you hate me,” Earl finally spoke, “but can we talk?”_

_Jenna looked down at the floor, letting him sweat her response for a second before muttering, “Fine.”_

_She watched him shuffle in and sit on the floor next to her chair, back against the wall. He sighed heavily and began to fidget his fingers. He looked up and peered around the room. “You did a great job in here,” he remarked sincerely._

_She looked down at him to see the heaviness in his eyes, the wow-I-was-really-an-asshole frown on his face._

_The same face he made every time he begged her for another chance. The same damn face she’d fallen for over the past three years. He’d worn it after the first time she’d slept with him and told him it was a one time thing. He’d worn it the day she’d told him they should stop having sex and he asked her to be his girlfriend instead. Then the day he found out she was pregnant. Then the day he proposed. Every goddamn argument they’d ever had ended with this face._

_And she was done._

_“Don’t do that,” she told him flatly._

_He looked at her incredulously. “Do what?”_

_“Make me feel sorry for you,” she said coldly. “You don’t get to excuse yourself every time you fuck up by guilting me.”_

_He scoffed, “That’s loaded.”_

_“Is it?” she asked. He stared at her and shrugged. Jenna could only look away, her lips pressing together tightly. She couldn’t do this anymore. So, she kept her eyes trained to the wall in front of her as she finally asked the question she’d been wanting to ask for months. “Do you really want this baby, Earl?”_

_His mouth fell open, and he shook his head in confusion and asked, “What the hell are you talking about?”_

_“I’m talking about,” she stated more firmly, loudly, “the fact that you told me you wanted to do this, but all you’ve done is act like you could do without it.”_

_He shook his head. “You’re only saying that because I won’t go to those damn birthing classes with you.”_

_“No,” she argued. “I’m saying it because last night you said you didn’t care.”_

_“No, I didn’t,” he denied._

_“Yes, you did,” she insisted. “You said, ‘Who gives a fuck about the damn baby anyway?’ So be honest.” Then she looked down at him and said, “If you don’t want this, tell me, and we’ll be gone.” She pointed back and forth between her face and her baby bump._

_Earl huffed. “You’re not gonna make this easy, are you?” he asked._

_“If you tell me the truth, it should be really easy,” she stated clearly. Then she waited._

_He squirmed where he sat and rubbed his neck before finally responding, “You’re right. I don’t want this.” He slapped his hands against his legs and slumped. “I mean, dammit, Jenna, I told you I wasn’t ready. You knew.”_

_There it was. She couldn’t even argue with him or pretend to be surprised._

_She sipped the last of her coffee and nodded. “Yeah, I did,” she conceded, then frowned at him and asked seriously, “So, then why are we doing this? Why are we wasting each other’s time?”_

_“I don’t know,” was his honest answer._

_They fell silent again, the truth of their situation reverberating off the empty walls. Jenna could feel butterflies in her stomach, like she knew what she said next would change everything; that in the next minute the entire course of her day, her life, would take a sharp curve off course._

_She’d already had enough curves for one year. Another could be a risk. If she did this, she would have to live with the consequences._

_Only it wasn’t just her now._

_She felt the baby kick, reminding her what was at stake. If she stayed, she and this baby would be miserable. If she left, she could lose what little support she had. Sure, Becky had her back, and Aunt Lisa would give her a roof and some food. For a little while._

_She waffled, picturing a life struggling with a baby. Alone. Then she pictured a life struggling with a baby_ and _Earl._

_Suddenly, the idea of being alone was an attractive one. She had options, at least. She had a college degree. Why the hell was she so scared of doing exactly what she knew she needed to do?_

_Right now._

_“You know all we’ve invested in for this room is paint,” she said matter-of-factly. When Earl eyed her strangely, she continued, “The baby isn’t due for two more months. They’ll never have to miss you. I still have time to get ready and set roots.”_

_“What are you saying, Jenna?” he asked, sitting up straight._

_“I’m saying,” she set her coffee mug on the floor next to the chair, “that I can still leave. I can be a single mom or put the baby up for adoption, and you’ll never have to worry about us ever again.”_

_She leaned back in the chair and looked down at him. He was slack-jawed, stunned silent. He blinked and asked, “Why are you deciding this now?”_

_She shook her head, and her voice cracked when she told him, “Because I can’t do this anymore.”_

_The words fell out of her mouth, making her feel lighter, as if a burden had lifted from her. Shaking, she pushed herself out of the chair and began to pace the floor. He watched intently, saying nothing._

_“I don’t feel anything,” the sudden overflow of truth began to spilled. “I don’t feel anything for you, or this job I’m supposed to be taking. It hurts too much to be in this town without my friends. Earl, this is prison.”_

_“So wait a minute,” he cut in, standing up then. His voice rose, and he asked “I put a roof over your head, and I agree to help raise a child I don’t have to help raise, and this is prison for you?”_

_“Yes!” she yelled. She was done sugarcoating. “Can you not see that? I shouldn’t have to owe you anything. I shouldn’t have to be forced to live here knowing you rather be somewhere else. You really think that’s fair to either of us?”_

_He was in her face now, spit coming from his mouth as he asked, “Then what the hell do you want me to do?” He continued to close in on her, causing her to take a giant step toward the door. “What? Are you going to take me to court? Make me pay child support?”_

_“I don’t want anything from you, Earl,” she emphasized, her voice stony and cold. “I just want out.”_

_And out she went. Away from this conversation. Away from him._

 

* * *

 

Jenna was keyed up. And very thirsty. In more ways than one.

She felt pathetic for how needy she was. Even more so for how much she let Jim affect her. It was embarrassing, how much he made her want him—and he wasn’t even trying!

 _You didn’t come here this weekend to have sex_ , she repeated to herself as she removed her makeup and washed her face at her bathroom sink. _You’re leaving tomorrow. It’s bedtime._

Still, the thought of his hands on her, and his lips that had felt so wonderful against her own elsewhere on her body left her flush. She could picture him being a very generous and thorough partner, too. He didn’t have the cocky attitude of the more selfish men she’d been with, and he was certainly someone who paid attention to detail in just about everything he did. She knew him, too. He was Jim. He was her best friend.

_Her best friend._

It was a recipe for disaster waiting to happen, and she couldn’t jeopardize their current relationship by moving too quickly. Kissing him, opening up to him about her feelings. It was a lot for one night.

But dammit if she didn’t want to know how it would feel, having him in bed.

Still, she tried to put it behind her and finish getting ready for bed. She brushed her teeth and combed out her hair before grabbing her robe from the hanger on the bathroom door. If

she was going down for a glass of water, she didn’t need to risk flashing Jim with the flimsy tank top and shorts she’d packed.

Jenna tiptoed quietly through her guest bedroom, trying not to trip over the heels she’d left in the middle of the floor. Once out of the room, she padded quickly and quietly down the dark hall and to the stairs. She reached to flip on the lightswitch at the top of the landing but was surprised to look down to see another light coming from what looked like the kitchen.

She descended the steps and made her way toward the back of the house. “Jim?” she called out, making the decision that someone breaking in wouldn’t be so careless to turn a light on and that nobody else had joined them.

When she rounded the corner into the kitchen, she found Jim at the fridge, filling a glass with water from the dispenser.

In his underwear.

“Hi?” she greeted him uncertainly.

At her voice, he jumped and nearly spilled his water. “Shit!” He turned to face her then, his eyes widening and cheeks growing red. They stared at each other, Jenna’s gaze scanning his body (definitely not too shabby, and surprisingly more muscular than she’d imagined) and his immediately going back to his own state of undress.

“God, I’m so sorry, Jenna,” he muttered, eyes quickly shifting around. Then he explained, “I thought you went to bed.”

Jenna licked her lips. “I just wanted some water,” she stated dumbly. Then, taking in a breath, she said, “It’s really okay, though. I’m a big girl. You don’t need to be embarrassed.”

“I’m kind of standing in the middle of the kitchen in my underwear,” Jim pointed out awkwardly. “In front of you.”

Jenna rolled her eyes as she walked past him to the cabinet with the glasses. “Jim, I’ve seen you in much worse states, and I’m not shy with men,” she reminded him. “This will only be weird if you make it weird.”

Jim, seeming to ease now, began to drink from his glass while Jenna went to fill hers. “Well, I appreciate you not making this more humiliating than it already is.”

She shot him an amused smile as she took a drink from her own glass. “Glad I could ease your mind,” she quipped.

She found a spot to lean against the island counter and waited for his response. His shoulders appeared to become less tight, posture more lax, and he hesitated for just a moment before joining her in leaning against the counter.

“I supposed it could be worse,” he remarked, taking a sip of water. “You could be like the guys in the high school locker room after gym class who used to make fun of me for being a runt.”

Jenna shook her head. “You’re not a runt,” she told him. Then she looked at him and teased, “Anymore.”

“Well, gee, I’m so glad I’ve upgraded,” he gibed, and they both chortled.

Jenna smirked and finished off her water. “If it helps,” she told him, setting her glass on the counter behind her, “you do look good, Jim.”

Jim grinned sheepishly and looked away at that. “I mean, I’ve been working out more,” was his attempt to sound modest.

In reality, he was still very much the beanpole he’d been in high school, but he’d gained some decent muscle and definition. What he lacked there, however, he made up for with his soft and, at this point in the day, shaggy dark hair and gentle, beautiful, blue eyes. And that fucking dopey smile.

The exact one he was giving her right then and there. The one that made her trust him.

Goddammit.

She chewed on her lip then gave him a light nudge in the ribs. “Don’t go getting a big head about it,” she said with a grin.

Jim finished off his own water and reached around to place his glass next to hers. Their arms brushed, and Jenna could feel how close he was to her. Jim must have, too, because he paused, still facing her. They looked at one another, eyes meeting. Jenna could feel herself gravitate toward him.

The kiss was tender this time. Innocent. A soft peck that she’d initiated and he’d smiled into, cupping her face with his hand.

She laughed lightly and confided, “I’m getting a little too used to that.”

“I know the feeling,” he agreed, brushing her cheek with his thumb. She closed her eyes briefly at the feeling and felt herself melt when he told her, “You’re incredible, Jenna.”

That did it.

She didn’t care that he was leaving soon. She didn’t care that it probably wasn’t the best next step in whatever it was that was brewing between them. She didn’t care that Becky would take the piss out of her when she found out. She wanted this man.

One hand found the back of his neck while the other tugged at his hip, guiding him to her. He got the message, and their lips were crashing together again. His hands gripped her waist while hers began to explore bare skin. She could feel her robe loosening on its own, and she let it fall open. A shiver ran through her when he slipped his arms beneath the silk, lithe fingers finding the exposed skin between her top and her shorts.

Her hips touched the counter behind her, and the support gave her the boldness to wrap a leg around his. She moaned into the kiss when she felt his hands move lower, skimming the tops of her thighs and making their way to her ass. When she felt herself leaving the ground, she steadied herself by winding her arms around his neck.

Jim lifted her to sit on the counter, finally letting her breathe as his kisses trailed from her lips and down her neck. The immediate passion had cooled to a simmer, but the gentle bites he was leaving across her skin were quickly setting her on fire again.  Especially when he found that perfect spot and _\--oh. Okay._

The man definitely knew what he was doing.

She held tighter to him, all but clawing his back when she felt his hips grind against hers. Her fingers tangled into his hair, encouraging him. A disappointed whine escaped her, though, when his mouth disappeared from her neck and she found herself face to face with him.

He was panting, breathing heavily, as his blue eyes bore into hers. Their lips met again, slow and deep then. When the kiss broke, Jim rested his forehead against hers, and Jenna realized just how fast her heart was pounding.

What the hell was _she_ doing?

She could feel Jim against her, around her; felt the safety of his arms and couldn’t bring herself to be sorry for the words that were about to come out of her mouth.

“Jim?” she rasped.

One of his hands grazed her hip, disappearing beneath the edge of her top and around to her back. The tracing of his fingers against her skin sent a pleasant chill through her as he replied with a deep, “Yes?”

“Let’s go upstairs.” Her voice was breathy, wanton, and she found herself reaching lower on his body to slip her hands into the sides of his boxer briefs.

He swallowed and stuttered. “T-to sleep?”

She shook her head and declared a flat, “God, no.” Then she was kissing him again, holding securely to him as he lifted her back off the counter and set her to her feet. Her robe fell off with the motion, but it didn’t matter. If anything, it made what they were about to do much easier.

Within seconds, she was taking his hands in hers and leading him out of the kitchen, relishing in the dumbfounded, wide-eyed, kid-in-a-candy-store expression on his face.

 

* * *

 

_Becky had arrived before noon with her dad’s pick-up truck. Jenna, who had very little anyway and had barely unpacked her things, quickly filled up the boxes she had and had them stacked in the living room. She had called her friend two hours before, and told her the news:_

_She was coming back home and Earl would be singing over his rights to the baby._

_He hadn’t even fought her. Then, mercifully, Aunt Lisa had understood and offered her a place to stay again until she could get on her feet. So, Jenna packed and had set her sights on leaving._

_As soon as she could._

_That’s how she and Becky found themselves lugging down clothes and books; other personal items._

_“Where did Earl go anyway?” Becky asked, noting the empty state of the apartment. “Hiding?”_

_“Work,” Jenna told her, setting down the lighter box she was carrying—Becky had insisted she avoid heavy lifting—onto the bed of the truck. “He said he didn’t wanna be here when you got here.”_

_“Yeah, well,” Becky tossed a black garbage bag with pillows and extra bedding onto the truck, “it’s a good thing because I would’ve throttled him.”_

_“And that’s exactly why.”_

_The two went about their business, getting the last of the boxes and bins from upstairs._

_It was freeing, Jenna realized. Every time something she owned left the apartment, she could feel more weight lifting off of her shoulders. As terrifying as it was to think of raising her child without a father, or living in the uncertainty that was to come, she was ready to have her hands washed of Earl._

_After the last trip, Jenna and Becky returned to the apartment to grab phones and purses and do one last once-over._

_“Anything else you want?” Becky asked, glancing around while Jenna grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge._

_As Jenna handed her a bottle, she shook her head and said, “No. I’m pretty damn well finished here.”_

_Becky nodded and gave her shoulder an understanding squeeze. Then, with a glance down the hall toward the empty yellow room, she asked, “Wait, what about the nursery? We didn’t even go in there.”_

_That jogged Jenna’s memory, and she gasped a little at the thought of what she almost left. “The chair!”_

_“The chair?” Becky followed her to the spare room._

_“The one you gave me for graduation,” Jenna explained, pointing to it as they entered. She made a beeline for the chair and muttered, “How the hell could I forget it?”_

_She scrambled to pick it up, struggling with the weight of it. Becky rushed to her and urged, “Here, let me help you. You don’t need to be lifting this much in your condition.”_

_Jenna groaned. “I’m pregnant, not incapacitated.”_

_“That’s true,” her friend agreed, grabbing the arms in front and urging her to take the back, “but gravity won’t work in your favor down those steps, and that_ is _dangerous.”_

_Jenna had to admit she had a point and decided to go with it instead of fighting with her. She’d had enough fighting for one day._

_The two hauled the chair out to the living room, setting it down just briefly enough to throw purses over their shoulders. Finally, they carried it out of the apartment, paused to lock up and leave the key under the floor mat, and very carefully eased it down the stairs and out to the truck. Becky made room on the truck bed, and the two women lifted it, laying it flat on its side._

_Mission accomplished, Becky slammed the tailgate shut and patted it. “There we go,” she announced proudly. Then, with a bittersweet smile, she looked at Jenna and asked, “You ready to be free?”_

_Jenna, suddenly very aware of how real this was becoming, looked behind her to the building and then back down to her round belly. Cradling her bump, she turned her attention back to Becky and said, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”_

_Then, without looking back, she climbed into the truck with the last person she trusted and rode away to whatever the hell life was ready to throw at her._

_At least now she could live it on her terms._

 

* * *

 

Jim was lost for words as he followed Jenna up the stairs and down the hallway. They ended up outside of her room since it was closest, stopping to kiss for what felt like the hundredth time. Feeling her hands sneak into his underwear again sent a jolt right to his center, and... _shit_ , it was going to take a lot of self control to let her set the pace.

She started to guide him into the bedroom, but, fortunately, it gave him a second to breathe and think rationally. So, he found himself stopping her. “Jenna?” he breathed, placing his hands over hers at his hips. She looked up at him, eyes hazy with want. “Are you absolutely sure about this?” he asked seriously.

Her gaze was intense, sincere, and she nodded. “Yes, I’m more than sure.”

Her words gave him pause, and he had to take a moment to soak everything in.

He was about to have sex with Jenna Barker. He was going to know how she felt, how she sounded, what she _looked_ like. He was about to live out the dream he’d spent years suppressing, pretending it never existed because it would ruin everything good he’d worked so hard for. Now that she was his, not only asking but _leading_ him to bed, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself.

Not only had he had sex with just one woman in a twelve-year span, but the pressure to adapt and please was greater than ever. Francine was a learning experience; she’d been patient with him, predictable, and inexperienced enough to not make comparisons. Jenna, on the other hand, was a wild card. A precious, once-in-a-lifetime wild card that he couldn’t afford to mess up.

But standing there, staring into wanting, trusting eyes that he’d known in the best and worst times, only made him more determined to love her--whether it was for one night or years worth of nights.

His lips were on hers once more then. They clung to one another, feeling and touching, getting lost in the kiss as they stumbled into the bedroom together. Before Jim realized it, he was moving backward, and Jenna was guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled her in closer, encircling her waist with his arms. Then she was straddling him with her knees on either side of his legs .

His hands wandered lower, sneaking beneath the bottom of her shorts and over her ass. She moaned as he began to trail kisses down her neck and to her collarbone, and Jim didn’t miss how her hands grasped at his hair. He loved that he could make her react like that, that she could enjoy herself with him.

His thoughts, however, drifted to a crucial and much less sexy detail they’d forgotten.

He pulled back, and she made to kiss him again, but he stopped her. “Hold on,” he breathed, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. She frowned at him, and he regretfully told her, “I don’t have anything.”

“I have an IUD,” she assured, then added, “Just had it replaced.”

He nodded. Okay. That was _one_ conundrum covered. “But what about…?” he trailed off, still not entirely comfortable with calling a spade a spade when it came to the dirtier details of sex.

“Clean,” she promised. “I get checked religiously.”

He nodded instinctively. “Me, too.” Okay, the religious part of getting checked wasn’t entirely true since he hadn’t had a reason to be concerned for the last decade. But he’d been checked since the divorce, and recently, and he hadn’t been with anyone.

“I wouldn’t normally go without,” she pressed on him, “but I’ll trust you if you trust me.”

He swallowed. She was really giving him the green light. She was really wrapped around him, placing her trust in him, and granting him access to her body.

Who was he to waste another moment?

Their kiss burned as he continued exploring her, bringing his hands to her sides and underneath her top as they ran up silky smooth skin. His briefs were only feeling tighter, especially when she brought her lips from his, across his jawline, and too his ear, nibbling at the edge.

He slowly began to push her top up and looked up to make eye contact with her, silently asking permission. She nodded and helped him lift the tank top over hear head. The smirk on her face when she tossed it aside was sinful, almost as much as having her half-naked in front of him.

He willingly fell back with her as she pushed him to the mattress. Several more fiery hot kisses later, and they adjusted, crawling together so they were properly on the bed. To his delight and surprise, she was pulling him over her, giving him a little more control. Taking full advantage of their position, he set to peppering kisses all across and down her body.

He started with the spot on her neck he’d discovered a little while ago, relishing in her whimper and the way she clawed at his back. Then he made his way to her collarbone and to her breasts, lavishing them with attention but not too much just yet. The slight grimace she gave him indicated only a little disappointment, but she quickly bounced back as he continued working his way down.  He planted kisses across her belly, meanwhile making use of his hands on her thighs and hips.

As his mouth moved southward, he realized her shorts were still in the way. Not quite ready to remove them all the way, though, he began to slowly inch them down. He noticed Jenna wince a little, so he stopped and looked up to check in with her. The way her lips pursed and her tense expression was anything but consenting.

“Is this okay?” he asked softly.

She chewed her lips nervously, but nodded just the same. “Yeah, it’s fine,” she murmured. “It’s just...this is always the hard part.”

“Do you want to stop?”

She shook her head and gave him a bittersweet but reassuring smile. “No, not at all,” she said. “I’m just a little self-conscious.” Before he could ask for a reason, because he honestly couldn’t imagine what she could have to be self-conscious of, she explained, “You’ll see why.”

Curiously, gently, he began to pull her shorts down further, revealing a white scar across her belly, just above her pelvis. From a c-section, he realized. It was accompanied by faded stretch marks. He cautiously, listening and paying attention for her reactions, pressed soft, reverent kisses across it.

It almost made Jim sad, the fact that Jenna could feel any embarrassment over the marks that showed her body had once created and carried another life. But he knew the best thing for her was for him not to make a fuss; to instead accept her with all of her flaws and show his still burning desire for her.

Jenna seemed to relax, and Jim crawled back up to her. He could feel himself cradled between her legs. Using one arm to support himself so he didn’t crush her, he cupped her face with one hand, watching her her eyes close and her breath slow as he brushed his thumb across her cheek; just like earlier. She reached up for him, and they lay there together, just being.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. Not a reassurance. Not an argument against her insecurities. Just an honest fact.

Then she was kissing him. Soon, they’d removed their last garments and were getting completely lost in one another. As they collapsed together afterward, Jim couldn’t help but think about how damn lucky he was. Then they fell asleep together, him holding her, and Jim had to correct his sentiment.

He wasn’t lucky. This was every fucking thing he could have ever asked for.


	15. Chapter 14

Jenna woke to gentle fingers on her skin, steady breath against her neck. She was cocooned in warmth and still too blissfully sleep-hazed to process where she was and what her current circumstances were.

Lips grazed softly, slowly across her bare shoulder and to her neck, and a hand wandered down her side, sending chill bumps across her body.

She craned her neck around and came face-to-face with Jim’s bright grey-blue eyes and familiar welcoming smile. Jenna turned in his arms so she could properly see him, allowing a hand to explore the planes of his chest.

“Hi,” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Hi,” she murmured back, bringing her hand up to his face, tracing his cheek with her thumb.

They lay there, just like that, for a precious moment before Jenna gave into the urge to kiss him. Their lips molded together, tasting and savoring. Hands began to wander again, his trailing down her body and to her hips, and hers in his hair as the kiss grew more heated.

She tugged him closer, lying back and allowing him to hover over her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, searching for more of the previous night’s tryst.

He’d set her on fire, slowly and torturously giving every inch of her tender care and attention before building her up until she was incoherent; babbling his name, crying out, and whispering explicit truths she’d never thought could come out of her mouth. She, of course, gave as good as she got and left him a blubbering, blissed-out mess.

They’d even laughed in the moments when things didn’t go quite as planned; a knocked head, a poorly-timed kiss, an undignified sound or two. None of if seemed to get in the way.

She couldn’t recall ever laughing in bed with anyone before.

It didn’t feel real, the fact that they were here, like this. That in one night, they’d unraveled years of what ifs and doubts. That they had crossed a line they’d never even come close to.

But where to go from here?

In this moment, she didn’t care. She wanted to feel good, to indulge for a while. Jim had learned her so quickly, and he’d left her feeling equal parts loved and sated. She needed more, though.

Her hands began to wander lower, one sneaking between them. But he stopped in his tracks, tearing his lips from hers to look down at her.

“Jenna, what are we doing?” he asked, trying to catch his breath.

“Round three,” she told him, her voice far more high-pitched and breathy than she’d intended.

Except Jim shook his head. “No, what are  _ we _  doing?” he clarified. “What  _ are _  we?”

Jenna frowned and chewed on her lip. “I...don’t know yet,” she admitted. She could see the conflicted look on his face. He was trying to think with two different heads, and it wasn’t working out for him.

“Does it matter at this moment?” she asked him, hoping to enjoy a little more bliss before real life set in and the consequences had to be dealt with.

She wrapped her legs a little tighter around his waist, her hips meeting his and grinding against him. She watched his eyes close, listened to the soft groan he released.

“Fuck,” he breathed, a look of conflicted pain on his face. “Jenna, you make it really hard for a man to think rationally.”

“Please?” she whispered. “Just a little longer? I’m not ready for this to be over.”

He didn’t seem to be ready either. The sheer level of  _ want _  in his eyes, the way they burned into her in the best way, was a pretty good indication. As was the prominent blood flow she could feel between his legs.

“I guess I’d be damned,” he rasped, “to have the most incredible woman I’ve ever known in bed and turn her down.”

“Most incredible woman?” she asked doubtfully. “Isn’t that a little hyperbolic?”

He shook his head. “Hell no.”

Then he kissed her again, his lips colliding with hers. Their heated liplock turned into him trailing kisses down her neck, across her breasts, and all the way down her torso until he disappeared under the covers, planting kisses to the insides of her thighs.

His hands continued to explore, running up and down her sides and her hips.

She spread her legs wider for him, reaching down to brush her fingers through his hair, silently asking for more. She gasped and released a quiet little moan as his lips and tongue followed suit to where she was aching for him.

He had her falling apart in minutes.

 

* * *

 

_ May turned into June as Jenna began to navigate her life back in Stanton Grove. _

_ She’d since declined the position at Harper East and was filling in as a temporary receptionist at the clinic her aunt worked for. When she wasn’t at work, she was at Becky’s. Or Becky was at her place. _

_ Just like she was this afternoon. _

_ “Chocolate, vanilla, or carrot cake?” her friend was asking as Jenna sat on her bed, digging through boxes of papers she’d lugged home from Fieldsville. _

_ Distracted, she looked up and hummed, “Hmmm?” _

_ “I’m trying to pick out a cake for your baby shower,” Becky uttered frustratedly. “Now do you want chocolate, vanilla, or carrot cake?” _

_ “Does there have to be cake?” Jenna asked. “Better yet, do we have to have a baby shower?” _

_ Becky, scandalized and fit to be tied, glared at her. “My best friend is about to give birth,” she told her, “you’re damn right we’re having a baby shower!” _

_ Jenna shook her head. “I don’t need anyone spending anything on me.” _

_ “Why not?” the other woman challenged. “You’ll barely be scraping by when this baby gets here, and people  _ love _  spoiling first time mothers. Let them spoil you!” _

_ “I don’t need their help,” Jenna insisted. _

_ Becky huffed and stood up from her chair. “There goes that pride again,” she muttered, throwing her notepad onto the desk. _

_ “Well, I’m sorry for struggling here,” Jenna shot back. _

_ “I know you are,” her friend tried to sound sympathetic. She sat down next to her on the bed. “You’ve been through some shit the last year. But maybe you should start trying to move forward.” _

_ “I thought that’s what I was doing,” Jenna argued. _

_ “Being college educated and settling for the first job you can get, then coming home and moping every day, isn’t moving forward.” _

_ Ouch. _

_ That one hit Jenna hard. _

_ She didn’t want to argue though. She was done fighting with people over her choices. Even if they had a point—and Becky had a point. _

_ “I’m just trying to adjust,” Jenna softened, focusing on the box in front of her. “So much is changing.” _

_ Becky nodded in agreement. “I feel you there.” _

_ “I mean, finishing school, breaking off a shitty engagement, having a baby…saying goodbye to friends.” _

_ “You mean saying goodbye to Jim?” Becky probed, looking at her pointedly. _

_ There was a sudden shift, a nagging that Jenna thought she’d pushed aside at graduation returning. It rose in the pit of her stomach, up to her heart, and into her throat. She tried to breathe, found it difficult for a moment. She could fight the accusation, pretend. She could lie and tell her friend she’d moved on. But what good would that do? _

_ Realizing there was no point in denying it, Jenna nodded. “Yeah,” she huffed. “Saying goodbye to Jim. If you can even call it that.” _

_ “Have you tried reaching out to him?” _

_ Jenna shook her head. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me.” _

_ Becky frowned and sat further back on the bed, her back against the wall. “I beg to differ.” _

_ “Have you talked to him?” Jenna asked, carefully maneuvering herself, her large belly, and the box she’d had on her lap to join her friend. _

_ The other woman nodded. “A little after graduation,” she revealed. “He asked about you.” _

_ Jenna’s heart leaped a little at that, and she leaned in more toward Becky and asked, “What did he say?” _

_ Becky shrugged. “He just wanted to know how you were. I told him you were stressed but making it, he understood, and that was that.” _

_ Jenna felt her body grow heavy again. Unable to shake the sudden weight of her heart, she attempted to push it out of her mind, searching for a change in subject. _

_ Then she looked back down at the box she was holding. First thing on top was pristine purple cardstock with a ribbon through the top. The inscription that read “The parents of Francine Meredith Ellingham & James Richard Pomatter cordially invite you…” _

_ Her heart sank. _

_ Becky took notice of it as well. Except where Jenna thought she might try to talk her into going, she remained silent. Shaking now, Jenna fished the card out of the box, stared at it one last time, and then tore it in half. _

_ “I now you’ll try to talk me into going,” she told Becky, “but he’s about to have his perfect life.” She stood up then and practically threw the invitation at the trash bin beside her desk. “He doesn’t need me,” she stated, her voice becoming darker and more bitter. _

_ When she glanced back at her friend, all she got was that same pitying half frown that everyone else had been giving her for months. _

 

* * *

 

Jim let Jenna sleep after their— _ shit _ —downright sinful third round. He took just a moment to look at her as he got up out of bed and found his boxer briefs. God, he could get used to the image of her naked wrapped in nothing but his sheets.

Okay, they weren’t his—it wasn’t even the bed he’d claimed for the weekend—but she’d shared this bed with him and had spent the night wrapped around him, tangled with him, him inside of her. He’d felt every bit of her, reached a level of physical and emotional intimacy with her that his wildest dreams could have never predicted. And while he resisted the urge to make comparisons or further idealize her, he found himself questioning why it took them this long. Why he’d suppressed his feelings for her as early as he had.

Jenna was messy, a detour from the pristine life he’d tried to manicure for himself. He was under no delusion that she was perfect or that things could always be like this. She had her own baggage that, if they were to pursue this, they would both have to deal with. But being with her was electric; her touch, her kiss, the breathy sound of his name on her lips.

He wanted more.

Even more importantly, he wanted everything else she had to offer. Her talent, her heart, her passion for her daughter and her job and for baking. She didn’t let many people in, didn’t give love freely. Yet he’d seen what her love was when she chose to give it, when she let someone in. He’d seen her loyalty, her vulnerability, her anger, how  _ deeply _  she felt.

Being on the receiving end of that, well...if she wanted him, he would gladly take it.

As quietly as he could, he slipped out of the bedroom and down the hall to his own guest bath to brush his teeth and take a pit stop, then grabbed a t-shirt from his suitcase before heading downstairs. He made his way to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He drank a cup while he looked over his phone for news and messages.

He checked his school email, expecting little over a weekend going into a break. The principal’s weekly reminders showed nothing but standard walkthroughs and reminders of upcoming term dates. Nothing else had come through.  Facebook was uneventful as well, though he found Becky had sent him a new friend request; accepted.

He checked the time to see that it was nearing 10:00 and, with a sigh, contemplated his next move.

He had all day now.

Deciding food was the best option—and he and Jenna had both certainly done enough to work up an appetite—he began to dig around for eggs, ham, cheese, peppers, and anything else he could find to put into an omelette. It was one of the few things he knew how to cook that he was  _ good _  at. Jenna was still asleep, but she should have something waiting for her, and he wasn’t about to feed her his subpar pancakes or his specialty: cereal and milk.

He was halfway through scrambling the eggs when he heard footsteps entering the kitchen.

His heart knocked in his chest when he turned his head to see Jenna. Hair a tousled mess. In nothing but her short silk robe. (He regret that he hadn’t left a shirt behind for her, because he’d be eager to see what she looked like strutting around in his clothes, but this was still a picture.)

He swallowed and tried to ignore the stirring in his boxers. There were more pressing matters to deal with, like figuring out what to say now that they were both very much awake and not still in a post-sex fog.

“I thought you would sleep longer,” he said. Yes, that was pretty neutral. Then he added, dumbly, “I’m making omelettes. You like those, right?”

She gave him a warm but still sleepy smile, and said, “I do. And I’m surprised I wasn’t up hours ago. I never get to sleep in with Lulu.” She walked over to the coffee pot to see that it was full and still hot. “Bless you for this,” she told him as she reached for a mug in the cabinet. “I could kiss you.”

“You know, you could,” he stated nonchalantly as he rummaged around for a pan and a spatula. “Only if you wanted to, of course. But as of last night, you have a free pass.”

He noticed Jenna’s lips turn up into a little smirk, though she tried to keep her face blank, as she asked, “Do I, now?”

He nodded, then went back to prepping the food. He would leave the ball in her court, give her final say.

Part of him expect her to start pulling away, to not respond to his initiation. So, he was pleasantly surprised at her sultry little grin and the sway in her step as she set her mug down and advanced on him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tip-toes, and brought her lips to his. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer. The little moan that came out of the back of her throat was enough to drive him crazy.

He could stay here all day like this with her. He would carry her up the damn stairs back to bed and ravish her silly if she wanted. Or he would gladly sit and talk and just enjoy her company like he’s always done.

He didn’t give a fuck, he just wanted her.

He loved her.

“Jim?” she whispered, pulling her lips away.

They kissed again and, with his lips against hers, he muttered a, “Yes?”

She pulled away again, remaining in his arms but looking up at him when she asked, “What time is your flight?”

He cleared his throat, looking down. “9:20 this morning,” he admitted sheepishly.

“Wait.” Her eyes widened. “You actually missed your flight for me?” He nodded. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” he stated boldly. He gently ran his hands up and down her sides, letting them drift to her back and make lazy circles. “Do you think I could just leave after last night?”

“No,” she agreed after a moment. “I couldn’t either.”

“Exactly,” he told her. “And I know you need to get back to your daughter today, so I won’t keep you, but…I needed more time with you. We have a lot to talk about.”

She chewed on her lip, as if in contemplation. He waited patiently for a response.

“Can we get some food and a shower in first?” she asked. He nodded.

”Whatever you need,” he promised.

She gave him the most radiant smile. “Thank you,” she murmured. Then they kissed again, softly, tenderly.

 

* * *

 

_ Despite Jenna’s protests, Becky had insisted on throwing the baby shower. She’d even rented out a party room at the public library for the occasion. Thankfully, Jenna didn’t actually have that many people who cared enough about her to show up, so it became a small affair. _

_ Aunt Lisa was there, of course. Becky’s mother and an aunt who lived in town. Jenna recognized a few of the girls she and Becky had hung out with in high school. Carla and Lindsay, who she’d maintained a distant friendship (see: very distant) with through college had made the drive in. _

_ Conversation was friendly at best, neutral at worst. Everyone suddenly became interested in touching Jenna’s belly, though, and by the time Becky announced that everyone could help themselves to finger foods, the mother-to-be was ready to throttle her guests. _

_ “Becky, do something about them,”  Jenna whispered harshly as she pulled her friend aside. “I feel like the new puppy everyone wants to pet.” _

_ “Sweetie, I warned you they’d do that,” her friend reminded her. _

_ “Well, distract them or something.” Jenna glanced over to see Carla and Lindsay gushing over the cake Becky had ordered with fondant letter blocks and a binky on top. “It can’t be that hard.” _

_ “We’re gonna play games soon,” her friend assured her. “I promise they’ll be plenty distracted.” _

_ “Fun,” Jenna muttered sarcastically, imagining what shenanigans her friend had planned (she would calm down and fully apologize to her later for being shitty about the generous thing she was trying to do, but for now groveling was her choice). Groaning, she declared, “I’m gonna go get punch and pretend it’s spiked.” _

_ She ignored Becky’s eye-roll and walked away, weaving past her guests. Her ever-growing belly proved to be the greatest obstacle, and she found herself stumbling around the cramped tables. The navigation took concentration, and she found herself watching what little she could see of her own feet. It wasn’t until she was met with another body that she looked up. _

_ The squeak of surprise the woman let out jolted her, and she shot her head up to come face-to-face with strikingly familiar blue eyes. _

_ “Oh, Jenna, I’m so sorry!” the woman’s warm voice met her ears for the first time in months. _

_ Once both women were stable, Jenna found herself staring at Jim’s charmingly crooked grin underneath a completely different nose, accompanied by mousy brown hair rather than his darker locks. _

_ “Mrs. Pomatter, hi!” Jenna breathed in surprised. Then, quickly returning to their little collision, felt it necessary to say, “Also don’t be sorry, it was my fault. I’ve, uh, lost my footing a bit the last few months.” She brought her hands to her belly and watched Karen’s eyes follow her movement. _

_ Jenna could also feel her cheeks grow red and a hint of shame creeping up. She hadn’t seen the Pomatters since she’d come out about her pregnancy, hadn’t even considered what they must think of her. Not that they were cold or remotely unkind people; they just had a way of sticking to old values. And there she was, pregnant, face to face with the same woman who’d taken every opportunity to cockblock her own son. The same woman who’d chided 13-year-old Jenna over chocolate chip cookies whenever she’d gushed about boys with Becky. The same woman who had taken a good two years to accept that one of her son’s closest female friends liked girls and then struggled to understand that she was still into guys too. _

_ Except the response she got was not one she was expecting. At all. _

_ “I can see that,” the older woman replied good-naturedly, then gave her a light pat on the cheek. “It’s all part of the process, dear. But you can’t let life, quite literally, drag you down.” _

_ Jenna, internally breathing a sigh of relief, smiled half-heartedly and nodded. “Trying not to,” she assured. “Literally or figuratively.” _

_ “You’re a strong young woman,” Karen gave her shoulder a little squeeze. “If anyone can take on this journey you’re about to embark on, it’s you.” _

_ Jenna stood frozen, unsure how to respond. Karen had always been kind to her. Jenna wouldn’t have spent hundreds of afternoons and countless nights at Jim’s if she wasn’t. Years ago, this kind of talk was normal. When her mama died, Karen had been the first person over, along with Jim, to console her. If Jenna failed a test at school, Karen would be the first to offer help reviewing so she could improve on the next one (or give Jim a little nudge to tutor her). When Jenna would come home with Jim after school complaining about something shitty one of her boyfriends did, Karen would ask her to stay for dinner and cook comfort food. _

_ But it had been so long, and she’d lost so much of her life in Stanton Grove when she’d gone off to college, the gesture caught Jenna off guard. _

_ “Thank you,” she finally settled on, deciding a short but sincere response was a better alternative to an emotional speech or saying nothing at all. _

_ The two women fell silent, Jenna still cautious of any judgment her former friend’s mother might have for her. _

_ However, she didn’t seem to, because Karen was tutting, “Oh, where are my manners?” She reached out to her then, offering a hug. The younger woman accepted, and Karen told her sincerely, “It’s so good to see you, dear.” When they parted, she gestured toward Jenna’s belly and added, “And I hope to meet this little one when he or she arrives?” _

_ Jenna, feeling lighter now, told her, “If we can make it until the end of July without any problems.” _

_ “You’re not due for another month?” Karen asked, frowning, unusually surprised. _

_ Jenna shook her head. “No, not until the 23rd. Why?” _

_ “Well, Richard and I have been looking for a place in Connecticut,” the older woman told her. “We’ll be vacationing up there after the wedding, and then we hope to come home and get moved in August.” _

_ Jenna frowned. A punch to the gut, that. _

_ "You’re moving?” she asked in disbelief. _

_ The two women began to move then, walking toward a table and a couple of chairs. Jenna pulled one out for her and then took a seat next to her. _

_ “We considered staying for awhile,” Karen revealed, “but we both know being that far from Jim is going to be miserable.” _

_ Jenna swallowed. “And how does he feel about that?” _

_ Karen scoffed. “Well, he doesn’t want us up his butt, of course. But we compromised and decided to look for a house in the county over from where he and Francine are living.” _

_ Jenna sat up straighter.  _ Are _  living? _

_ “Is he already up there?” she asked, careful not to sound too eager. _

_ The older woman nodded. “Yes, he and Francine left straight after graduation. He hauled his stuff from his dorm up there and then came back home for a week to get what he had here.” _

_ That was when Jenna remembered the date. A big black 21 burned into her brain from looking at the calendar on her phone that morning. _

_ Jim was getting married in a week. _

_ “I suppose that made wedding planning easier,” she tried to remain conversational. It hurt. _

_ Karen sighed. “For them, yes. But for us? It’s been a nightmare.” She shook her head and then began to ramble, her arms and hands gesturing her frustration as she spoke. “I barely know what’s going on anymore. All I know is Richard and I are getting on a plane tomorrow, Francine and her parents have an entire pre-wedding week planned, Friday is the rehearsal, and the wedding is Saturday at 6:00.” _

_ Jenna, still trying not to tip her hand, uncertain if Karen even knew what had happened with her and Jim, noted, “Sounds like they have it all figured out.” _

_ “They better,” Karen muttered, “because I haven’t the slightest clue how to help them if something goes wrong.” She straightened up then and reflected, “Jim seems happy, though. That girl doesn’t let him catch a break sometimes, but she does bring out the go-getter in him.” _

_ Jenna wanted to laugh, and not because any of this was remotely funny. Jim was no slave to his relationship, but he was whipped. If he hadn’t so eagerly chosen this path, Jenna might feel sorry for him. _

_ As she pondered the situation, however, an entirely new thought occurred to her. _

_ “Hold on,” she said. “Weren’t they supposed to be getting married here?” _

_ Karen shrugged and threw her arms up. “That’s what I thought. But a few weeks ago, they changed their minds,” she told her. “Caused a real fiasco, too. They were on the phone for days getting in touch with guests, making last minute cancellations and reservations. Did you not know? He didn’t call you to try to make arrangements for you and Becky to fly out?” _

_ Jenna shook her head. Then, realizing she would need to explain herself eventually, explained to Karen, “Jim and I haven’t spoken since before school ended.” _

_ The older woman frowned. “Oh.” The way her entire expression dropped tore at Jenna’s heart, made even worse when she looked up at her and asked. “I knew something was going on, but...what happened?” _

_ Jenna reached for her hand that was resting on the table, trying to be delicate. “It’s a long story,” she uttered, “but I guess the shortest way to explain it is we just…” she sighed. “We had a falling out. We grew up together, went through a lot, and then grew apart.” _

_ “You two used to be inseparable, though,” Karen insisted. _

_ “We did,” Jenna agreed. “But I guess life happens and people change.” _

_ Karen nodded sadly. “I understand that.” She paused, looking down in contemplation. Then her eyes met Jenna’s again, and she told her sincerely, “You know, he didn’t have any real friends until he met you.” _

_ Jenna scoffed. “Please. He was Mr. Popular in high school.” _

_ “Not until you helped him break out of his shell,” Karen argued. Jenna squirmed a little in her seat, the heaviness she’d been feeling over Jim returning to the pit of her stomach. The older woman elaborated, “He had a hard time growing up, moving everywhere because of Richard’s work and not attaching himself. When he became friends with you, he started to open up.” Another pause and then, “It was probably the happiest I’d ever seen him, when he spent time with you.” _

_ Jenna’s chest fluttered, though not in a pleasant way. Karen’s words cut deep, though she hadn’t meant them to. Jenna wanted to ignore them, to forget the friendship she and Jim had had. She wanted to pretend it never happened. _

_ But she couldn’t. At least not without more time, more distance. _

_ “Well, I’m glad he has Francine now,” she said, trying to find an out, to relieve herself and her ex-friend’s mother of the conversation. “He’s making a good life for himself.” _

_ Karen nodded. “He really has,” she agreed. “A little caught up in the high society, but he’s done well.” _

_ Silence fell between them again. Jenna silently prayed for an excuse to leave, searched her brain for a valid reason to walk away. She was about to pull out the “I think Becky’s almost ready for games” excuse when, mercifully, Karen made the first move up from her seat. _

_ “Well, I know you have more guests to tend to,” she said, pushing her chair in. “I’m going to get some punch. I think I saw Evelyn, didn’t I?” _

_ With Karen’s help, Jenna hauled herself out of her chair and nodded; her former neighbor, and one of Karen’s friends when they served on the PTA together, had indeed showed up. “I think she was asking about you,” Jenna remarked. _

_ “I’ll go find her, then.” The pair exchanged another hug, and Karen flashed her a beaming smile. “It’s really great to see you, Jenna.” _

_ “It’s great to see you, too,” the younger woman replied awkwardly. “You’re sticking around for cake, right?” _

_ “And presents,” Karen clarified. “I didn’t come empty handed.” _

_ Jenna nodded. “That’s very generous, thank you.” _

_ Karen laughed jovially. “That’s why it’s called a shower, dear.” _

_ They went their separate ways then, and Jenna watched her walk away. She thought of the Pomatters moving the Connecticut, what that would mean. Losing what precious memories she had of the time she’d spent with them. With Jim. No longer having any hope that, maybe someday, he would come for a visit and she could bring herself to face him and the ring that would be on his left hand. That maybe someday she could be in a place where she was ready to patch things up with him. _

_ That wasn’t happening anymore, though. _

_ At least, she realized, that meant she would no longer have to hang onto any silly notions. God, or the universe, or whatever had made that decision for her. She no longer had to bear that burden. _

_ It wasn’t closure, but it was definitely a step toward letting go and moving forward. _   
  


* * *

 

While Jim finished working on eggs and toast, Jenna decided to call Lulu. Realizing she’d left her phone up in the bedroom, she grabbed her coffee and excused herself.

As she sat down on the bed and began to scroll through her contacts, she tried not to beat herself up for calling so late. She’d never been the kind of mother to forget her daughter because she’d been treated to a few ( _ very _  good) orgasms, and it was especially unlikely for her to call after 9:00 in the morning when they were apart for extended periods of time.

But Lulu was quickly growing up, and even Becky had told Jenna on many occasions that it was okay for her to live her life. That she was  _ allowed  _ to be a grown woman and enjoy the perks of consenting adulthood. That motherhood was not a life sentence to celibacy.

So, choosing to let herself have this, she set her sights on giving her daughter due attention and pressed dial when she reached Dawn’s name in her phonebook.

The phone only rang a couple of times before a voice that made her beam cheerfully greeted her, “Morning, mom!”

“Oh, hey, sweetheart!” Jenna replied, caught off guard that her daughter was answering Dawn’s phone, but not disappointed in the slightest. “You sleep well?”

“Mmmhmm,” the girl answered. Then she backtracked and explained, “Oh, I forgot, Aunt Dawn’s here. She let me have the phone when she saw it was you.”

Ah. That made sense. “I’m glad she did,” Jenna said sincerely. Then she observed, “She and your Uncle Ogie love you a lot.”

“Yeah,” Lulu agreed. “I love them, too.” She paused, bringing her voice down to a whisper and said, “Don’t tell the twins, but I’m having a lot of fun with them, and I really don’t wanna leave yet.”

Jenna laughed. “Your secret’s safe with me. Although, I bet they’re having just as much fun with you and won’t admit it either.”

“Maybe,” Lulu sighed. “Do I have to go home?”

The older woman, taken aback, told her, “Well, I’m coming home later, and I miss you.”

“I know, but can’t you stay another day or something?” Lulu whined. “They make tacos on Sunday nights.”

“I feel so loved,” Jenna quipped.

“You know what I mean,” Lulu admonished. “I want you to come home, but we’re having such a good time.”

Jenna bit her lip and then sighed. “Sweetie, your Aunt Dawn’s doing a huge favor for me. I know she loves you, but it’s a lot for me to ask of her,” she explained. Then she quickly added, “Also, it’s rude and inconsiderate to take advantage just because someone’s making tacos.”

“You’re right,” Lulu said, dejected. Then she perked up and said, “But if you do wanna stay longer, I would totally be okay with it.”

Another laugh on Jenna’s end. “I know, sweetie. But just think: when I get home we get to make our special Lulu Lemon Pie. It’s been a while since we’ve done that, huh?”

“It has,” her daughter agreed. “Can we watch  _ Willy Wonka  _ afterwards?”

Jenna grinned. “Of course we can.”

“I love you, mama.”

“I love you, too, my girl,” Jenna told her. She paused, then, taking in the smell of toast and eggs wafting from downstairs. Hating to cut the conversation short but not wanting cold food, she said, “Hey, I haven’t eaten yet, so I’m gonna go have breakfast. I’ll call you a little later and let you know when I’m on my way home, okay?”

“Okay!” Lulu declared happily. “See you later.”

“Bye, darling.”

Jenna ended the call and set her phone on the nightstand, lying back into the pillows and taking in her life. She had a beautiful, intelligent, creative, amazing daughter waiting for her at home. A gorgeous, sweet, well-rounded, kind man (and a  _ very _  skilled lover to boot) making breakfast for her downstairs. And if what Becky had told her the other day had any truth, her career was about to move forward.

Was this what it felt like to overcome?

She thought back to all of the shit she’d been through. Her dysfunctional childhood. Losing her mother. Her abusive adolescence with her father. Losing him. Wasting her time on a selfish asshole who only knew how to manipulate. Getting pregnant at 21. Struggling with poverty in single motherhood.

All of that was gone.

She hadn’t realized it, had never taken the time to really reflect on it and appreciate it. But now that she was seriously considering letting someone new into her life, the fact that she’d made her life into something she  _ wanted _  to share was striking.

She could have more. She was ready for more.

 

* * *

 

_ A few days after the baby shower, Jenna had an appointment scheduled with her new OB/GYN. With Dr. Perkins out in Fieldsville, she’d referred Jenna to a trusted colleague in Stanton Grove who could offer more urgent care in the crucial last month of her pregnancy and through her delivery. (After she’d given Jenna a stern telling about dropping the birthing classes she was meant to attend, of course, but that was moot point.) _

_ Jenna had yet to meet Dr. Collins and squirmed nervously as she waited in the exam room. _

_ Her practice seemed clean, professional. The staff so far had been friendly and upbeat, treated her kindly. The gowns were definitely much softer than the itchy ones Dr. Perkins had to offer. But would she be as good as Dr. Perkins or make her feel as comfortable? _

_ The mother-to-be continued to fidget as the minutes passed. She’d only been in about ten minutes, but the anticipation had her on edge. Finally, a young, dark-skinned woman with beautiful ringlet curls walked in, pearly white teeth beaming. _

_ “Good, afternoon, Ms. Barker,” she greeted warmly, reaching out for her hand. Jenna, uncertain of the newness of the situation but responsive to the energy the doctor was giving off, gave it a firm shake and smiled back. “I’m Dr. Collins, but you can call me Nicole.” She took a moment to survey her patient before glancing over the tablet she’d carried in and noted, “So, we’re having a baby in just about five weeks, hmmm?” _

_ Jenna screwed up in face in concentration as she calculated the dates in her head, then confirmed, “That sounds right.” _

_ Dr. Collins set the tablet down on the counter that took up one side of the room. Grabbing the stethoscope around her neck, she approached Jenna again. “And how are you feeling?” she asked conversationally. “Are you excited?” _

_ “Yeah,” Jenna lied, not wanting to explain to her doctor that no, she honestly didn’t know how she felt but she knew excited wasn’t the right description. “I’m ecstatic.” _

_ “Good,” the doctor smiled sweetly. She brought the instrument in her hand to Jenna’s back and instructed, “Deep breath for me, sweetie.” _

_ Jenna did as she was told, repeating the process a few times as Dr. Collins listened to different parts of her lungs. Finally, she listened to her heart before sitting down in the swivel chair reserved just for her and taking down some notes on her tablet. _

_ “So, Dr. Perkins briefed me a little on your file,” she informed Jenna. “She said everything seems healthy, and you’ve had a pretty smooth pregnancy so far. But I did notice that when they took your vitals earlier, your blood pressure was elevated.” _

_ Jenna swallowed. “How much?” she asked nervously, squirming on the exam table again. _

_ “Not a lot just yet,” the doctor answered, “but it’s certainly higher than we want right now. Women in late-term pregnancy tend to be at risk for complications like preeclampsia. Have you noticed any headaches? Discomfort? Pain?” _

_ “Maybe a dull headache every now and then,” Jenna hedged, “though nothing out of the ordinary.” _

_ The doctor hummed curiously and continued to take down her notes. “Do you have any additional stress in your life right now? Anything that could be adding to your blood pressure?” _

_ Jenna’s stomach sank and she chewed the inside of her cheek. Where the hell to even begin with that? _

_ “Well, I did just finish college,” she stated, hoping that would be a satisfying explanation. “I’ve also been trying to plan out the future after I have this baby, save up as much money as I can for while I’m out of work. I’m nervous about not being ready.” _

_ Dr. Collins bobbed her head as she listened. “No need to further explain,” she said sympathetically. “It’s hard enough figuring out life after school without having a child to worry about.” _

_ “It is,” Jenna agreed, keeping her tone neutral so as not to end up unloading on her gynecologist. Then she added, “I’ve been trying to work extra hours, too, so that probably has something to do with it.” _

_ “Do you take time to rest when you’re home?” Dr. Collins inquired. _

_ Jenna shook her head no. “I can’t bring myself to. Staying busy is the only way I can distract myself from worrying about the baby.” _

_ The doctor sighed and shook her head, now opening drawers and pulling out more instruments that Jenna was becoming a little too acquainted with (and definitely wanted nothing to do with until her next PAP smear a year from next month). _

_ “Well, I hate to tell you this,” she said, “but worrying about the baby is only going to hurt him or her. You need to take more time to rest, just for you. You know, get some ‘me’ time.” _

_ Jenna scoffed. “I don’t think I know what ‘me’ time is anymore.” _

_ “Then you need to figure it out,” the doctor advised. “Even if it’s just going to a movie by yourself, or taking a bubble bath, or reading a book. Rest will do you good this last month.” _

_ “I’ll, uh, get right on that,” Jenna promised half-heartedly, earning a sharply arched eyebrow from the doctor. _

_ “I’m serious, Jenna,” she said sternly. “I’m delivering this child, and I want to see both of you healthy when I do.” Then, slipping on a pair of disposable gloves, she instructed, “Now, let’s lie back so we can take a good look at what’s going on with the little one, okay?” _

_ Once again, Jenna did as she was told. Rest? She didn’t know a damn thing about rest. Or not worrying. And as she lay back, she couldn’t help but think that the good doctor didn’t know the half of what she was dealing with. _

_ Especially since it was her heart that was the problem. _

 

* * *

 

“So, how did I do?”

Jenna looked up from her plate, a slice of toast in her mouth, and stared at Jim for a moment. How did he do?  _ Pretty damn great last night and this morning, _  she thought.

“Breakfast, I mean,” he said.  _ Oh. Right. _  Jenna quickly swallowed the bite she’d just taken as he elaborated, “I’m not the greatest chef, and I feel like I overcooked the omelettes.”

Jenna quickly shook her head. “No, no. They’re great,” she assured him. It was the truth, too. As for his aforementioned lack of cooking skills, she definitely saw potential. “You know, if you did end up moving back to Stanton Grove, I could teach you my kitchen tricks.”

“You would?” he asked, eyes widening. “Finally? Does that mean you’ll relinquish your cranberry muffin recipe?”

Jenna picked up her coffee mug and took a sit, shrugging nonchalantly. “I don’t know,” she hedged. Then she gave him a little wink and suggested, “Keep doing what you did to me a couple of hours ago, and we’ll talk.”

Jim smirked as he took a bite of his omelette. “Duly noted.”

They ate silently for a minute, comfortably enjoying each other’s company. Suddenly, Jim’s face screwed up in concentration, and he frowned. “You know,” he began, then observed, “it’ll be awfully hard for me to keep doing that to you if we’re literally a thousand miles apart.”

Jenna felt her expression mirroring his own, and she responded, “Hmmm...that’s true.” She shook her head in disappointment and said, “Unfortunate.”

At that, Jim raised an eyebrow. “Incentive,” he nodded. Finishing off his plate, he reached for his coffee and took a pensive sip. “This new job is looking more and more attractive.”

The implication made Jenna feel just a little uneasy. Not at the prospect of him being closer, or even at the prospect of beginning an actual dating relationship. But the fact that he would consider her as a reason to uproot his entire life.

“I wouldn’t complain if you did take it,” she made herself clear, before cautioning him, “but just...please don’t move halfway across the country because of me.” When he tilted his head, confused, she quickly backtracked and said, “Not that it’s about me, but you are talking like you’re factoring me into that decision.”

“I have plenty of reasons to want to move back,” he said. “Is it really so bad if I like the idea of getting to see you more? To spend real time with you again?”

He was smiling that soft, sincere smile she loved, and she felt her heart melt. “No, it’s not,” she conceded.

“Then, it’s settled,” he declared. “If I want to make myself available to a gorgeous, wonderful woman, I will.”

“Assuming she wants you to,” Jenna teased. When she watched the smile on Jim’s face fall, she leaned forward and whispered, “She does.”

Jim relaxed again, and they both laughed.

Seeing that Jenna had finished her plate, Jim stood up and said, “We’ll just have to see what happens.”

As he made to take her dishes, Jenna shot up out of her seat and insisted, “Oh, let me do that.”

He paused, staring at her. For a moment, she thought he might try to argue with her, but he had the good sense to back off. “Well, since you’re offering…”

He passed her his plate, and she gave him a grateful smile. If there was anything she couldn’t stand more than a man who made her do everything, it was a man who insisted on chivalry and couldn’t accept when she wanted to contribute. She was happy to accept when he wanted to do nice things for her, but it was a two-way street. It was all about balance.

Thankfully, Jim was learning.

She brought the dishes to the sink and began to run some water to rinse them. “I’m thinking of trying this new thing at home,” she’d explained, “where the person who doesn’t cook has to clean up afterward.”

“I’d be careful,” he’d warned her playfully. “Lulu might take up cooking to avoid it and overtake you.”

Jenna smirked, carrying the plates and forks to the dishwasher. “As if she isn’t overtaking me already. Kid won a baking contest at school a few weeks ago.”

“Not surprised,” Jim told her, walking over to hand her their mugs. “She learned from the best.”

Jenna shook her head as she loaded the dishwasher. “I’m hardly the best.”

“Well, you made a career of it, didn’t you?” Jim countered. “You told me you bake for that catering company.”

Jenna kept moving about the kitchen, next making her way to the stove to grab the pan Jim had cooked the eggs in and bringing it to the sink to wash by hand. “I do,” she confirmed. “That doesn’t make me the best.”

“Well, I might be biased.” he told her, “but I think you’re pretty damn talented.” At her doubtful look,

he said, “Your baking was one of my favorite things when we were in school, and I willingly admit that it’s yet another reason on my ‘Why I Should Move Back to Stanton Grove’ list.”

She shook her head. “You’re shameless.”

“Shamelessly in love with perfect cranberry muffins,” he smiled, sidling up next to her.

She leaned over to give him a soft kiss. “Maybe if we have time today I’ll make batch.”

“I would love that.” Jim cleared his throat then and said, “Although, there’s this really pretty nature reserve just outside of town. It’s beautiful in the fall, and I thought you might enjoy the walking trails. If that’s not too much, of course.”

Jenna considered the offer. She really wanted to get back to Stanton Grove before dinner to keep Ogie and Dawn from having to feed Lulu. But Jim was giving her the puppy dog eyes, and it did sound nice. Really,  _ really _  nice.

_ Well, damn. _

“Actually,” she replied, “I think that’s a perfect idea.”

 

* * *

 

_ Jenna made it home from her appointment before her aunt—an unusual occurrence, but a welcome one at that. With the house quiet and Jenna left to her solitude, she ascended the stairs up to her bedroom. Slowly. Stopping frequently to catch her breath. The baby weight was taking its toll on her. _

_ Her bed was a welcome sight. She tossed her purse onto the desk chair, kicked off her shoes, and eased into the cushy mattress, lying down on her side. She took some deep breaths and closed her eyes for a few moments. After a fifteen-minute doze, her eyes opened and gaze shifted to the floor. _

_ On the other side of her nightstand sat the box she’d started going through the previous week. She’d set it aside intending to finish it later, but ended up forgetting about it completely. _

_ Sitting up carefully, she pushed herself up from the bed and stood to grab it. _

_ Most of the box contained photos from high school, a few from the last few years in college. Pictures of her, Becky, and Jim at homecoming. Her mama hugging her before her first school dance (that one hurt). Jenna scrunched her nose at a picture of herself and Earl that he’d taken on the shitty bus they’d rode around in for two months; she could throw up at how fake happy she looked. Underneath that, she found a few early sonograms. She’d also found a couple of notes from old high school boyfriends. None of the box’s contents seemed to have any rhyme or reason to it, but she kept going. _

_ She continued to shuffle through photos and papers. She found a few more pictures of her and Jim toward the bottom. Her and Jim making a snowman over the winter break that it came a blizzard in Stanton Grove. Jim with flour on his nose that she’d put there the first time she tried to teach him how to make pumpkin pie (an unsuccessful mission). A hug Jim had given her at 8th grade graduation that her mother had captured. Becky giving them both bunny ears the day she helped them move into college, before she transferred from SGCTC. _

_ She sighed heavily, swallowing the lump in her throat and soldiering on. As she flipped through the images, she came upon an envelope with her name scribbled on the front. Jim’s writing. She peeled back the flap and slid the card out that was inside. The outside read “Congrats Grad!” The inside, however, contained a long handwritten note. _

Jenna,

Pretty crazy, huh? High school’s over. We’re going to college soon. I know we probably won’t see each other much this summer, since I’ll be away with my parents for at least a month, but I just wanted to say how much I’m gonna miss you. We killed senior year! I don’t think Harper East is ready for us, do you? I’m excited to go, and I’m glad you’ll be there with me. Not to get all cheesy and emotional, but you’re the best friend I could ask for. Thank you for being there when I needed it--and for all the muffins and cookies! I’m surprised I haven’t gained thirty pounds in the last four years haha.

Anyway, I’ll be sure not to be a stranger this summer. When I get back from travelling, we’ll grab Becky and just go crazy. Maybe we can take a road trip. Whatever you want, I don’t care. I’ll just be excited to come home and have you here.

See you soon,

Jim

P.S. Congrats, from one graduate to another.

_ Jenna smiled bittersweetly and shook her head as she closed the card. Always that sap, that one. She could feel her heart break and tears prickle in her eyes at the thought of just how much had changed in four years. The Jim she’d last known would probably question why he’d ever write such a heartfelt note. _

_ As she looked down at the history in front of her, the memories in her lap, the thought occurred to her that she should burn it all. At least the parts with Jim and Earl. She’d tossed Jim’s pictures back into the box, rummaged until she found the few of Earl she’d kept and tore those to shreds without a second thought. She cried and grit her teeth through it. _

_ As she was reaching back in for the memories she had with Jim, ready to do the same thing to them, something stopped her. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. Shaking, she picked herself off the bed, stood up, and shoved the box underneath as quickly as her heavily pregnant body would allow her. _

_ Much easier to forget than destroy. Less pain either way. _

_ For a minute, she stood frozen to her spot, processing and indecisive. It wasn’t until she heard the distinct sound of the door rattling from downstairs and her aunt calling, “Jenna? I’m home, and I picked up a pizza for dinner!” _

_ She wiped her eyes and steeled herself. Aunt Lisa didn’t need to see her like this, and she didn’t need to let herself stay stuck. Before making a move to go downstairs and eat, she reached for her purse. Then, fishing her phone out of the front pocket, scrolled through the contacts to find her manager’s number, and sent one text message: _

Hey, if you need someone to stay late the rest of the week and work on those files you’re stuck with, I’d be more than happy to. Let me know.

_ Then, with just a couple swipes of her thumb, she pressed ‘send,’ turned her phone off, and pocketed the device.   _

 

* * *

 

The rest of the morning going into the afternoon continued in a blissful haze, and Jenna found herself inviting Jim up to share a shower with her. You know...to save water.

He touched and teased her, massaging shampoo into her hair for her and running his hands all over as she washed the rest of her body. She helped him wash, even giving him a soap beard for shits and giggles, and they’d kissed some more.

A  _ lot _  more.

Once they were both clean, they’d ended up back in bed and made love again. Not exactly practical after showering, but Jenna was not about to complain. Not with the ease she felt, being with Jim, or his damn gorgeous blue eyes that bored into her and locked in like every word she spoke was precious.

His talented fingers and tongue were a nice touch, too, but that was a different type of benefit entirely.

They’d finished cleaning, dressed, and rolled out of the house by 12:30. Jim drove them to the nature reserve, leading her to the trail he claimed as his favorite. Another one of his places of solitude, he’d shared as they set out.

Jenna was surprised she’d never been there in the time she’d spent at Harper East. The woods surrounding it seemed like the perfect hideaway for college kids looking to blow off some steam. However, according to her companion, tightened security and strategically placed fences were enough of a discouragement.

It was peaceful, she realized, taking in the lack of company and disturbance.

They took a paved pathway that snaked around the reserve, leading to park on the other side if they chose to veer off in that direction, or bringing them right back around to where they started.

“How long is this?” she asked as they started on the trail.

“Long enough,” he said cryptically. Upon her raising her eyebrows, he amended, “It’s maybe a thirty minute walk.”

She nodded. That was longer than she expected.

It was certainly long enough for them to have a serious conversation. The thought had Jenna taking a half step away from Jim and focusing on her feet.

They walked past shedding trees in colors of orange and red. The sun had decided to show itself, so the fall colors were particularly bright and the temperature breezy and mild. The two fell completely silent, both with hands in their jacket pockets.

Their comfortable, blissful morning was suddenly dampered by a cloud of reality hanging over them. They’d made a decision last night and had enjoyed the afterglow of that decision. Now that it was time to figure out what the next step was, they both seemed to be drifting.

“You were right,” Jenna tried to be conversational. “It is beautiful here.”

“I thought you’d enjoy it,” he noted. A pause, and then, “We could go to places like this all the time, you know.”

She swallowed, and she tried to imagine life like this with him. Breakfast and afternoon walks. Domesticity and hand-holding. Stolen moments late at night, or any occasion they found private time. Jim’s gentle brand of romance would certainly make for a healthy environment for Lulu.

_ Lulu _ .

How would she feel about this?

She’d never seen Jenna in a relationship; barely remembered or registered the times Jenna had decided to dip her toe back into dating. She didn’t have a father, either. There was nothing for her to miss or compare, no reason for her to feel like Jim would be replacing anyone. Jenna had no reason to believe her daughter would object to her seeing Jim.

Still, Jenna’s heart panged at the thought of not asking her how she felt about it first. Lulu was her world. Which meant that she was the priority, and anyone who wanted to be part of that world needed to fit in with her too.

Now the question remained: could Jim fit in? Especially with everything happening as quickly as it was happening?

Jenna never responded to Jim’s remark about taking her places. Instead, she said nothing, trying to decide what she could possibly say next.

After a moment, Jim asked gently, “What are you thinking?”

Jenna sighed. What  _ was _  she thinking?

“I’m thinking,” she chose her words carefully, “that last night and this morning were amazing.” She paused, watching him nod.

“But?” he prompted.

She chewed on her lip. “But we never really stopped to think of the consequences.”

He frowned, his loving, warm eyes becoming downcast and cold. “Oh,” was his response. “No, we didn’t.”

They kept walking, drifting another few inches apart.

“I have a daughter, Jim,” she reiterated. “She doesn’t know you. You’re states away. And even if you do come back, she’s been used to just me for the last ten years. I know she’ll adjust, but it could take a while.”

Jim nodded in understanding, still looking away nervously. Then he glanced up at Jenna and asked sincerely, “Do you think she wouldn’t like me?”

She shook her head. “No, I think she would  _ love _  you,” she corrected him. “I’m just scared of confusing her or putting too much on her at once. Especially since we haven’t even figured out what this is.”

“So, what are you saying?"

They stopped then, and she turned to face him. Her gaze shifted around, struggling to make herself make eye contact with him.

“I’m saying,” she began, taking a deep breath, “that I want this. I want to enjoy each other and see where this goes, if there’s something here.” He smiled at her words, hopefully but bittersweet. She continued, “I just think that in order for this to work, we need to take a step back and slow down, reprioritize.”

There was a pregnant pause while he took one of her hands in his, giving it a light squeeze. Then with a nod he was understanding.

“You’re right,” he agreed. “You’re absolutely right. You have a child to think about and I need to figure out what I’m doing.” He shook his head and released a breath. “We sure have great tact, don’t we?”

Jenna had to snicker at that. “Our decision-making track record is impeccable.”

“The sex might have something to do with that,” he said with a grin.

She nodded, moving closer to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Maybe a little,” she teased.

His arms wrapped around her waist, and she kissed him. His lips were soft against hers, his body warm and protective against the chill in the air. She smiled into the kiss and felt him do the same.

“So, about this stepping back,” he began as they separated. “Does that begin right now, or can we wait until we both go home?”

“I think we can afford to stay in our bubble a little longer,” she murmured, her lips finding his once more.

She could definitely stand to stay there with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh finally got this chapter done! As usual, thank you all the support and the kind words. You have no idea how much it means. We've only got a couple of chapters left, and they we're wrapping up. I've never finished a multi-chapter fic before, either, so this is a big deal.
> 
> Another huge thank you to my friends Laura, Alicia, and Lesli for reading, being my soundboards, and offering so much encouragement. This story wouldn't exist without you all.


	16. Chapter 15

The sweet smell of cinnamon pumpkin coffee was a welcome compliment to the crisp fall air as Jenna walked beside Jim. The pair had finished their walk at the trails and then took a drive into downtown Fieldsville to the coffee shop. Jim took his drink black while Jenna had opted to be more festive. They chatted and laughed between sips as they made their way down the street back to the car.

“We need a little shop like that in Stanton Grove,” Jenna noted. “High quality coffee while I’m out without paying an arm and a leg? I’m there.”

“Coming from a town with a Starbucks on every corner,” Jim began, “I can relate.”

“Just add in raising a kid, and a cheap Mr. Coffee and a to-go mug will become your new best friend.”

Jim shook his head and tutted, “And here I was taking my Keurig for granted…”

Jenna laughed lightly at that, taking his free hand with her own and sipping her latte. She couldn’t help but notice how comfortable his fingers felt between hers, how well they fit together.

As they made their way toward Jim’s rental, Jenna heard her phone chiming in her coat pocket. She glanced at the caller ID before answering.

“Hi, Dawn!” she greeted. “What’s going on? Everything okay?”

On the other end, she heard her friend’s voice become dark and melodramatic. “The children have rebelled.”

Jenna sighed. “Did Lulu try to talk you into letting her stay another night? Because I told her no. We’re not putting you out again.”

“Well, it wasn’t so much Lulu as it was all three of them,” Dawn explained. “They ganged up on me, Jenna.”

“Crap,” Jenna groaned. “Dawn, I’m so sorry. I’ll be on my way home soon.”

“Actually,” her friend said, “it really wouldn’t be such a bad thing. The kids are having a great time, and they haven’t killed each other. Yet. Plus, they’re worn out, so they’ll sleep like babies tonight.”

Jenna shook her head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s really no trouble,” Dawn insisted. “All we’d have to do is go to your place and grab a change of clothes for school tomorrow.”

Jenna sucked in a breath and released. “You really don’t have to…”

“Jenna, please,” she insisted, “take a little more time to enjoy yourself.”

“I really am fine,” Jenna assured. “I’m looking forward to being home.”

Dawn hummed. “Well, we know that. But, you know, it’s fine to take a little extra time off. You work yourself to death most days. One more day off from life isn’t going to kill you. Besides, Ogie and I have an anniversary coming up. You can take the boys for a weekend and call it even.”

“Work?” Jenna tried to argue.

Only Dawn shot back with, “You worked those extra shifts last week and aren’t scheduled tomorrow.”

_ Dammit. _

The second the thought occurred to her, however, Jenna found herself glancing over at Jim. They were approaching the car, and he was already at the door, holding it open for her and smiling warmly at her. 

She supposed she could have it much worse…

“You say Lulu’s been begging you to let her stay?” Jenna asked as she climbed into the passenger seat. “She’s okay with me not being there another night?”

The thought made Jenna’s heart sink a little, the fact that her daughter was starting to get old enough not to need her. But it was some relief, after years of having to be at Lulu’s beck and call, worrying about her when they were apart.

“She’s fantastic,” Dawn assured her. “And it’s good for her. You two are together all the time when you’re not working and she’s not at school.”

That was true. Most of Lulu’s friends came over to their house or lived in the neighborhood, and very rarely did Lulu stray far from home without Jenna. Playdates with the twins were always a group affair; Jenna and Dawn, usually Ogie with them, would have coffee while the kids played, or the entire group would sit down for a meal when they took a notion to get together. Weekends were mostly mother-daughter time with grocery shopping, cleaning, occasional baking, and movies.

And  _ god _ , Jenna was enjoying the hell out of getting to be an adult without worrying about scraped knees or cutting the crust off of sandwiches. She was enjoying being intimate with someone for the first time in a couple of years and not thinking about bedtimes or what time she promised her babysitter she’d be home. Not that she wouldn’t gladly return to the life she had, it was just a nice reminder that she could be more outside of motherhood.

Next to her, Jim had climbed into the driver’s seat and was starting up the car. 

As he pulled out and they moved, Jenna found herself telling Dawn, “I supposed one more night couldn’t hurt…”

 

* * *

 

_ Jenna shuffled up the steps of Becky’s house on a Friday afternoon, a Piña Colada pie--pineapple, coconut, a special blend of spices, and egg white whipped topping--in hand. _

_ The two had barely spoken since the previous Saturday, after Becky had helped Jenna haul her gifts back to her aunt’s. Jenna, still shaken from seeing Jim’s mother and being showered with items she’d hadn’t wanted for a baby she never asked for, had been less than kind to her friend. It hadn’t been intentional, of course. Jenna knew Becky had her best interest at heart. However, that hadn’t made the day any more tolerable, and being distant and quick-tempered was the natural reaction. _

_ Still, Jenna realized, that was no excuse. It was time to swallow her pride and show some gratitude. Especially when Becky was her only real ally left. _

_ She rang the doorbell and waited. After a few moments, when there was no answer, she began to turn around and leave. Just as she was half a pace back to the steps, though, the door swung open, and her friend called out to her. _

_ “Well, if you brought pie, I guess I’m gonna have to let you in.” _

_ With a slump of her shoulders and a heavy sigh, Jenna turned back around to look at her friend. Then, giving her an uncertain half-smile, she told her, “You deserve way more than this, but it’s all I have right now.” _

_ Becky rolled her eyes. “I love how you think that’s what I care about.” _

_ Jenna nodded soberly. “You’re right,” she told her sincerely. “You’ve done so much for me through all of this bullshit and been the best friend I could ask for, and I haven’t exactly been the most receptive. I’m sorry.” Then she held out the pie to her friend and offered, “Thank you.” _

_ Becky scrutinized her for just a second, staring suspiciously at the pie. Then she softened, her lips turning up into a fond smile. She accepted the pie and stepped to the side, holding the door open for Jenna. _

_ “Don’t make me soft,” she warned good-naturedly. “Get your pregnant ass in here, and we’ll put on a pot of decaf to go with this.” _

_ Jenna followed her friend into the house, noting that her parents must have still been working. They made their way to the kitchen, where Becky set the pie on the counter before rummaging for coffee filters. While her friend worked on the coffee, Jenna made herself at home and grabbed two of the smaller plates from up in the cabinet and two forks from their usual drawer. After finding a knife and server, she plated up two slices of the pie and slid one across the island counter in Becky’s direction. _

_ Her friend, who’d had her back turned while she poured water into the coffee pot, flipped the switch on the appliance before joining her.  _

_ “You have no idea how much I’ve needed this,” she said, picking up her fork and digging in. _

_ Jenna finished a bite and asked, “Hell-mart still that bad?” _

_ Becky groaned. “The  _ worst _.” She shook her head as she stuffed a bite into her mouth. “I had a man come in today, bring one of those packs of 4th of July sparklers up to the check-out, and ask if he’d be allowed to test one before buying it.” _

_ Jenna gave an amused chuckle. “How did that work out for him?” _

_ “I told him that he was more than welcome to find out what would happen if he did, but I wasn’t responsible for any subsequent injury, death,or police detention. He paid with his card and left.” _

_ “That’s fun,”Jenna said dryly, taking one more bite of pie. “How did we end up like this? We’re college educated women, and we’re both working minimum wage jobs. What the hell happened?” _

_ Becky shrugged. "Beats me.” She stabbed her pie with her fork and took in a huge mouthful, chewing and swallowing before saying, “God, I hope this catering job pans out…” _

_ Jenna stood up straight, her brows knitting together. Catering job? _

_ “What catering job?” she asked, turning to face her friend better and leaning in closer to her. _

_ “This group from up in Richmond is opening another storefront here,” Becky explained. “The business is booming, they’re reputable, and the pay is apparently great for a starting rate.” _

_ Jenna, a little offended now, placed a hand on her hip and asked, “You were gonna tell me about this opportunity when?” _

_ “Well, it’s been awfully hard when we’re both working all the time and you’re getting ready for the baby.” _

_ Jenna sighed. “Good point.” She folded her arms over her chest then asked, “So, have you applied? Are you interviewing?” _

_ “I did apply, and they called me this morning,” Becky announced as she stepped away to find mugs for the coffee. “I have an interview Monday.” _

_ “That’s awesome!” Jenna declared proudly. “You’re bound to get it. What would they have you doing?” _

_ Becky shrugged as she began to pour coffee. “Answering phones, taking orders, that sort of thing. But I’ve heard they have a history of helping people move up, so I’m hopeful.” _

_ She handed Jenna her cup, along with cream and sugar, and both began to prepare their drinks as they liked. Jenna opted for little creamer, not wanting to weaken the decaf coffee further. _

_ “Maybe I should apply,” she muttered as she took her first sip, a hint of joking in her voice. _

_ “Actually you should,” her friend told her sincerely. “They’re hiring a bunch of people, and I bet they’d work with you once you have the baby.” _

_ Jenna nodded absently as she considered the idea. It was certainly a good place to start, and she couldn’t do temp work for the rest of her life. Especially if she was going to be raising a child. _

_ “I guess I have to start somewhere,” she said. Then she looked back at her friend. “How did you apply?” _

_ At that, her friend set her coffee cup down on the counter and announced, “Let me go get my laptop.” _

_ Before Jenna could clarify that she didn’t feel like filling out an application at that exact minute, Becky had disappeared from the kitchen and down the hall. Jenna sighed and walked around to the side of the island counter where the stools were. She picked one to sit on and rested her hand on her giant belly.  _

_ The baby kicked sharply then, and Jenna found herself grumbling, “Yeah, I know it’s for our future. Don’t patronize me.” _

 

* * *

 

Jenna and Jim ended up stopping at the grocery store on the way back to the house from the coffee shop. They replaced the food they’d already ate, picked up what they needed for a grilled chicken and vegetable medley dinner, and had purchased the ingredients for an apple spice pie Jenna had been wanting to try. They were originally going to buy what they needed for Jenna’s cranberry muffins, but the mention of pie had Jim intrigued.

He asked her to show him how to make one, and she’d graciously agreed. There would be plenty of time for muffins later.

That is how the two found themselves in the kitchen, covered in flour, in fits of laughter.

“Jim, you’re trying to spread the crust out,” Jenna admonished with a giggle, “not give it a massage.”

Jim frowned, a pouty, childish, puppy-that-just-got-kicked look. “I thought that’s what I was doing.”

“You have to put some elbow grease in it,” she explained. Then she placed her hands over his and guided him in rolling the pin over smoothe dough. 

The dough began to flatten, and for a moment Jim paused. Jenna was about to ask him what he was doing, when he brought the arm closest to her around to her other side, leaving her enveloped in his embrace. Together, they rolled out the crust.

“It’s important that it covers the pie tin,” Jenna told him, trying not to be distracted by the kisses he was pressing to her shoulder or the strength and warmth of his arms around her. She sighed when he kissed her temple. Then she turned to him and, indicating their combined effort on the crust, noted, “See?”

He let go of the rolling pin and removed his hands from where they joined hers. She set the pin aside and reached for the disposable pie tin they’d picked out. Gingerly, she lifted the crust and lay it over the tin, gently pressing it in to the edges. Jim watched her curiously as she worked to remove the excess dough from the edge.

“I’ll let you take care of the edges,” she told him. Then, demonstrating, she began to roll the edges over tin. 

Jim followed her lead and took over, creating little crimps in the dough as he went along. “Not bad, huh?” he asked, beaming proudly at his handiwork.

Jenna gave him a round of faux applause and said, “My mama would be proud of that crimp work.”

Jim bowed and then, holding the pie tin up like a trophy, melodramatically added, “Why, thank you. I’d like to thank the Academy of Arts and Pie-ences…”

Jenna snorted and snickered as she shook her head. “You really just said that?”

With a blush, Jim shrugged. “I thought it was a nice slice of humor.”

“I’ve officially slept with a man who loves puns,” Jenna laughed, rolling her eyes. She bit her lip when Jim placed his hands on her hips.

“The  _ occasional _ pun,” he corrected her. He hooked his fingers around the strings of her apron, and she gravitated toward him. “I’m not a nerd.”

“You once memorized the periodic table of elements for fun,” Jenna pointed out, placing her hands on his arms. “You’re a nerd.”

Jim shrugged and grinned that smile that made her turn to mush. “Okay, fine, I’m a nerd. Didn’t hear you complaining last night or this morning.”

She gave him a smile of her own, this one mischievous and coy. “Good point.”

They giggled like children as they shared a kiss. Jenna hooked her arms around his neck while Jim had encircled her waist with his. Their foreheads rested against one another, noses brushing. 

Jim let out a heavy sigh. “Do we have to leave tomorrow?” he asked.

Jenna nodded sadly. “Yeah, we do.”

“I don’t want to.”

She pressed a kiss to his nose. Then, letting go, told him. “I know. I don’t either.”

Then he was embracing her, and she was wrapping her arms around him again. The two just stood there, holding one another, silent. Jenna savored the feeling, knowing that in less than 24 hours she wouldn’t get to do this and had no idea when she would be able to again.

Instead of letting herself get torn up over the situation, however, she decided to keep the time they had left light.

“Okay, come on,” she encouraged, parting from Jim. “Let’s finish this pie so we can get started on dinner. Lulu’s bedtime is 9:00 tonight, and I wanna be able to eat and watch that movie we picked out before I call her.”

Jim reached for the bowl of apples she’d had him peel and cut up earlier, then with a little salute told her, “You got it, boss.”

In no time, they’d finished assembling the pie. While Jim stepped away, Jenna had even cut a little heart out of the leftover dough and placed it on top before the confection went in the oven.

In her mind, though she’d never tell Jim, Jenna had given the dessert a name—something she hadn’t done since she used to bake with her mother when she was young. It was appropriate for the occasion, and it was all-American, just like the recipe it was named for.

_ The Pursuit of Happiness Pie. _

 

* * *

 

_ Saturday the 28th of June started off like any normal day. Jenna got up, did some of the pregnancy-friendly stretches and low impact exercises Dr. Collins had recommended, and showered. She ate breakfast with her aunt and offered to do some grocery shopping. _

_ By 2:00 she’d put groceries away, washed dishes, and done a load of laundry. Outside of work, it was probably the most productive she’d been in weeks, and she felt proud of herself. _

Definitely earning my keep _ , she thought to herself as she folded the embarrassing amount of maternity clothes she’d been forced into for the past several months. _

_ By 3:00, she’d made a sandwich for a late lunch and finally decided to take a rest. She picked up the book Becky had given her months previously, sat down at the kitchen table, and flipped through it to find her approximate week of pregnancy. _

Your baby is now the size of...you should be experiencing...as you get closer to delivery…

_ It was all dull and clinical, nothing that caught her eye. What was there to know? She was getting fatter, her feet were swollen, she had constant cravings for cheese nachos and jalapeños (which she never indulged in because the heartburn wasn’t worth it), her back hurt, and she had to pee all damn the time. She didn’t need a book to tell her what pregnancy was. _

_ So, she skipped to the very end of the book. The chapter on birth. _

_ She made it through a couple of pages. It was helpful to read about the basics, what she would need to prepare for the hospital stay and taking the baby home. While most of it was common sense, she’d found a few points she hadn’t considered. The fact that she would need a car seat, for example. (Nah, she totally thought of that.) _

_ Then she got to the page with the words “episiotomy” and “spinal injection.” _

_ She grit her teeth and read through, however, and tried to accept her fate. It would all be a blur anyway.  _ With enough drugs _ , she decided. But as she read statistics about length of the labor process and found the pages with the diagrams and pictures, she felt herself get sick at her stomach. _

_ She slammed the book shut then, firmly pushing it across the table. _

_ She found herself sneering down at her belly and muttering, “I hope you know I’m about to be terrorized because of you.” _

_ Needing to move, to do anything else, she hoisted herself up from her chair and waddled to the living room to find her laptop. She picked it up from the coffee table and carried it over to the small desk Aunt Lisa kept in the corner. As she eased herself into the rolling chair, she pressed the power button on the device and waited for it to boot up. _

_ She loaded Facebook, having not checked it in several days.  _

_ Updates on coworker’s cat...friends from high school meeting up for drinks the night before...distant cousin’s kids winning a talent show...political acquaintance’s thoughts on Obama’s recent election polls...first sneak peeks of that weird vampire movie based on that book everyone was suddenly obsessed with...video of a toddler petting a baby deer… _

_ Jim’s wedding. _

_ Jenna checked the time. 4:00, still early. But it was early enough that someone had managed to post several pictures of Jim and Francine. Glowing. Dressed in black and white. Husband and wife. (She would have to complain to Apple for introducing those iPhones everyone was buying and uploading at the speed of light from.) _

_ She wanted to scroll past, to ignore it. However, her curiosity got the better of her, and she found herself clicking to look at the full album.  _

_ Jim was smiling. Beaming, actually. More than his usual cheerful expression. Francine looked beautiful in her strapless gown, her blond hair in waves underneath a delicate veil. The two laughed as they walked hand-in-hand up the aisle together. They held one another as heart-shaped confetting flew around them outside of the church. “Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Pomatter!” one picture was captioned, this one showing Jim, Francine and the guy Jenna assumed had tagged them standing arm-in-arm. _

_ Mr. and Mrs. Pomatter. _

_ And in a matter of years, one of them would have the title of Doctor, Jenna remembered. That put her stomach in knots again.  _

_ As Jenna stared at the photos of Jim with his trophy wife, she was painfully reminded of the direction her life was headed. No plans, no prospect of a decent career, barely a penny to her name, and a child on the way. _

_ It hurt almost as much as she thought of the fact that Jim was living this life without her in it. _

_ She ran through her options in her head. Should he call him? Surely if she did, if she congratulated him and apologized for shutting him out, he would be happy to welcome her back in. But if she did that, she would have to accept a life of hearing about him and Francine.  _

_ She would hear about their vacations, their dream home. If they had children, she would be one of the first to know about that. If they didn’t come back to Stanton Grove to visit, there would be summers she was invited to Connecticut if she wanted to see Jim at all, and she would have to endure the awkwardness that was extended periods of time with the two of them together; and that wasn’t to mention she’d end up meeting Francine’s family. _

_ She would see picture after picture on this godforsaken social media site documenting their perfect life together. _

_ And that, she decided, was worse that missing Jim. _

_ It was worse than the wondering and the what if. It was worse than not having him in her life. She couldn’t bring herself to fathom it. At the very least, she could forget about him in time. _

_ A heaviness settled in her chest as she clicked on his name to pull up his page. When it loaded, she hovered her mouse over to the box that said “friends.” For a moment, she sat frozen, knowing this choice couldn’t be undone.  _

_ But as she caught a glimpse of the photos that had just been posted, she found it harder to breathe. She had to do something. _

_ So she clicked the button, and selected “unfriend” in the dropdown box. _

 

* * *

 

Later that night, engulfed in the darkness and the comfort of warm blankets, Jenna lay with her head on Jim’s chest. She closed her eyes at the feeling of his fingers running through her hair, her body pleasantly worn—and admittedly a little sore in the best way. His steady breathing was calm, comforting. She ran her hand across his chest, light patches of hair tickling her skin.

She shifted a little, lifting her head and propping herself up to better look at him. He smiled at her, that soft, beaming smile that made her heart melt. She pressed her lips to his, drinking in his intoxicating kiss and just how  _ gentle _ he was without being weak.

Her heart felt full as she pulled away, not missing the little kiss he pressed to her nose as she did so. There was a safety in his arms, a comfort she couldn’t recall having in other relationships.

It all made her wish she’d been honest with herself and with him earlier on. Maybe they wouldn’t have had to wait this long…

She found herself vocalizing her thoughts.

“Do you wonder what it would be like?” she asked. “If we’d done this sooner, I mean. If you hadn’t ended up with Francine, and I hadn’t ended up with Earl and gotten pregnant.”

Jim brought his free arm up and underneath his head as a cushion. His brows knit together as he considered her question. “I guess I hadn’t thought about it,” he admitted. “I do wish I’d seen it back then. But at the same time, I wouldn’t trade the experience I’ve had or what I’ve learned from it.”

Jenna pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “You wouldn’t?”

Jim shook his head. “Everything’s an opportunity to change,” he said simply. “You can’t grow and become better for the people you care about or will care about without making some mistakes.”

Jenna nodded, seeing his point. “That’s true,” she agreed, then sighed. “Especially when someone has a lot of baggage.”

For a moment, she hoped Jim wouldn’t think much of her words. She wasn’t trying to wake up old demons she’d long since put to bed, but she couldn’t deny that College Jenna had been a direct result of their influence. Big time.

Jim wasn’t obtuse though, and he told her sincerely, “You know, your baggage never scared me.”

Jenna thought of all the times he’d been there for her, how he’d held her tightly during three of the worst moments of her life. Just a little tighter than the way he held her now, though not quite as intimate.

“I know,” she told him. “But if we’re being honest, you were better off with someone sensible while I dealt with my shit.”

“You’re right,” he agreed. “And you were better off without clueless 21-year-old Jim bumbling around like an idiot trying to fix it for you.”

Jenna winced at the thought but had to admit he was right. “Disaster waiting to happen.”

Jim nodded. “It would have been pretty awful,” he pondered. Then he tugged her a little closer to him, looked her in the eye through the dark, and said, “I guess it’s a good thing we’re completely different people now.”

Jenna felt his fingers trace the bare skin of her back, causing her eyes to flutter closed for a moment. Her lips turned up and his smile reflected hers. “It’s a very good thing,” she whispered.

This time when he kissed her, it was bolder, more intentional, and it had a fire burning in her belly  _ again _ . She couldn’t imagine making it through another round, though, and how  _ needy _ she’d found herself in the last 24 hours had certainly caught her off guard. 

But she could damn well enjoy the feeling of wanting and being wanted.

They rolled over, Jim on top of her, hands wandering over smooth, heated skin. Jenna was getting more worked up, turned on by the feeling of his hands exploring her body and the hot kisses that he had trailed across her jaw, to her neck and that spot that never failed to make her melt, and to her earlobe. He continued to make his way southward to her breasts, giving each one revered attention.

She sighed at the pleasure of it and thread her fingers through his hair. “You know, we’re setting unfairly high expectations here…”

With a smug grin on his face, he lifted his head to come even with hers again. “How so?”

She felt his hand between them skim up her thigh, between her legs. His touch was only a brush as he reached her, but she gasped. “Four times in one day?” she questioned, her voice cracking. She whined when his fingers disappeared. (Perhaps she had more in her than she thought.)

He leaned down, his breath hot against her neck as he whispered in her ear. “If you want to stop…”

Okay, she  _ definitely _ had more in her. 

She let out a breathy moan as he nibbled on the lobe, then she found herself reaching down and tugging him closer, his center against hers.

“Don’t you dare stop.”

 

* * *

 

_ Jenna spent the week taking in as many hours at work as she could. She’d managed another 45-hour week, and the office hadn’t seemed to stop. She filed charts, typed out dictations, grabbed coffee for the doctors and nurses. When she wasn’t at work, she’d volunteered to cook dinner at home every night. On Thursday night, she decided to set up the crib she’d been gifted in the spare room Aunt Lisa had offered up for a nursery. Setting up the crib became a full project Friday night into Saturday, when Jenna took the notion to finish preparing the entire room, despite not being due for a few more weeks. _

_ Saturday, she washed and folded baby clothes and placed them in the drawer. She set up the diaper changing station and placed diapers in the bag. The rocking chair Becky had bought for her now had a teddy bear sitting on it. She swept and mopped the hardwood floor and Windexed the windows.  _

_ When she was done, she stared around at her handiwork and took pride in how much she’d accomplished. Was she exhausted? Yes. Did she feel a little nauseous? Yes. Did she particularly care? Not really. _

_ She dread letting herself slow down. It gave her no time to dwell on the fact that she had no clue how she was going to raise a child. It gave her no time to miss Jim. The extra hours at work meant more money. If she stopped, she would start thinking again, and that was the last thing she wanted. _

_ So she worked. And since there were no available weekend hours for her, she was going to put everything into things that needed to be done at home. _

_ By Saturday evening, she started to feel a little cramping in her belly. Nothing serious, but it caught her attention. It didn’t last long, though, so she moved on and ignored it. It was probably just the Mexican food she’d ordered for dinner, she’d decided. _

_ Even when it became stronger by bedtime, she decided to get some sleep and wait it out. _

_ Sleeping was a struggle, however. Jenna was restless. Being trapped on her side didn’t make it easier, and neither did her back pain. It took a couple of hours, but she finally drifted off. _

_ At 6:21 in the morning, the pain was stronger, more frequent. _

_ This time she sat up in bed, tears beginning to fall down her face. She took a few breaths as that wave of pain subsided, wiping the tears and collecting herself.  _

_ Once she could think clearly, it hit her that while she was still a few weeks from her due date…she was only a few weeks from her due date. _

_ “Fuck,” she muttered, releasing a shaky breath. _

_ She searched for her phone, finding it on the nightstand. Her hands trembled as she picked up the device and searched for the number she needed. Her heart began to pound while she pressed dial and waited for an answer. _

_ “Hello?”  sleepy, gravelly voice answered on the other end. _

_ Jenna swallowed. “Becky? Hey, it’s me.” _

_ “Jenna?” her friend was starting to sound more alert. “Are you okay? The sun is barely up. What the hell’s going on?” _

_ “I think it’s time,” she said quickly. _

_ “Time for what?” Becky asked. There was pause then before an enlightened  _ oh _ , followed by, “Shit! Are you sure?” _

_ “Pretty sure the squeezing pain at regular intervals is a pretty good indication,” Jenna grunted through her teeth as she forced herself up. She waddled across the room to her dresser. She began pulling out underwear, sweats, and t-shirts. _

_ Becky, fully awake and, from what Jenna could hear, milling about, asked, “How far apart are they?” _

_ Jenna tossed the clothes on the bed and went to searching for a bag to carry them in. “Pretty far. I think we have a while.” _

_ “Okay,” Becky breathed, calming down. “Try to get an overnight bag packed if you can, and I’ll be over in fifteen.” _

_ “On it,” Jenna told her. “I’ll wake Aunt Lisa up and get her to help me with the baby’s stuff.” _

_ “Perfect,” the other woman assured. “On my way.” _

_ Jenna muttered an approval.Then, a thought occurred to her that she couldn’t help but speak out loud. “Becky?” she asked, feeling her chest tighten. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “I’m really scared,” she admitted. _

_ There was silence on the other end for a moment. Then her friend quietly sympathized, “I know, sweetie. But you’re going to do amazing.” _

_ Jenna felt the sting of tears again, this time not from any physical pain. “You think so?” _

_ “I know so.” _

_ There was another pause as Jenna looked down and placed a hand on her belly. She caressed the round expanse, trying to picture the baby growing inside resting in her arms instead. The image was a strange one, a frightening one… _

_ But it was about to become very real, and she had nowhere to go but forward. _

_ “I’ll see you soon,” she told Becky. Then she begged, “Please hurry.” _

 

* * *

 

Jenna woke in the middle of the night with a full bladder and a chill. She dread leaving the warmth of the cocoon she’d made with Jim. He’d fallen asleep holding her, and extracting herself from his arms without waking him proved to be a challenge.

He stirred a bit as she gently moved his arm and rolled over. The cold met her as she pulled the covers back, and she made a mental note to go turn the heat up after she used the bathroom.

Searching for something to cover herself, she squinted through the dark. On the floor next to the bed, only a few feet away from her bra, lay Jim’s button-up. She debated for a moment, unsure if he’d be okay with her wearing his clothing.

Deciding she was too cold and Jim would probably be ecstatic at the sight when he woke up, she slipped it on and fastened most of the buttons.

She made quick work of her business in the bathroom, and then slipped past a snoring Jim, out to the hallway to adjust the thermostat. She turned it up just a couple of degrees, not wanting to run up someone else’s electric bill.

When she returned to the bedroom, she shut the door quietly behind her. Through the dark, she could make the outline of Jim’s face. His hair was mussed and he’d rolled over onto his stomach, arms and legs sprawled out.

_ Bed hog. _

In her sleepy state she giggled. He was a little too adorable for his own good; or she was just between REM cycles. She gratefully crawled back into bed with him, pulling the covers around her. He rolled over next to her then, and soon his arm was around her waist as he snuggled into her.

“Hey,” he muttered sleepily.

“Sorry for waking you up,” she whispered.

He buried his face into the crook of her neck and slurred, “‘S okay.” She felt his hand pat at her arm then, feeling around. He pinched at the fabric there and asked, “Are you wearing my shirt?”

For a moment she froze up, unsure how to respond. His question had been so neutral, she couldn’t tell how he wanted her to answer. So, she settled for the truth. “Yes.”

“That’s hot,” came his muffled response.

She snuggled in closer to him, smiling as her mind drifted back to a sleepy state. His warmth and soft touch as he began to draw lazy circles on her hip lulled her into dreamland.

She felt her heart truly rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest...this was not beta'd. I had no one read it. I wanted it finished and posted, because I'm an impatient writer like that. I also know this story's sort of declined in the last few chapters, and at this point I really want to finish before I start getting discouraged. But, as I say every chapter, I appreciate the lovely comments and encouragement. 
> 
> Also important to note that the past in the story is set ten years from now...so, if you caught my 2008 references, kudos for you. (Even more kudos if you caught my little Castle reference in the last chapter AND if you understand why I'd make a Castle reference here.)


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm hi. It's been a while. I have fought and fought with this chapter over the last month. I finally decided that this was as good as it would get, and I decided not to beta. I wanted to get it done. That said, a lot is happening here that I truly hope I didn't screw up.
> 
> As usual, feedback is always welcome and encouraged. The support I've had with this story has been amazing, especially as we come to this, the penultimate chapter (not including the epilogue). This has been an adventure, and I hope to have it complete by the one-year mark which is...soon.

****Jim’s alarm tore him from a sleep. He sucked in a deep breath and reached for his phone on the nightstand, pressing the home button to silence the ringing. With a groan, he rolled over from off of his belly and reached over to the other side of the bed. Where he expected to feel a warm, soft body, he felt empty sheets.

He rubbed his face as he sat up, still coming to as he looked around. The sound of running water could be heard from the bathroom. Slowly, he tossed the blanket off and climbed out of bed. He picked his boxer briefs up from the floor, slipping them on as he padded over to find Jenna.

She was brushing her teeth when he walked in. Her hair was mussed, and she was still donning his shirt—a brand new one at that. But as quickly as his heart began to pound in his chest at the sight of her, he remembered that in a few hours she would be gone. His stomach plummeted.

“Hey,” he tried to keep his voice light as he greeted her.

She looked up at him, gave him a bittersweet smile, and spoke quietly as she responded with her own, “Hey.”

Evidently, she was feeling the dread of their goodbye, too.

She rinsed her toothbrush and set it on the sink before stepping closer to him. He reached out for her, placing his hands on her hips. Her hands grasped his arms, and they stood together.

“Just so you know,” Jim gave her a cheeky grin, pinching the fabric of the button-up, “my shirt has never looked better.”

“You don’t mind?” she asked, glancing down at it. “I got cold last night.”

He shook his head and placed a kiss to her forehead. “If this is any indication of what the future looks like, you are more than welcome to steal my clothes.”

“Good to know,” she told him with a little smirk. He watched as she turned to grab a towel she’d hung up, and she told him, “I’m gonna take shower, and then I wanna wash all the bedding we used before we go.”

“I’ll start getting it together,” he offered, “and I’ll find something for us to eat.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

With that, he left her to clean up and made his way back into the bedroom. As he stripped the bed, he heard the shower turn on and resisted the urge to sneak a peek into the bathroom. The memory of the previous day with her was already stuck with him, and the thought of subjecting himself to more temptation when he knew it would be some time before he saw her again was torturous.

Part of him didn’t even want to let himself kiss her goodbye. That would be the last one they shared before parting ways, which would make the situation more real.

Sure, he could try to plan a trip out in a month or two. They could talk every day, keep up with each other. He could even be _living_ in Stanton Grove in a couple of months. But everything was up in the air, and he was depending on a lot to fall into place and for his savings he still had left after the divorce to cover his moving expenses.

Except it wasn’t really about having to wait to see her again. He was a grown man. A couple of months was nothing.

But while Jenna wasn’t exactly a flight risk, part of him did wonder if, once the high of their weekend wore off and they were no longer drunk on hormones, she might reconsider. It was easy to get caught up in memories and to miss things you once had; to let it turn into longing. It was easy to sleep with someone and, with that longing, be convinced it was more than what it was.

Jenna had had her share of romance and rendezvous, though. Jim was aware that she was experienced, and far more than he was, but she’d never let herself settle with anyone; not as far as he could tell. The only time she’d seemed to consider it was when she was pregnant, and Earl had become a long forgotten memory in the end. If she didn’t want to be in a relationship, she would know it, and she wouldn’t have told him otherwise. She knew the difference between love and sex, and she wasn’t one to string anyone along.

Certainly not Jim. And that, he decided, was how he could believe she wouldn’t disappear into thin air again. Not now, when they’d poured it all out to one another.

Still, everything was up in the air. Today, they would both go home, thinking about each other. They would probably talk once he made it back to Connecticut, reminisce about the weekend, still coming down from the whirlwind. Then tomorrow, they would both resume their normal lives. She would return to work and all of the things that came with everyday motherhood, and he would be refocusing himself on grading midterms and lesson planning for the rest of the semester.

The bubble that they’d made for themselves would be gone, and life would take hold of whatever relationship they had. That, he knew, was a risk.

 

* * *

 

 _“Oh, god,_ fuck _pregnancy!” Jenna shouted, doubling over again in the hospital bed._

_“Remember short, quick breaths,” Becky tried to soothe her, placing a gentle hand on her back._

_Through gritted teeth, the mother-to-be grumbled, “Not helping.”_

_Becky sighed and shook her head as Jenna tried the breathing technique anyway. It worked a little but couldn’t begin to ease the pain the was ripping through her._

_“I just want this thing out of me already” Jenna breathed as the contraction finally eased off._

_“Well, your water broke in the parking lot, so I’d say that’s a pretty good indication it’ll be soon,” Becky said dryly._

_Jenna was about to ask where Dr. Collins was when she looked up to see dark ringlet curls through the little window in the door to the hospital room._

_“Good morning, Jenna,” she greeted, a little too chipper for the woman in the bed in the worst pain of her life. “Are we ready to have a baby?”_

_Jenna groaned. “No.”_

_Dr. Collins smirked a little. “You know, I’ve never met a mom who was ready. Especially during labor.”_

_“I wouldn't know why.”_

_The doctor guided her to sit up, pressing her stethoscope to Jenna’s back and guiding her to take deep breaths, then bringing it to her chest to listen to her heart._

_As she brought the stethoscope to Jenna’s belly, she asked, “How’s the pain?”_

_“Miserable,” Jenna growled._

_“I know,” Dr. Collins told her sympathetically, reaching to give her hand a light squeeze. “Let's take look, though, okay? Maybe we can see about getting you that epidural.”_

_“Oh, thank god.”_

_The doctor grabbed a new pair of gloves from the dispenser on the wall and slipped them on. Becky stepped away as Dr. Collins closed the curtain around the bed, allowing Jenna privacy. As she lay back and put her feet up, she tried to ignore the poking and prodding._

_“Well, it looks like you're a little more than four centimeters,” the doctor announced. Jenna sat back up and watched the other woman remove her gloves and wash her hands. “If you want the drugs, now is the time. Should I go order it?”_

“Yes,” _was Jenna’s emphatic response. “As much as you’re allowed to give me.”_

_“Understood,” the doctor assured. “Now, it’ll be a little while before you’re fully dilated, so you should try to rest.”_

_“I don’t see how I can rest when - ahhhh!”_

_Another contraction, sharp pain squeezing through Jenna, causing her to double over again. She breathed through it, not missing the doctor’s sympathetic frown._

_“I’ll rush that epidural,” she promised as the pain began to subside again._

_This was going to be a long day._

 

* * *

 

After showering and dressing, Jenna started the process of packing up her bags to head back to Stanton Grove. She gathered garments sprawled across the floor and tossed them into her suitcase, not caring to fold clothing she would be washing in a few hours. There was no rush as she gathered her toiletries from the bathroom, along with the towel and washcloth she’d used.

With the toiletries packed, she balled up the towel and washcloth and carried them with her as she left the bedroom.

Downstairs, Jim had toast and coffee prepared, and he’d started a load of sheets and pillowcases in the washer. Seeing another pile off to the side of the laundry closet, she tossed the towel in with the rest of the bedding still left to be washed; she could take care of the rest.

Jim, who was standing behind the counter, lifted one of the coffee mugs toward her as she padded over to him. “Just a little cream, no sugar, right?” he asked.

With a grateful smile and a nod, she accepted the cup and remarked, ‘“You pay attention. I like that.”

“Well, it took this long to get in your good graces,” he quipped. “Can’t stop now.”

She brought her cup up to her lips and just before taking a sip, flirted, “Working that hard to get me in bed again, huh?”

“I wasn’t getting at that, but that’s certainly something to look forward to next time,” he admitted. Then, taking a sip of his own coffee, muttered into his mug, “God, it’s something to look forward to.”

She felt her cheeks grow heated. Not that she was particularly shy about sex. But the history she shared with Jim, and his ability to crack her open even now after years apart...that left her vulnerable. Strangely, she didn’t mind.

Jenna reached for the plate of toast on the island counter between them and grabbed a slice. “So speaking of next time,” she began, “do you have any idea how you’re going to time everything if you decide to move back? You would start at school in January, right?”

Jim nodded. “Well, if I needed to, he could hire a sub for a few weeks, give me some extra time. But I’d want to start the process sooner to avoid the nasty winter we’re supposed to get.”

“Can you afford to make the move that quickly?” she asked cautiously, watching his face for any sign of offense. After all, he was a single man living on a teacher’s salary; she couldn’t imagine he had a lot extra to spend. To her surprise, he nodded.

“I think so,” he answered. “Francine’s parents paid for her medical school, so we were able to put a ton in savings, and we agreed to split it even. I should have enough for a deposit on a decent apartment and a moving truck at least.”

“Will you have help to make the move?”

“Except for some furniture, I really don’t need much,” he told her. “I don’t have a lot of stuff.”

Once again, Jenna took caution as she guessed, “Did Francine get most of it?”

He nodded. Then, at her frown, he reassured, “It’s fine, though. I’ve never liked holding on to more than I need.”

Jenna chewed on a bite of toast and swallowed. “As I recall, that’s a Richard Pomatter trait.”

“Oh, that’s because my mother hates a mess,” he explained. “The less we had, the less she made a fuss about cleaning it up.”

“Okay, so it’s a Karen Pomatter trait.”

Jim tilted his head in consideration, then settled on, “More like a learned survival tactic.”

Jenna nodded in understanding, bringing her coffee cup up to her lips once more. “Fair enough.”

Jim hummed noncommittally as he took the last few swings of his drink. Jenna watched as he turned to the sink and set the mug next to it.

“I need to go get cleaned up and pack,” he announced, walking around the counter to join her. “If you want, I’ll take care of these last few dishes when I’m done.”

Jenna agreed. “I’ll finish the laundry,” she offered, drifting closer to him.

For a moment, they stood there silently, uncertain how to interact. Jenna felt the urge to pull him toward her, and he seemed to gravitate toward her. But they never made a move to close the distance.

Finally, Jim cleared his throat and told her, “Sounds good. I’ll, uh...I shouldn’t be long.”

“Okay,” she said quietly.

Then he was off, leaving Jenna to finish her toast and coffee alone. She sat in silence, taking in everything that had happened in the last three days, processing the direction her life was taking.

How had this man managed to not just tiptoe into her heart...but break the _whole damn door_ down?

She thought back to the years she’d spent telling herself he was just a friend. She recalled the times he’d held her or made her laugh, but she’d dismissed it as “oh he just cares.” Of course, there was also part of her that had needed to normalize the idea of having a male friend she could be that close to without the pressure of needing to make it more. So, perhaps the waiting was worth it, even if it did cost them years.

Now everything was torn open, laid out in front of them. And she couldn’t deny there was freedom in making her feelings known; in knowing that his feelings were mutual.

She hated to have to say goodbye though. At least now when the future was a blur and they were just getting started. If everything worked out, it wouldn’t be too long before she could see him again. But she would miss him.

At least this time, there would be no hard feelings. No regrets or wondering what they’d thrown away. Only thoughts of his touch and his kisses, laughing with him, and of the two of them falling apart together. Despite the challenges ahead as they began to navigate what this relationship was, they had that much to look forward to.

 

* * *

 

_As it turned out, getting a giant needle stuck into her spine was much less painful than the contractions. At least in that it was a one time deal to make the rest of her labor pain easier._

_Lisa, who'd gone to pick up food for herself and Becky, returned just as the anesthesiologist was finishing. They'd left Jenna for a short time to eat, then they’d taken to playing card games when they weren’t fetching ice chips or helping her to the bathroom._

_Late into the afternoon, Lisa got a call from one of her coworkers and needed to make an emergency run to her office._

_That left Jenna and Becky alone, reminiscing on a more simpler time in their lives._

_“I still can’t believe you passed her class,” the other woman recalled of their junior English teacher. “I barely made a C, and almost no one knew what the hell she was talking about half the time.”_

_“What do you mean?” Jenna asked. “I made a B.”_

_Becky’s mouth fell open, and her brows knit together “How?!” she demanded._

_Jenna shrugged. “I took good notes?”_

_Becky let out a_ pfffftt _and called her out. “Bullshit.”_

_With a blush, Jenna admitted, “Tyler Danes was fun to study with, too.”_

_She smirked at Becky’s gasp as she said, “You didn’t…”_

_“Well, I didn’t get his notes just by sitting next to him.”_

_“And he just...let you use him?”_

_Jenna shook her head. “Using implies it wasn’t a very mutual exchange.”_

_Becky lifted a brow. “Was it?”_

_“Oh, the cheat sheets were just a perk,” Jenna told her. “The rest was all us.”_

_Scandalized now, her friend pressed, “How long did that last?”_

_Jenna chewed on her lip as she considered. “Several months?”_

_“And you never told me?! You tell me everything.”_

_“Well, we weren't exactly dating,” Jenna defended. “It was more like letting off steam from a mutual hatred for that class.”_

_Becky nodded with an_ oh _, as though her friend’s teenage logic made total sense. Then the two fell silent, only laughing a little at how ridiculous it all sounded._

_“Do you think your kid will grow up to do half the stupid shit we did?” Becky asked, amused._

_Jenna scoffed and placed her hands on her belly. “Probably.”_

_“Are you ready?” her friend asked seriously._

_Jenna took in a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I barely know anything about kids. How the hell am I supposed to be left alone with one for eighteen years?”_

_“You know, you can give it up,” Becky reminded her, but Jenna shook her head._

_“No,” she decided. “I want my daughter. I wanna know she has a mama who won't leave her.”_

_“You think it’s a girl?”_

_Jenna shrugged. “I don't know. I’d like to think so.”_

_“So she can have with you what you had with your mom?” Becky guessed._

_Jenna couldn't even deny it. What she’d had with her mother was the only good basis for parenting she had. It was all she knew to give this child a good life. As much as this child wasn’t in her plan, as much as she wish she could have waited or not had kids at all, knowing she had the chance to correct her own past was motivating. And the love her mother had for her was etched into her brain and her heart so much, she felt she at least had something to start with._

_She just hoped it would be enough._

_“Yeah,” Jenna told her friend. “That’s exactly why.”_

 

* * *

 

By 11:00, Jenna and Jim had the bedding washed and restored, and they’d packed all of their belongings. The house was as spotless as they’d found it.

Neither spoke much as they began to haul their bags out of the house and to their respective cars. Jenna was in the driveway, tossing her stuff into the back seat of hers while Jim locked up the house and restored the spare key to its hiding place.

He trailed closely behind her, taking his time—awfully slow for someone with a flight to catch in a few hours and an hour and a half drive to the airport.

“Got everything?” he asked her as he unlocked his rental, carefully placing his suitcase and laptop satchel in the back.

Jenna nodded her affirmative. “I double _and_ triple checked.”

Empty handed except for his keys, he slowly walked around his car and stepped over to where she stood on the other side of the double driveway. The two stopped and stared at each other for a moment. Jenna watched Jim slip his hands into his pockets, huddling into himself a little as if to shield himself from the chill outside. He gave her the most bittersweet smile, and she had to reach out to him.

Soon, his hands were out of his pockets and his arms wrapped around her. She buried herself into his chest, enjoying the warmth and savoring the feel of him for the next time they would see each other.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly. When they parted a little to look at one another, he cocked his head curiously. “I thought this was gonna be a hell weekend, and you turned into a great one.”

“Plenty more to come,” he assured.

“You’ll call, right?” she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck as his hands found her waist.

He promised, “As soon as I make it home.”

Their kiss was soft but heavy. Jenna also couldn’t shake the sudden fluttering in her stomach. With shaking hands, she cradled his face, trying to fully grasp the fact that _this was Jim_ . This was the man she’d been in love with— _holy shit_ she was, and she wasn’t sure she could find the courage to tell him—since high school without even knowing; who she’d hurt and who hurt her back; whose friendship she never thought she’d have again but she found forgiveness with.

And here he was, kissing her more passionately by the second after a solid 24 hours of bringing her to absolute bliss between delicious meals and the best conversation she’d had with an adult in a long time. Not only that, but his forehead was resting against hers then, and he was—

_“I love you, Jenna.”_

She froze.

Was that her imagination? Had she misheard him? She tore away to stare up at him. His bug-eyed terror told her that _no_ , she hadn’t imagined or misheard.

“Jim…”

“Shit,” he muttered. When all she could do was stare, he quickly added, “I won’t take it back, just…” Then he was releasing her and stepping back. “You know what, just please don’t respond to that. Please. Not yet.”

Jenna wanted to speak. She wanted to muster a response. Part of her wanted to assure him that he wasn’t on a one-way street. The other part knew some time and some distance to let everything sink in was better. At least until they had a more clear idea of what the future looked like. She needed to sort through what it all meant, needed to distance herself from the explosion of bottled up emotions that had occurred. Then she could think clearly.

Still, the terrified look on his face, as though he’d just dropped something precious and fragile, gave her pause. He needed to know she was still with him, even if her fear left her tongue paralyzed with the three words her heart was pleading her to say.

So, with a sober nod, she took both of his hands in hers and told him, “Next time, then.”

His fear turned into a calm, optimistic smile, and they were embracing again. She let herself melt into him, feeling her heart beat steadily.

He _loved_ her. He loved _her_.

What a goddamn concept.

They released one another, hands clasping together, with nothing left to say but goodbye. “Please be safe,” he spoke softly. “Text me when you make it back to Stanton Grove.”

“I will,” she assured. “Let me know when you make it to the airport.”

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as he nodded. “We’ll try to make plans when I know what’s happening with the job?”

“Of course.”

He smiled sweetly at her and told her earnestly, “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” she breathed.

Then they were sharing another kiss—tender and sweet, enough to last until they saw each other again. When it came time to part, Jenna had to fight to tear herself away. She’d waited so long for this, waited so long for him. Having to say goodbye now was like getting to the best part of a dream right before waking up.

But she was a big girl, so she did what she had to and took a giant step back.

“Goodbye, Jim,” she told him with one last squeeze of his hand before letting go. To distract herself from reaching for him again, she reached into her coat pocket for her keys.

Jim seemed to do the same as he placed his hands in his coat, a faint jingling heard.

“Bye, Jenna.”

As she began to back toward her car, she gave him a hopeful smile. “Soon?”

“Soon,” he confirmed.

Then they were going their separate ways, getting into their respective vehicles. As Jenna settled into the driver’s seat, she took one last glance through the passenger window to Jim’s car. From his driver’s seat, he gave her a little wave.

She waved back as she started up the car and, at his signal, pulled out first. He wasn’t far behind her and he followed her down a few streets and to the main strip leading out of town. Jenna kept glancing into her rearview mirror to see him.

Then came his exit, and she looked up to watch him turning off onto the interstate. Out of sight. Completely disappeared again.

Except this time he would be back.

And he would be hers.

 

* * *

 

_By evening time, Dr. Collins had come to see Jenna several more times. Around 7:00, she announced that Jenna was eight centimeters. The baby would be there by morning._

_“I’m also a little concerned about your blood pressure, too,” she explained. “It’s still high, Jenna.”_

_“That’s because she hasn’t slowed down,” Becky tattled, earning Jenna a disappointed and concerned look from the doctor._

_“I told you weeks ago to be careful,” she admonished, not harshly. “This could be dangerous.”_

_“Is it high right now?” Jenna asked nervously._

_“I’m afraid so,” Dr. Collins tutted. Then she began to feel Jenna’s belly again. “I'm not liking the way the baby’s sitting, either.”_

_Jenna swallowed, alarmed by the distressed look on the doctor’s face. “How is she sitting?”_

_Dr. Collins shook her head. “I don't think the little one's positioned the way it’s supposed to. I didn't worry too much when I saw you last week, but right now the baby’s breech.”_

_At that moment, Jenna felt a contraction rip through her, and she moaned in pain, doubling over. The last dose of medication had inevitably worn off._

_“What does that mean?” she grunted between breaths._

_“Baby should be head first,” the doctor explained. “I’m feeling its head up here,” she said, placing her hand on the top of Jenna’s belly._

_“So what do we do?” the mother-to-be’s voice shook._

_The doctor removed her gloves and told her, “If there’s no turn around by the time you’re ready to push, we might have to do a c-section. It would be safer, especially since you’re smaller, you’re a first-time mom, and your blood pressure is elevated.”_

_“But there’s a chance we can get the baby turned around,” Jenna began. “Right?”_

_Another contraction hit, this time causing her to clutch at the side of the hospital bed_

_“Possibly,” Dr. Collins answered uncertainly. “I would be ready for a c-section, though.” She checked her watch, looking conflicted. “Now, I have to check on other patients, but I’ll be back to check on you and we’ll decide what we’re going to do, okay?”_

_“Okay,” Jenna whined feebly._

_“I’ll go see about getting the c-section.”_

_Jenna watched her leave the room and looked over at Becky and Lisa who were sat in the corner._

_“It’s gonna be okay, right?” she asked._

_Becky scooted her chair closer and placed her hand in Jenna’s. “It’s gonna be just fine, girl. You’ve got this.”_

_At the next contraction, Jenna squeezes her friend’s hand as she tried to breathe through it. Becky didn't complain, just sat with her while she rode it out._

_“Fuck,” Jenna rasped. Then she placed a hand on her belly and spoke to the baby, “You’re a lot of trouble, you know that?”_

 

* * *

 

It was around 1:00 when Jenna made it home to Stanton Grove. With a couple of hours to kill before she would have to pick Lulu up from school, she stopped by the grocery store for a few items. Upon arriving home, she found that Dawn had already dropped off Lulus bags.

She’d have to thank her and Ogie. Profusely.

The drive home had been a lone one, despite the fact that it was less than two hours. Jenna had replayed Jim’s words in her mind over and over. She used the distance and the quiet to let the weekend sink in.

Had she really slept with Jim Pomatter? Had he really told her that he loved her?

It still didn’t feel real. She felt like she was on autopilot, living in someone else’s body. Part of her mind wanted to switch gears and begin blaming herself for reckless behavior. Except it hadn’t been that reckless. (It had been a _little_ reckless.) There was no point in demonizing her own choices. It would only serve to divert her attention away from the truth.

She loved and wanted more with Jim

As she went about the rest of her afternoon, she tried to picture him in her life here. She tried to get an idea in her mind of how it would look and how he would fit. Upon checking the time to see it was 2:30, she imagined on a weekday like this he would be wrapping up his last class of the day. Perhaps Lulu would take the bus to the high school and get a ride home with him if Jenna was working—once they got closer of course. He would visit, spend evenings with them. They would all spend weekends together. Holidays, if everything went well. There would be date nights as well.

Of course, that was how it sounded on paper. Life wouldn’t always be that smooth. But Jenna liked the sound of it.

Still basking in the afterglow of her weekend, she grabbed her keys and purse, and she left the house to go pick Lulu up. School was just dismissing as she parked in front of the building and stood outside of the car waiting for her daughter. In the distance, she could hear the bell ring.

Jenna had called Dawn before she left Fieldsville to confirm she’d be there, and she’d let Lulu know on the phone the night before that she would be home in time to get her. The ten-year-old wouldn’t be able to miss her.

It wasn’t long before Jenna was looking up to see a flash of flaming red hair and the brightest grin she’d ever seen in her life.

“Mom!”

Lulu came bounding down the steps leading from the school and across the sidewalk, attacking Jenna with a giant bear hug. The older woman swept her up, pulling her in tighter and holding her close.

“Oh, I missed you, my girl!” she declared. Then she released her daughter and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before asking, “How was school?”

“Amazing!” the girl bounced excitedly. She reached into her backpack to fish out a folder, leafing through papers until she found the one she wanted to hand to Jenna. “Look what I got on my essay.”

Jenna beamed at the giant A+ in red ink at the top of the page. She beamed even harder at the little note that read, _Lulu, you do such a wonderful job explaining the themes of the story, and your grammar is excellent. Keep up the fantastic work!_

Jenna gave her daughter another hug as she said, “I’m so proud of you.”

The pair turned to the car then, Lulu making a beeline for the front passenger seat as Jenna circled around to the driver’s side. As the buckled up, Jenna noticed her phone light up from where it lay in the compartment beneath the car console. She reached for it to find a text from Jim:

_Made it to the airport. Missing you already. Thank you for an incredible weekend._

Trying to hide what she could only assume was a suspiciously huge smile from her daughter, she quickly responded to him.

_Miss you, too. And trust me, I’ll be thinking all about it until next time..._

She agonized over whether or not to add one of those winking emojis, but ultimately decided against it. He would get the picture.

Placing the phone back into the console, she started the car and asked her daughter, “So, let’s say we go home and make some pie?”

 

* * *

 

_It was only an hour before Dr. Collins returned to perform another check. The contractions were getting closer and stronger, and Jenna was exhausted._

_“Okay, Jenna, you’re at nine,” the doctor announced. Then she felt her belly, frowning. “Baby’s still breech.”_

_Having had enough, scared as she was, Jenna told her decisively, “Let’s just do the c-section.”_

_The doctor raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure?”_

_“Yes. Please. I just want this baby out of me.”_

_Jenna, still doubled over in pain from the last contraction moaned at the next wave._

_The doctor nodded and, moving quickly, told her, “Alright, let me make sure they’re prepped for you, and we’ll get you down there.”  Then she turned to one of the nurses in the room and instructed, “Get Ms. Barker ready. Someone will be up to get her when it’s time.”_

_Then she disappeared. Within minutes, everyone was moving around, and Jenna was surrounded by nurses and other staff. She could barely take it all in, was too tired to be overwhelmed. Then she was being wheeled out of the room. As she moved, she looked over at Becky and her aunt._

_“You're gonna do great sweetie,” her friend whispered as the nurses stopped to let her say goodbye. “It’s time to meet her.”_

_“Thank you,” she replied sincerely._

_“See you in a while.”_

_As Jenna was being pushed down the hall, she felt her heart quicken. This was it. It was time._

_In less than an hour, she would be a mom._

 

* * *

 

“Mom, is this right?”

Jenna glanced over at her daughter, who was busy pressing and crimping the crust for their special Lulu Lemon pie. The older woman stirred the filling she was working on as she studied the redhead’s work.

“You’re doing great, hon,” she praised. “I see some lumps in the bottom though.”

Lulu’s eyes went wide as she stared into the bottom of the pie tin. “Oh!” she gasped, immediately fixing her more rudimentary work. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, sweetie,” Jenna encouraged. “Easy fix.” As Lulu finished the crust, the older woman instructed, “Okay, now, hold the pan still while I pour this in.”

At that, they worked together to fill the pie - lemon, an unusual choice for fall, but one of Lulu’s favorites. The redhead beamed excitedly as she watched yellow custard flow from the bowl into the dough-covered pan. Once the pie was ready, the girl hurried over to open the already hot oven for Jenna, who placed the confection on the rack inside.

“Does this mean we get dessert _before_ dinner?” she inquired, her voice slow and deliberate, a strong hint that she very much wanted pie before vegetables.

Jenna crossed her arms and let her gaze look up as she considered. Finally, she settled on, “Maybe.” As Lulu bounced excitedly, Jenna stipulated, “But only if you promise to actually finish your veggies tonight.”

“Yes! I’ll eat all of them!” Lulu begged. “I’ll even eat extra, now _pleeease?_ ”

Jenna had to laugh a little, as she told her, “All right, just this once.”

“Yes!” Lulu cheered.

Jenna instructed her to wash her hands, which the child obeyed. While the the older woman rummaged around for what she needed for dinner, she checked the clock to see that it was almost 5:00 already.

“Hey, didn’t you say you had homework?” she asked, turning back to her daughter.

“I got all my math worksheets done at school,” Lulu told her. “I just have to finish that poem for Ms. Herring.”

“No science or social studies?”

Lulu shook her head. “We’re working on those Native American projects in class, and science is all worksheets and notes right now.”

“I see,” Jenna remarked. “Well, let’s get that poem done, then.”

She saw her daughter’s eyes light up as she asked, “Can I read you what I have so far?”

“You know I always wanna hear your poetry,” Jenna smiled.

Lulu grinned. “Let me get it out.”

Jenna turned to grab fresh snap peas and pork chops she’d marinated earlier from the fridge. Meanwhile, the girl made a beeline for her backpack at the kitchen table and pulled out her folder again.

“Now, it’s not finished yet, and it’s _not_ supposed to rhyme,” Lulu emphasized as she pulled a paper out. Then she cleared her throat and began to read…

 

_My greatest hero_

_Doesn’t wear a cape_

_She has no superpowers_

_Well, not what you would think_

_She can’t fly, but she can braid hair_

_She can’t make herself invisible_

_But she gives the warmest hugs_

_She doesn’t have x-ray vision_

_But her baking is out of this world_

_When you call for help_

_She’s always there_

_When you’re crying_

_She knows exactly what to say_

_My greatest hero_

_Is my mom_

 

Jenna worked on heating skillets to cook as she listened to the poem. However, as Lulu read further, she found herself slowing down, losing her ability to multitask as she let the words sink in. Her heart lightened, and a lump formed in her throat. For the second time in one day, she fought the prick of tears, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

What the hell had she done to deserve this child?

Silence fell over the mother and daughter as Jenna decided how to respond.

“Well?” Lulu asked expectantly.

Jenna glanced up from her meal prep to see her daughter’s eyes glimmering, eagerly staring at her. A plea for approval.

“I don't even know what to say,” the older woman breathed. “That was beautiful, sweetheart.” She set down the bag of snap peas she finally opened and walked over to where her daughter stood next to the kitchen table. “Can I see it?” she asked, pointing to the piece of paper Lulu held.

The girl agreed and handed it to her. Jenna scanned through the document, rereading the words she’d just heard. Whether or not she wanted to burst with tears, joy, or both, she couldn’t tell, but seeing the admiration written in her own child’s scrawly hand left her overwhelmed.

“Come here,” she whispered, reaching out to Lulu.

They wrapped their arms around each other, Jenna bending down just slightly. She held the ten-year-old close and began to gently sway back and forth on her feet, just a little.

“I love it,” Jenna told her, “and I love you.”

For a few seconds, they stood there, just taking in the sweet moment. It made Jenna fully appreciate how far they’d both come, how much she’d gained having this little girl in her life.

Then, as quickly as the sappiness started, Lulu was looking up at her, grinning mischievously, and asking, “Do I still have to eat all my veggies?”

Jenna opened her mouth and sucked in a breath like she was going to speak, closed it, then opened it again and said flatly, “Yes.”

“Awww, man!” the ten-year-old let go of her, pouting playfully. “I thought that would work.”

Jenna rolled her eyes and shook her head, letting out a tiny laugh. “I should’ve known you were sucking up.”

“When I wrote it, I wasn’t,” Lulu defended.

“You’re still eating your veggies,” Jenna stated indefinitely, giving the girl a few light pats on the shoulder as she walked past her back to the stove and her prep area.

The redhead conceded and took a seat at the table with her poem, intent on tweaking it, even though Jenna insisted it was perfect. The next twenty minutes or so went along like this - Lulu finishing her poem and starting a new one, while Jenna worked on dinner.

As she listened to her daughter’s writing and smelled the pie baking in the oven, Jenna felt a surge of home and peace. Like the world was as it should be. She didn’t often take the chance to appreciate what she had, rarely had time to. It was sobering to take it in and realize life couldn’t get much better than it was.

There were only two people missing.

While one of those two people would, sadly, never get to be a part of the family Jenna was building for herself, it wouldn’t be long before the other found his way back. But even he was an added bonus to what she already had in front of her.

As she glanced over to see Lulu grinning up at her, she knew nothing and no person could ever replace this.

Anything else would become overflow. More to love.

 

* * *

 

_Everything after leaving the labor room was a blur to Jenna._

_She barely registered the doctor who came in to deliver the local anesthetic. Before long, she had a sheet up in front of her, blocking her view from her entire lower half. She couldn't feel pain, but she felt a lot of tugging._

_By the time Dr. Collins came into the operating room, mask across her face and hair up in a scrub cap, she was dizzy._

_“Okay, Jenna,” she spoke soothingly, “It’s almost time to meet your son or daughter. Are you feeling any pain?”_

_Jenna shook her head, trying to breathe._

_“Okay, good,” the doctor remarked._

_“How long before I can see her?” Jenna asked. “Can I hold her right away or…?”_

_“We’ll see,” was all Dr. Collins said. “But I promise we’ll get the baby to you as soon as possible.”_

_The next 30 minutes were full of chaos and not being able to see. Every once in a while, Dr. Collins would request a tool. Nurses moved about the room and machines beeped._

_It felt like forever, waiting. But Jenna couldn’t bring herself or speak._

_She stared up at the bright light over her head, wishing she could know what was happening. Was the baby okay? Why was this taking so long?_

_“Okay, almost there,” she heard the doctor say._

_It was torture, not knowing. Then she thought of the future, the idea that her entire life would change today. And it would all take effect as soon as this was over. The anticipation was worse than the fear, and she wondered when it would end._

_Then, only a few moments later, she heard a wail. The scream of an infant. Then Dr. Collins and the nurses began to cheer and_ ahhhh _. Her heart skipping a beat, Jenna lifted her head, hoping catch a glimpse._

_Finally, Dr. Collins announced, “You have a daughter, Jenna!”_

_Her breath hitched at that._

_She had a daughter._

_“Can I - can I see her?” Jenna asked weakly._

_The doctor appeared from around the barrier empty-handed and explained, “Soon, dear. We have to do the afterbirth and stitch you up, and we have to clean her up and make sure she’s okay._

_Jenna nodded and waited._

_As she lay back, she felt herself growing sleepy. The drugs were catching up with her. As much as she wanted to hold her little girl (_ her _little girl), a nap sounded...very nice._

_She found herself dozing off and was suddenly jolted awake by a tap on her shoulder._

_“Jenna,” Dr. Collins whispered. “I have someone who wants to meet you.”_

_Jenna looked up, seeing the pink bundle in the doctor’s arms. As Dr. Collins leaned down slightly, letting her see her daughter’s face, she gasped._

_Everything was still pretty blurry, and her head swam trying to make out shapes. She reached out instinctively, wanting a better look. Only Dr. Collins didn’t hand her the baby._

_“We need to take her to the nursery while you rest,” she explained, “but I promise no one else but the nurse will hold her until you get to.”_

_She let Jenna touch the baby’s soft cheek. The new mother looked up at her and asked, “Promise?”_

_“Yes, I promise, Jenna.”_

_With a nod, Jenna let herself drift off, too tired to argue or worry._

 

* * *

 

By 9:00 that evening, Lulu had fallen asleep with her head on Jenna’s lap while watching _Willy Wonka_. The two had demolished a couple slices of pie and ate dinner before a quick evening walk around the block. Then they’d returned and reviewed Lulu’s decimal worksheet and spelling words before finally tucking into the movie.

Jenna had begun to doze, too, and found her eyes opening to the end credits. With a yawn, she reached for her phone on the side table.

Her heart skipped when she saw Jim’s name in the text previews. Quickly, she unlocked the device to read it in full.

_Finally made it home. Long layover, parents needed my help when I landed. I’m exhausted._

Jenna replied, _I’ll say! Glad you’re safe._

With Lulu snoring beneath her, she waited for Jim's response. She was only slightly disappointed when she read, _If it’s okay, can I call you tomorrow? I can barely keep my eyes open._

Understanding, she assured him, _Get some sleep. Can't wait to hear from you._

 _Can't wait either,_ came his response. _Night, Jenna. Sleep well._

 _You too,_ she told him. _Good night._

With a smile on her face, she locked her phone again and set it aside. Then she looked down at her sleeping daughter and began to gently run her fingers through her red curls.

“Lulu, sweetheart,” she whispered. “Time to go to bed.”

With a groan, Lulu slowly opened her eyes and yawned. “Huh?” she asked groggily.

“Bed time,” Jenna repeated. “Movie’s over.”

The girl sat up and murmured, “Mmmkay.”

The two got up and waddled sleepily across the house toward their respective bedrooms, pausing for Jenna to place a kiss on Lulu’s forehead and remind her, “Brush your teeth.”

With a chorus of good nights, they went their separate ways.

As Jenna crawled into bed, she took a few moments to check her Facebook app. While she didn't usually get a lot of notifications - since a person actually had to post things to get them - she did see Becky had tagged her in a photo.

She’d also tagged Jim.

Jenna tapped the notification to see the picture and found the one the three of them had taken the other night. While it still didn’t reflect them, she had to admit it was a great picture. The three of them looked healthy, happy.

Very different from the kids that used to run around together in high school.

Jenna held down the _like_ button until she could choose the _love_ option, watching the little red circle with the heart pop across the screen to the corner of the post. Then, exhausted but completely full from the last few days, she left her phone on the nightstand, rolled over, and drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

_It felt like hours later when Jenna woke. She was in a new room, a much cozier one than the labor room they’d admitted her to. She looked over at the window in the room to see it was still dark. It couldn't have been long since the baby had been born._

_The baby…_

_Where was her baby?_

_Jenna sat up, still numb but more alert, and glanced around. She was alone. Swallowing, wishing for some water, she checked around her for a call button._

_Thankfully, though, a nurse appeared in her doorway, carrying a pink bundle with her._

_“Brought someone to see you,” she announced._

_Jenna reached out. “Let me hold her. Please.”_

_The nurse smiled and carried the baby over. Gingerly, she placed the baby in Jenna’s arms, demonstrating how to properly hold her. Part of Jenna didn’t want the nurse to let go, afraid she might drop the baby. But as she looked down at the little girl in front of her, her breath was taken away, and she was too overwhelmed to worry._

_“Oh, my god,” she whispered._

_The baby didn’t make any sound. She just moved a tiny fist and opened her eyes, staring up at her_ mother _._

_Jenna was a mother._

_Tears began to form in her eyes as she touched her daughter's button nosed and then counted her tiny fingers. With a shaky breath, she began to gently rock the child, pressing a kiss to her little forehead._

_“She’s healthy?” she asked the nurse._

_“She’s absolutely perfect,” the nurse assured her._

_Jenna supported the baby with one arm while she quickly wiped her tears with the other. “She is,” she agreed.”_

_“Do you think you’re ready to breastfeed, or do you want some time alone with her?”_

_Jenna, eyes still trained on her daughter, said, “I want some time alone with her.”_

_The nurse smiled. “Okay. I’ll be back in a little bit then.”_

_When she was gone, Jenna pulled the baby in closer, being gentle and keeping her head supported. The infant yawned then, her eyes drifting closed._

_“You're exhausted from all that, too, aren’t you?” Jenna murmured._

_Tears continued to fall from her eyes as she beheld the tiny human she’d just brought into the world. Everything would be completely different now. She would never be who she was again._

For the better, _she decided._

_“You’re all that matters now, huh?” she whispered. “This is all I needed. My god, I have no idea how I’ll do it right, but you’re here, and...I love you.”_

_She couldn’t believe what she was saying. It was almost dissociative after months of thinking she would dread this day; after thinking she may never want children. But this was real. Her daughter was real._

_She would do all she could to give her everything she deserved._

_It was the least she could do to reconcile for the shitty situation this child had come out of. It was the least she could do to let herself heal. Because they deserved better, and they could find it together._

_She owed it to both of them._


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are. The final chapter before the end. There's still an epilogue to write and post, which I hope to have soon. But...this is the end, guys. 
> 
> I'm still so grateful to all the friends and readers who have been so kind and supportive and left the sweetest comments. Thank you all so much, and I hope to keep writing!

****Tuesday brought a busy morning of luncheon prep and catching up on orders. Jenna found herself up to her eyeballs in pies and pastries, trying to get them ready before noon. It didn’t help that they were mostly short-staffed and those who were there had been assigned to help with the main courses.

In an hour, she had taken three pecan pies out of the oven, and was in the midst of rolling out the dough for a batch of apple turnovers. Once she had the turnovers in the oven, she started on the pumpkin pies and _still_ had another batch of turnovers to make.

She was beginning to wonder if she would get it all done without help.

That was until around 10:00 when she heard a familiar voice behind her ask, “Need some help?”

Jenna wiped sweat from her brow, leaving a patch of flour in its place from her messy hands, and turned to find Becky fresh from her morning of phone calls and paperwork.

With a huff, Jenna looked at her friend and said, “If you only gotten here an hour ago…”

“So, is that a no?”

“No!” Jenna quickly corrected. “I mean, no it’s not a no. I’m about to collapse, and I’ve only been here two hours.”

Becky shook her head. “It sucks coming back for luncheon day,” she sympathized as she sidled up next to the baker to help her roll out dough for the next set of pies.

While Becky took care of the dough, Jenna set to finishing the pumpkin filling.

“This isn’t normally a problem,” she pointed out. “I’m just exhausted after this past weekend.” When Becky raised an eyebrow at that, she amended, “It was a lot of traveling and a lot of running around.”

“I see,” her friend said doubtfully.

Never mind the last time they’d spoken, she was convinced Jenna and a certain gentleman would end up in bed. (And now Jenna really didn’t want her to know that she’d been absolutely right, for multiple reasons.) Unfortunately, there wasn’t a good way to get her off her back without seeming suspicious.

“You’re not going to let me live this down until I give you the details, are you?” Jenna asked.

Becky shook her head. “Not a chance. I told you _my_ secret.”

“And what if nothing actually happened?” she challenged, turning on the mixer for the filling.

Her friend waited until the mixer was off and Jenna was pouring pumpkin filling into a pie tin before continuing.

“Then I’ll leave it alone,” the other woman told her. Except Jenna must have been blushing or not putting on her best poker face, because Becky continued to give her a suspicious eye. “Something tells me that it wasn’t nothing, though.”

Jenna couldn't stop herself from biting her lip and looking down. Despite her efforts, the part of her still likened to a giddy school girl couldn't stop thinking about the weekend with Jim. She wanted to pretend he hadn’t made her feel incredible. She wanted to pretend that he hadn’t told her he loved her (and she’d barely held back from telling him the same). She wanted to pretend that she hadn’t fallen into bed with one of her best friends. She wanted to keep it their little secret until they knew where their relationship was going to stand.

But she was doing a poor job of it.

So poor, in fact, that she'd let a smile spread across her face that had her friend grinning like a fox who just downed an entire chicken coop.

“Something happened,” she insisted, stepping closer to Jenna, trying to better look at her face. “Didn’t it?”

“I don't kiss and tell,” Jenna, who was over the charade but enjoying seeing her friend squirm, teased.

Becky nearly dropped the rolling pin in her hands, stopping in her tracks. “Wait, _what_??”

“Well, I'm not gonna repeat it.”

“So, you two _finally_ got over yourselves and did something about that mutual pining?” Jenna shrugged at the question. Her friend also didn't seem to miss how she purposefully looked away, or the blush she inevitably had on her face, because she was gasping and bringing her voice to a whisper-yell, “You slept together!”

Jenna looked up, eyes darting across the room and scanning for signs of anyone else in ear shot. And though there seemed to be no one around, she waved her hands, trying to shush her friend, “Shhhhhh! At least be discreet about it. Or wait until we’re not at work.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Becky half-heartedly apologized. Then she brought her voice down further. “But... _seriously_? You and Pomatter??”

Jenna huffed in defeat. “Yes,” she admitted. Then, begrudgingly added, “And you were right. I needed it. I...I haven't taken time to just be an adult and enjoy myself in a long time.”

Her friend’s eyebrows lifted at that. “Well, I’m proud of you,” she stated, impressed. “And I’ll spare you the ‘I told you so’ and ritual hazing.”

“I...appreciate that,” Jenna remarked, uncertain. “I think?”

“Legitimately trying to be supportive here.” Becky began crimping the crust of the pie on a tin. “Are you guys...a thing now, then?”

Jenna shrugged. “We haven’t officially decided anything,” she answered honestly. “There’s a lot to think about, and he’s halfway across the country. He actually got a...an _unofficial_ job offer here, and he’s strongly considering moving back, though.”

Becky lifted an eyebrow. “Is he?” Jenna nodded. “Huh,” the other woman contemplated. “Never thought I'd see that day.”

“Me neither,” Jenna agreed. “It’ll be nice to have him here.”

“You really missed him, didn’t you?”

There was silence at the question, and the strawberry blond woman reached for the pie tie to empty the pumpkin filling inside. She felt her heart flutter as she thought of a world where she could sit down to dinner with Jim again. Where she could call him up when she wanted to see him just because, like old times. Where they could drag each other to crappy movies only to walk out halfway through and end up taking a long walk to nowhere in particular, talking and laughing the entire way. Where he would get to meet her daughter and, hopefully, she would like him and he’d feel like a part of the family they’d made with Becky, Dawn, and Ogie.

Where they could have more days like the ones they’d just shared.

“Yeah,” her voice came in a near whisper. “I did.”

 

* * *

 

_Jenna, much to her own chagrin, was in love._

_Through the baby’s first tantrum to impossible breastfeeding, in the span of an hour she'd all but forgotten why she almost didn’t choose this. She’d forgotten all her reasons for not wanting to be a mother. Maybe it was the hormones and the natural instinct, but it felt as though there was nothing she wouldn't do for this little girl._

_And it was quite the phenomenon._

_Children had never been her specialty. Especially babies. She'd always passed them back quickly whenever anyone obliged her to hold them. She certainly didn’t spend extended time around them, didn’t keep friends that had them. She’d let kids be an enigma for most of her life. But holding her daughter, it seemed, felt as natural as breathing._

_As the night began to wind down, she placed the baby in the bassinet at her bedside. It wasn't but a few minutes until there was a knock at the door._

_She looked up to see Becky and Aunt Lisa peeking in, eager, excited grins on their faces._

_“Hi, sweetie,” Becky greeted. “Can we come in?”_

_“Oh, of course,” Jenna beckoned them. “I’m surprised you weren’t here sooner.”_

_“We figured you needed some rest,” Lisa explained._

_Then, suddenly, in one collective movement, both women caught a glimpse of the infant and let out twin gasps, followed by a chorus of squealing and incoherent babbling._

_“Oh, she’s beautiful, Jenna!” Becky praised, now standing over the bassinet. “Have you picked out a name yet?”_

_Shyly, Jenna chewed on her lip. “I think so,” she told them._

_She’d actually put a lot of thought into it. The name wasn’t conventional. Not typical for this century, at least. But she thought it was a fitting tribute._

_“Lulu,” she announced. “Short for Louise.”_

_“After your mama,” Becky noted, a hint of affection as she looked down at the infant._

_Jenna nodded. “She deserved to be named after someone special.”_

_“Your mama was special indeed,” Lisa agreed. Then she smiled down at Lulu and said, “Oh, she’d love this little one.”_

_“I know,” Jenna replied with a bittersweet smile. She reached over to run a finger across the now sleeping baby’s cheek. She looked back up at her companions and confessed. “I wish she was here.”_

_Becky stepped closer and took her hand then, giving it a gentle squeeze._

_“She’d be proud of you,” Lisa assured._

_Jenna, eyes turning back to her daughter - she couldn’t seem to take them off of her - took a deep breath._

_“I certainly hope so.”_

 

* * *

 

Jim had been on Jenna’s mind all day. As had Lulu. After her conversation with Becky, she’d begun picturing what life would look like with Jim in Stanton Grove. She imagined several different reactions from her daughter, including the fairy tale scenario where the 10-year-old took to Jim without question, all the way to her hating him wholeheartedly and resenting Jenna for disrupting their perfect little life with someone new.

Jenna had never brought a man home to meet her daughter. As many dates as she’d been on, casual little affairs she thought could become more, no one had ever made the cut. Too often she’d come home disappointed, thank Becky or Dawn for babysitting, and go straight to Lulu’s room and lie down next to her for a while; taking comfort in the familiarity and the fact that as long as her daughter was living and breathing, she could be happy with her circumstances.

This whole thing with Jim was a completely different story though.

He wasn't some shallow attraction. He wasn’t a stranger. He was certainly more than their weekend tryst. Bringing him into their lives, whatever that entailed, would have a lasting impact. There would be no way to leave him in the dark; to simply set him on the backburner while Jenna was busy living her “real” life, then pick him back up when she pleased.

No. He didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve that. Lulu didn't either.

There was too much history and too many emotions involved, and Jenna knew this would have to be all or nothing.

These thoughts nagged at her all through her shift, through picking Lulu up from school, all the way until now.

Jenna found herself getting caught up in watching Lulu work through math problems. The pair had sat down at the table after dinner to work on multiplication of decimals, and the 10-year-old, who had started off struggling, had taken to the process and was talking her way through each problem.

“Okay, so if six and three equal eighteen, I have to carry the one,” Lulu muttered, working out the math on her paper. “Nine times three is twenty-seven, add the one. There are...three numbers past the decimal and…there!”

She beamed proudly as she looked up at Jenna, who had to shake herself out of her reverie. She’d barely registered that Lulu had solved the problem, she’d been so busy marvelling.

It amazed her just how quickly her daughter had grown. How intelligent, kind, and wonderful she had become. There were so many ways the child’s future could have gone, but here she was. Taking Jenna’s breath away.

“What?” Lulu asked after a long pause.

Jenna laughed and shook her head. “Nothing,” she said. “I’m just really proud of you.”

“It’s...math.”

“I know it is,” Jenna acknowledged. “Doesn’t mean I get to be any less proud.”

Lulu lifted an eyebrow, not gaping at Jenna as if she were an alien from another planet. “Okay, then.”

The older woman sat back and crossed her arms then, and added, “Well, considering you went into 5th grade having pretty much forgotten your basic times facts after the break, I’d say the fact that you’re sitting here working on multiplying decimals on your own is something to celebrate.”

Lulu shrugged. “You’re helping me.”

Jenna shook her head. “I reminded you that you didn’t need to line up the decimals for these. I’ve been sitting here for five minutes watching you get them by yourself, and you’re already on the last problem.”

The child looked down at her paper, her eyes widening in astonishment. “I am, aren’t I?”

“Yep.”

“Well, I’m getting this over with then,” Lulu announced, attacking her worksheet with new vigor.

Jenna watched as she wrote out the problem, barely stopping as she moved across the numbers, nearly messing up a few times but quickly correcting herself.

Before long, Lulu was writing down the very last number, tossing her pencil down and declaring, “Done!”

“Let me see,” Jenna requested. She scanned the problem, double checking for errors. When she found none, she placed the paper back in front of her daughter and told her, “Nice work, my girl! Put it in your backpack.”

Lulu shot up out of her seat then, snatching up the worksheet. “Awesome! I'm gonna go play Splatoon.”

The child stuffed her worksheet unceremoniously into her bag and was halfway to the kitchen doorway when Jenna stopped.

“Now, wait a minute,” she called, Lulu stopping in her tracks. “Not so fast.”

“I finished my homework, though.”

“You did, but I need to talk to you about something,” Jenna told. She gestured back to the table and the seat Lulu had claimed before.

“What is it?” she asked nervously, stepping slowly back to the table. “Did I do something?”

Jenna shook her head. “No, no, you’re fine sweetie. I just want your opinion.”

“On what?”

The older woman shifted nervously in her seat, trying to decide the best way to bring this up. She cleared her throat, thinking back to her own understanding of love when she was ten years old.

“You know it’s only been the two of us for a long time,” Jenna began delicately. Lulu nodded. “We’re used to a certain way of doing things, and we've been comfortable with that.”

“Yeah…” Lulu said uncertainly.

“If that ever changed,” Jenna started to say, then at her daughter’s slight grimace, quickly added, “and I’m _not_ saying it will…” she watched Lulu relax again, “would you be okay with that?”

The girl’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Well, if I ever started dating again,” Jenna decided to be direct. “Maybe someday I’ll meet someone I really like and he starts coming around more. I know you’re not used to that, but what if it happened?”

Lulu shrugged. “I don’t know,” she she said. “I guess if he was nice, I’d be okay with it.”

“You would?”

“As long as he’s not a creep,” the 10-year-old told her bluntly, crossing her arms. At Jenna’s bugging eyes, she explained, “Lizzie said her mom’s boyfriend is gross, and I don’t want that.”

Jenna had to laugh at that. “Well, I can assure you, there will be no gross people coming into this house,” she said, placing a hand on Lulu’s shoulder to give it a light squeeze. “You’re too important, and I learned that lesson a _long_ time ago.”

The girl looked up pensively, in consideration. Then, making eye contact with her mother again, stated with finality, “Good.”

Relief washed over Jenna at that, and she thanked her lucky stars that her daughter was not a difficult nor particular child. A miracle, if she was honest, considering who her biological father was. Still, Jenna was grateful knowing that, should things work out between her and Jim, her daughter wouldn’t freak out.

At least in theory. There would be no certainty unless and until that actually happened.

That thought in mind, Jenna felt the need to stipulate, “Now, to be clear, this is all hypothetical.” At Lulu’s nod, she continued, “Nothing’s happening yet. It’s just been on my mind, and I wanted to know how you felt.”

Lulu started blankly at her for a moment, her face turning to slight confusion as she responded, “Okay.”

“Okay,” the older woman parroted. Was that really all she had to say?

While Jenna was certainly relieved, part of her, a very small part, had hoped for more enthusiasm. Or some type of strong response.

Then again, it all boiled down to one fact: Lulu wouldn’t know how she felt until it happened.

Jenna was about to say something else when the 10-year-old chimed in again. “Can I go play Splatoon now?”

With a sigh, trying to take this moment as a victory, Jenna conceded. “Yes,” she told her, watching her scramble out of her chair to the door again. “You have thirty minutes,” she cautioned. It was getting to be bedtime, after all.

As she mentally prepared to get up from her chair and clean up the kitchen from dinner earlier, something even scarier than new relationships or motherhood itself occurred to her. Something that had only started creeping in recently, with small moments like Lulu finishing her homework by herself even asking for help. Or Lulu wanting desperately to get away to do her own thing for a change.

Her little girl was needing her less and less.

Soon enough, she’d be in high school. She’d be driving and - oh, good lord - _dating_. She’d be getting ready to go off on her own. She’d be making her own life decisions.

But, Jenna thought, perhaps it was fitting. Because things had been the same for so long, and now they were changing. This was going to be an entirely new chapter - one she hoped and believed included Jim again. Exactly as they were this weekend.

Maybe then it wasn't just Lulu who was needing her less.

Maybe she also didn’t need her daughter anymore. At least, not like she used to (they would _always_ need each other in some way; family always did). Or perhaps she felt like she had to stop needing her before that need became dependency. Especially when she only had so long before Lulu would want to go find her own.

And, _if_ things worked out, even when Lulu was no longer there, Jim would be around. Even closer to home than her best friends. Someone to maybe, _possibly_ , come home to when Lulu was no longer there every day. If that’s where love and life took them.

Maybe all of this was happening at exactly the right time then. And it would be okay.

 

* * *

 

_Jenna squinted her eyes as she clicked on her bedside lamp and sat up, rubbing her eyes. She tried not to think of the wailing that was coming out of the infant in the bassinet at her bedside, instead focusing on getting her to calm down._

_They had only been home from the hospital for a day, and unfortunately Lulu had decided she was so tired of doctors and nurses and noise that she’d slept through most of the afternoon once she got some peace and quiet. Now that she was awake, Jenna feared it would be nearly impossible to get her back to sleep._

_“Oh, come here, little girl,” Jenna whispered, scooping her up and pulling her close, rocking her._

_Lulu began to calm down, though she still cried. Jenna bounced her lightly as she paced the room, thinking of what to do next. A glance at the clock told her she’d fed and burped her only an hour ago. Her diaper didn't feel wet, and closer inspection revealed nothing yet (though she fully expected that soon)._

_“What’s the matter, huh?” she asked, her voice attempting to sooth as she pulled Lulu closer to her chest to cuddle her. “You havin’ a rough night?”_

_She looked down to see Lulu’s tiny fist balled up, face scrunched as she shed angry tears._

_“I know, me too,” Jenna said, lightly patting her back, hoping maybe it was just gas again._

_The infant began to calm down. Perhaps the tapping was soothing? But even after several little burps, she still cried. Part of Jenna’s instinct told her that maybe Lulu was having a different kind of tummy trouble. In which case, all she could do was wait and try to keep her upright so her body could properly digest. But there was nothing else._

_She felt a pang to her chest as she so desperately wished her mother was there to give her answers. She’d know exactly what to do. She’d find a way to figure out exactly what was wrong._

_After a few days of having little to no sleep, combined with her current predicament and a hell of a lot of hormones, Jenna felt the tears begin to well up in her eyes. It was irrational. She knew it was. Babies were like this all the time. This was nothing she couldn't handle. She was just exhausted and her body’s chemistry had gone to shit for the time being. Even losing her mother had come to hurt so much less over the years under normal circumstances._

_Still, she let herself cry. Just to release the emotion. To relieve the stress so she could be calm for her daughter._

_Better to let it out than bottle it up and break down for real from the pressure._

_She took deep breaths and pressed soft kisses to Lulu’s forehead. Then she walked the room a little more, rubbing the child’s back. The infant continued to relax, and soon she was silent, breathing steadily. At the same time, Jenna could feel Lulu’s diaper was now soggy and full beneath the hand supporting her bottom._

Thank god.

_She sniffed, wiping the tears from her face, and then brought her thumb to wipe Lulu’s from her own chipmunk cheeks. “That's all it was, then, wasn’t it?” she whispered, talking to the baby again. “Let’s get you changed then and go back to sleep.”_

_With that, she carried Lulu with her as she slipped out of the bedroom and to the nursery next door for the changing table._

_Once Lulu was clean and had a fresh diaper - after little fighting, thank god - Jenna brought her back to the bedroom, where she sat on the edge of the bed. She hesitated greatly to put her daughter back in her bassinet, instead choosing to hold her for just a little longer, taking in just how calm and happy the infant looked then._

_She just hoped she’d hang onto this calmness through the rest of the night. Having sweet dreams._

_(Did babies even dream?)_

_A sense of pride in herself welled up in Jenna’s chest, easily replacing all of the previous worry. Her body began to relax, shoulders loosening, neck less rigid, as she swaddled Lulu in her baby blanket and placed her in the little bed. She sat watching her for a few minutes, gently rubbing Lulu’s tummy until her tiny eyes began to flutter closed._

_Finally able to breathe, Jenna lay back in bed and pulled the covers over herself._

_She waited a few minutes before she let herself close her eyes. Then, once she was sure Lulu was definitely asleep, she drifted off._

 

* * *

 

Jenna had Lulu in bed by 9:00. Still keyed up, however, she made herself comfortable in the living room while she waited for Jim to call.

He'd texted her while she was in the middle of making dinner, and they’d agreed on 9:30. Meanwhile, Jenna found herself clicking through channels, half-watching one of those bougie island real estate shows. Even if part of her was a little jealous that that would never be her life, the scenery was nice. And much better for her when she was antsy, constantly checking her phone to make sure she hadn't accidentally left it on silent.

Just as the couple was about to announce their choice between the beach villa or the oceanside “cottage,” her phone chimed. And Jenna’s heart leapt along with it.

“Hey you,” she greeted once she’d picked it up.

At the other end, a warm, “Hey,” greeted her back. This was followed by an equally warm, “God, I missed your voice.”

Jenna laughed. “It’s been a day, Jim.”

“And before that, it was ten years,” he reminded her. “I just got you back, and now you’re like a thousand miles away again.”

“Fair point.” She found herself grinning like an idiot then. Over nothing. But she couldn't bring herself to want it to stop, so she asked, “How was your trip home yesterday?”

“It was good,” he said. “I had to go to my parents’ house from the airport, though, because their dishwasher locked up again and everything was inside.”

“Oh,” Jenna scrunched her nose. “How did that happen?”

“It’s old. Handle’s broken,” he said matter-of-factly. Then, hesitantly, he added, “I’ve set the money aside to buy them a new one for Christmas.”

Impressed, Jenna found herself lifting her eyebrows and nothing, “That’s...an extremely generous gift.”

“They put a roof over my head and fed and clothed me for 20 years,” Jim told her. “It’s the least I can do.”

“They'll be grateful for that,” Jenna told him genuinely. “You’ve got a good heart.”

Jim didn’t respond to the comment, but instead decided that to change the subject. “Speaking of good hearts,” he began, causing Jenna’s cheeks to flush a little, “good hearts meaning yours...how was _your_ trip back, and how’s Lulu?”

“It was kind of slow,” she admitted. “That drive is so boring. But Lulu’s great. “ She hesitated before revealing, “I, uh...started probing her about the whole dating thing actually…”

“Oh? How did that go?”

Jenna shrugged. “Pretty good, I suppose. She seems okay with the idea of me seeing someone, but I’d be more curious to see how she reacts when that’s actually happening.”

Jim’s voice became lower, more cautious, when he asked, “You think she’ll have objections?”

“It’s hard to tell,” she said honestly. “I’ve gone out several times casually, but she’s never seen me _date_ anyone. It could be weird for her.”

“That’s understandable,” he replied, earnestly. “Of course, it’s not like I would want us to jump into all this at once. Baby steps.”

“We could start with a very casual group dinner?” Jenna suggested. “Let her get to know you with plenty of people she trusts who care about her first. Let her learn more about _us_ and how we know each other…”

Jim cleared his throat. “You mean tell her...what happened in college?”

“The abridged version,” Jenna clarified. “We were great friends for a very long time, and life got in the way. Now we’ve reconnected.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “Okay. Simple enough,” he agreed. “So, then, we transition from there into the we’re-more-than-friends-now part?”

“Slowly,” she cautioned. “Like I said before, I don’t want to disappoint her if she ends up really liking you but things maybe don’t work out.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. For a second, Jenna thought maybe the call had dropped or Jim had accidentally hung up. She sat, waiting for a response. And she hoped she hadn’t hurt him by saying that.

Finally, he spoke up. “Do you believe it might not work out?”

“No, no, of course not,” she assured him. “But you know how life is. Plus, we rushed very quickly into a lot of things. This is brand new. It’s all unpredictable right now.”

Another pause as he considered what she had to say, and she prayed she wasn’t putting her foot in her mouth with any of it. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him or make him think she was having second thoughts - as nervous as she, admittedly, was.

Thankfully, he seemed to understand what she meant. “You’re right,” he agreed. “If this is something we really want, then I need to be mindful of that.”

“We’ll both need to be,” she reminded him.

While she didn't bother explaining it to him, she knew there could be times when she might forget Lulu was just a kid; she was growing up so quickly. The girl’s maturity was no excuse to not pay attention and be careful about the things she said to her or revealed to her. To just assume something would be okay if it might not be.

It would be a process for sure. But she also knew both Jim and Lulu were worth it to her.

“So,” his voice broke her train of thought.

Jenna cleared her throat. “So…”

“Since we're on this whole thing about the future,” he began, “I thought I should tell you about something else I did today.”

Jenna lifted a brow. “Oh? And what would that be?”

“I called Carson,” he announced. “I told him I was officially interested in the position, and he said as soon as I get my application in, we can work out an interview.”

Jenna felt her stomach flip. “Just like that?” she asked.

“Just like that,” he confirmed. “I told you, he really wants me there. I'm pretty much a shoo-in. It’s just a matter of cutting through the red tape.”

“And you want this?” she asked. “You _really_ want this?”

It felt silly to ask, because he'd more or less said it a hundred times already. But it was such a big change, and she needed to be sure that he wasn’t making an impulse decision he would later regret.

“ _Yes_ , Jenna,” he emphasized. “I’m getting exhausted in Hartford. I have nothing here anymore except my parents and my job. And I’m not sure how much longer I'll have them, because they’re getting restless too.” There was another pause before he added, “Truth be told, I know they wouldn't have left Stanton Grove if it hadn’t been for me, and I feel guilty for putting them in that position.”

“You know that was their choice,” she told him. “They decided to stay close to you. And it’s not like it would have been any more fair to ask Francine to move here.”

“But was it fair for her to ask me to move all the way out here when her parents have way more money to travel?” he challenged. “Honestly, and I don't mean to trash talk her or make her look bad, but…”

Jenna could hear him suck in a deep breath. She could feel the heaviness in his voice and knew the best thing to do was listen.

“But what?” she encouraged. At his sigh, she assured, “Jim, I’m not here to judge you or your marriage. Not anymore.”

Then she waited for him.

Finally, after what felt like ages, he confided, “I kind of resented her for it.”

 _Oh_. That was new.

“And I hated myself for resenting her,” he continued, “but...she didn't even want to consider a life outside of her privilege and comfort.”

Jenna, reminding herself not to judge, simply said, “That’s not fair.”

“It’s not,” he agreed. “And I can’t say she’s a bad person, because she isn’t. I kept my feelings to myself until I couldn't anymore. I let her think it was okay because I thought loving her would be enough to stop caring. But you and I both know keeping our feelings to ourselves only ends poorly.”

Jenna readjusted herself on the couch, settling back in more comfortably. “That we do.”

They were both silent again. Jenna processing what Jim had just shared. Jim, Jenna could only guess, probably wrestling with revealing what he had to her.

Her hunch was proven right when he said, “But anyway, I didn't mean to get into all that heavy stuff. It’s in the past now, and I much rather move forward.”

His voice lifted with his last words, and Jenna couldn't help but smile again. “Forward” meant her.

It meant them.

“Forward is always best,” she agreed. Then she confided, “Selfishly, I’m glad it means I get to have you around.”

“Not selfish,” he corrected. “It can't be when the feeling’s entirely mutual.”

Jenna felt her cheeks heat up. “It is?”

“If you had any idea how happy the thought of being with you makes me…” he trailed off, as if indulging in the idea. “Jenna, I haven’t been able to contain myself these last few days. I hope you know that.”

Jenna chewed on her lip, allowing herself the memory of blissfully falling apart in his arms. Sweet, tender kisses and touches during simple, innocent moments. The grin on his face as he listened to her ramble about Lulu and work and every other little thing in her life. The reverence in the way he treated her and listened to her.

Maybe it wouldn't be like that every single day with him, but she sure as hell wanted as much as she could get. She wanted all of him.

Not one to get super sappy and emotional, though, she settled for a simple but genuine response.

“That makes two of us.”

 

* * *

 

_January bit hard against Jenna’s skin as she hauled a bundled up Lulu into the tiny storefront. She’d hated to drag the six-month-old out into the cold. She’d tried to prevent it. But the daycare was closed and everyone who could take care of her was working._

_At least this would only take about ten minutes._

_She hurried inside, barely taking a moment to appreciate the pristinely decorated window that read Joe’s Catering._

_At the counter up front, a young Asian woman smiled brightly up at her and enthusiastically greeted her._

_“Welcome to Joe’s!” her cheerful voice rang. “What can I do for ya?”_

_“Actually…” Jenna took a minute to read the woman’s name tag, “Dawn. My name’s Jenna Barker. I was supposed to have an interview with Mr. Calloway this morning?”_

_“Ah, of course!” Dawn set down the pen she was holding and grabbed a stack of papers from the work area on her side of the counter. “He’s in his office. I’ll go see if he’s ready for you.”_

_Jenna waited, removing her coat and setting it on a vacant chair, right next to Lulu’s car seat. She found the folder she’d brought with her and pulled out her resumé. Then she tended to Lulu, pulling the blanket off the top of the carrier and removing her little coat and hat and the extra blanket covering her._

_After just a few minutes, Dawn returned to announce, “He’s right back here waiting.”_

_“Oh, wonderful,” Jenna replied._

_Before she could even ask about what to do with Lulu, Dawn asked her, “Are you...bringing her in with you?”_

_“Uhhh…” Jenna was at a loss. The child wasn’t supposed to be with her, and now she was going to be that mom. “I guess I have no choice, unless you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on her for a few minutes.”_

_The other woman’s face lit up at that. “Oh, I’d love to!” she declared. “What’s her name?”_

_“Lulu,” Jenna grinned. “She’s really sweet, she loves naps, and I already fed her a little while ago, so she shouldn't be any trouble.”_

_“She’s absolutely precious!” Dawn cooed. Then, smiling up at Jenna, she said, “I’ll be happy to take care of her.”_

_Jenna breathed a sigh of relief. “You are a saint,” she said. “Remind me to buy you dinner or bring you coffee sometime. Whatever you like. I insist.”_

_“No need,” Dawn insisted. “I get so bored up here some days.”_

_Jenna giggled a little, understanding. “Well, if I get this job, I’ll do everything I can to make your day a little less boring.”_

_Dawn nodded appreciatively. “I like you already.” As Jenna carried Lulu closer and set the car seat on top of the counter, the other woman told her, “Good luck!”_

_Feeling at ease already, Jenna took a deep breath and slowly walked past the counter and down a little hallway to the office Dawn and shown her to._

_At the desk, a gentleman with greying hair and a stern face sat looking over a newspaper._

_He didn’t look up as he gestured toward the chair in front of his desk. “Come in and take a seat, then,” he offered._

_Jenna did so, trying to sit up as straight and open as she could, keeping a warm smile on her face. She sat awkwardly, waiting for the man to finish what he was reading._

_As she started to tell him her name and introduce herself, he cut her off, “Say, did you see about this Obama feller they just elected President?”_

_Though she wasn’t one much for politics, Jenna decided to go along with him. She paid attention enough to know what was going on. “Yes…”_

_“Interesting guy,” Joe noted. “Not sure about him, but I guess he’ll do okay.”_

_“Seems most of the country likes him,” Jenna remarked._

_“Awww, well, I don’t really fool with all that,” Joe set the paper down. “Anyway…”_

_“Anyway…” Jenna parroted._

_“What'd you say your name was?”_

_Jenna shook her head. “I didn't,” she told him. At the arch of his eyebrows, she quickly added, “It’s Jenna.”_

_She handed him her resumé (which admittedly wasn’t much) and watched as he pulled his glasses closer up his nose._

_“Jenna, huh?” he asked. “Tell me about yourself, then, Jenna.”_

_“Well, I just graduated college last May,” she informed him. “I have a Marketing degree.”_

_“Any experience in catering or cooking?”_

_“Not professionally, no,” she admitted. “But my mama taught me a lot when I was younger, and I bake all the time. Or I used to.”_

_The man nodded thoughtfully, though he didn’t seem too enthused. “Hmmm...okay,” he muttered, still reading over the paper. “What else do I need to know about you?”_

_Jenna squirmed a little in her seat - just a little, since she didn’t want to seem like she wasn’t confident._

_“Well, actually, I recently kind of--”_

_From the other room, she could hear a loud wail. Her daughter’s. This was quickly followed by the sound of incoherent whispers from Dawn, apparently trying to calm her._

_Still, Jenna tried to focus. It was only a little longer._

_“I recently became a mom,” she said. “It’s been nearly a full time job, but I’m trying to get back into the swing of work. To really set some roots in a career.”_

_The man frowned at that. He set her resumé down and looked up at her properly for the first time._

_“You don’t think that would get in the way, do you?” he asked, bluntly._

_Jenna swallowed a lump in her throat. “Oh, see, I always have someone to take care of her and--”_

_More wailing and crying from the other room. And it was growing louder._

_Jenna closed her eyes, and she prayed that if she hoped hard enough, the crying would stop. She could not, under any circumstances, jeopardize her chance at this job._

_Except the crying didn’t stop._

_Resigned to making a desperate decision, Jenna opened her eyes and looked back up at her prospective employer. “Actually, can you excuse me for just a moment?” she asked nervously, almost shamefully. “I’m so very sorry.”_

_“By all means, take your time.” The sarcasm in his voice bit, and she was convinced she’d already fucked this up._

_Dammit._

_Trying to hurry, she scrambled out of her seat and to the other room._ Stupid, stupid, stupid, _she thought to herself. She would have been better off rescheduling this._

_As she rounded the corner to the front, a panicked Dawn, who was holding Lulu and attempting to rock her said, “Oh, Jenna, I’m so sorry. I think she has a wet diaper, and I was just about to change it…”_

_“It’s okay, Dawn,” Jenna told her calmly, understandingly, as Dawn passed her the baby. “I’ve got it from here.”_

_Dawn nodded, and the other woman grabbed a clean diaper from the bag next to the carrier, along with the box of baby wipes. With nothing else to lose, she marched right back to the office._

_Spotting a second chair off to the side, she looked at the older man and, gesturing between it and the space in front of his desk asked, “May I?”_

_With a shrug and a dumbfounded look in his face, he said, “Fine, I suppose.” Then as Jenna pulled the chair up, he asked, “But I don't guess you can tell me what makes you qualified to work for this company while you do that, huh?”_

_With a new-found fire, Jenna sat in one chair, laid out Lulu’s blanket on the other, and proceeded to do what was necessary._

_“Well, for one,” she said as she unbuttoned the bottom Lulu’s onesie and removed her dirty diaper, taking in the sheer look of shock on the man’s face that..._ this _was when and where she chose to do this, “I’m an excellent multitasker. I’ll be one of your most productive staff members.”_

_He continued to sit uncomfortably, his eyes drifting away while Jenna proceeded with her task. She tore a wipe from the container and quickly cleaned off Lulu before continuing._

_“For another,” she said, grabbing Lulu’s fresh diaper and working to place it on her, “When I say I’m gonna do something or I see something needs to be done, I always see it through. I don’t flip-flop or mess around, and I don’t go halfway.”_

_He crossed his arms then, eyes still wide and mouth pinched. Jenna could not -_ could not _\- believe she was doing this. But, she was already rebuttoning the bottom of Lulu's onesie and pulling her little pants back up her legs. Too late to go back and change it now. If she ruined the interview, she ruined it._

_Then, with as much dignity as she could muster, she stood up, Lulu and the blanket in one hand, dirty diaper and wipe in the other, and said, “And finally…” she took another breath and watched the old man lift an eyebrow, “I just humiliated myself for you instead of leaving you hanging for five minutes. So, if that ruined my chances, I would very much appreciate it if I could leave before I waste anymore of your time and embarrass myself further.”_

_Shaking, she turned around, fully prepared to make a run for it. What in the hell had possessed her to that? Where had her head gone?_

Idiot _, she continued to scold herself. She would probably never get a job in this town again._

_Just as she was halfway to the door, however, Joe stopped her._

_“Can you be available weekends?” he asked._

_Slowly, she turned around to face him again. “Yes.”_

_“Can you guarantee there won’t be a repeat of your little show here?”_

_“Yes?” she repeated._

_With a deep sigh, he reached into a folder on his desk and pulled out a sheet of paper. “Here,” he said, holding it out. “These are instructions to fill out some online paperwork. Get that done and be here for orientation at 8:00 Monday morning.”_

_Dumbfounded, Jenna stared, shaking her head to snap herself out of whatever trance she was in. “Wait, what?”_

_“I’m giving you the job,” he said flatly. “Do you want it or not?”_

_Hesitantly, she walked back over and took the paper in the same hand she carried Lulu. “Of course I do,” she said. “But after that, you still wanna give me a chance?”_

_“I can't say I’m impressed,” he said, “because I'm not. But you seem dedicated. A risk-taker. I like that in an employee.”_

_“You don't have anymore interviews or anything?”_

_“Oh, I have plenty,” he told her. “Now, please just take it and get out of here before I change my mind.”_

_“Oh, absolutely!” Jenna said, an urgent enthusiasm filling her. Then as she began to leave, she called behind her, “Thank you so much, Mr. Calloway._

_“Joe,” he corrected. “I hate my last name.”_

_“Joe,” she amended her statement. “I promise I won't let you down.”_

_“Meh,” he muttered waving his hand. “We’ll see about that on Monday.”_

_With that, Jenna hurried out, slipping into a private restroom off the hallway to toss out the diaper and wipe she was still holding. After precariously balancing Lulu while washing her hands, she walked back out to the front to come upon a still anxious Dawn._

_“Well?” she asked as she quit her pacing. “How did it go?”_

_Jenna made her way to the other side of the counter and settled Lulu in her carrier, grabbing her coat and hat to get her situated for the cold outside._

_Still flabbergasted, she shrugged and told her now coworker, “I guess I’ll see you on Monday.”_

_Dawn grinned from ear to ear about that and said, “Welcome aboard, then.”_

_“Thanks.” Just as Jenna draped the other blanket over Lulu's car seat, she paused. Then, on a hunch, turned back to the other woman and asked, “Say, are you busy Friday night?”_

_Dawn shook her head. “All my weeknights tend to stay free. Why?”_

_“My friend Becky - you work with her right?” Dawn nodded. “Well, she and I like to have a dinner and movie night once a week,” she explained. “Sometimes we go out, sometimes we stay in. But there’s always good food and something funny to watch. Would you maybe wanna join us?”_

_Dawn’s face brightened even further, and her smile turned sheepish, “I mean, if you’re sure. I’d hate to intrude.”_

_“You're not,” Jenna assured. “We’d love to have you.”_

_“Then I’d love to!” she accepted. She scrambled around for a pen and a post-it note and began scribbling. “Here’s my number. Just call and let me know.”_

_Dawn passed the note to her, and Jenna studied it for a second before tucking it away. Then, grabbing the rest of her belongings, and slipping in her coat, she promised, “I will.” Then, pausing one more time, smiled, “Thank you, by the way. For helping, I mean.”_

_Dawn shook her head and held her hands up dismissively. “It was no trouble.”_

_“It was still a tremendous help.” Jenna pulled her keys from her coat pocket. “Hopefully we can get to know each other better when I’m a little less desperate. And not with a baby on my hip.”_

_Her friend (at least she hoped) gave her a salute and said, “Looking forward to it.”_

_With that, Jenna was taking Lulu and heading back out to face the icy wind._

_With a new job, a prospective new friend, and a promising future._


End file.
